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1
00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:04,029
[Man] So, from all the stories
you've collected
2
00:00:04,062 --> 00:00:06,365
For your book,
would you say that,
3
00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:10,035
In general,
sex after kids is terrible?
4
00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:12,404
Yes!
5
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,776
In fact, the jury is still out
as to whether or not
6
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,078
Kids are good for marriages.
7
00:00:20,111 --> 00:00:21,347
Period.
8
00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:24,015
There's a psychological
study that says that
9
00:00:24,049 --> 00:00:27,986
83% of couples suffer some
form of moderate
10
00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:31,056
Or severe crisis after kids
come into the picture.
11
00:00:33,024 --> 00:00:34,393
[Chuckles]
12
00:00:34,426 --> 00:00:37,162
I would say then,
the answer is,
13
00:00:37,195 --> 00:00:39,865
Professionally speaking,
of course,
14
00:00:39,898 --> 00:00:42,901
That kids are not good
for your sex life.
15
00:00:45,537 --> 00:00:47,339
At all!
16
00:00:47,373 --> 00:00:52,811
♪♪
17
00:01:10,161 --> 00:01:13,765
[Woman snoring]
18
00:01:13,799 --> 00:01:18,437
[Baby crying]
19
00:01:27,479 --> 00:01:28,914
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
20
00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:29,848
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
21
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:30,949
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
22
00:01:30,982 --> 00:01:34,286
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
23
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,155
[Camera shutters clicking]
24
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,545
[Sighs]
25
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,352
[Sighs]
26
00:02:08,286 --> 00:02:10,121
- Hey.
- Hey.
27
00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:11,256
Finally get her to sleep?
28
00:02:11,289 --> 00:02:13,158
Mm. Down like a clown,
Charlie Brown.
29
00:02:13,191 --> 00:02:14,159
Excellent
30
00:02:14,192 --> 00:02:15,994
- Mmm.
- I'll drink to that.
31
00:02:18,029 --> 00:02:19,698
What's all this?
32
00:02:19,731 --> 00:02:21,533
Well, I thought it would
be nice for a change.
33
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:22,968
Pretend we're adults, right?
34
00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:27,038
Are you trying
to seduce me?
35
00:02:27,072 --> 00:02:29,274
And you got some tomato
sauce on your chin, too...
36
00:02:29,307 --> 00:02:30,275
- actually.
- Oh.
37
00:02:31,543 --> 00:02:35,246
Babe, I'm covered in spit up
and I'm exhausted.
38
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,817
Can we try, maybe tomorrow
or later this week?
39
00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:40,185
Yeah, sure.
40
00:02:41,319 --> 00:02:42,388
That'd be fine, sure.
41
00:02:42,421 --> 00:02:43,455
[Clears throat]
42
00:02:46,858 --> 00:02:47,993
[Sighs]
43
00:02:48,026 --> 00:02:49,227
You're mad.
44
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:51,262
No, I'm not mad.
Why would I be mad?
45
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,731
Because it's been a while.
46
00:02:52,764 --> 00:02:54,900
It hasn't been a while,
it's been a year.
47
00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,735
It has not been a year.
48
00:02:56,768 --> 00:02:59,337
Right, then it's been
359 days.
49
00:02:59,371 --> 00:03:01,440
And eleven hours.
50
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,808
- No.
- Yeah.
51
00:03:04,242 --> 00:03:05,844
Yeah.
52
00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:07,579
- Really?
- Mhmm.
53
00:03:07,613 --> 00:03:11,149
[Both sigh]
54
00:03:11,182 --> 00:03:13,519
Okay, all right. Let's go.
55
00:03:13,552 --> 00:03:14,553
Where?
56
00:03:14,586 --> 00:03:16,788
We're gonna have sex
right now.
57
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,090
- Are you serious?
- Yep. Let's go.
58
00:03:20,526 --> 00:03:22,060
Okay.
59
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,735
Oh, yeah.
60
00:03:29,768 --> 00:03:31,136
- That's nice.
- Yeah, yeah.
61
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,037
That's good, you good?
62
00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,071
Oh, yeah.
63
00:03:33,104 --> 00:03:34,339
Mm-Kay.
64
00:03:34,372 --> 00:03:36,642
So do you want, want me
to start now, or...?
65
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:37,776
Start?
66
00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:40,646
What the hell
have you been doing?
67
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,147
I don't know, gaining entry?
68
00:03:43,582 --> 00:03:44,916
Oh!
69
00:03:46,652 --> 00:03:47,886
Okay, okay. No no no. No.
70
00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:49,755
Stop. Okay, we're done.
This counts.
71
00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:50,822
- What?
- Yep.
72
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,591
Counts? As what?
That was two strokes.
73
00:03:52,624 --> 00:03:54,626
Come on, give a fella
a fighting chance here.
74
00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:56,061
Okay.
75
00:03:56,094 --> 00:03:58,229
Ahh! No, no.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
76
00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:00,566
We're done. I'm sorry,
babes. You're killing me.
77
00:04:00,599 --> 00:04:02,200
It feels like I'm having sex
with branding iron.
78
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:03,234
Oh my God.
79
00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:04,903
I'm sorry, ever since
the baby it just...
80
00:04:04,936 --> 00:04:05,971
Oh, okay, okay.
81
00:04:06,004 --> 00:04:07,272
Okay, we don't have
to do this now.
82
00:04:07,305 --> 00:04:08,474
- Okay. Okay.
- It's fine, okay?
83
00:04:08,507 --> 00:04:09,040
[Gasps]
84
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,075
- Just...
- What?
85
00:04:10,108 --> 00:04:11,977
Can you just stop.
Just don't move. At all.
86
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,011
- At all?
- At all.
87
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,045
Don't move?
88
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,615
[Exhales slowly]
Yes.
89
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:18,016
Does losing my erection
count as moving?
90
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,485
Yes. So don't.
91
00:04:20,952 --> 00:04:26,224
[Breathing slowly]
92
00:04:26,257 --> 00:04:28,059
Babes, when was the last
time you trimmed
your nose hair?
93
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,896
Can we keep this remotely
sexy, please?
94
00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:33,098
I'm, I'm here
trying to please you.
95
00:04:33,131 --> 00:04:35,701
Right? I'm trying to pleasure
you.
96
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,168
Aw, you want
to pleasure me?
97
00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:38,203
Yeah.
98
00:04:39,204 --> 00:04:41,172
Will you let me
sleep in tomorrow?
99
00:04:42,674 --> 00:04:45,043
Sure, okay. Just...
100
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,712
- [Screams]
- Okay, sorry!
101
00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:49,681
Hello gorgeous.
102
00:04:49,715 --> 00:04:50,949
[Clicks tongue]
103
00:04:50,982 --> 00:04:52,584
Vanessa?
104
00:04:52,618 --> 00:04:55,020
[TV host]
And in the first time
in well over a year,
105
00:04:55,053 --> 00:04:57,823
Vanessa Thomas is expected
to make an appearance
106
00:04:57,856 --> 00:05:01,459
Tonight at the annual
Humanitarian Awards.
107
00:05:01,493 --> 00:05:03,829
Tune in tomorrow morning
to see what she wore
108
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,597
Down the red carpet.
109
00:05:05,631 --> 00:05:06,665
[Baby crying, shushing]
110
00:05:06,698 --> 00:05:09,134
Hun? What are we going
to do if we run into...
111
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:11,002
[Baby crying]
112
00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:12,538
What are you doing?
113
00:05:12,571 --> 00:05:13,939
The limo's going to be here
in half an hour.
114
00:05:13,972 --> 00:05:15,206
No. Its more than I need.
115
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,342
Here. Take.
116
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:18,744
Hey oops.
117
00:05:20,178 --> 00:05:21,847
Whoa. He's burning up.
118
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,517
He's just a little hot, Sean.
The sitter will take care of it.
119
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,152
You look like hell too.
120
00:05:27,185 --> 00:05:30,055
Well of course I look like
hell. Let me put my face on.
121
00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:32,991
Oh, hon hon hon.
He got you sick!
122
00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:34,626
No. We're going out, Sean.
123
00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:35,894
We're going out
and I'm gonna have
124
00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,062
The time of my Li...
125
00:05:37,095 --> 00:05:39,197
[Gagging]
126
00:05:41,032 --> 00:05:42,568
Did you just throw up
in your mouth?
127
00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:46,104
[Baby crying]
128
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,372
[Vanessa throwing up]
129
00:05:47,405 --> 00:05:49,140
Hon, I'm calling the sitter.
130
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,442
No! You're being honored.
131
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,045
Yeah but... I'll just go.
132
00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:55,581
No! We'll both go.
133
00:05:55,614 --> 00:05:57,515
No, come on, hon,
he, obviously he needs you.
134
00:05:57,549 --> 00:05:58,617
Not some stranger.
135
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,019
No no, but Sean,
I bought, I bought a dress.
136
00:06:01,052 --> 00:06:02,020
And shoes.
137
00:06:02,053 --> 00:06:04,723
Hon. Be honest, you don't
do heels anymore.
138
00:06:04,756 --> 00:06:05,691
Hey, you watch it.
139
00:06:05,724 --> 00:06:07,659
[Stutters]
I can still rock a pump.
140
00:06:07,693 --> 00:06:09,160
I know. For fifteen minutes.
141
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,196
Yeah, but no...
142
00:06:11,229 --> 00:06:13,364
But those are a fierce ass
fifteen minutes.
143
00:06:13,398 --> 00:06:14,199
Watch me go!
144
00:06:14,232 --> 00:06:15,834
I am calling the sitter.
145
00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:17,402
Sean...
146
00:06:17,435 --> 00:06:18,737
You suck, Sean!
147
00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:20,806
[Baby whimpering]
148
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,307
Right back at you.
149
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:31,049
And if you need us,
you call us.
150
00:06:31,082 --> 00:06:32,884
And, and if it's
an emergency
151
00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:34,419
You call Gage or Larissa.
152
00:06:34,452 --> 00:06:35,687
And take cabs.
153
00:06:35,721 --> 00:06:38,790
Public transit is filthy and the
streets are full of vagrants.
154
00:06:38,824 --> 00:06:39,457
Okay, Mom-
155
00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:40,525
Do you need any money?
156
00:06:40,558 --> 00:06:42,861
Mom. I have a job and you
know that... Okay.
157
00:06:42,894 --> 00:06:44,996
Dad, can you help me out
a little bit here please.
158
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,231
You're going to be
just fine, kiddo.
159
00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:47,966
Mwah. Mmm.
160
00:06:47,999 --> 00:06:50,135
Now. Give 'em hell.
161
00:06:51,336 --> 00:06:53,605
You guys are gonna be
bored out of your minds
162
00:06:53,639 --> 00:06:54,640
Without me around here.
163
00:06:54,673 --> 00:06:57,508
Oh, we'll all be just fine,
won't we, hon?
164
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,910
Of course we will.
165
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:01,146
Your Dad and I know
how to entertain ourselves.
166
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:03,514
Mhmm.
167
00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:25,637
[Crickets chirping]
168
00:07:25,671 --> 00:07:26,805
[Sighs]
169
00:07:26,838 --> 00:07:29,107
Let's start with the yellow
this time.
170
00:07:29,140 --> 00:07:31,677
The yellow pieces.
Get me all the yellow pieces.
171
00:07:31,710 --> 00:07:32,878
[Sighs]
172
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:37,683
Thank you.
173
00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:40,118
[Fireplace crackling]
174
00:07:40,151 --> 00:07:42,320
[Yawns]
175
00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:46,257
[Clears throat]
I'm tired.
176
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,460
I'm gonna go to bed.
177
00:07:49,494 --> 00:07:50,628
Oh.
178
00:07:50,662 --> 00:07:51,763
Yeah.
179
00:07:52,397 --> 00:07:54,065
Sure. Yeah.
180
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,633
Oh.
181
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:01,106
[Porn music plays]
182
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,441
[Woman moaning]
183
00:08:03,474 --> 00:08:07,345
Oh my g... oh my god, faster,
faster, yeah!
184
00:08:07,378 --> 00:08:08,680
Right there. Right there!
185
00:08:08,714 --> 00:08:10,148
Get it! Get it!
186
00:08:10,181 --> 00:08:11,516
Horton?
187
00:08:11,549 --> 00:08:12,884
What's wrong?
188
00:08:18,156 --> 00:08:19,791
Would you care for some...
189
00:08:20,826 --> 00:08:22,193
Sex?
190
00:08:23,361 --> 00:08:26,164
[Laughs]
191
00:08:26,197 --> 00:08:27,665
[Clears throat]
192
00:08:27,699 --> 00:08:29,868
God, you do know
how to make me laugh.
193
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,070
[Chuckles]
You thought I... Yeah.
194
00:08:33,404 --> 00:08:34,806
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
195
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,207
I just... I just don't
understand it.
196
00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:37,508
I don't understand
how you can sit there
197
00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:40,111
While your child's heart is
breaking in the next room.
198
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,546
His heart is not breaking.
199
00:08:41,579 --> 00:08:42,814
He's just pissed off
200
00:08:42,848 --> 00:08:44,215
That we're not rocking
him to sleep.
201
00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:46,752
Two nights. That's all
the book says it'll take.
202
00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:48,286
It's torture.
203
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,889
We are not torturing him.
204
00:08:50,922 --> 00:08:51,823
Please.
205
00:08:51,857 --> 00:08:56,227
[Yelling continues]
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
206
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:57,796
Mommy, I love you!
207
00:08:58,864 --> 00:09:00,465
Hey! No!
208
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,770
[Laughs]
209
00:09:04,803 --> 00:09:06,537
What're you doing?
210
00:09:06,571 --> 00:09:07,839
Ohh.
211
00:09:07,873 --> 00:09:10,308
Foreplay. It'll take
your mind off the cries.
212
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:14,880
If I have sex with you while
our son is screaming
213
00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:16,647
In the next room, I'm forever
going to associate
214
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,016
Intimacy with pain.
215
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:20,185
Oh, well that's kind of hot,
isn't it?
216
00:09:21,419 --> 00:09:22,754
[Chuckles]
217
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:27,759
[Yelling continues]
218
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:30,328
Pussy!
219
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,662
[Baby crying]
220
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,598
Shh.
221
00:09:33,631 --> 00:09:34,966
Oi!
222
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,534
Let's make a deal, alright?
223
00:09:36,567 --> 00:09:38,970
You go to sleep straight
away
224
00:09:39,004 --> 00:09:40,806
And your first fake ID is on
Uncle Peyton.
225
00:09:40,839 --> 00:09:42,173
[Clicks tongue]
All right?
226
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,910
[Baby continues to cry]
227
00:09:44,943 --> 00:09:47,312
You gonna be alright
with her?
228
00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:48,914
Yeah, sure.
What can go wrong?
229
00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:51,149
Everything can go wrong,
Pey.
230
00:09:51,182 --> 00:09:54,652
Every night I high five myself
just for keepin' her alive.
231
00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:57,155
Listen, I have TeleHealth
on speed dial.
232
00:09:57,188 --> 00:09:59,757
If you call though
you've got to ask for Marcy,
233
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:02,560
She's nice and sort of
knows me a bit now.
234
00:10:02,593 --> 00:10:05,330
So, everybody else just
sort of threatens to call
235
00:10:05,363 --> 00:10:07,565
Social services on you.
236
00:10:07,598 --> 00:10:10,468
Are you goin' out
dressed like that?
237
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:12,003
Yeah. Why?
238
00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:14,405
Oh, depends.
You want to get laid?
239
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:16,774
I don't know.
I mean yeah, I suppose.
240
00:10:16,808 --> 00:10:18,309
I just wanna go out and
meet somebody nice,
241
00:10:18,343 --> 00:10:19,845
You know,
who might like me.
242
00:10:19,878 --> 00:10:20,979
Sort of test the waters a bit.
243
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:22,047
You're a single mom,
you don't got
244
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,849
Time to be fucking about.
245
00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:26,484
Go out there
and have some fun.
246
00:10:26,517 --> 00:10:27,919
Do you mean
like dodgeball?
247
00:10:27,953 --> 00:10:30,788
I mean like
gettin' fucking laid.
248
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:34,592
Okay, well I mean, I sup... I
suppose I could give it a go.
249
00:10:34,625 --> 00:10:36,962
Have you seen my
diaphragm?
250
00:10:36,995 --> 00:10:39,464
'Course I haven't seen
your fucking diaphragm.
251
00:10:39,497 --> 00:10:41,066
Besides you're protected.
252
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,767
You know,
your tits and whatnot.
253
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,202
Wha-what do you mean?
254
00:10:44,235 --> 00:10:45,837
Oh, I was fuckin'
this bird back home
255
00:10:45,871 --> 00:10:46,972
And she said
she couldn't get pregnant
256
00:10:47,005 --> 00:10:48,506
While she was breastfeedin'.
257
00:10:48,539 --> 00:10:50,508
Saved a fortune
on condoms.
258
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:53,311
Are condoms very
expensive now?
259
00:10:53,344 --> 00:10:55,213
You're missing the point
of the story, love.
260
00:10:55,246 --> 00:10:56,714
Right. Okay.
261
00:10:58,316 --> 00:11:02,020
[Dance music playing
on television]
262
00:11:06,057 --> 00:11:08,626
Yeah, so my father took off
when I was a baby,
263
00:11:08,659 --> 00:11:11,229
So there's a special place in
my heart for people like you.
264
00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:14,299
Nobody ran off on me.
I, I, I chose this, you know.
265
00:11:14,332 --> 00:11:14,933
Oh!
266
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:16,834
Yeah, I knocked myself up.
267
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:17,368
Yeah.
268
00:11:17,402 --> 00:11:18,603
I mean, well, no.
269
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,305
I mean, I didn't
knock myself up.
270
00:11:20,338 --> 00:11:23,074
I went to one of those
sperm banks, you know.
271
00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,976
Well, spank banks
I think you call them.
272
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,677
Well, I mean,
I don't know if you do, but...
273
00:11:26,711 --> 00:11:28,379
Anyway, I've always just
really wanted a family,
274
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:31,116
You know, just, I've always
just sort of had this hole
275
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,318
Inside of me that kinda
needed filling up,
276
00:11:33,351 --> 00:11:35,120
So I just, I thought
maybe a baby
277
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,121
Could do that, you know.
278
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,422
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
No, it's so true, they...
279
00:11:37,455 --> 00:11:39,190
I mean it's not, you know,
it's been different
280
00:11:39,224 --> 00:11:41,359
Than I expected, so...
281
00:11:41,392 --> 00:11:43,694
I mean don't get me wrong,
I love the baby to bits,
282
00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:45,663
I really do, you know, but...
283
00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:49,200
God, I mean they poop a lot,
don't they?
284
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:52,070
And they suck.
It's all a lot of sucking.
285
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:53,871
I mean, it's already eatin' me
out of house and home
286
00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:55,706
And it's only me boobs.
287
00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:58,043
So you know, here I am.
288
00:11:58,076 --> 00:11:59,744
Just kind of out and about.
289
00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:01,546
- Looking for love.
- Yeah, yeah...
290
00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:02,880
No! No, God, no.
291
00:12:02,914 --> 00:12:05,250
I'm not... no love for me just,
uh, just casual.
292
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:07,185
You know, just gettin' out.
293
00:12:07,218 --> 00:12:08,786
Yeah, I mean, God,
who in their right mind's
294
00:12:08,819 --> 00:12:10,088
Looking for a single mom?
295
00:12:10,121 --> 00:12:13,424
You know, I mean maybe
a pedophile, I suppose.
296
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,226
Not that you're a pedophile.
Are you?
297
00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:16,627
No!
298
00:12:16,661 --> 00:12:17,628
So you know...
299
00:12:17,662 --> 00:12:19,064
I mean, my brother
put it best, you know,
300
00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:20,531
He put it like:
301
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,633
The hole I need fillin' up
is probably
302
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,135
Not an emotional one.
303
00:12:24,169 --> 00:12:26,571
You know,
it's a... a different hole...
304
00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:27,772
Your brother told you this?
305
00:12:27,805 --> 00:12:30,108
Yeah. Yeah.
306
00:12:30,141 --> 00:12:33,478
And, good news is,
we don't need a condom.
307
00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:35,213
Because of me tits.
308
00:12:35,246 --> 00:12:38,816
So. We just, ah,
we just do it...
309
00:12:41,686 --> 00:12:42,887
[Nervous giggle]
310
00:12:50,328 --> 00:12:51,963
- God!
- Oh!
311
00:12:51,997 --> 00:12:55,433
Oh, fuck! Oh!
312
00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:56,767
- Oh, god!
- Shh.
313
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:58,169
You're gonna,
you're gonna wake her,
you're gonna wake her.
314
00:12:58,203 --> 00:13:01,572
Oh, God, it's so fucking hot
that you're a Dad.
315
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:02,940
- Oh!
- Thanks.
316
00:13:02,974 --> 00:13:05,676
Oh, god. Oh, fuck.
317
00:13:05,710 --> 00:13:07,012
Oh, fuck. Turn me over.
318
00:13:07,045 --> 00:13:10,315
Yeah. Oh God.
319
00:13:10,348 --> 00:13:12,483
[Whispers]
Oh, fuck.
320
00:13:13,318 --> 00:13:14,685
Oh, god.
321
00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:16,887
Oh.
322
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,123
Oh, God.
323
00:13:18,156 --> 00:13:19,190
Pull my hair.
324
00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:20,125
Pull my hair.
325
00:13:20,158 --> 00:13:21,726
Oh, god yeah!
326
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,461
Oh, punish me, daddy.
327
00:13:23,494 --> 00:13:24,362
Oh, fuck.
328
00:13:24,395 --> 00:13:25,296
Smack my ass.
329
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:26,031
- Smack your ass?
- Yeah!
330
00:13:26,064 --> 00:13:27,032
Oh, punish me.
331
00:13:27,065 --> 00:13:29,167
Oh, punish me, daddy.
332
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,468
Fuck me, daddy!
333
00:13:30,501 --> 00:13:31,602
Oh, punish me.
334
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,838
I love the way
you fuck me, daddy!
335
00:13:33,871 --> 00:13:34,972
- Oh!
- Okay, okay.
336
00:13:35,006 --> 00:13:36,541
I can't do this.
I'm out. I'm out.
337
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:39,444
[Baby crying]
338
00:13:39,477 --> 00:13:42,513
Oh, please will you just give
Uncle Peyton a break.
Look...
339
00:13:42,547 --> 00:13:45,350
I could smother you and you
wouldn't even know it.
340
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:46,684
I didn't mean that.
341
00:13:46,717 --> 00:13:48,319
I love you, honestly,
to pieces,
342
00:13:48,353 --> 00:13:51,856
But will you please
just shut the fuck up!
343
00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:54,159
Pey? You all right?
344
00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:56,461
[Baby crying]
345
00:13:56,494 --> 00:13:57,828
How do I turn her off?
346
00:13:59,264 --> 00:14:02,500
You mean they're not
supposed to scream bloody
murder all the time?
347
00:14:04,435 --> 00:14:05,936
[Sighs]
348
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:07,972
Are you sure this is
349
00:14:08,005 --> 00:14:09,907
How you're supposed
to put her to sleep?
350
00:14:09,940 --> 00:14:12,477
It's not so bad, you know,
once you get used to it like.
351
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:15,080
I don't know whether
I could ever put up with that.
352
00:14:15,113 --> 00:14:16,847
It makes me
want to eat glass.
353
00:14:16,881 --> 00:14:18,483
You know what Lou,
354
00:14:18,516 --> 00:14:21,286
I don't know if I'm gonna
be able to stay here.
355
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,353
Well, what are you
going to do?
356
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:23,521
You going to go buy a house
357
00:14:23,554 --> 00:14:25,490
With all your inheritance
money you pissed away?
358
00:14:25,523 --> 00:14:28,326
Hey, there's no need to be
a bitch about it, all right.
359
00:14:28,359 --> 00:14:31,862
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Pey,
I didn't mean that.
360
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:33,231
Stay.
361
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:34,432
Be my nanny.
362
00:14:34,465 --> 00:14:36,000
- Fuck off.
- No, come on.
363
00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:37,435
It's free room and board.
364
00:14:37,468 --> 00:14:40,004
No seriously, fuck off,
I'm just passing through.
365
00:14:40,037 --> 00:14:41,839
I've got plans.
366
00:14:41,872 --> 00:14:44,242
Besides, what d'you need
a Nanny for anyway?
367
00:14:45,543 --> 00:14:48,346
Well, it's harder than I
thought it was gonna be...
368
00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:50,081
You know,
doin' it on my own...
369
00:14:50,115 --> 00:14:52,783
[Silence]
370
00:14:52,817 --> 00:14:53,984
Hey!
371
00:14:54,552 --> 00:14:55,786
Hey, she stopped crying.
372
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:58,923
See, it's not so hard.
373
00:14:58,956 --> 00:15:01,592
Why are you back
so early anyway?
374
00:15:01,626 --> 00:15:02,860
I don't know.
375
00:15:02,893 --> 00:15:04,195
Couldn't close the deal, eh?
376
00:15:04,229 --> 00:15:05,530
You see,
you were searching
377
00:15:05,563 --> 00:15:07,198
For the wrong type of man.
378
00:15:07,232 --> 00:15:10,135
What you need is a sexual
deviant, you know?
379
00:15:10,168 --> 00:15:12,570
Someone who'll smash
your back doors in
380
00:15:12,603 --> 00:15:14,772
And walk away
without a second thought.
381
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:17,708
You know,
maybe you're right.
382
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:18,943
Maybe I should just give up
383
00:15:18,976 --> 00:15:20,611
On all this love
and fulfillment lark.
384
00:15:20,645 --> 00:15:23,314
I mean, it's never done me
any favors, has it?
385
00:15:23,348 --> 00:15:24,615
Just been a slew of endless
386
00:15:24,649 --> 00:15:27,051
Disappointment
and rejection.
387
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,086
Right.
388
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,388
That's it.
389
00:15:30,421 --> 00:15:33,891
No more love for me.
Only lust for this trollop.
390
00:15:33,924 --> 00:15:35,160
Right? Yeah?
391
00:15:35,193 --> 00:15:36,727
I'm gonna get out there
and I'm gonna get someone
392
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:38,163
To really give it to me.
393
00:15:38,196 --> 00:15:39,697
You know, someone,
someone who'll say,
394
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:40,665
"Who's your Daddy"
395
00:15:40,698 --> 00:15:42,567
And really smash in my side
door...
396
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,735
- Your back door...
- My back door!
397
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:45,770
Yeah.
398
00:15:48,873 --> 00:15:50,475
How do I find
a social deviant?
399
00:15:50,508 --> 00:15:51,609
What, what do I do?
400
00:15:51,642 --> 00:15:54,579
Well you know, basically
you gotta clearly indicate
401
00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:56,247
What you will
and you won't do, all right?
402
00:15:56,281 --> 00:15:58,849
Um... dirty Sanchez.
Strawberry sundae.
403
00:15:58,883 --> 00:15:59,850
That sort of thing.
404
00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:01,986
Okay, well Strawberry
Sundae sounds all right.
405
00:16:02,019 --> 00:16:03,354
How's that work?
406
00:16:03,388 --> 00:16:05,623
Well, it's when you release
your demons
407
00:16:05,656 --> 00:16:08,459
Into the lady's face, and you
know, when she can't see,
408
00:16:08,493 --> 00:16:11,095
You smash her one in the
nose.
409
00:16:11,128 --> 00:16:12,830
Strawberry Sundae.
410
00:16:12,863 --> 00:16:14,765
That's awful.
411
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:18,403
Who would do such a thing
to another human being?
412
00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:22,973
Oh, Peyton!
Don't do that to someone!
413
00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:24,442
She asked me too...
414
00:16:24,475 --> 00:16:26,644
Oh. Well.
I suppose if she asked.
415
00:16:26,677 --> 00:16:27,812
Yeah.
416
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:33,117
How old is he?
417
00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:34,485
Two and a half.
418
00:16:34,519 --> 00:16:35,653
Aw.
419
00:16:37,488 --> 00:16:39,457
So, do you mind if I ask
how you two met?
420
00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,125
- Online.
- A bookstore.
421
00:16:41,158 --> 00:16:42,693
We, we actually met online
422
00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:45,062
But it embarrasses her
to say that, so...
423
00:16:45,095 --> 00:16:47,465
No, no! That's amazing.
424
00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:50,801
I just always assumed that
online dating was for losers.
425
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,637
No, you're not losers!
426
00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:55,973
[Stammering]
I loved it.
I order everything online, so.
427
00:16:56,006 --> 00:16:57,475
Order, seriously?
428
00:16:57,508 --> 00:16:58,843
Really?
429
00:16:58,876 --> 00:17:01,979
So which one of you gave
birth, then?
430
00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:04,849
Excuse me? Which one
of you is the real mom?
431
00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:06,016
Oh, uh...
432
00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:07,385
We both are.
433
00:17:07,418 --> 00:17:11,055
Maybe one of us carried him
in her womb, you know.
434
00:17:11,088 --> 00:17:13,358
Maybe... maybe we both
adopted him.
435
00:17:13,391 --> 00:17:14,592
Maybe one of us...
436
00:17:14,625 --> 00:17:16,494
Donated an egg and the
other one carried it.
437
00:17:16,527 --> 00:17:18,996
Doesn't really matter,
we're both raising the child
438
00:17:19,029 --> 00:17:20,431
And we're committed
to his well-being
439
00:17:20,465 --> 00:17:23,067
Which makes us both
real moms.
440
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,269
Yeah.
441
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:27,037
I'm sorry. I just... I didn't
mean to offend you.
442
00:17:27,071 --> 00:17:28,839
I just don't...
443
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,509
Know the, the protocol
for people in your situation.
444
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:34,712
Our situation?
445
00:17:34,745 --> 00:17:36,614
It's, it's funny cause it's not
actually a situation,
446
00:17:36,647 --> 00:17:38,816
We are... we're lesbians.
447
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,385
It's our family.
448
00:17:40,418 --> 00:17:41,952
Are you retarded?
449
00:17:41,986 --> 00:17:43,053
No...
450
00:17:43,087 --> 00:17:44,522
We should go to the park
more often.
451
00:17:44,555 --> 00:17:45,423
Who the fuck
still talks like...
452
00:17:45,456 --> 00:17:46,691
Hey hey, language.
453
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:48,526
Who the fiddlesticks
still talks like that?
454
00:17:48,559 --> 00:17:51,128
"People in your situation."
Say lesbian!
455
00:17:51,161 --> 00:17:53,130
Hell, say dyke, for all I care.
456
00:17:54,265 --> 00:17:55,400
You know it's over, right
babe?
457
00:17:55,433 --> 00:17:57,134
I know.
458
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:05,443
Maybe it's not such a terrible
question, though. I mean...
459
00:18:07,978 --> 00:18:09,380
Maybe one of us should be
more Mom
460
00:18:09,414 --> 00:18:11,616
And then the other
more Dad.
461
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:16,153
And if so, I call Mom.
462
00:18:16,186 --> 00:18:18,823
Why, so you can have the
monopoly on being cute?
463
00:18:18,856 --> 00:18:20,157
I like pink.
464
00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:22,627
No. Look. One of our
strengths as a couple
465
00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:26,297
Is how different we are.
Maybe, um...
466
00:18:26,331 --> 00:18:28,666
Maybe we should
embrace that.
467
00:18:28,699 --> 00:18:30,901
Give him a little bit
more structure.
468
00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:32,437
You sound like a pamphlet.
469
00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:33,838
Cunt.
470
00:18:33,871 --> 00:18:35,039
Language!
471
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,174
Oh, no, that's not a swear,
it's an actual body part...
472
00:18:37,207 --> 00:18:38,776
[Laughs]
473
00:18:38,809 --> 00:18:40,345
Okay, it's a swear,
474
00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:43,814
But you were being
a bit of a cunt.
475
00:18:43,848 --> 00:18:44,849
Ah! Hey, hey, hey!
476
00:18:44,882 --> 00:18:48,486
We are gentle with people
and things.
477
00:18:48,519 --> 00:18:49,487
We are...
478
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,956
[Together]
Gentle with people
and things.
479
00:18:51,989 --> 00:18:54,224
Except when
we're being a cunt.
480
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:59,096
♪ The wipers on the bus go,
swish, swish, swish,
481
00:18:59,129 --> 00:19:02,266
♪ all through the town.
482
00:19:02,299 --> 00:19:05,636
♪ The people on the bus go
Hi, Hi, Annie
483
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,071
- Honey.
- Hey, honey!
484
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,138
You're home early.
485
00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,675
Yeah! Uh, where's the baby?
486
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:11,976
Oh, she's upstairs napping.
487
00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:13,511
So you were just singing
that to yourself?
488
00:19:16,146 --> 00:19:17,882
It got stuck in my head?
489
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:19,717
Okay, let's go with that.
Um...
490
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:20,818
I've got a little surprise
for you.
491
00:19:20,851 --> 00:19:21,786
Oh!
492
00:19:21,819 --> 00:19:22,953
I like surprises.
493
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,221
Okay, just a second...
494
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,090
Come on in.
495
00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:32,497
Nice to meet you.
496
00:19:35,265 --> 00:19:38,068
So to summarize, the issue
is that when Jules
497
00:19:38,102 --> 00:19:40,070
Is in the mood,
498
00:19:40,104 --> 00:19:42,740
It's always during the day
when Ben is at work,
499
00:19:42,773 --> 00:19:46,310
And when Ben comes home,
you are simply exhausted.
500
00:19:46,343 --> 00:19:47,612
Exactly. Yep.
501
00:19:48,579 --> 00:19:49,580
What about the weekends?
502
00:19:49,614 --> 00:19:51,215
Oh no, That's... that's when
stuff's getting done
503
00:19:51,248 --> 00:19:52,483
- around the house.
- Yes. No...
504
00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:54,485
- We have to do laundry...
- Lot of things, yeah...
505
00:19:54,519 --> 00:19:56,086
- And shopping. And laundry.
- Right.
506
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:57,154
There's a lot of laundry.
507
00:19:57,187 --> 00:19:58,656
Yeah. It's not uncommon.
508
00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:04,895
But what most couples don't
realize is that, on average,
509
00:20:04,929 --> 00:20:08,766
Seven to twenty minutes is
all it takes to have sex.
510
00:20:08,799 --> 00:20:11,035
Less time than laundry.
511
00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:13,838
I'm sorry, are you criticizing
the way that I do laundry?
512
00:20:13,871 --> 00:20:15,239
- Ooh.
- Because, um...
513
00:20:15,272 --> 00:20:17,642
- I pre-soak my cloth diapers
- Yeah.
514
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:18,843
- So...
- It's pretty important.
515
00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:20,811
- Presoaking is kinda crucial.
- Yeah, it takes a long...
516
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,679
- The stains will cake right in
- longer but...
517
00:20:21,712 --> 00:20:23,113
- And I think...
- It's an investment.
518
00:20:23,147 --> 00:20:25,215
I think he gets it. No one's
saying it's a bad idea.
519
00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:26,250
[Overlapping dialogue]
520
00:20:26,283 --> 00:20:27,785
No, no, no. I'm saying,
521
00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:30,555
I'm saying that I just want
both of you to be aware
522
00:20:30,588 --> 00:20:34,992
Of each other's investment,
523
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,594
You know?
524
00:20:36,627 --> 00:20:38,128
I mean be Ben is...
525
00:20:38,162 --> 00:20:40,531
Clearly, sexually...
526
00:20:40,565 --> 00:20:43,834
Frustrated, aren't you Ben?
527
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,471
It's be... it's been a year.
528
00:20:46,504 --> 00:20:47,805
No. No!
529
00:20:47,838 --> 00:20:48,806
The other night...
530
00:20:48,839 --> 00:20:49,807
- Oh, that thing, you do not,
- We had sex.
531
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,808
You do not get to count that.
532
00:20:50,841 --> 00:20:51,909
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, I count it.
533
00:20:51,942 --> 00:20:53,544
- Nope.
- It counts.
534
00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:54,945
- A year.
- Yeah.
535
00:20:54,979 --> 00:20:56,681
And your baby's
six months old.
536
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,782
Right.
537
00:20:57,815 --> 00:21:00,818
Well, my gynecologist said
that it couldn't hurt
538
00:21:00,851 --> 00:21:03,253
To abstain from sex
during pregnancy.
539
00:21:03,287 --> 00:21:04,822
What did your dentist say?
540
00:21:04,855 --> 00:21:06,256
Okay...
541
00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:07,792
What did your
proctologist say?
542
00:21:07,825 --> 00:21:09,393
- Oh, he says you're gross.
- Okay.
543
00:21:09,426 --> 00:21:12,162
He comes... he comes up
with a good question.
544
00:21:12,196 --> 00:21:14,832
There's a difference
between
545
00:21:14,865 --> 00:21:16,734
Abstaining from vaginal sex
546
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:19,970
And sexual contact
all together.
547
00:21:20,004 --> 00:21:21,338
Now...
548
00:21:22,807 --> 00:21:24,975
Let me ask you...
549
00:21:25,009 --> 00:21:27,177
Do you have a reason...
550
00:21:27,211 --> 00:21:30,681
For avoiding fellating your
husband?
551
00:21:34,451 --> 00:21:35,553
Mother's don't fellate.
552
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:36,954
- Yes, they do.
- No they don't.
553
00:21:36,987 --> 00:21:38,956
What? There's a, there's
a whole genre of porn...
554
00:21:38,989 --> 00:21:40,424
- devoted to that very idea.
- Ohh...
555
00:21:40,457 --> 00:21:43,894
Now, I... I'm gon... I'm going
to suggest something here
556
00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:46,330
That I suggest
to all my clients.
557
00:21:46,363 --> 00:21:48,465
For one hundred
days
558
00:21:48,499 --> 00:21:50,768
I want you
to have sex every day.
559
00:21:50,801 --> 00:21:52,336
I haven't done that
since college.
560
00:21:52,369 --> 00:21:53,538
When...
561
00:21:53,571 --> 00:21:55,506
Did you do that in college?
We were together in college.
562
00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,041
Not the whole time.
563
00:21:57,908 --> 00:21:59,009
Um.
564
00:21:59,043 --> 00:22:00,444
When we...
565
00:22:00,477 --> 00:22:03,914
Have sex and I have this...
burning sensation.
566
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:06,116
It just, it doesn't go away.
567
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,318
Oh, there's a pamphlet for
that...
568
00:22:08,352 --> 00:22:12,590
I want you to, to treat this
hundred days like exercise.
569
00:22:13,858 --> 00:22:16,460
It doesn't sound like
a great idea at the time,
570
00:22:16,493 --> 00:22:18,629
And we always make
excuses for not doing it,
571
00:22:18,663 --> 00:22:20,497
But once you start -
572
00:22:20,531 --> 00:22:21,699
It's good.
573
00:22:21,732 --> 00:22:25,135
And when you really get into
it - it's pleasant, really.
574
00:22:25,169 --> 00:22:26,637
Pleasant.
575
00:22:26,671 --> 00:22:27,672
What do you say, honey?
576
00:22:27,705 --> 00:22:29,239
You want get into
something...
577
00:22:29,273 --> 00:22:31,175
Pleasant with me?
578
00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:32,342
- Sure.
- Yeah?
579
00:22:32,376 --> 00:22:33,343
Yeah.
580
00:22:33,377 --> 00:22:34,545
We'll still do the laundry
though, right?
581
00:22:34,579 --> 00:22:35,546
Yes, we'll still do the laundry.
582
00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:37,014
Okay, good. I just put a fresh
load in.
583
00:22:37,047 --> 00:22:39,349
Yeah, well, I would like
to put a fresh load in
584
00:22:39,383 --> 00:22:41,218
Myself, from time to time.
585
00:22:41,251 --> 00:22:42,286
Okay...
586
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:44,054
She served it up, Doc. It's
a...
587
00:22:44,088 --> 00:22:45,656
But you don't have to bring
it-
588
00:22:45,690 --> 00:22:46,657
Put a "fresh load" in.
589
00:22:46,691 --> 00:22:48,358
[Stammering]
Did you want another cup...
590
00:22:48,392 --> 00:22:49,727
[Together]
Coffee?
591
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:50,728
No. Thank you.
592
00:22:50,761 --> 00:22:51,562
- Okay.
- Okay.
593
00:22:53,097 --> 00:22:54,131
Oh...
594
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,001
He's so cute!
How do you stand it?
595
00:22:57,034 --> 00:23:00,037
Oh, the incessant screaming
helps balance it out nicely.
596
00:23:00,070 --> 00:23:01,371
[Straining]
597
00:23:01,405 --> 00:23:03,207
There's my little Oopsie.
598
00:23:04,642 --> 00:23:05,943
I've been meaning
to ask you...
599
00:23:05,976 --> 00:23:07,745
Why do you call him
"Oopsie"?
600
00:23:07,778 --> 00:23:10,881
Oh, it's just Sean's
nickname for him.
601
00:23:10,915 --> 00:23:13,684
You were a big surprise,
weren't you, baby?
602
00:23:13,718 --> 00:23:16,053
I've missed seeing you
on television.
603
00:23:16,086 --> 00:23:18,388
Oh! Thank you
for saying that!
604
00:23:18,422 --> 00:23:20,490
You know, Horton and I
were both very surprised
605
00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:22,126
That you didn't
go back to the show
606
00:23:22,159 --> 00:23:24,194
After your maternity leave.
607
00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:25,529
It was the baby weight,
right?
608
00:23:25,562 --> 00:23:27,431
Oh god, no. I've lost all the
baby weight.
609
00:23:27,464 --> 00:23:30,134
Oh. Of course you have.
610
00:23:33,303 --> 00:23:37,775
No, I, ah, I just decided that
it was just important
611
00:23:37,808 --> 00:23:39,710
To stay home
to raise this little guy.
612
00:23:39,744 --> 00:23:41,378
And Sean makes more than
enough for both of us,
613
00:23:41,411 --> 00:23:44,048
So just, why bother with all
of the drama, you know?
614
00:23:44,081 --> 00:23:45,115
So...
615
00:23:45,149 --> 00:23:48,853
How's being a full-time Mom
working out for you?
616
00:23:48,886 --> 00:23:52,156
Well, uh, I um...
617
00:23:52,189 --> 00:23:53,858
I've lost my mind,
618
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:54,825
Is what's happened.
619
00:23:54,859 --> 00:23:55,993
[Nervous laughter]
620
00:23:56,026 --> 00:23:58,829
I've always thought that,
if I was ever going to have
621
00:23:58,863 --> 00:24:03,133
A, just a dirty, nasty little
thing, I would...
622
00:24:03,167 --> 00:24:05,235
Keep it in a closet until I
needed it for a charity event
623
00:24:05,269 --> 00:24:08,973
Or something. But! I've gone
Full Metal Stepford here.
624
00:24:09,006 --> 00:24:12,810
His birthday party had: a
strict formal dress code,
625
00:24:12,843 --> 00:24:17,815
There was 82 handmade gift
bags, a $5,000 candy table,
626
00:24:17,848 --> 00:24:18,983
12 different kinds of
sandwiches
627
00:24:19,016 --> 00:24:22,319
Including the swordfish
canapé, which was lovely.
628
00:24:22,352 --> 00:24:23,954
Looks like you covered
everything.
629
00:24:23,988 --> 00:24:25,355
Yeah, no yeah yeah.
630
00:24:25,389 --> 00:24:26,356
[Baby babbling]
631
00:24:26,390 --> 00:24:28,959
Everything,
except, uh, other kids.
632
00:24:28,993 --> 00:24:30,861
You forgot to invite
other children?
633
00:24:32,296 --> 00:24:34,464
We don't know
any other children.
634
00:24:34,498 --> 00:24:36,667
Oh. I see.
635
00:24:36,701 --> 00:24:40,905
So, uh, how are things here
with the empty nest?
636
00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,639
Must be like a second
honeymoon around here.
637
00:24:42,673 --> 00:24:43,874
Oh...
638
00:24:46,010 --> 00:24:48,278
Well, we're not all
as young and sexy
639
00:24:48,312 --> 00:24:49,780
As you are, you know.
640
00:24:50,815 --> 00:24:54,318
I just... I don't find her
attractive anymore.
641
00:24:54,351 --> 00:24:57,287
I think I traded in low cuts
and long legs for...
642
00:24:57,321 --> 00:24:59,523
Sweat pants
and breast milk stains.
643
00:24:59,556 --> 00:25:03,160
That'll all go away. You guys
are still having sex, right?
644
00:25:03,193 --> 00:25:06,096
[Laughs]
645
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:09,333
Don't get me started. She's
insatiable. It's ridiculous.
646
00:25:09,366 --> 00:25:11,535
You should get
some real problems.
647
00:25:11,568 --> 00:25:14,071
Do you know when
the last time I even saw
Dolores naked was?
648
00:25:14,104 --> 00:25:15,539
I had hair.
649
00:25:15,572 --> 00:25:18,042
I don't even know
what we are anymore.
650
00:25:18,075 --> 00:25:20,010
Friends, I suppose...
651
00:25:20,044 --> 00:25:23,380
Well, c'mon, seriously,
you're still young, you know.
652
00:25:23,413 --> 00:25:24,782
And you had a good run
at it.
653
00:25:24,815 --> 00:25:27,217
You brought up
three amazing kids.
654
00:25:27,251 --> 00:25:29,319
There's no, there's no
shame in calling it a day
655
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:31,088
If the passion's gone.
656
00:25:31,121 --> 00:25:33,824
Sean. She is the mother
of my children.
657
00:25:33,858 --> 00:25:36,026
Yeah. But they're gone.
658
00:25:36,994 --> 00:25:38,228
Right?
659
00:25:42,199 --> 00:25:44,568
So your penis is still actually
in this girl when you decide
660
00:25:44,601 --> 00:25:46,103
That you never want
to see her again?
661
00:25:46,136 --> 00:25:47,905
She called me "Daddy".
662
00:25:47,938 --> 00:25:49,373
- Ooh.
- [Laughs]
663
00:25:49,406 --> 00:25:52,409
Okay, so um,
couldn't you just say:
664
00:25:52,442 --> 00:25:54,211
"Please don't
call me Daddy"?
665
00:25:54,244 --> 00:25:55,345
I mean, that's what adults
do, right?
666
00:25:55,379 --> 00:25:57,681
They communicate.
They just don't pull out.
667
00:25:57,714 --> 00:25:58,749
It's true, actually.
668
00:25:58,783 --> 00:26:01,886
Larissa never has a problem
telling me exactly,
669
00:26:01,919 --> 00:26:04,121
Specifically what it is
that I'm doing wrong.
670
00:26:04,154 --> 00:26:05,689
I believe you.
671
00:26:05,722 --> 00:26:09,760
Well, okay, that's because I
want to be in a relationship.
672
00:26:09,794 --> 00:26:11,128
Gage is just looking to have
a good time.
673
00:26:11,161 --> 00:26:12,196
That is...
674
00:26:12,229 --> 00:26:13,430
[Crashing]
675
00:26:13,463 --> 00:26:14,631
Ephraim?
676
00:26:16,767 --> 00:26:17,935
He's okay. Look.
677
00:26:17,968 --> 00:26:19,569
What are you trying
to say about me, huh?
678
00:26:21,671 --> 00:26:23,440
Okay, um.
679
00:26:23,473 --> 00:26:24,809
You...
680
00:26:24,842 --> 00:26:27,144
Knowingly choose imperfect
women
681
00:26:27,177 --> 00:26:29,579
So that you can use it as
an excuse to get rid of them
682
00:26:29,613 --> 00:26:31,415
When you get bored.
683
00:26:31,448 --> 00:26:33,250
That's really shitty, Larissa.
684
00:26:33,283 --> 00:26:35,052
Oh, it is
without a doubt shitty.
685
00:26:35,085 --> 00:26:36,787
I don't do that.
686
00:26:36,821 --> 00:26:38,923
Why did you break up
with that, uh, teacher?
687
00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:42,759
She had to go to bed too
early.
688
00:26:42,793 --> 00:26:44,128
The waitress?
689
00:26:45,930 --> 00:26:47,697
She stayed up way too late.
690
00:26:50,434 --> 00:26:52,169
So wait, you're saying
that I'm the problem?
691
00:26:52,202 --> 00:26:53,237
Look.
692
00:26:53,270 --> 00:26:54,271
He's having a moment.
693
00:26:54,304 --> 00:26:55,739
Awwwww!
694
00:26:55,772 --> 00:26:58,108
Oh, come on honey,
695
00:26:58,142 --> 00:26:59,109
Prove us wrong.
696
00:26:59,143 --> 00:27:02,279
Find yourself a nice,
normal woman
697
00:27:02,312 --> 00:27:04,114
And give her an actual shot.
698
00:27:04,148 --> 00:27:07,284
Yeah, and where does one
find a "nice normal" woman?
699
00:27:07,317 --> 00:27:08,352
[Together]
Mom Group.
700
00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:11,788
Lots of ladies.
701
00:27:11,822 --> 00:27:14,424
Big... milk-
702
00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:15,392
[Laughing]
703
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:15,926
Full breasts.
704
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,294
[Metallic scraping]
705
00:27:17,327 --> 00:27:18,295
Wow.
706
00:27:18,328 --> 00:27:19,796
[Cell phone vibrating]
707
00:27:19,830 --> 00:27:21,131
Ahh.
708
00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:23,767
It's eight o'clock.
709
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,002
Yeah. Yes it is.
710
00:27:25,035 --> 00:27:26,236
Yeah.
711
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:27,972
Uh, do you want to do this
in the bedroom?
712
00:27:28,005 --> 00:27:29,039
Yeah, it's probably
most comfortable.
713
00:27:29,073 --> 00:27:30,007
Okay.
714
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,208
Yeah, just have to brush my
teeth first.
715
00:27:31,241 --> 00:27:31,942
Really?
716
00:27:31,976 --> 00:27:32,910
Yeah, I mean, well...
717
00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:34,311
We're probably gonna
kiss and stuff, right?
718
00:27:34,344 --> 00:27:35,312
Right. Right, yeah.
719
00:27:35,345 --> 00:27:36,513
- Yeah.
- Okay.
720
00:27:36,546 --> 00:27:39,850
Okay, um... Oh, did you want
shirt on or off? Were you...
721
00:27:39,884 --> 00:27:42,086
Like, were you, are you
gonna fondle my nipples...
722
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,554
I didn't really have any
nipple plans, per say.
723
00:27:44,588 --> 00:27:46,190
Right. It turns you on,
though, right?
724
00:27:46,223 --> 00:27:48,758
Well, yeah, but I thought
turned you on too.
725
00:27:48,792 --> 00:27:50,594
You could light my nipples
on fire right now
726
00:27:50,627 --> 00:27:52,396
And I would not feel it.
727
00:27:53,263 --> 00:27:54,231
[Clears throat]
728
00:27:54,264 --> 00:27:55,232
Mmmm.
729
00:27:55,699 --> 00:27:56,333
Yeah?
730
00:27:56,366 --> 00:27:58,202
- That's good.
- Good.
731
00:27:58,235 --> 00:28:00,370
You're so...
732
00:28:00,404 --> 00:28:01,838
You're so beautiful.
733
00:28:01,872 --> 00:28:03,673
Thanks.
734
00:28:03,707 --> 00:28:05,575
[Breathing heavily]
735
00:28:05,609 --> 00:28:06,843
Yeah.
736
00:28:06,877 --> 00:28:10,147
It's... it's kind of like you're
trying to put out a small fire.
737
00:28:10,180 --> 00:28:11,748
Yeah? Cause it's hot?
738
00:28:11,781 --> 00:28:13,817
No, it's just cause you're,
you're punching me now.
739
00:28:13,850 --> 00:28:15,185
You're just punching me
right in the dick.
740
00:28:15,219 --> 00:28:17,154
- Oh, I'm sorry!
- Yeah.
741
00:28:17,187 --> 00:28:18,655
- Just
- It's okay.
742
00:28:18,688 --> 00:28:20,524
Why is it sometimes
you're so rock hard
743
00:28:20,557 --> 00:28:23,827
And then other days you're
like an old woman's breast.
744
00:28:23,860 --> 00:28:26,763
Okay, your dirty talk needs
a lot of work.
745
00:28:26,796 --> 00:28:27,831
Okay, do you want me,
746
00:28:27,864 --> 00:28:29,133
Should I fellate you,
or something?
747
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,701
Can you think of a less sexy
way to ask me that?
748
00:28:31,735 --> 00:28:32,736
How can I get you get hard?
749
00:28:32,769 --> 00:28:33,938
I don't know.
750
00:28:35,405 --> 00:28:36,673
There's all this pressure
now.
751
00:28:36,706 --> 00:28:38,308
I know, right?!
752
00:28:39,543 --> 00:28:41,578
I, I, I can't do
all this pre-planning.
753
00:28:41,611 --> 00:28:44,048
I need this to be
spontaneous.
754
00:28:44,081 --> 00:28:45,715
Feel like I'm doing chores.
755
00:28:45,749 --> 00:28:47,584
Oh, I need to put the dry...
Laundry in the dry...
756
00:28:47,617 --> 00:28:49,519
Can we please not talk
about laundry, right now?
757
00:28:49,553 --> 00:28:50,654
Okay, seriously...
758
00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:51,621
Okay.
759
00:28:51,655 --> 00:28:52,889
Look, we have to get
through this, all right?
760
00:28:52,923 --> 00:28:53,991
- I know.
- Somehow.
761
00:28:54,024 --> 00:28:56,560
A hundred consecutive
days.
762
00:28:56,593 --> 00:28:58,395
It's supposed to be fun!
763
00:28:58,428 --> 00:29:00,664
Well, he didn't say
when we had to start.
764
00:29:01,831 --> 00:29:03,867
We could start tomorrow.
765
00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:05,235
Yeah, exactly.
766
00:29:06,470 --> 00:29:07,637
Okay. Good talk.
767
00:29:07,671 --> 00:29:08,872
Yeah?
768
00:29:08,905 --> 00:29:09,873
Yeah. Go team.
769
00:29:09,906 --> 00:29:10,907
Mmm.
770
00:29:17,247 --> 00:29:18,215
So are we gonna put the
clothes in the dryer?
771
00:29:18,248 --> 00:29:20,450
Yeah, I got it. I got it. Okay.
772
00:29:26,356 --> 00:29:28,092
Hon?
773
00:29:30,927 --> 00:29:32,096
Hon?
774
00:29:33,130 --> 00:29:34,864
How was your day?
775
00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:53,950
Hey Daddy...
776
00:29:53,984 --> 00:29:56,653
Hey... Mama?
777
00:29:56,686 --> 00:29:57,621
Wow.
778
00:29:57,654 --> 00:30:00,357
I finally fit into my lingerie.
779
00:30:00,390 --> 00:30:02,692
Yeah. More or less, yeah.
780
00:30:05,062 --> 00:30:06,696
Is Oops asleep?
781
00:30:06,730 --> 00:30:08,465
He's at, uh, grandma's.
782
00:30:10,867 --> 00:30:13,803
Oof. I, uh, I had a long day.
783
00:30:13,837 --> 00:30:16,706
Great.
Let's have a long night.
784
00:30:16,740 --> 00:30:17,674
I just want to grab
something.
785
00:30:17,707 --> 00:30:19,343
I'm a little peckish.
786
00:30:19,376 --> 00:30:23,413
I've got something for you
to snack on right here.
787
00:30:23,447 --> 00:30:24,781
Yeah...
788
00:30:24,814 --> 00:30:27,317
Um, no, I was, I was...
789
00:30:27,351 --> 00:30:28,852
Something with protein,
that's what I was thinking...
790
00:30:28,885 --> 00:30:31,355
Sean. Listen, my, uh...
791
00:30:31,388 --> 00:30:34,324
My ego is holding on
by a thread, here okay?
792
00:30:34,358 --> 00:30:37,594
I have had enough of
bitches in the park,
793
00:30:37,627 --> 00:30:39,129
That's where the real bitches
are, okay?
794
00:30:39,163 --> 00:30:41,798
Talking about how to get
their kids to go to sleep
795
00:30:41,831 --> 00:30:43,167
And what kind of
apple sauce to eat,
796
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,970
And, and preservatives and...
You know, I don't give a shit.
797
00:30:47,003 --> 00:30:48,238
I just...
798
00:30:48,272 --> 00:30:50,107
Want to feel like an woman.
799
00:30:55,345 --> 00:30:56,680
Alrighty then.
800
00:30:56,713 --> 00:30:57,914
[Clears throat]
801
00:30:59,083 --> 00:31:01,118
[Moaning]
802
00:31:02,686 --> 00:31:03,687
What?
803
00:31:04,254 --> 00:31:05,589
Nothing, honey.
804
00:31:10,026 --> 00:31:11,561
Did you let the cat
in here?
805
00:31:11,595 --> 00:31:13,097
No. Why?
806
00:31:13,130 --> 00:31:15,899
Really?
It smells like rancid urine.
807
00:31:15,932 --> 00:31:18,668
I don't, I don't smell
anything.
808
00:31:18,702 --> 00:31:20,570
I'm not crazy.
809
00:31:20,604 --> 00:31:21,671
It must have
permeated the cover,
810
00:31:21,705 --> 00:31:22,972
We'll have to burn it.
811
00:31:28,612 --> 00:31:29,946
What?
812
00:31:29,979 --> 00:31:31,548
It's you!
813
00:31:31,581 --> 00:31:34,718
Did you get sprayed by a
skunk, or something?
814
00:31:34,751 --> 00:31:36,486
It's hormonal!
815
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,156
What?! How come I've
never noticed that before?
816
00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:40,757
Because I put a ridiculous
amount of effort
817
00:31:40,790 --> 00:31:42,892
Into not perspiring
around you.
818
00:31:42,926 --> 00:31:47,364
[Moaning]
819
00:31:47,397 --> 00:31:49,966
[Nasal]
That feels great.
That's really good.
820
00:31:55,272 --> 00:31:56,673
That feels great.
821
00:31:57,741 --> 00:32:00,377
No no no. Don't touch
my kangaroo pouch.
822
00:32:03,413 --> 00:32:08,585
[Strained moaning]
823
00:32:13,723 --> 00:32:14,658
No, I need a time-out.
824
00:32:14,691 --> 00:32:15,692
- The smell.
- Don't you dare.
825
00:32:15,725 --> 00:32:17,294
- I'm so goddamn close.
- Just a minute.
826
00:32:18,495 --> 00:32:19,896
I can't stand the smell,
I'm going to be sick...
827
00:32:19,929 --> 00:32:22,098
No, c'mon! Just seven more
thrusts. Man up!
828
00:32:23,633 --> 00:32:24,801
- Come on.
- I'm on fire.
829
00:32:24,834 --> 00:32:25,869
Hurry up!
830
00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:26,836
- Four... three...
- I'm gonna be sick!
831
00:32:26,870 --> 00:32:28,572
- Nyah!
- No, I'm gonna be sick.
832
00:32:28,605 --> 00:32:32,742
Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!
Nyah! Nyah!
833
00:32:32,776 --> 00:32:34,944
Ohh!
834
00:32:38,782 --> 00:32:40,784
That was amazing.
835
00:32:44,854 --> 00:32:46,790
How long do you think
before you can go again?
836
00:32:46,823 --> 00:32:48,925
[Retching]
837
00:32:48,958 --> 00:32:50,794
[Cat meowing]
838
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,316
I think we need
to have a talk.
839
00:33:13,550 --> 00:33:14,951
Sure.
840
00:33:14,984 --> 00:33:17,754
Can you, do you remember
that bright yellow piece...
841
00:33:17,787 --> 00:33:19,022
- that we had...
- Dolores.
842
00:33:19,989 --> 00:33:21,558
Oh, it's serious.
843
00:33:22,592 --> 00:33:24,194
Well...
844
00:33:24,228 --> 00:33:26,630
The other night I asked you
if you wanted to have,
845
00:33:26,663 --> 00:33:27,497
You know.
846
00:33:27,531 --> 00:33:30,166
And um,
you laughed in my face.
847
00:33:32,269 --> 00:33:33,737
Well...
848
00:33:33,770 --> 00:33:35,639
I thought you were joking,
honey.
849
00:33:35,672 --> 00:33:37,841
Why would I joke
about that?
850
00:33:37,874 --> 00:33:39,042
Because we
never have sex...
851
00:33:39,075 --> 00:33:40,410
Exactly.
852
00:33:45,014 --> 00:33:46,483
Are you unhappy, Horton?
853
00:33:46,516 --> 00:33:48,051
Um...
854
00:33:48,084 --> 00:33:50,854
[Stammers]
I think so.
855
00:33:50,887 --> 00:33:51,888
You know, I, I have needs.
856
00:33:51,921 --> 00:33:53,757
And I have to make sure
those needs are met.
857
00:33:53,790 --> 00:33:57,827
So if you've decided that you
don't like having sex...
858
00:33:57,861 --> 00:33:59,195
I love sex!
859
00:33:59,229 --> 00:34:00,964
Then why aren't we
having it?
860
00:34:02,399 --> 00:34:03,967
Okay.
861
00:34:04,934 --> 00:34:07,237
To be frank, it's...
862
00:34:08,905 --> 00:34:10,707
It got a little boring.
863
00:34:10,740 --> 00:34:13,142
The same thing over and
over and over again,
864
00:34:13,176 --> 00:34:15,912
I mean, you, you, you
had no focus.
865
00:34:15,945 --> 00:34:18,515
There was no attention
to what I needed.
866
00:34:18,548 --> 00:34:20,984
A woman needs...
867
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:22,486
Certain things...
868
00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:24,888
Done to her, to build...
869
00:34:24,921 --> 00:34:29,192
Up to, slowly build up
to a climax.
870
00:34:29,225 --> 00:34:31,395
You mean you've never had
an orgasm?
871
00:34:33,630 --> 00:34:35,131
No, I have orgasms
all the time,
872
00:34:35,164 --> 00:34:37,534
I just never have them
with you.
873
00:34:37,567 --> 00:34:40,203
Not even when
I touched your "spot"?
874
00:34:40,236 --> 00:34:41,871
Oh, honey...
875
00:34:41,905 --> 00:34:46,576
Where "the spot" is and, and
where you thought it was...
876
00:34:46,610 --> 00:34:48,778
Worlds apart.
877
00:34:48,812 --> 00:34:50,547
Well how the hell
was I suppose to know?!
878
00:34:50,580 --> 00:34:52,716
It's not like it comes
with GPS.
879
00:34:52,749 --> 00:34:55,419
You could have asked.
880
00:34:56,286 --> 00:34:57,287
Okay.
881
00:34:58,622 --> 00:35:00,256
Well...
882
00:35:00,290 --> 00:35:02,359
Now I'm asking.
883
00:35:07,297 --> 00:35:08,765
Okay.
884
00:35:09,265 --> 00:35:10,734
Om. Om nom nom.
885
00:35:10,767 --> 00:35:11,835
You got your peaches
here too.
886
00:35:11,868 --> 00:35:13,470
Okay? Let's get Dada
some breakfast.
887
00:35:22,679 --> 00:35:23,813
Is that good?
888
00:35:26,616 --> 00:35:28,618
- Morning Dada.
- Good morning.
889
00:35:28,652 --> 00:35:30,820
What would you like for
breakfast?
890
00:35:30,854 --> 00:35:31,921
Oh...
891
00:35:31,955 --> 00:35:33,323
[Kisses]
Mmm
892
00:35:33,357 --> 00:35:34,358
Morning.
893
00:35:34,391 --> 00:35:35,625
[Kissing]
894
00:35:35,659 --> 00:35:36,860
Mmm.
895
00:35:39,295 --> 00:35:40,897
What're you doing?
896
00:35:40,930 --> 00:35:43,266
Welcome to Day One, baby.
897
00:35:43,299 --> 00:35:44,968
Ahh...
898
00:35:45,001 --> 00:35:46,436
Oh, she's right there.
899
00:35:46,470 --> 00:35:48,037
I turned her around,
she's fine.
900
00:35:49,373 --> 00:35:50,374
[Sighs]
901
00:35:50,407 --> 00:35:51,408
You know, she's going to
hear us, though.
902
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:53,109
You know, kids can't make
memories
903
00:35:53,142 --> 00:35:56,780
'Til they're about two.
I'll keep the moaning
to a minimum.
904
00:35:56,813 --> 00:35:59,649
No, I'm sorry, I can't.
It's just, it's too weird.
905
00:36:01,385 --> 00:36:02,552
Right. Sure.
906
00:36:02,586 --> 00:36:03,753
Can I make you some eggs?
907
00:36:03,787 --> 00:36:06,956
Oh, I'll, I'll get something
at, at work. It'll be fine.
908
00:36:06,990 --> 00:36:08,291
I appreciate the sentiment!
909
00:36:08,324 --> 00:36:10,394
Oh, it was a super
awesome sentiment.
910
00:36:10,427 --> 00:36:11,795
It was a lovely gesture!
911
00:36:11,828 --> 00:36:13,397
Yeah, like flowers.
912
00:36:13,430 --> 00:36:15,365
[Baby whining]
913
00:36:15,399 --> 00:36:16,533
Shoot...
914
00:36:23,006 --> 00:36:24,741
- Hey.
- Hey.
915
00:36:26,776 --> 00:36:28,011
What'd ya bring me?
916
00:36:29,112 --> 00:36:31,347
Chocolate! Thank you.
917
00:36:33,282 --> 00:36:34,784
Where is he?
918
00:36:36,486 --> 00:36:38,455
Come on, you know
how I feel about television.
919
00:36:38,488 --> 00:36:40,590
Okay, first of all,
that's your thing, not mine.
920
00:36:40,624 --> 00:36:42,559
I don't want my kid be
a pop-culture ignoramus.
921
00:36:42,592 --> 00:36:43,993
And I prescreened it,
922
00:36:44,027 --> 00:36:45,328
It's all about sharing
and shit.
923
00:36:45,361 --> 00:36:47,030
That's not the point.
924
00:36:47,063 --> 00:36:48,665
I had a bunch of e-mails
to respond to,
925
00:36:48,698 --> 00:36:50,133
He was crawling
all over the keyboard
926
00:36:50,166 --> 00:36:51,635
Wanting to know which
button he could push.
927
00:36:51,668 --> 00:36:54,303
It was either that
or I lock him in the closet.
928
00:36:54,337 --> 00:36:55,439
Was the world going to end
929
00:36:55,472 --> 00:36:57,040
If you didn't get back to
these people right away?
930
00:36:57,073 --> 00:36:58,908
Maybe.
931
00:36:58,942 --> 00:37:01,177
Do you know when
the last time was that
I checked my e-mail?
932
00:37:01,210 --> 00:37:03,747
You forward poems with
kittens and rainbows,
933
00:37:03,780 --> 00:37:05,114
Don't compare that
to my work.
934
00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:07,250
Television is not
a baby-sitter.
935
00:37:07,283 --> 00:37:08,317
Damn right it's not.
936
00:37:08,351 --> 00:37:09,719
Babysitters are lazy little
bitches.
937
00:37:09,753 --> 00:37:10,587
My boy is down there
938
00:37:10,620 --> 00:37:12,055
Learning about
the birds and the bees.
939
00:37:14,090 --> 00:37:16,660
Actual... actual birds and
bees. It's the honey episode.
940
00:37:21,998 --> 00:37:23,032
[Dryer beeps]
941
00:37:23,066 --> 00:37:24,668
[Sighs]
942
00:37:24,701 --> 00:37:28,304
[Dryer rumbling]
943
00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:40,917
[♪ gospel choir:
Ahhhh]
944
00:37:40,950 --> 00:37:42,318
Huh!
945
00:37:45,489 --> 00:37:46,590
Huh...
946
00:37:51,928 --> 00:37:53,262
Can I bug you about
something?
947
00:37:54,464 --> 00:37:55,532
Well, you didn't really give
me an option there, did you?
948
00:37:55,565 --> 00:37:56,833
Nuh uh.
949
00:37:56,866 --> 00:37:58,134
How're you doin'?
How's your, how's your
first week going?
950
00:37:58,167 --> 00:37:59,068
It's really fun.
951
00:37:59,102 --> 00:38:00,837
Yeah. The tips pick up,
by the way. Later.
952
00:38:00,870 --> 00:38:01,905
The tips are great.
953
00:38:01,938 --> 00:38:03,006
I'm really happy with it.
954
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:05,074
Good deal.
955
00:38:05,108 --> 00:38:06,943
How can I help you?
956
00:38:06,976 --> 00:38:10,914
I was just wondering if you
could take a look at these.
957
00:38:10,947 --> 00:38:12,448
Oh. Sure.
958
00:38:12,482 --> 00:38:14,484
These are... okay,
that's you naked.
959
00:38:14,518 --> 00:38:15,819
They're boudoir photos.
960
00:38:15,852 --> 00:38:17,453
I need to pick three
and get them blown-up.
961
00:38:17,487 --> 00:38:19,188
Um, for what?
962
00:38:20,389 --> 00:38:21,390
For fun.
963
00:38:22,992 --> 00:38:24,460
So do you like this-
964
00:38:24,494 --> 00:38:25,495
No! Hey! Okay.
965
00:38:25,529 --> 00:38:27,096
Come on! You didn't
even look at them.
966
00:38:27,130 --> 00:38:29,032
That's, that's
completely inappropriate.
967
00:38:29,065 --> 00:38:30,934
Why? It's just a naked body.
968
00:38:30,967 --> 00:38:32,468
Have you never seen
a woman's naked body
before?
969
00:38:32,502 --> 00:38:34,504
Not an employees, no.
I um-
970
00:38:34,538 --> 00:38:37,040
Oh look, you're... you're
turned on.
971
00:38:37,073 --> 00:38:41,811
Okay, that's...
You know what? That's uh...
972
00:38:41,845 --> 00:38:43,346
Don't be embarrassed.
973
00:38:43,379 --> 00:38:44,814
You're supposed to get
aroused.
974
00:38:44,848 --> 00:38:46,349
Wow.
975
00:38:47,316 --> 00:38:48,384
I think you're a cutie.
976
00:38:50,019 --> 00:38:51,154
Um...
977
00:38:51,187 --> 00:38:52,956
[Cell phone rings]
978
00:38:52,989 --> 00:38:56,025
Oh! I got, I got a phone call.
I gotta take this.
979
00:38:56,059 --> 00:38:57,694
I need you to look at these
later.
980
00:38:57,727 --> 00:38:58,962
It's my wife.
981
00:38:58,995 --> 00:39:00,997
Whatever.
982
00:39:02,532 --> 00:39:05,101
[Cell phone
continues ringing]
983
00:39:06,570 --> 00:39:07,303
Hi honey.
984
00:39:07,336 --> 00:39:09,105
I'm horny.
985
00:39:09,138 --> 00:39:10,273
Excuse me?
986
00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:13,276
Ooh, I'm standing against a
vibrating washing machine.
987
00:39:13,309 --> 00:39:15,044
You have no idea how good
this feels.
988
00:39:15,078 --> 00:39:16,045
Are you kidding me
right now?
989
00:39:16,079 --> 00:39:18,047
Oof, can you talk dirty
to me?
990
00:39:18,081 --> 00:39:18,715
- No. I...
- Hey, Ben!
991
00:39:18,748 --> 00:39:20,049
- Please.
- Hey Jeff!
992
00:39:20,083 --> 00:39:21,718
- Please, please, please.
- I'm at work!
993
00:39:21,751 --> 00:39:23,019
You are a bad girl.
994
00:39:23,052 --> 00:39:24,487
Yeah. Yeah,
just like that, yeah.
995
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,690
No. No, I mean like
you are a bad...
996
00:39:26,723 --> 00:39:28,592
Naughty girl, Okay?
This is torture for me.
997
00:39:28,625 --> 00:39:30,660
Yeah, tell me
how naughty I am.
998
00:39:30,694 --> 00:39:31,695
- Oooh.
- No. No, no, no.
999
00:39:31,728 --> 00:39:32,829
I'm not participating in this,
okay?
1000
00:39:32,862 --> 00:39:34,097
This is doing nothing for me.
1001
00:39:34,130 --> 00:39:36,032
Mhmm. Yeah, keep going.
1002
00:39:36,065 --> 00:39:37,033
- Okay, I hate you right now.
- Oh, baby. Don't stop.
1003
00:39:37,066 --> 00:39:38,534
You know that? You're
gonna give me blue balls
1004
00:39:38,568 --> 00:39:39,903
Because of this. I'm going to
be walking around
1005
00:39:39,936 --> 00:39:41,605
With a twinge in my nut sack
all day.
1006
00:39:41,638 --> 00:39:42,839
Oh!
1007
00:39:43,472 --> 00:39:44,641
Mmmm.
1008
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:45,742
I just want you to know
that this has been
1009
00:39:45,775 --> 00:39:46,943
A horrible experience for me.
1010
00:39:46,976 --> 00:39:48,044
Oh, that's great babes.
1011
00:39:50,046 --> 00:39:51,781
No, you know what, I'm
gonna come home at lunch.
1012
00:39:51,815 --> 00:39:54,584
I can't. I've got Moms Group.
1013
00:39:54,618 --> 00:39:56,485
You are a terrible person.
1014
00:39:56,519 --> 00:39:57,453
Love you too.
1015
00:39:57,486 --> 00:39:58,487
Hey...
1016
00:40:08,164 --> 00:40:12,335
♪♪
1017
00:40:19,242 --> 00:40:20,343
Okay.
1018
00:40:24,781 --> 00:40:27,951
Did Lou tell you guys
the one about Mr. Funny?
1019
00:40:27,984 --> 00:40:28,952
I haven't heard it.
1020
00:40:28,985 --> 00:40:31,187
No, no, no. Nobody
needs to hear that.
1021
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:32,155
Come on,
1022
00:40:32,188 --> 00:40:33,823
Lou, do it
for the new guy.
1023
00:40:33,857 --> 00:40:35,725
No. It was just...
1024
00:40:35,759 --> 00:40:39,228
Lou has discovered her
post-baby sexuality.
1025
00:40:39,262 --> 00:40:41,931
I swear to God, you
have got to write a blog.
1026
00:40:41,965 --> 00:40:42,932
Do it!
1027
00:40:42,966 --> 00:40:45,134
I met, I met this bloke online.
1028
00:40:45,168 --> 00:40:47,470
And he seemed like a very
nice guy, you know,
1029
00:40:47,503 --> 00:40:49,973
So I, I agreed to have him
pick me up for a date.
1030
00:40:50,006 --> 00:40:52,008
And so, he made you
laugh a lot?
1031
00:40:52,041 --> 00:40:52,976
Not really, no.
1032
00:40:53,009 --> 00:40:54,644
So, why do you call him Mr.
Funny?
1033
00:40:54,678 --> 00:40:56,212
No, that's actually his name.
1034
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:57,981
He's, you know,
he's a professional clown
1035
00:40:58,014 --> 00:40:58,982
For a living.
1036
00:40:59,015 --> 00:41:00,583
[Laughter]
1037
00:41:00,616 --> 00:41:02,351
I mean, I think, I think
he was nervous
1038
00:41:02,385 --> 00:41:04,187
Because he got in
and he just,
1039
00:41:04,220 --> 00:41:05,922
He already had on
his little red nose
1040
00:41:05,955 --> 00:41:09,993
And he reached over and he
just honked me breasts.
1041
00:41:10,026 --> 00:41:11,961
I mean, you know, I think-I
think he was just trying
1042
00:41:11,995 --> 00:41:15,331
To break the ice but I was so
surprised that I just...
1043
00:41:15,364 --> 00:41:19,568
Reached over and I grabbed
him by his penis really hard
1044
00:41:19,602 --> 00:41:22,005
And I could let go.
1045
00:41:22,038 --> 00:41:23,506
You know, and there we
both were
1046
00:41:23,539 --> 00:41:25,408
Starring at each other.
Him...
1047
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:29,813
Cuppin' me jubblies and me
really givin' it to his banana.
1048
00:41:32,548 --> 00:41:34,417
So things are better
with Mark?
1049
00:41:35,885 --> 00:41:36,853
Oh.
1050
00:41:36,886 --> 00:41:38,654
Mark? No.
1051
00:41:38,688 --> 00:41:40,656
He wouldn't put me
out if I were on fire.
1052
00:41:40,690 --> 00:41:43,693
Oh no, so you gonna
get a divorce?
1053
00:41:43,727 --> 00:41:46,963
No. No, divorces
are horrible for children.
1054
00:41:46,996 --> 00:41:48,497
No, we would never
put them through that.
1055
00:41:48,531 --> 00:41:52,702
I may be a terrible wife, but
I'm a great goddamn mother.
1056
00:41:52,736 --> 00:41:54,070
Wait. So are you, are you
seeing someone...
1057
00:41:54,103 --> 00:41:55,271
- on the side?
- No.
1058
00:41:57,340 --> 00:41:59,242
There are web sites.
1059
00:41:59,275 --> 00:42:01,644
You know, for people
who just wanna...
1060
00:42:01,677 --> 00:42:03,379
Hook-up every now
and again.
1061
00:42:03,412 --> 00:42:06,215
You know, it's very casual.
1062
00:42:06,249 --> 00:42:08,051
It's easy.
1063
00:42:08,084 --> 00:42:10,219
I mean, we're all
in the same boat, right?
1064
00:42:10,253 --> 00:42:12,555
Nobody wants to get
into a messy situation.
1065
00:42:12,588 --> 00:42:14,257
Do you think you could
send me the link?
1066
00:42:14,290 --> 00:42:15,424
Absolutely.
1067
00:42:15,458 --> 00:42:17,060
Oh, great. Thanks, yeah.
1068
00:42:18,361 --> 00:42:21,030
But aren't you just, aren't
you kind of, living a lie?
1069
00:42:21,064 --> 00:42:23,132
Oh don't be so dramatic.
1070
00:42:23,166 --> 00:42:24,901
I mean, we're doing it
for the kids.
1071
00:42:24,934 --> 00:42:27,370
Mark and I may hate each
other, but we...
1072
00:42:27,403 --> 00:42:28,437
We love the kids.
1073
00:42:28,471 --> 00:42:29,472
We love the kids.
1074
00:42:29,505 --> 00:42:31,574
And, I mean, we want them
to keep their lives.
1075
00:42:31,607 --> 00:42:34,410
We don't want them
shuffling back and forth
1076
00:42:34,443 --> 00:42:36,312
From house to house
every other weekend.
1077
00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:38,848
I mean... no.
1078
00:42:38,882 --> 00:42:39,883
That's not a way to live.
1079
00:42:39,916 --> 00:42:43,086
If the, the kids are happy
then we're happy.
1080
00:42:43,119 --> 00:42:44,120
[Baby crying]
1081
00:42:44,153 --> 00:42:45,421
Aw, yes.
1082
00:42:46,790 --> 00:42:48,892
But how can you possible by
happy?
1083
00:42:48,925 --> 00:42:50,259
Listen.
1084
00:42:50,293 --> 00:42:53,096
You have to satisfy
yourself as a parent first,
1085
00:42:53,129 --> 00:42:56,599
Otherwise it's the kids
who really get hurt.
1086
00:42:56,632 --> 00:42:58,101
I'm right, right?
1087
00:43:02,671 --> 00:43:04,107
So then I just stuck
me thumb in,
1088
00:43:04,140 --> 00:43:06,142
But you know, even that's
only so big, isn't it?
1089
00:43:06,175 --> 00:43:09,412
Hmm. Well, how far?
Like, nail? Or...
1090
00:43:09,445 --> 00:43:12,148
No, I mean, all the way in
because that's, you know...
1091
00:43:12,181 --> 00:43:13,382
[Laughs]
1092
00:43:13,416 --> 00:43:16,252
I, I heard it's like past the,
past the knuckle
1093
00:43:16,285 --> 00:43:17,620
And it's uncomfortable,
you know.
1094
00:43:17,653 --> 00:43:20,123
Do you always serve your,
uh, yogurt in a tube?
1095
00:43:20,156 --> 00:43:21,690
Oh yeah, it's brilliant.
1096
00:43:21,724 --> 00:43:24,160
Cause, it's yogurt, right? But
then...
1097
00:43:24,193 --> 00:43:25,494
You know, it's in a tube.
1098
00:43:25,528 --> 00:43:27,296
Yeah, but it's not really
yogurt.
1099
00:43:27,330 --> 00:43:28,697
I mean, have you
read the ingredients?
1100
00:43:28,731 --> 00:43:30,499
It's got five different
sweeteners in here.
1101
00:43:30,533 --> 00:43:32,101
Oh, yes.
1102
00:43:32,135 --> 00:43:34,637
That's right, I forgot.
You're Larissa's brother.
1103
00:43:34,670 --> 00:43:38,274
Oh, does Larissa not let you
eat things from a tube?
1104
00:43:38,307 --> 00:43:39,809
No, it's...
1105
00:43:39,843 --> 00:43:42,345
It's the high fructose corn
syrup... that's, uh...
1106
00:43:42,378 --> 00:43:43,712
It's like crack for kids, right?
1107
00:43:44,647 --> 00:43:47,083
Right well we won't have
anything in a tube
1108
00:43:47,116 --> 00:43:48,217
For next week.
1109
00:43:48,251 --> 00:43:50,353
Is that all right?
All forgiven, Daddy?
1110
00:43:50,386 --> 00:43:52,421
That's... um...
1111
00:43:52,455 --> 00:43:56,025
You know... you know, just
don't call me Daddy it's...
1112
00:43:56,059 --> 00:43:57,126
Sorry.
1113
00:43:58,527 --> 00:43:59,996
That's okay.
1114
00:44:00,997 --> 00:44:02,265
You know, he's single.
1115
00:44:02,298 --> 00:44:03,599
Yeah. No, no. Yeah.
1116
00:44:03,632 --> 00:44:05,001
Yeah, he's nice.
1117
00:44:05,034 --> 00:44:06,235
Yeah. Yeah.
1118
00:44:06,269 --> 00:44:08,437
I'm not, not really looking for
anything nice at the minute,
1119
00:44:08,471 --> 00:44:11,107
You know, just strictly
looking for sexual deviants.
1120
00:44:11,140 --> 00:44:12,441
Right now...
1121
00:44:12,475 --> 00:44:13,642
Oh.
1122
00:44:13,676 --> 00:44:15,478
Well. Good luck then.
1123
00:44:15,511 --> 00:44:17,180
Oh, thanks. Yeah, thanks.
1124
00:44:18,614 --> 00:44:20,049
[Nervous laughter]
1125
00:44:20,083 --> 00:44:20,917
Okay.
1126
00:44:20,950 --> 00:44:21,985
Can I have my cup back?
1127
00:44:22,018 --> 00:44:23,786
- Right, sorry.
- Yeah.
1128
00:44:23,819 --> 00:44:25,955
So now I want it to be
honest, right?
1129
00:44:25,989 --> 00:44:29,658
But not necessarily
completely truthful.
1130
00:44:29,692 --> 00:44:31,427
All right, well...
how's this then?
1131
00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:34,063
"Bitter, unsuccessful
middle aged loser"
1132
00:44:34,097 --> 00:44:36,632
Wallowing in
an unending sea of inert,
1133
00:44:36,665 --> 00:44:37,733
Drooping loneliness
1134
00:44:37,766 --> 00:44:40,269
Looking for needy leech-like,
hanger-oners
1135
00:44:40,303 --> 00:44:43,439
To abuse with dull stories,
kinky sex
1136
00:44:43,472 --> 00:44:46,442
And uh, old A-Ha albums."
1137
00:44:46,475 --> 00:44:47,810
Do you think I should
mention
1138
00:44:47,843 --> 00:44:49,879
That I've got a child?
1139
00:44:49,913 --> 00:44:51,147
"With a bastard."
1140
00:44:51,180 --> 00:44:53,349
God, why don't you just say
I masturbate every night
1141
00:44:53,382 --> 00:44:54,350
And cry myself to sleep?
1142
00:44:54,383 --> 00:44:55,351
- Give me that.
- Hey!
1143
00:44:55,384 --> 00:44:56,920
One more go.
1144
00:44:56,953 --> 00:44:58,721
Um... oh!
1145
00:44:58,754 --> 00:45:00,990
"I'm A Little Red Hen
1146
00:45:01,024 --> 00:45:03,459
And the barnyard feels
empty without you."
1147
00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:05,228
Oh yeah, I like that.
1148
00:45:05,261 --> 00:45:06,695
Add... okay.
1149
00:45:06,729 --> 00:45:09,966
Add "I would like to have my
feathers tickled by you..."
1150
00:45:09,999 --> 00:45:11,834
Those into henpecking
need not apply.
1151
00:45:11,867 --> 00:45:13,169
"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
1152
00:45:13,869 --> 00:45:15,204
I'm not writing that last part.
1153
00:45:15,238 --> 00:45:16,272
Oh no, it's great, right?
1154
00:45:16,305 --> 00:45:18,474
Cause it's a bit risqué, you
know, I say...
1155
00:45:18,507 --> 00:45:20,009
I say the word "cock."
1156
00:45:20,043 --> 00:45:25,048
Where you going?
1157
00:45:25,081 --> 00:45:27,016
No, I say cock.
1158
00:45:27,050 --> 00:45:29,385
It's nice, isn't it? If I...
1159
00:45:34,090 --> 00:45:37,226
[Breathing heavily]
1160
00:45:37,260 --> 00:45:38,694
- Hi, sweetie!
- Hi, sweetie!
1161
00:45:38,727 --> 00:45:40,663
[Stammering]
I was just upstairs
on the internet
1162
00:45:40,696 --> 00:45:43,799
Watching some porn... uh,
some stuff, you know,
1163
00:45:43,832 --> 00:45:46,269
On the internet uh, um.
1164
00:45:46,302 --> 00:45:48,771
The stamina of some
of these performers
1165
00:45:48,804 --> 00:45:51,607
Is just phenomenal.
1166
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,277
They must be on
quite the training schedule.
1167
00:45:54,310 --> 00:45:56,579
You know, so I made
a bunch of notes.
1168
00:45:56,612 --> 00:45:57,913
You know, things that
I thought could help us
1169
00:45:57,947 --> 00:46:00,049
To improve our, you know...
1170
00:46:00,083 --> 00:46:03,419
How thoughtful of you,
Horton.
1171
00:46:03,452 --> 00:46:05,288
For example, um...
1172
00:46:05,321 --> 00:46:07,423
Where, where, where is it.
Oh yeah, here. Uh...
1173
00:46:07,456 --> 00:46:10,593
Did you know that every
single video starts
1174
00:46:10,626 --> 00:46:11,995
With oral sex.
1175
00:46:12,028 --> 00:46:13,362
Really...
1176
00:46:13,396 --> 00:46:14,930
Why do you think that is?
1177
00:46:14,964 --> 00:46:16,565
Well, because for a woman...
1178
00:46:16,599 --> 00:46:20,403
Well, it's because "blow jobs
are like flowers for guys."
1179
00:46:20,436 --> 00:46:22,305
I haven't had flowers since
our wedding.
1180
00:46:22,338 --> 00:46:24,307
Yeah, well,
at least you got flowers.
1181
00:46:24,340 --> 00:46:25,441
I know.
1182
00:46:26,675 --> 00:46:30,246
We could, um, bring a toy
into the bedroom.
1183
00:46:30,279 --> 00:46:33,082
[Stammering]
Where would we get them?
1184
00:46:33,116 --> 00:46:36,152
- I, I have a few.
- A few?!
1185
00:46:36,185 --> 00:46:37,653
Oh Horton, you'll love it.
1186
00:46:37,686 --> 00:46:40,423
The first time I had an
orgasm with a vibrator
1187
00:46:40,456 --> 00:46:43,092
It was like,
it was like seeing color
1188
00:46:43,126 --> 00:46:45,294
After years of blindness.
1189
00:46:45,328 --> 00:46:48,964
I'm also... um,
I'm curious about this
1190
00:46:48,998 --> 00:46:51,067
Whole anal sex thing,
what do you think?
1191
00:46:53,136 --> 00:46:55,704
[Laughs]
1192
00:46:55,738 --> 00:46:56,872
Up the [Blows raspberry]?
1193
00:46:56,905 --> 00:46:58,641
[Laughs]
1194
00:46:58,674 --> 00:47:00,176
You're kidding me, right?
1195
00:47:00,209 --> 00:47:02,311
No. No.
1196
00:47:02,345 --> 00:47:04,180
It's not just for homosexuals
anymore.
1197
00:47:04,213 --> 00:47:06,315
I mean, we could try it.
1198
00:47:06,349 --> 00:47:09,352
[Stammering]
Pumpkin, aren't you, like,
worried it'll...
1199
00:47:09,385 --> 00:47:10,519
We're not spring chickens
anymore,
1200
00:47:10,553 --> 00:47:13,122
Things don't snap back
like they used to.
1201
00:47:13,156 --> 00:47:14,323
Uh...
1202
00:47:14,357 --> 00:47:15,991
I mean, considering what
we've got to work with.
1203
00:47:16,025 --> 00:47:17,526
I mean...
1204
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,195
You know.
1205
00:47:19,228 --> 00:47:20,963
I think...
1206
00:47:20,996 --> 00:47:23,332
It's a risk worth taking.
1207
00:47:24,233 --> 00:47:25,734
Good job, honey.
1208
00:47:28,171 --> 00:47:30,573
[Rooster crowing]
1209
00:47:37,146 --> 00:47:38,981
Where are you going,
captain?
1210
00:47:39,014 --> 00:47:41,417
Shh, go back to sleep.
1211
00:47:41,450 --> 00:47:43,652
I have to hoist the jib.
1212
00:47:43,686 --> 00:47:45,221
It's the weekend, Sean.
1213
00:47:45,254 --> 00:47:47,056
Yeah, I know I just have to
take care of
1214
00:47:47,090 --> 00:47:48,591
A few things at the office.
1215
00:47:48,624 --> 00:47:49,858
Hey.
1216
00:47:49,892 --> 00:47:51,394
Let's have a quickie.
1217
00:47:51,427 --> 00:47:52,861
I'm good.
1218
00:47:52,895 --> 00:47:54,630
What the hell does that
mean?
1219
00:47:55,531 --> 00:47:56,432
[Sighs]
1220
00:47:57,766 --> 00:48:00,469
Honey. With all due
respect and love,
1221
00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:02,105
The other night was the
worst sexual experience
1222
00:48:02,138 --> 00:48:03,539
Of my life.
1223
00:48:03,572 --> 00:48:05,074
Well...
1224
00:48:05,108 --> 00:48:06,575
Let me make it up to you.
1225
00:48:06,609 --> 00:48:08,811
No, I'm not in the mood.
1226
00:48:08,844 --> 00:48:10,746
You're a guy, Sean. Just...
1227
00:48:10,779 --> 00:48:12,047
Get in the mood.
1228
00:48:13,149 --> 00:48:14,250
What-What do you expect
me to do?
1229
00:48:14,283 --> 00:48:15,751
You want me to get
magically aroused
1230
00:48:15,784 --> 00:48:17,586
Every time you want me to?
1231
00:48:17,620 --> 00:48:18,754
Oh no.
1232
00:48:18,787 --> 00:48:22,625
Should we get, should we
get you some Viagra?
1233
00:48:22,658 --> 00:48:24,793
No. That's not the problem.
1234
00:48:24,827 --> 00:48:26,295
There's a problem?
1235
00:48:29,498 --> 00:48:32,235
Honey, listen...
1236
00:48:34,002 --> 00:48:35,271
When we first got together
1237
00:48:35,304 --> 00:48:38,574
You were this gorgeous
model and now you...
1238
00:48:39,842 --> 00:48:42,278
[Stammering]
You're not. You're the...
1239
00:48:42,311 --> 00:48:45,448
Mother-house-wife thing.
1240
00:48:45,481 --> 00:48:47,950
Which is great,
it's fantastic. It's just...
1241
00:48:51,620 --> 00:48:52,921
It's an adjustment.
1242
00:48:55,591 --> 00:48:57,193
Don't worry.
1243
00:49:03,832 --> 00:49:06,135
House-wife-mother-thing,
my ass.
1244
00:49:06,169 --> 00:49:09,838
♪♪
1245
00:49:16,312 --> 00:49:17,780
Ahh!
1246
00:49:17,813 --> 00:49:19,282
Ow! Fuck!
1247
00:49:23,686 --> 00:49:25,354
- Do you mind?
- Hey Vanessa... Oh!
1248
00:49:27,723 --> 00:49:29,124
Mama!
1249
00:49:29,158 --> 00:49:30,826
Yes, he is a Canadian actor,
David,
1250
00:49:30,859 --> 00:49:31,994
But he lives in L.A. now
1251
00:49:32,027 --> 00:49:33,996
So he doesn't do scale
anymore.
1252
00:49:34,029 --> 00:49:35,130
[Door slams]
1253
00:49:39,535 --> 00:49:40,636
David, hang on, hang on.
1254
00:49:40,669 --> 00:49:42,070
Could I call you back,
David?
1255
00:49:42,104 --> 00:49:43,772
Call you in a bit.
1256
00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:45,408
- You look amazing.
- I know.
1257
00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:47,810
- You smell amazing.
- Shut up.
1258
00:49:51,046 --> 00:49:52,548
What're you waiting for?
1259
00:49:53,549 --> 00:49:56,785
Oh! Oh God.
Oh God, yes!
1260
00:49:56,819 --> 00:49:58,153
- Yes, come on!
- Don't!
1261
00:49:58,187 --> 00:49:59,822
Oh, no. Not right now.
Not right now.
1262
00:49:59,855 --> 00:50:01,524
Very soon, very soon.
1263
00:50:01,557 --> 00:50:03,526
Yes! Dammit! Fuck!
1264
00:50:03,559 --> 00:50:05,861
[Moaning]
1265
00:50:05,894 --> 00:50:08,297
- I got a cramp!
- Work it the fuck out!
1266
00:50:08,331 --> 00:50:11,567
Can you tell this guy that we
need 5% on the backend?
1267
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,970
[Moaning]
1268
00:50:15,003 --> 00:50:16,805
Can I go now?
I'm gonna go now.
1269
00:50:16,839 --> 00:50:19,174
[Groaning]
1270
00:50:19,208 --> 00:50:23,646
[Breathing heavily]
1271
00:50:23,679 --> 00:50:25,047
Okay.
1272
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:26,181
That'll be $500.
1273
00:50:26,215 --> 00:50:27,883
[Laughs]
Haha, That's cute.
1274
00:50:27,916 --> 00:50:29,585
That's cute.
1275
00:50:30,386 --> 00:50:32,555
Do I look like I'm being cute?
1276
00:50:37,593 --> 00:50:40,229
Something wrong with your
Centurion card?
1277
00:50:40,263 --> 00:50:41,930
Pay me my fucking money.
1278
00:50:44,967 --> 00:50:46,134
Oh...
1279
00:50:51,374 --> 00:50:53,075
I'm not sure I have 500...
1280
00:50:53,108 --> 00:50:54,443
20, 40, 60...
1281
00:50:56,379 --> 00:50:58,146
80, 1, 20, 40...
1282
00:51:00,883 --> 00:51:04,287
Don't you ever call me
a house-wife again.
1283
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:05,554
Got it?
1284
00:51:06,422 --> 00:51:07,856
Okay.
1285
00:51:07,890 --> 00:51:08,991
Good.
1286
00:51:10,125 --> 00:51:14,897
And I will be expecting
champagne and flowers.
1287
00:51:14,930 --> 00:51:15,831
Really.
1288
00:51:23,472 --> 00:51:25,073
And...
1289
00:51:25,107 --> 00:51:26,141
He's asleep.
1290
00:51:26,174 --> 00:51:28,444
It's about fucking time.
1291
00:51:28,477 --> 00:51:29,878
Whoa.
1292
00:51:29,912 --> 00:51:32,114
You having a contest with
yourself to see many dishes
1293
00:51:32,147 --> 00:51:33,449
You can dirty
to make a single meal.
1294
00:51:33,482 --> 00:51:35,918
Yes, I am. And I'm winning.
1295
00:51:35,951 --> 00:51:39,955
Hey, I'm washing the dishes
anyway, so just chill.
1296
00:51:39,988 --> 00:51:41,457
It's fine. This is what she
does now,
1297
00:51:41,490 --> 00:51:43,792
She criticizes every little
thing that I do.
1298
00:51:43,826 --> 00:51:45,260
Bleh!
1299
00:51:45,294 --> 00:51:47,029
It is delightful.
1300
00:51:47,062 --> 00:51:48,397
How is criticism a bad thing
1301
00:51:48,431 --> 00:51:50,098
If I'm trying to help you
be a better person?
1302
00:51:50,132 --> 00:51:51,166
Oh, wow.
1303
00:51:51,199 --> 00:51:52,568
That's not at all
condescending, is it?
1304
00:51:52,601 --> 00:51:53,569
You live with this, huh?
1305
00:51:53,602 --> 00:51:55,070
I do indeed,
let's change the subject.
1306
00:51:55,103 --> 00:51:56,739
I'd like to hear more about
Gage's love life.
1307
00:51:56,772 --> 00:51:58,307
- Oh, yes.
- No. No.
1308
00:51:58,341 --> 00:51:59,342
How many women
have you slept with
1309
00:51:59,375 --> 00:52:00,443
Since you've decided
to find this
1310
00:52:00,476 --> 00:52:02,044
Fine, upstanding woman?
1311
00:52:02,077 --> 00:52:03,412
Wow. Judge much?
1312
00:52:03,446 --> 00:52:04,447
None.
1313
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:05,448
Really?
1314
00:52:05,481 --> 00:52:07,249
You realize that we are
substituting sleeping
1315
00:52:07,282 --> 00:52:09,284
For fucking, right?
1316
00:52:09,318 --> 00:52:10,819
He's trying to make
a life change,
1317
00:52:10,853 --> 00:52:12,721
Let's not rake him
over the coals.
1318
00:52:12,755 --> 00:52:16,992
- Thank you.
- Okay what you have to
understand if we're a little...
1319
00:52:17,025 --> 00:52:20,028
Just hesitant to believe that
you're no longer a man slut.
1320
00:52:20,062 --> 00:52:21,129
Just because Gage
1321
00:52:21,163 --> 00:52:22,297
Has massive commitment
issues,
1322
00:52:22,331 --> 00:52:23,532
And never gives
anyone a second chance...
1323
00:52:23,566 --> 00:52:24,700
I thought you
were on my side.
1324
00:52:24,733 --> 00:52:26,635
It's coming. Doesn't mean
he can't get his giant head
1325
00:52:26,669 --> 00:52:28,771
Out of his ass
and become a better person
1326
00:52:28,804 --> 00:52:30,172
For the sake of his child
of all people!
1327
00:52:30,205 --> 00:52:31,039
That was it coming?
1328
00:52:31,073 --> 00:52:32,207
I think it's awesome.
1329
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:33,609
Thank you!
1330
00:52:33,642 --> 00:52:34,977
I just don't really think
that you can do it.
1331
00:52:35,010 --> 00:52:37,613
Fuck you, look...
1332
00:52:37,646 --> 00:52:39,382
Why the hell do I come
over here, my God...
1333
00:52:39,415 --> 00:52:40,749
Look...
1334
00:52:40,783 --> 00:52:43,151
I just happen
to have met somebody.
1335
00:52:43,185 --> 00:52:44,553
And it was actually
in your Moms Group.
1336
00:52:44,587 --> 00:52:45,454
- Mom group!
- Mom group!
1337
00:52:45,488 --> 00:52:47,255
- Yeah.
- Wow.
1338
00:52:47,289 --> 00:52:52,160
And she's a regular
cacophony of issues.
1339
00:52:52,194 --> 00:52:54,563
But she's got something,
I don't know.
1340
00:52:54,597 --> 00:52:56,365
Anyway, I'm gonna ask her
out on a date, I think.
1341
00:52:56,399 --> 00:52:58,033
That's great!
1342
00:52:58,066 --> 00:53:00,803
I'll get excited when you ask
her out on a second date.
1343
00:53:00,836 --> 00:53:01,804
You know what, Larissa?
1344
00:53:01,837 --> 00:53:03,539
People can change, okay.
1345
00:53:03,572 --> 00:53:06,842
Yeah, but just because they
can doesn't mean they do.
1346
00:53:06,875 --> 00:53:09,378
You know, especially when
you reach a certain age.
1347
00:53:09,412 --> 00:53:11,380
Yeah, I'm 22 and I'm
already locked into
1348
00:53:11,414 --> 00:53:12,448
Being a bit of a bitch.
1349
00:53:12,481 --> 00:53:13,782
Well, but it suits you.
1350
00:53:13,816 --> 00:53:14,750
Do you think so?
1351
00:53:14,783 --> 00:53:17,119
- Mhmm.
- Aw.
1352
00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:20,022
This is just delightful.
1353
00:53:20,055 --> 00:53:21,424
I just want to back up
for a second...
1354
00:53:21,457 --> 00:53:23,426
I'm sorry are you saying
that you think that...
1355
00:53:23,459 --> 00:53:25,093
Some people can't change?
1356
00:53:26,529 --> 00:53:27,763
Cause I...
1357
00:53:27,796 --> 00:53:29,565
[Stammers]
Or is it just that maybe the
people around them
1358
00:53:29,598 --> 00:53:31,667
Can't handle that they just
might have to change
1359
00:53:31,700 --> 00:53:33,035
A little bit too?
1360
00:53:33,068 --> 00:53:34,236
Okay, you know what,
you're right.
1361
00:53:34,269 --> 00:53:37,072
We shouldn't have started
talking about this. I'm sorry.
1362
00:53:37,105 --> 00:53:38,407
Why? It was just getting
started.
1363
00:53:38,441 --> 00:53:40,943
Yeah, Larissa, we're just
getting started. Come on...
1364
00:53:43,278 --> 00:53:45,581
Okay, bye. Thanks you for
this delicious
1365
00:53:45,614 --> 00:53:47,883
And slightly awkward
brunch.
1366
00:53:47,916 --> 00:53:49,552
- Yes, it was.
- Okay, see ya.
1367
00:53:49,585 --> 00:53:50,953
- Bye.
- Bye, sweetie!
1368
00:53:52,421 --> 00:53:54,757
They're gone. Kid's still
napping. You wanna...
1369
00:53:54,790 --> 00:53:55,958
Screw around?
1370
00:53:56,959 --> 00:53:58,026
Are you kidding?
1371
00:53:58,060 --> 00:54:00,529
I, I never kid
about screwing around.
1372
00:54:00,563 --> 00:54:02,397
How can you have sex
with someone you're
pissed off with?
1373
00:54:02,431 --> 00:54:04,032
If I let something silly
like that get in the way
1374
00:54:04,066 --> 00:54:05,300
I would never get laid.
1375
00:54:06,268 --> 00:54:07,436
I'm kidding.
1376
00:54:07,470 --> 00:54:09,605
It's a joke. Ha-ha. Funny.
1377
00:54:09,638 --> 00:54:11,574
Why do you think
I'm pissed off with you?
1378
00:54:13,809 --> 00:54:15,844
Nothing.
I need to wash diapers.
1379
00:54:16,945 --> 00:54:18,547
Perfect, I'm just gonna go...
1380
00:54:18,581 --> 00:54:19,915
Fuck myself then.
1381
00:54:19,948 --> 00:54:22,017
Yeah. Have fun.
1382
00:54:22,050 --> 00:54:26,455
[♪ Maylee Todd:
"Heart Throb"]
1383
00:54:26,489 --> 00:54:32,027
♪♪
1384
00:54:32,060 --> 00:54:33,061
Yeah.
1385
00:54:33,095 --> 00:54:35,063
I'm heading home.
1386
00:54:35,097 --> 00:54:36,799
Mhmm.
1387
00:54:36,832 --> 00:54:38,701
I don't care.
I'll call him tomorrow.
1388
00:54:38,734 --> 00:54:39,835
Bye.
1389
00:54:39,868 --> 00:54:46,842
♪♪
1390
00:54:52,915 --> 00:54:54,683
Hey, hey, sexy. I'm home.
1391
00:54:54,717 --> 00:54:58,086
[Shushing baby]
1392
00:54:58,120 --> 00:54:59,622
Hey.
1393
00:54:59,655 --> 00:55:02,090
[Baby babbling]
1394
00:55:05,293 --> 00:55:07,129
[Shushing]
1395
00:55:07,162 --> 00:55:08,531
I'll put this in the fridge.
1396
00:55:10,432 --> 00:55:14,102
♪ Twinkle, twinkle,
little star
1397
00:55:14,136 --> 00:55:19,441
♪ How I wonder
what you are
1398
00:55:19,474 --> 00:55:22,945
♪ When the blazing sun
is gone,
1399
00:55:22,978 --> 00:55:26,749
♪ When he nothing
shines upon,
1400
00:55:27,983 --> 00:55:30,986
♪ Then you show your little
light,
1401
00:55:32,354 --> 00:55:35,023
♪ Twinkle, twinkle,
1402
00:55:35,057 --> 00:55:38,727
♪ through the night...
1403
00:55:46,401 --> 00:55:47,502
Uh, hey.
1404
00:55:47,536 --> 00:55:49,905
It's Gage. I was
thinking about you.
1405
00:55:49,938 --> 00:55:52,007
You know, the, the other day
at the Mom's Group
1406
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:53,041
I thought you
were really funny.
1407
00:55:53,075 --> 00:55:54,509
I just can't stop
thinking about you.
1408
00:55:54,543 --> 00:55:57,112
Yeah, I found this
number in my pocket.
1409
00:55:57,145 --> 00:55:59,582
And I thought maybe we
could, um,
1410
00:55:59,615 --> 00:56:01,083
Take our kids
to the park...
1411
00:56:01,116 --> 00:56:02,517
To the library.
1412
00:56:04,519 --> 00:56:06,589
There's a new bar in
Riverdale.
1413
00:56:06,622 --> 00:56:08,023
Shnitzel, no.
1414
00:56:08,056 --> 00:56:09,925
Tea.
It's organic lamb.
1415
00:56:09,958 --> 00:56:11,026
Chimichangas?
1416
00:56:11,059 --> 00:56:12,728
I don't know what the fuck
I'm doing.
1417
00:56:12,761 --> 00:56:15,898
Maybe you don't either,
and that would be great.
1418
00:56:22,004 --> 00:56:23,038
Peppercorn.
1419
00:56:23,071 --> 00:56:23,906
No.
1420
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:26,074
Mushroom?
1421
00:56:26,108 --> 00:56:27,743
Oh, come on. Be serious.
1422
00:56:29,144 --> 00:56:30,646
Linoleum.
1423
00:56:30,679 --> 00:56:32,881
Are you seriously saying
that you're gonna shout out
1424
00:56:32,915 --> 00:56:35,417
"Linoleum!" when
you're being molested?
1425
00:56:35,450 --> 00:56:37,552
These safe-words'll
get you killed.
1426
00:56:37,586 --> 00:56:40,856
Well I don't know, Pey,
I've never done this before.
1427
00:56:40,889 --> 00:56:43,125
What word do you use?
1428
00:56:43,158 --> 00:56:44,092
Harder.
1429
00:56:44,126 --> 00:56:45,127
Harder?
1430
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:46,228
Mhm.
1431
00:56:46,261 --> 00:56:47,930
Well, that's a terrible
safe-word.
1432
00:56:47,963 --> 00:56:49,031
Why?
1433
00:56:49,064 --> 00:56:54,837
Well, what do I say, you
know, if I want it harder?
1434
00:56:54,870 --> 00:56:56,504
I don't know... peppercorn?
1435
00:56:56,538 --> 00:56:58,173
Oh God.
1436
00:56:58,206 --> 00:56:59,007
She asleep?
1437
00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:00,275
Yep.
1438
00:57:00,308 --> 00:57:01,844
How do you do that?
1439
00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:04,913
Something I found on YouTube.
1440
00:57:06,314 --> 00:57:09,217
I'm right proud of you, Pey.
1441
00:57:09,251 --> 00:57:11,920
Yeah, well... you don't want to
know what I was searching for
1442
00:57:11,954 --> 00:57:13,321
Before I found it.
1443
00:57:13,355 --> 00:57:15,057
[Phone ringing]
1444
00:57:15,090 --> 00:57:16,424
No.
1445
00:57:16,458 --> 00:57:18,393
[Voicemail]
Hi, it's Lou.
I bought this machine used,
1446
00:57:18,426 --> 00:57:21,396
So I don't know if it doesn't
work or if no one ever rings me.
1447
00:57:21,429 --> 00:57:24,366
Wow. Okay.
Hopefully it's just broken.
1448
00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:25,934
Leave a message.
1449
00:57:25,968 --> 00:57:29,872
Hey, Lou. It's Gage,
from Mom's Group.
1450
00:57:29,905 --> 00:57:33,275
I just, uh, just... just
give me a call when you can.
1451
00:57:33,308 --> 00:57:39,782
Or text or e-mail or...
I don't do twitter. Um... bye.
1452
00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:43,919
[Sighs]
1453
00:57:56,965 --> 00:57:58,033
- What do you like?
- Everything.
1454
00:57:58,066 --> 00:57:59,401
- Have you been tested?
- Last month.
1455
00:57:59,434 --> 00:58:00,535
Have you ever committed
a sex crime?
1456
00:58:00,568 --> 00:58:01,670
- Hard to say.
- Why?
1457
00:58:01,704 --> 00:58:02,570
Lines are blurry.
1458
00:58:02,604 --> 00:58:03,672
- Do you think you have?
- No.
1459
00:58:03,706 --> 00:58:05,741
- Do you find me attractive?
- Love the tank-dress.
1460
00:58:05,774 --> 00:58:07,943
- Did you bring handcuffs?
- That a deal breaker?
1461
00:58:07,976 --> 00:58:09,277
No, got my brother's.
1462
00:58:09,311 --> 00:58:10,679
Okay. Mmm.
1463
00:58:10,713 --> 00:58:12,447
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
1464
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:13,749
Talk dirty to me.
1465
00:58:13,782 --> 00:58:15,083
All right. Um.
1466
00:58:15,117 --> 00:58:17,419
I'm gonna bang you batty.
1467
00:58:17,452 --> 00:58:21,323
I'm going to wrap myself around
your mildewy meat stick!
1468
00:58:21,356 --> 00:58:22,524
Mildewy?
1469
00:58:22,557 --> 00:58:23,892
Oh, Sorry. I've not,
I've not really done this.
1470
00:58:23,926 --> 00:58:24,860
What should I say?
1471
00:58:24,893 --> 00:58:26,829
Just tell me you want
my gigantic cock.
1472
00:58:26,862 --> 00:58:27,963
Oh, I do.
That's what I want!
1473
00:58:27,996 --> 00:58:32,334
I want, I do want that.
I want, I want your gigantic...
1474
00:58:32,367 --> 00:58:34,369
It's not really gigantic,
though. Is it?
1475
00:58:34,402 --> 00:58:35,537
What do you think we should call
that?
1476
00:58:35,570 --> 00:58:36,905
Is this what you're going to be
like this whole time?
1477
00:58:36,939 --> 00:58:40,008
No. No, no, no.
Okay. Okay. Here we go. Right.
1478
00:58:40,042 --> 00:58:44,847
I want your gigantic cock inside
of my really gaping vagina.
1479
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:47,082
Gaping?
1480
00:58:47,115 --> 00:58:49,451
It's not gaping. It's normal.
It's a really normal vagina.
1481
00:58:49,484 --> 00:58:51,186
- I just, I thought we were...
- Maybe you should not talk.
1482
00:58:51,219 --> 00:58:52,420
- Okay. I can not talk.
- Okay.
1483
00:58:52,454 --> 00:58:54,222
Okay.
1484
00:58:54,256 --> 00:58:56,158
Are, are you gonna urinate on
me, do you think?
1485
00:58:56,191 --> 00:58:57,159
What?
1486
00:58:57,192 --> 00:58:58,326
Well, it's okay if you are.
1487
00:58:58,360 --> 00:58:59,862
It's just that I have
a little drop sheet.
1488
00:58:59,895 --> 00:59:01,396
And you can just
scoot it under me
1489
00:59:01,429 --> 00:59:03,265
And then we don't have to get
urine all over the bed.
1490
00:59:03,298 --> 00:59:04,767
It's just... my bed.
1491
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,169
Is just... that something
you are into?
1492
00:59:07,202 --> 00:59:07,936
I don't know.
1493
00:59:07,970 --> 00:59:10,172
[Stutters]
Do you have to go?
1494
00:59:10,205 --> 00:59:11,439
No.
1495
00:59:11,473 --> 00:59:13,742
Okay, so it doesn't matter. It's
a completely moot point, innit?
1496
00:59:13,776 --> 00:59:15,243
Just, just have your way
with me.
1497
00:59:15,277 --> 00:59:17,579
I feel like we kind of lost
momentum here.
1498
00:59:17,612 --> 00:59:18,914
Oh, no no.
We didn't. We didn't.
1499
00:59:18,947 --> 00:59:21,249
I remember where we left off.
Watch!
1500
00:59:21,283 --> 00:59:24,586
I want your gigantic cock
inside of my very normal,
1501
00:59:24,619 --> 00:59:26,454
Average,
run-of-the-mill vagina.
1502
00:59:28,056 --> 00:59:29,257
I'm gonna go.
1503
00:59:29,291 --> 00:59:31,193
Oh, no, no, no. Don't.
No. Wait, wait, wait.
1504
00:59:31,226 --> 00:59:32,394
I can do better!
1505
00:59:32,427 --> 00:59:34,329
I can! I can do accents!
1506
00:59:34,362 --> 00:59:39,001
Put your crazy big penis
inside my vagina.
1507
00:59:39,034 --> 00:59:40,068
Wow...
1508
00:59:40,102 --> 00:59:43,171
Okay, wait. No no no.
Hang on. Hang on.
1509
00:59:43,205 --> 00:59:45,908
I, I... we can role play. Do you
have any fantasies or anything?
1510
00:59:45,941 --> 00:59:48,243
I do a very convincing
Margaret Atwood.
1511
00:59:51,046 --> 00:59:54,549
I'm Margaret Atwood. I write for
Canada.
1512
00:59:54,582 --> 00:59:58,486
Novels. I'm a novel writer.
1513
01:00:00,422 --> 01:00:02,257
It's not even close.
1514
01:00:08,596 --> 01:00:10,432
Pey?
1515
01:00:11,099 --> 01:00:13,168
Peyton?
1516
01:00:13,201 --> 01:00:15,470
Are you out there?
1517
01:00:19,541 --> 01:00:22,210
Harder...
1518
01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:25,280
Harder...
1519
01:00:25,313 --> 01:00:28,884
Harder!
1520
01:00:32,287 --> 01:00:33,521
Well, I think it's safe to say
1521
01:00:33,555 --> 01:00:35,457
You're not very good at the
whole deviant thing.
1522
01:00:36,892 --> 01:00:39,394
I tried really hard, Pey.
1523
01:00:39,427 --> 01:00:40,863
Oh, I know you did, love.
But...
1524
01:00:40,896 --> 01:00:43,265
Surely you know some kind of
normal chap
1525
01:00:47,702 --> 01:00:48,803
That doesn't mind having a laugh
and not taking it too seriously.
1526
01:00:48,837 --> 01:00:50,238
Well, there is this bloke
in me Mom and Tots group,
1527
01:00:50,272 --> 01:00:52,540
Left me a voicemail.
I mean, I could give him a go.
1528
01:00:52,574 --> 01:00:53,541
Well, there you have it.
1529
01:00:53,575 --> 01:00:54,709
I mean, he sounds like
a bit of a wanker.
1530
01:00:54,742 --> 01:00:56,111
But yeah, sure.
Start with him.
1531
01:00:57,812 --> 01:00:59,948
I really did try hard.
1532
01:00:59,982 --> 01:01:01,083
I know you did.
1533
01:01:01,116 --> 01:01:02,050
[Baby crying]
1534
01:01:02,084 --> 01:01:03,751
Oh, shh.
You're all right, sweetie.
1535
01:01:03,785 --> 01:01:05,253
She's got a dirty diaper.
1536
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:06,788
No, no. She's hungry.
1537
01:01:06,821 --> 01:01:09,091
No, no, no. She's making
the "heh" sound.
1538
01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:10,425
Means she's uncomfortable.
1539
01:01:10,458 --> 01:01:13,061
If she was making
the "neh" sound - hunger.
1540
01:01:13,095 --> 01:01:14,997
It's a sucking reflex.
Hits the roof of your mouth.
1541
01:01:15,030 --> 01:01:17,365
Oh, how do you know that?
1542
01:01:17,399 --> 01:01:18,867
Oh, I saw it on an Oprah rerun.
1543
01:01:18,901 --> 01:01:20,168
You watch Oprah?
1544
01:01:20,202 --> 01:01:22,237
Hey, what I do during her nap
time's my business.
1545
01:01:22,270 --> 01:01:23,538
Don't judge me.
1546
01:01:24,772 --> 01:01:26,441
Shitty diaper.
Told ya.
1547
01:01:27,542 --> 01:01:29,211
I really like Oprah.
1548
01:01:34,917 --> 01:01:37,119
[Laughing]
Oh, my goodness.
1549
01:01:37,152 --> 01:01:39,254
This is one seriously
bouncy baby.
1550
01:01:39,287 --> 01:01:40,722
Hello. How are you?
1551
01:01:40,755 --> 01:01:41,924
Do I get... can I get a little...
1552
01:01:41,957 --> 01:01:45,560
[Stammering]
Coming in for... Okay.
Hmm? Huh? Hmm? Huh?
1553
01:01:45,593 --> 01:01:46,995
Okay, never mind.
1554
01:01:47,029 --> 01:01:48,863
Oh!
1555
01:01:48,897 --> 01:01:49,864
Ooh.
1556
01:01:49,898 --> 01:01:51,766
I like a little kitchen action
here, gorgeous.
1557
01:01:51,799 --> 01:01:53,535
Hi. Hi.
1558
01:01:54,536 --> 01:01:55,403
Mmm carroty.
1559
01:01:55,437 --> 01:01:56,404
I have a plan.
1560
01:01:56,438 --> 01:01:57,505
Okay.
1561
01:01:57,539 --> 01:01:58,573
We're going to have sex.
1562
01:01:58,606 --> 01:01:59,741
Hmm?
1563
01:01:59,774 --> 01:02:00,943
- With that?
- Sound good?
1564
01:02:00,976 --> 01:02:02,744
Oh my God. I like this plan.
1565
01:02:02,777 --> 01:02:05,380
Oh, easy. I need
some me time first.
1566
01:02:06,648 --> 01:02:08,250
- Okay.
- Okay?
1567
01:02:08,283 --> 01:02:09,684
Okay, so you watch Annie.
1568
01:02:09,717 --> 01:02:12,387
If you could finish the dishes
and do the laundry
1569
01:02:12,420 --> 01:02:14,589
And then we'll have a go.
1570
01:02:14,622 --> 01:02:17,325
Oh, if you could switch the
sheets on the upstairs bed,
1571
01:02:17,359 --> 01:02:19,327
That would be fantastic,
actually.
1572
01:02:19,361 --> 01:02:20,595
How about forget it?
1573
01:02:20,628 --> 01:02:21,829
What?
1574
01:02:21,863 --> 01:02:23,165
This is ridiculous.
1575
01:02:23,198 --> 01:02:25,567
What? Well, all those things
need to get done.
1576
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,536
Yeah, and I'll do them because
I am a member of this family
1577
01:02:28,570 --> 01:02:29,904
And it's my responsibility.
1578
01:02:29,938 --> 01:02:31,573
Not because you're dangling sex
in front of me
1579
01:02:31,606 --> 01:02:32,774
Like I'm a frat boy.
1580
01:02:32,807 --> 01:02:34,109
I thought you'd like this idea.
1581
01:02:34,142 --> 01:02:37,445
No! I don't, I don't want
thanks-for-changing-
the-sheets sex.
1582
01:02:37,479 --> 01:02:39,281
I want to be Goddamn romanced.
1583
01:02:39,314 --> 01:02:40,949
I don't want to feel
like I had to earn it.
1584
01:02:40,983 --> 01:02:43,451
Okay, well, well.
I need to feel relaxed
1585
01:02:43,485 --> 01:02:45,920
And knowing that those things
are getting done
1586
01:02:45,954 --> 01:02:47,455
Makes me feel relaxed
1587
01:02:47,489 --> 01:02:49,524
Well, you know what relaxes me?
1588
01:02:49,557 --> 01:02:51,593
Being intimate with my wife.
1589
01:02:51,626 --> 01:02:56,264
That bond, okay. And it's
been a year and I miss it.
1590
01:02:56,298 --> 01:02:57,365
Is that why you paid
a professional
1591
01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:58,600
To tell me
to have sex with you
1592
01:02:58,633 --> 01:03:00,268
For a hundred days in a row?
1593
01:03:03,205 --> 01:03:05,540
I have been reading
online... okay?
1594
01:03:05,573 --> 01:03:09,277
When you breastfeed Annie,
it releases a hormone
called oxytocin,
1595
01:03:09,311 --> 01:03:12,114
It's basically a love hormone,
so you get to feel connected
1596
01:03:12,147 --> 01:03:13,881
To something during that time,
okay?
1597
01:03:13,915 --> 01:03:14,916
It's basically, it's like,
1598
01:03:14,949 --> 01:03:17,252
As if you were jerking off all
the time.
1599
01:03:17,285 --> 01:03:18,720
Okay? So I get it.
1600
01:03:18,753 --> 01:03:20,922
I get it why you don't need this
as much as I need it.
1601
01:03:20,955 --> 01:03:22,257
But I need it.
1602
01:03:22,290 --> 01:03:23,391
Babes...
1603
01:03:23,425 --> 01:03:24,926
You know, you know what?
It's me time. Go have me time.
1604
01:03:24,959 --> 01:03:28,196
And I will attend
to the never ending cascade
of laundry in this house.
1605
01:03:28,230 --> 01:03:29,731
Three people live here.
1606
01:03:29,764 --> 01:03:31,699
Can you explain how we have so
much laundry?
1607
01:03:31,733 --> 01:03:33,068
Is Annie running a speak-easy?
1608
01:03:33,101 --> 01:03:34,369
And just other babies
come to town
1609
01:03:34,402 --> 01:03:36,104
And they just lose their shirts
playing poker?
1610
01:03:36,138 --> 01:03:39,741
Is... are we living on top of an
ancient laundromat burial
ground?
1611
01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:40,742
Could that be it?
1612
01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:50,352
Ooh. Shit.
1613
01:03:50,385 --> 01:03:51,419
Ahh.
1614
01:03:58,860 --> 01:04:00,128
Hello lover.
1615
01:04:01,696 --> 01:04:04,266
You look fantastic.
1616
01:04:04,299 --> 01:04:06,000
Thank you!
1617
01:04:06,034 --> 01:04:09,171
So... how do we start?
1618
01:04:09,204 --> 01:04:10,872
Well, I thought we could
take some cues
1619
01:04:10,905 --> 01:04:12,607
From some of those videos
that you watched?
1620
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:14,042
Does that mean I get a blow job?
1621
01:04:14,076 --> 01:04:16,044
Sex etiquette. Ladies always
come first. Move.
1622
01:04:23,385 --> 01:04:24,486
Okay.
1623
01:04:24,519 --> 01:04:27,955
It's time for a little
yoddle oddle oddle oddle ooh.
1624
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:31,726
And, surprise...
1625
01:04:35,463 --> 01:04:38,533
Uh... hon?
1626
01:04:38,566 --> 01:04:39,901
What, what's going on
down there?
1627
01:04:39,934 --> 01:04:42,003
It's called a landing strip.
Do you like it?
1628
01:04:42,036 --> 01:04:43,405
It, yeah, it's lovely.
1629
01:04:43,438 --> 01:04:45,507
I had it done in town.
1630
01:04:45,540 --> 01:04:47,742
Wh... what if we run into that
person at the market?
1631
01:04:47,775 --> 01:04:49,177
Horton...
1632
01:04:49,211 --> 01:04:50,845
I don't want everybody in town
talking about my wife's landing
strip.
1633
01:04:50,878 --> 01:04:52,046
Horton, you're over-thinking
this. Come on.
1634
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:53,315
Let's get started.
1635
01:04:54,116 --> 01:04:55,550
- Okay.
- Okay.
1636
01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:56,884
What if the kids
find out about...
1637
01:04:56,918 --> 01:04:59,554
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
What is the matter with you?
1638
01:04:59,587 --> 01:05:02,190
You have an eager, willing,
and if I may say so,
1639
01:05:02,224 --> 01:05:04,959
Very sexy older woman
lusting after you
1640
01:05:04,992 --> 01:05:08,563
And hoping that you shower her
with all your wildest desires,
honey.
1641
01:05:10,064 --> 01:05:11,333
- I'm in.
- Ah, good!
1642
01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:12,300
- Okay.
- Okay.
1643
01:05:13,568 --> 01:05:16,504
[Moaning, giggling]
1644
01:05:16,538 --> 01:05:17,605
That tickles!
1645
01:05:17,639 --> 01:05:19,574
Ooh! Oh wow wow
wow wow wow!
1646
01:05:20,908 --> 01:05:22,344
Uh oh! Uh oh.
1647
01:05:22,377 --> 01:05:23,778
What? What what what?
1648
01:05:23,811 --> 01:05:26,548
My contact lens. Oh, it it.
Don't, don't move
1649
01:05:26,581 --> 01:05:28,116
- Where is it?
- Just hold on for a minute.
1650
01:05:28,150 --> 01:05:30,051
I can find it.
Okay, there, ah!
1651
01:05:30,084 --> 01:05:31,453
- Ahh!
- What?
1652
01:05:31,486 --> 01:05:32,787
Ohh. Ohh.
1653
01:05:32,820 --> 01:05:34,389
Where... I can't see
a damn thing.
1654
01:05:34,422 --> 01:05:36,724
- A flashlight here
- Stay there. Stay there.
1655
01:05:36,758 --> 01:05:37,959
- Oh, it's over here.
- More to the left.
1656
01:05:37,992 --> 01:05:40,428
- Ooh. Oh honey.
- Wait, it keeps moving around.
1657
01:05:40,462 --> 01:05:41,829
I got, I got,
I think I got it.
1658
01:05:41,863 --> 01:05:43,231
Oh yeah. Yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah.
1659
01:05:43,265 --> 01:05:44,499
- Yes! Yes!
- Yeah yeah yeah. You're there.
1660
01:05:44,532 --> 01:05:45,567
- I got... yes!
- You're almost there.
1661
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:47,335
- I got, I think I...
- Whoa!
1662
01:05:47,369 --> 01:05:50,938
Oh, I like where you're going
with that, Horton!
1663
01:05:50,972 --> 01:05:53,441
Oh! Oh! Oh!
1664
01:05:53,475 --> 01:05:56,110
Don't stop! Oh, don't stop!
I'm almost there!
1665
01:05:56,144 --> 01:05:57,745
Oh, for crying out loud!
1666
01:05:57,779 --> 01:06:00,448
Do you realize
how stupid we look?
1667
01:06:00,482 --> 01:06:03,751
I mean, grandfathers don't go
poking around for contact lenses
1668
01:06:03,785 --> 01:06:05,553
In grandmother's openings.
1669
01:06:05,587 --> 01:06:08,723
That's how you see me?
As a grandmother?
1670
01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:10,692
I am a sexual being, Horton.
1671
01:06:10,725 --> 01:06:12,760
You're a sexual being
with varicose veins.
1672
01:06:12,794 --> 01:06:15,763
And you have 50 extra pounds
that you're never gonna lose,
1673
01:06:15,797 --> 01:06:17,165
But I still desire you.
1674
01:06:17,199 --> 01:06:19,033
You're the one who came to me
complaining about
1675
01:06:19,066 --> 01:06:20,768
Our lack of sex.
1676
01:06:20,802 --> 01:06:22,770
I know. And I should have left
just well enough alone.
1677
01:06:22,804 --> 01:06:24,206
But you didn't.
1678
01:06:24,239 --> 01:06:28,510
You opened Dolores' Box
and I'm glad.
1679
01:06:28,543 --> 01:06:31,579
I love you, Horton,
and I still have my needs.
1680
01:06:31,613 --> 01:06:34,916
The kids are gone and if I do
one more fucking puzzle...
1681
01:06:34,949 --> 01:06:36,318
I'm gonna kill somebody.
1682
01:06:38,386 --> 01:06:41,556
Horton, I will not go back
to the way it was before.
1683
01:06:44,559 --> 01:06:46,127
It's your call.
1684
01:06:53,868 --> 01:06:55,370
Oh, God...
1685
01:06:59,207 --> 01:07:00,408
Hey, ready?
1686
01:07:00,442 --> 01:07:02,043
For what?
1687
01:07:02,076 --> 01:07:04,912
It's date night.
The sitter's downstairs.
1688
01:07:04,946 --> 01:07:07,915
Oh uh, pfft. I'm sorry.
I totally forgot.
1689
01:07:07,949 --> 01:07:11,052
Oh...
1690
01:07:11,085 --> 01:07:14,622
Ten minutes? Or eleven?
Eleven and a half?
1691
01:07:14,656 --> 01:07:15,823
Sure.
1692
01:07:17,225 --> 01:07:18,893
Awesome.
1693
01:07:35,109 --> 01:07:37,078
Um... oh!
1694
01:07:37,111 --> 01:07:39,247
Fettuccine Alfredo,
that sounds good. I'll do that.
1695
01:07:39,281 --> 01:07:40,848
Really?
1696
01:07:40,882 --> 01:07:43,251
You're going to do
dairy and starch?
1697
01:07:43,285 --> 01:07:45,253
Um, yeah. So?
1698
01:07:45,287 --> 01:07:48,923
It's just not the most winning
of combinations for you.
1699
01:08:01,068 --> 01:08:02,570
You were quiet during dinner.
1700
01:08:02,604 --> 01:08:03,905
Yeah, I guess I was
just trying to enjoy
1701
01:08:03,938 --> 01:08:06,408
Every scrumptious morsel of the
meal you hand picked for me.
1702
01:08:06,441 --> 01:08:07,742
Okay, next time I'll let you
feel bloated...
1703
01:08:07,775 --> 01:08:10,378
- for the whole night.
- Thank you.
1704
01:08:10,412 --> 01:08:13,448
- When we go back you can have...
- Oh God. It's not about the
fucking pasta.
1705
01:08:13,481 --> 01:08:14,616
It's that you don't think
I can make
1706
01:08:14,649 --> 01:08:17,452
Even the tiniest of decisions.
1707
01:08:17,485 --> 01:08:18,753
I don't think that.
1708
01:08:18,786 --> 01:08:21,289
Okay, great. Then I get to
decide what time
1709
01:08:21,323 --> 01:08:23,291
Our kid takes a nap,
or what snack he eats,
1710
01:08:23,325 --> 01:08:24,392
Or what show he watches.
1711
01:08:24,426 --> 01:08:25,760
- Now, that's different.
- It isn't!
1712
01:08:25,793 --> 01:08:27,462
Yes, it is. I'm with him
more than you are.
1713
01:08:27,495 --> 01:08:29,564
You never have to deal
with the fall-out from those
kinds of decisions.
1714
01:08:29,597 --> 01:08:32,099
I work from home.
I'm there all the time.
1715
01:08:32,133 --> 01:08:34,536
And yet you never are.
1716
01:08:34,569 --> 01:08:37,605
Oh. Okay. You want me to step up
and assign roles here?
1717
01:08:37,639 --> 01:08:39,741
- From now on, I'm the "mom".
- Why?
1718
01:08:39,774 --> 01:08:41,042
Because I'm the one who had him.
1719
01:08:54,756 --> 01:08:55,923
Wow, you look gorgeous.
1720
01:08:55,957 --> 01:08:57,058
Oh, thanks.
1721
01:08:57,091 --> 01:08:59,361
Um... I, I brought red.
1722
01:08:59,394 --> 01:09:00,428
I hope that's okay.
1723
01:09:00,462 --> 01:09:01,696
Oh, yeah! Yeah.
I mean...
1724
01:09:01,729 --> 01:09:03,431
I think I might be an alcoholic,
but you know.
1725
01:09:03,465 --> 01:09:04,632
[Nervous laughter]
1726
01:09:04,666 --> 01:09:07,335
Anyway, what's one drink, right?
Come in! Come in. Come in.
1727
01:09:07,369 --> 01:09:10,104
Um, I just need a moment, so
just make yourself at home.
1728
01:09:10,137 --> 01:09:11,773
- I'll be right back.
- Yeah, sure.
1729
01:09:22,884 --> 01:09:24,519
[Whispering]
I think I'm going to bunk it up.
1730
01:09:24,552 --> 01:09:26,588
[Whispering]
Oh, bollocks. You look great.
Just be yourself.
1731
01:09:26,621 --> 01:09:28,089
Oh, no. I can't be myself!
1732
01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:29,924
Every time I'm myself,
I mess it up!
1733
01:09:31,092 --> 01:09:32,860
Do you have a little something?
1734
01:09:32,894 --> 01:09:34,328
You know,
to take the edge off, like?
1735
01:09:41,803 --> 01:09:44,038
All right,
just the smallest amount.
1736
01:09:44,071 --> 01:09:45,239
- Okay.
- All right.
1737
01:09:45,272 --> 01:09:46,841
- What is it?
- Valium.
1738
01:09:46,874 --> 01:09:49,210
Okay... where did you get it?
1739
01:09:49,243 --> 01:09:51,413
Oh, from a mom in the park.
It's for my back.
1740
01:09:51,446 --> 01:09:52,747
Huh? What's wrong with your
back?
1741
01:09:52,780 --> 01:09:55,717
Spasms. I was fucking
this wild chick and I...
1742
01:09:55,750 --> 01:09:58,185
It helps me get to sleep,
all right?
1743
01:09:58,219 --> 01:09:59,120
So you just...
1744
01:09:59,153 --> 01:10:01,456
Do I drug myself
to sleep every night? Yes.
1745
01:10:01,489 --> 01:10:03,891
We don't have to tell each other
every fucking thing, all right?
1746
01:10:03,925 --> 01:10:05,226
Go down there and have some fun.
1747
01:10:05,259 --> 01:10:06,928
- Just on the table?
- Yeah, that'd be great.
1748
01:10:06,961 --> 01:10:07,929
- Yeah, thanks.
- Looks delicious.
1749
01:10:07,962 --> 01:10:08,896
Oh, thanks.
1750
01:10:10,398 --> 01:10:11,399
So you like to cook?
1751
01:10:11,433 --> 01:10:13,100
Yeah, well you know,
you learn a thing or two
1752
01:10:13,134 --> 01:10:14,502
When all your dates end early.
1753
01:10:14,536 --> 01:10:16,070
- [Nervous laughter]
- Heh, you're funny.
1754
01:10:19,974 --> 01:10:21,876
Where's your cutlery?
1755
01:10:21,909 --> 01:10:24,278
Um! It's in the glass.
1756
01:10:24,311 --> 01:10:26,448
I-I mean it's here!
It's right here.
1757
01:10:26,481 --> 01:10:27,882
Oh, great.
1758
01:10:27,915 --> 01:10:28,716
Oh, no no no. I can do that.
It's, it's...
1759
01:10:28,750 --> 01:10:30,485
I already got it.
1760
01:10:33,988 --> 01:10:34,989
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
1761
01:10:37,124 --> 01:10:38,460
Okay! Okay.
1762
01:10:44,398 --> 01:10:47,368
I am having a lovely time.
1763
01:10:47,401 --> 01:10:49,403
I just want to thank you,
you know?
1764
01:10:49,437 --> 01:10:51,906
I-I feel really good around you.
1765
01:10:51,939 --> 01:10:54,041
[Chuckles]
1766
01:10:58,045 --> 01:10:59,581
Sorry, I just snotted a little.
1767
01:10:59,614 --> 01:11:00,915
Oh, great. Yeah.
1768
01:11:00,948 --> 01:11:02,116
But you know, I'm serious.
1769
01:11:02,149 --> 01:11:06,688
I-I don't know what it is.
I trust you, you know?
1770
01:11:06,721 --> 01:11:08,723
Okay. Fuck it. I'm gonna go
for full disclosure here.
1771
01:11:08,756 --> 01:11:11,693
I have... I have dated
a lot of women.
1772
01:11:11,726 --> 01:11:12,860
That's nice, yeah.
1773
01:11:12,894 --> 01:11:14,195
No, it doesn't.
It sucks.
1774
01:11:14,228 --> 01:11:16,464
Too many is too many.
1775
01:11:16,498 --> 01:11:19,333
I, I always find something
wrong with them,
1776
01:11:19,366 --> 01:11:20,868
That's the thing, you know,
and for a long time,
1777
01:11:20,902 --> 01:11:22,904
I thought it was them,
but it's not. It's me.
1778
01:11:22,937 --> 01:11:24,506
I'm always finding something
wrong with them because
1779
01:11:24,539 --> 01:11:25,907
There's something wrong with me.
1780
01:11:25,940 --> 01:11:28,009
I'm a self saboteur, you know?
1781
01:11:28,042 --> 01:11:29,844
I, I choose women
who are impossible.
1782
01:11:29,877 --> 01:11:31,746
They're too young, they're too
crazy, they're too busy,
1783
01:11:31,779 --> 01:11:32,847
They don't like kids,
they don't like me,
1784
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:33,815
Like, what the fuck?
1785
01:11:35,282 --> 01:11:36,718
Anyway...
1786
01:11:36,751 --> 01:11:38,219
What was I talking about?
Right...
1787
01:11:39,487 --> 01:11:41,523
Everybody makes mistakes.
1788
01:11:41,556 --> 01:11:43,024
I make mistakes
all the time.
1789
01:11:43,057 --> 01:11:45,192
I've fucked up a marriage.
1790
01:11:45,226 --> 01:11:47,361
I'm probably fucking up my kid
right now.
1791
01:11:47,394 --> 01:11:48,429
No, I am not.
1792
01:11:48,462 --> 01:11:49,564
[Knocks on table]
1793
01:11:49,597 --> 01:11:51,465
I'm not fucking up my kid.
I will not fuck up my kid.
1794
01:11:51,499 --> 01:11:52,767
Okay.
1795
01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:55,503
No, sorry. I usually don't
babble like this
1796
01:11:55,537 --> 01:11:56,771
Until, like, my fourth drink.
1797
01:11:57,539 --> 01:11:59,040
Uh...
1798
01:11:59,073 --> 01:12:00,274
What I wanted to say was,
1799
01:12:00,307 --> 01:12:02,376
When I'm with you I just... I
feel like I'm in a safe place.
1800
01:12:02,409 --> 01:12:03,645
I think I might have
drugged you.
1801
01:12:05,446 --> 01:12:06,413
[Laughs]
1802
01:12:06,447 --> 01:12:07,682
I mean, nothing really serious.
1803
01:12:07,715 --> 01:12:10,552
But just sort of an
inappropriate amount of Valium.
1804
01:12:10,585 --> 01:12:12,520
No, no, no.
Pl-please don't do that.
1805
01:12:12,554 --> 01:12:15,089
Please, I, I really, I really
think you should lie down.
1806
01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:16,591
I think you're
going to pass out.
1807
01:12:17,825 --> 01:12:19,260
Why would you drug me?
1808
01:12:19,293 --> 01:12:20,261
Well, it just
wasn't meant for you.
1809
01:12:20,294 --> 01:12:21,963
It was sort of meant for me.
1810
01:12:23,497 --> 01:12:24,566
Why would you drug you?
1811
01:12:24,599 --> 01:12:26,367
Well, I just thought it would
be easier, you know?
1812
01:12:26,400 --> 01:12:28,202
To what?
1813
01:12:28,235 --> 01:12:30,437
Tonight. You know, the whole
night would be easier.
1814
01:12:30,471 --> 01:12:33,107
I mean, I realize in retrospect
that was poorly thought through,
but I just...
1815
01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:35,409
Holy shit.
You're fucking serious.
1816
01:12:35,442 --> 01:12:36,377
Yeah...
1817
01:12:37,645 --> 01:12:39,380
What did you give me?
1818
01:12:39,413 --> 01:12:41,282
Oh, no no no no no.
1819
01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:42,416
Oh, please don't leave!
1820
01:12:42,449 --> 01:12:44,586
Stay! I'm having a really
lovely time. Please stay.
1821
01:12:44,619 --> 01:12:47,421
Stay for what? What, do you got
Rohypnol pudding for dessert?
1822
01:12:47,454 --> 01:12:49,557
Oh, God. You know,
it was just a stupid mistake.
1823
01:12:49,591 --> 01:12:52,594
And, and you just said
mistakes were all right!
1824
01:12:52,627 --> 01:12:53,460
I don't feel so good.
1825
01:12:53,494 --> 01:12:55,096
Okay. All right.
Why don't you sit down?
1826
01:12:55,129 --> 01:12:57,565
Hmm? Let's sit down, shall we?
Yeah?
1827
01:12:57,599 --> 01:12:58,966
Could I get you a drink, maybe?
1828
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,235
I mean, not the same drink.
A completely different drink.
1829
01:13:03,705 --> 01:13:05,506
Why did you do this to me?
1830
01:13:05,539 --> 01:13:07,174
Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
1831
01:13:07,208 --> 01:13:09,210
I'm just really lonely
and horny, you know?
1832
01:13:09,243 --> 01:13:11,512
I can't really believe I just
said that out loud,
1833
01:13:11,545 --> 01:13:12,580
But I am, you know?
1834
01:13:12,614 --> 01:13:13,781
I don't really know
what I'm doing.
1835
01:13:13,815 --> 01:13:15,016
I'm not a very good mother.
1836
01:13:15,049 --> 01:13:17,719
My kid cries herself to sleep
most nights, you know,
1837
01:13:17,752 --> 01:13:19,621
But I love her. You know,
I do love her.
1838
01:13:19,654 --> 01:13:22,389
I try really hard, but it's all
shit, isn't it?
1839
01:13:22,423 --> 01:13:25,126
You know, cause you do your best
and nobody cares.
1840
01:13:25,159 --> 01:13:27,929
And I don't want some man to
just come and sweep me off my
feet, you know.
1841
01:13:27,962 --> 01:13:28,930
That's not what I'm looking for.
1842
01:13:28,963 --> 01:13:30,197
And I'm not looking for someone
1843
01:13:30,231 --> 01:13:32,967
To just come and hop in and out
of bed with me either, you know?
1844
01:13:33,000 --> 01:13:35,770
I just want to know someone can
stand to be around me, you know,
1845
01:13:35,803 --> 01:13:40,107
The me that I am when I'm not
trying to be the me that I think
everyone wants me to be...
1846
01:13:40,141 --> 01:13:42,810
Do you know what I mean?
1847
01:13:44,478 --> 01:13:47,214
Fuck! Oh, come on! Wake up!
1848
01:13:48,549 --> 01:13:49,784
Okay... come on...
1849
01:13:49,817 --> 01:13:54,388
Oh, yeah. Hi, hi.
Is, is Marcy there, please?
1850
01:13:54,421 --> 01:13:57,058
Oh, I really do need
to speak to Marcy.
1851
01:13:58,125 --> 01:14:00,895
Okay. Um, right.
1852
01:14:00,928 --> 01:14:03,564
Well, my friend and I having
a little debate and, um,
1853
01:14:03,597 --> 01:14:05,532
I thought maybe I could
ask you that if, um,
1854
01:14:05,566 --> 01:14:08,235
If I tell you something
sort of, say, dodgy...
1855
01:14:08,269 --> 01:14:10,104
Do you have to call the police
1856
01:14:10,137 --> 01:14:13,841
Or do we have some sort of
doctor/patient thing on the go?
1857
01:14:13,875 --> 01:14:16,110
Oh you do. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
1858
01:14:16,143 --> 01:14:19,180
So that's what I'll tell her.
Okay. That's great. Thanks.
1859
01:14:19,213 --> 01:14:21,182
Oh, you've been great.
Okay. Bye!
1860
01:14:21,215 --> 01:14:22,416
Fuck!
1861
01:14:22,449 --> 01:14:25,586
Oh, God.
Why do you have to be so big?
1862
01:14:27,288 --> 01:14:29,090
Harder!
1863
01:14:30,424 --> 01:14:31,926
Harder?
1864
01:14:33,661 --> 01:14:35,797
I just need you
to help me with him.
1865
01:14:35,830 --> 01:14:39,233
I'm not sure I can be
a part of this, I'm an illegal.
1866
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:40,534
It's partially your fault.
1867
01:14:40,567 --> 01:14:42,737
You're the one
who had the Valium.
1868
01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:44,672
Are you being serious right now?
1869
01:14:44,706 --> 01:14:45,740
Oh...
1870
01:14:45,773 --> 01:14:47,775
Pey, we can't
just leave him here.
1871
01:14:47,809 --> 01:14:49,744
So, deal with it.
1872
01:14:49,777 --> 01:14:51,412
But, I can't.
1873
01:14:51,445 --> 01:14:52,747
Yes, you can.
1874
01:14:52,780 --> 01:14:53,781
Look.
1875
01:14:53,815 --> 01:14:56,017
You're a smart capable woman.
1876
01:14:56,050 --> 01:14:57,719
You just do stupid things
1877
01:14:57,752 --> 01:14:59,186
Because you don't think
you're good enough.
1878
01:14:59,220 --> 01:15:00,955
It's embarrassing.
1879
01:15:00,988 --> 01:15:02,256
Oh, I'm embarrassing?
1880
01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:03,891
You're the one who's illegally
in the country
1881
01:15:03,925 --> 01:15:06,894
Cause you've pissed away every
friend and penny you ever had.
1882
01:15:06,928 --> 01:15:08,963
You're a loser too, Peyton.
We both are.
1883
01:15:08,996 --> 01:15:11,432
Hey, don't talk to me like mom
and dad did, all right?
1884
01:15:11,465 --> 01:15:12,533
We're better than that.
1885
01:15:12,566 --> 01:15:13,600
Oh, yeah. This from a guy who
googles
1886
01:15:15,269 --> 01:15:16,170
How to take care of a baby on
the internet.
1887
01:15:16,203 --> 01:15:17,772
Yeah, well at least
I'm doing something.
1888
01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:19,774
I mean, you can barely touch her
half the time.
1889
01:15:21,408 --> 01:15:22,609
That's not true!
1890
01:15:24,611 --> 01:15:26,613
I'm just so afraid
I'll mess her up, Pey.
1891
01:15:26,647 --> 01:15:29,083
Look. We had shitty parents.
1892
01:15:29,116 --> 01:15:30,551
They didn't give
a fuck about us.
1893
01:15:30,584 --> 01:15:31,618
So what?
1894
01:15:32,887 --> 01:15:34,221
You turned out great.
1895
01:15:34,255 --> 01:15:36,390
Don't you know that?
1896
01:15:36,423 --> 01:15:39,894
No. Nobody's ever told me that.
1897
01:15:40,962 --> 01:15:42,463
You see, that's just it.
1898
01:15:42,496 --> 01:15:44,598
You don't have to be told
how good you are,
1899
01:15:44,631 --> 01:15:46,233
You just need to know it.
1900
01:15:46,267 --> 01:15:47,534
You see that girl upstairs?
1901
01:15:47,568 --> 01:15:51,105
She doesn't know that we don't
know what the fuck we're doing.
1902
01:15:51,138 --> 01:15:53,274
But she can have it better
than we did.
1903
01:15:53,307 --> 01:15:54,641
We can do that for her.
1904
01:15:56,077 --> 01:15:59,080
And besides.
I just told you.
1905
01:16:11,058 --> 01:16:12,293
Ohh.
1906
01:16:13,761 --> 01:16:14,962
Lou?
1907
01:16:27,608 --> 01:16:31,078
"I'm really, really sorry
I drugged you."
1908
01:16:32,379 --> 01:16:33,915
Well, that's nice.
1909
01:16:56,570 --> 01:17:00,074
♪ What do you do
1910
01:17:00,107 --> 01:17:04,378
♪ With a sky so blue?
1911
01:17:05,746 --> 01:17:08,850
♪ Fields all a green
1912
01:17:08,883 --> 01:17:15,389
♪ Where the stream
runs through...
1913
01:17:15,422 --> 01:17:18,059
I met someone who's really nice
at work, but...
1914
01:17:18,092 --> 01:17:24,631
♪ If it all flew away
1915
01:17:24,665 --> 01:17:30,304
♪ And the sky
turned to Grey...
1916
01:17:32,039 --> 01:17:36,343
♪ I'd stay
1917
01:17:36,377 --> 01:17:39,613
♪ How do you hold
1918
01:17:39,646 --> 01:17:44,952
♪ all the sun's great gold
1919
01:17:44,986 --> 01:17:48,555
♪ Fields all a green
1920
01:17:48,589 --> 01:17:54,028
♪ Where the stream unfolds
1921
01:17:54,061 --> 01:18:00,567
♪ If it all flew away
1922
01:18:02,836 --> 01:18:09,443
♪ and the sky turned to Grey
1923
01:18:09,476 --> 01:18:14,882
♪ I'd stay
1924
01:18:14,916 --> 01:18:16,918
I completely understand
why you felt
1925
01:18:16,951 --> 01:18:20,087
The daddy comments were
inappropriate... thank you.
1926
01:18:20,121 --> 01:18:23,224
And I can categorically assure
you that it won't happen again.
1927
01:18:23,257 --> 01:18:26,460
I think delving into it any
further would be excessive,
1928
01:18:26,493 --> 01:18:28,695
Though if you need anything more
from me by way of apology
1929
01:18:28,729 --> 01:18:31,398
I would be happy to proved that.
1930
01:18:31,432 --> 01:18:34,201
Pressing on, I'm delighted
that you called me
1931
01:18:34,235 --> 01:18:35,169
And that we've reconnected...
1932
01:18:37,438 --> 01:18:44,045
♪ If all words fell away
1933
01:18:44,078 --> 01:18:50,451
♪ And there was no way to say
1934
01:18:52,119 --> 01:18:56,290
♪ I'd stay
1935
01:18:56,323 --> 01:18:59,593
♪ With you
1936
01:18:59,626 --> 01:19:01,628
♪ So you'd see
1937
01:19:01,662 --> 01:19:07,034
♪ Oh, how strong
Oh, how true
1938
01:19:07,068 --> 01:19:09,070
[Baby crying]
1939
01:19:09,103 --> 01:19:14,641
♪ Is my love, love, love
1940
01:19:16,443 --> 01:19:18,845
♪ For...
1941
01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:20,714
♪ You...
1942
01:19:20,747 --> 01:19:21,882
Do you need some help?
1943
01:19:25,119 --> 01:19:26,420
I'm all right.
1944
01:19:26,453 --> 01:19:29,223
Besides, you're busy.
1945
01:19:29,256 --> 01:19:31,092
You're just passing through.
1946
01:19:32,994 --> 01:19:35,029
Well...
1947
01:19:35,062 --> 01:19:36,930
What if I said I wasn't?
1948
01:19:40,167 --> 01:19:42,469
I need to be able to do this.
1949
01:19:47,908 --> 01:19:49,676
Okay.
1950
01:19:49,710 --> 01:19:51,078
[Baby crying]
1951
01:19:51,112 --> 01:19:53,114
Let's have a song,
shall we?
1952
01:19:55,716 --> 01:19:59,720
[Lou humming melody]
1953
01:20:13,167 --> 01:20:14,601
Hi there, Mr. Anti-Social.
1954
01:20:15,469 --> 01:20:17,004
Hi, kiddo.
1955
01:20:19,406 --> 01:20:20,574
You didn't have any dessert.
1956
01:20:20,607 --> 01:20:22,309
I'm, I wasn't hungry.
1957
01:20:24,978 --> 01:20:27,181
So, you, you enjoying
the big city?
1958
01:20:27,214 --> 01:20:30,051
Yes. So much more my speed.
1959
01:20:30,084 --> 01:20:32,053
Yeah, it's pretty slow
around here, huh?
1960
01:20:32,086 --> 01:20:34,421
Well, no.
It's just an acquired taste.
1961
01:20:36,890 --> 01:20:39,126
So are you gonna tell me what
you're all whiny about?
1962
01:20:39,160 --> 01:20:41,562
Everything's fine.
1963
01:20:41,595 --> 01:20:43,964
Is it, like,
a mid-life crisis thing or...
1964
01:20:43,997 --> 01:20:45,699
No, it's nothing like that.
1965
01:20:45,732 --> 01:20:46,800
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
1966
01:20:46,833 --> 01:20:49,270
Because mom shaved her pussy.
1967
01:20:49,303 --> 01:20:52,073
What! Is she like
showing everybody?
1968
01:20:52,106 --> 01:20:55,109
Ew, gross. No.
She didn't like show me it.
1969
01:20:55,142 --> 01:20:58,212
She just asked me where I got
mine done and so I told her.
1970
01:20:58,245 --> 01:21:01,282
[Stammering]
Okay. That's enough. I don't
need to hear any of this.
1971
01:21:01,315 --> 01:21:02,216
I'm the father!
1972
01:21:04,285 --> 01:21:06,687
I know that you're my father...
1973
01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:08,755
But you don't need
to be my daddy anymore.
1974
01:21:10,757 --> 01:21:12,593
Look, like I moved out, so...
1975
01:21:12,626 --> 01:21:16,530
Don't you think that it's time
for our relationship to...
1976
01:21:16,563 --> 01:21:19,566
I don't know... mature?
1977
01:21:19,600 --> 01:21:22,136
We can talk about
grown-up stuff now.
1978
01:21:22,169 --> 01:21:26,006
Is that like, so crazy for you?
That we're grown-ups now?
1979
01:21:28,409 --> 01:21:29,710
No...
1980
01:21:29,743 --> 01:21:32,279
I remember when you guys were
little and the three of you
1981
01:21:32,313 --> 01:21:33,880
Were out playing
in the yard one day
1982
01:21:33,914 --> 01:21:35,282
And I actually asked myself,
1983
01:21:35,316 --> 01:21:38,752
"Whose kids are those?
Cause they can't be mine!"
1984
01:21:39,986 --> 01:21:41,488
Dad, you were the best.
1985
01:21:43,657 --> 01:21:46,360
At the time, I just thought that
I would never get used to it.
1986
01:21:46,393 --> 01:21:50,997
But now... now...
1987
01:21:53,634 --> 01:21:54,735
Now I'm stuck.
1988
01:21:54,768 --> 01:21:55,769
Aw.
1989
01:21:58,772 --> 01:22:00,707
Your mother wants
to have anal sex.
1990
01:22:00,741 --> 01:22:02,109
Oh, my God! Dad!
1991
01:22:02,143 --> 01:22:03,377
Well, what do I do?
1992
01:22:03,410 --> 01:22:04,745
Anal? I don't know!
1993
01:22:04,778 --> 01:22:05,746
Well, should I do it?
1994
01:22:05,779 --> 01:22:07,047
Jesus Chri... Dad, no!
I... I cannot have...
1995
01:22:07,080 --> 01:22:08,515
I can't have this conversation
with you. That's...
1996
01:22:08,549 --> 01:22:12,085
Sweetie, please! I need you.
1997
01:22:12,119 --> 01:22:16,223
I mean, what can I do?
This is too much for me.
1998
01:22:18,425 --> 01:22:19,926
Okay...
1999
01:22:20,961 --> 01:22:22,896
Okay, well just...
2000
01:22:22,929 --> 01:22:24,531
Keep an open mind...
2001
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:26,066
So you're saying I should?
2002
01:22:26,099 --> 01:22:27,734
Oh, my God. I don't know!
2003
01:22:27,768 --> 01:22:29,836
I'm not like giving you
my stamp of approval, I just...
2004
01:22:31,772 --> 01:22:33,940
Um, just, you should do
what you have to do,
2005
01:22:33,974 --> 01:22:36,777
And then we should never
talk about it ever again.
2006
01:22:36,810 --> 01:22:38,445
Okay.
2007
01:22:39,913 --> 01:22:41,748
Okay...
2008
01:22:41,782 --> 01:22:43,417
Well, should I get some
lubricant?
2009
01:22:43,450 --> 01:22:45,486
God, daddy. I can't.
2010
01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:01,568
Did she leave
without saying goodbye?
2011
01:23:03,103 --> 01:23:05,506
[Gasps]
Oh, God! Horton!
2012
01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:07,774
Why are you naked?
2013
01:23:07,808 --> 01:23:09,976
Because I can be.
2014
01:23:10,010 --> 01:23:12,246
You scared the hell out of me.
2015
01:23:12,279 --> 01:23:13,614
Shut up.
2016
01:23:14,281 --> 01:23:15,849
Excuse me.
2017
01:23:15,882 --> 01:23:17,484
Let's fuck.
2018
01:23:18,252 --> 01:23:19,420
Now?
2019
01:23:19,453 --> 01:23:21,922
Yeah. Now. Right here.
2020
01:23:21,955 --> 01:23:24,225
On the floor.
2021
01:23:24,258 --> 01:23:26,193
Because we can.
2022
01:23:26,227 --> 01:23:28,094
That's our new mantra.
2023
01:23:28,128 --> 01:23:32,098
We are going to do
everything we want to do.
2024
01:23:32,132 --> 01:23:35,936
Because we can.
2025
01:23:35,969 --> 01:23:40,441
Well, I love the sounds of that.
2026
01:23:42,576 --> 01:23:45,912
What are your thoughts
on butt plugs?
2027
01:23:45,946 --> 01:23:49,383
Um... Can we start slow?
2028
01:23:49,416 --> 01:23:51,418
Yes, we can.
2029
01:23:51,452 --> 01:23:53,820
[Chuckles]
2030
01:24:11,438 --> 01:24:12,406
He's asleep?
2031
01:24:13,240 --> 01:24:14,140
Mhmm.
2032
01:24:33,427 --> 01:24:34,895
What I said the other night...
2033
01:24:34,928 --> 01:24:37,431
No, it's fine. It's true.
2034
01:24:37,464 --> 01:24:39,032
Oh, don't make me hate myself.
2035
01:24:39,065 --> 01:24:40,401
Believe it or not,
I can't control
2036
01:24:40,434 --> 01:24:41,402
How you feel about yourself.
2037
01:24:48,775 --> 01:24:50,176
Hit me back.
2038
01:24:51,345 --> 01:24:52,346
No.
2039
01:24:55,449 --> 01:24:57,784
[Sobbing]
2040
01:25:02,088 --> 01:25:03,757
You're his mother
just as much as I am.
2041
01:25:03,790 --> 01:25:04,858
I'm a glorified aunt.
2042
01:25:04,891 --> 01:25:06,893
- Oh, stop it. That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
2043
01:25:06,927 --> 01:25:08,094
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is!
2044
01:25:10,397 --> 01:25:13,266
Wow. Are we even now?
2045
01:25:13,300 --> 01:25:14,868
No. No we're not.
2046
01:25:14,901 --> 01:25:15,902
Cause I can never be
what you are.
2047
01:25:15,936 --> 01:25:16,770
I can never feel what you felt,
2048
01:25:16,803 --> 01:25:19,606
And I fucking resent you for it.
2049
01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:21,141
Do you feel better now?
2050
01:25:24,010 --> 01:25:25,412
You're an amazing mother.
2051
01:25:25,446 --> 01:25:27,213
Fuck you, I'm not!
2052
01:25:27,247 --> 01:25:29,115
I'm a control freak and you know
what the worst part of it is?
2053
01:25:29,149 --> 01:25:31,685
I feel like I have to be because
if I'm not, if I'm not
a control freak,
2054
01:25:31,718 --> 01:25:32,953
Then who the hell am I
to both of you?
2055
01:25:32,986 --> 01:25:34,287
And what if you realize that
you've made a mistake,
2056
01:25:34,321 --> 01:25:36,390
What if you realize that you...
2057
01:25:37,324 --> 01:25:39,760
That you don't need me.
2058
01:25:39,793 --> 01:25:41,562
Oh, you don't honestly
believe that?
2059
01:25:42,563 --> 01:25:44,865
Yeah...
2060
01:25:44,898 --> 01:25:47,434
I do, actually.
2061
01:25:47,468 --> 01:25:51,472
You... you nurture
and, and stimulate him.
2062
01:25:53,173 --> 01:25:55,208
So you couldn't carry him?
2063
01:25:55,241 --> 01:25:56,443
So fucking what?
2064
01:25:56,477 --> 01:25:58,712
I mean, God, I don't know
if you remember this
2065
01:25:58,745 --> 01:26:00,714
But I was a fucking nightmare
the entire time
2066
01:26:00,747 --> 01:26:02,883
And I resented the shit out of
you because you couldn't do it.
2067
01:26:05,752 --> 01:26:07,087
I'm a mom because of DNA.
2068
01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:10,724
You're a mom because
that's who you are.
2069
01:26:12,759 --> 01:26:13,794
You said to me the other night
2070
01:26:13,827 --> 01:26:15,696
That, that I haven't
been there for him...
2071
01:26:15,729 --> 01:26:17,464
No, I'm sorry. That's not true.
2072
01:26:17,498 --> 01:26:19,132
I know.
2073
01:26:19,165 --> 01:26:25,372
It's you that I haven't been
there for.
2074
01:26:25,406 --> 01:26:26,306
How you doing?
2075
01:26:31,244 --> 01:26:33,079
I'm great.
2076
01:26:37,551 --> 01:26:39,886
Mommy, mommy, mommy.
2077
01:26:39,920 --> 01:26:41,755
I'm on it.
2078
01:26:41,788 --> 01:26:43,490
Mommy, where are you?
2079
01:26:47,661 --> 01:26:49,496
Mommy, mommy, mommy!
2080
01:27:24,631 --> 01:27:25,966
[Dryer beeps]
2081
01:27:25,999 --> 01:27:27,934
[Dryer rumbles]
2082
01:27:27,968 --> 01:27:29,069
Oh, yeah.
2083
01:27:30,270 --> 01:27:32,238
Oh, yeah...
2084
01:27:32,272 --> 01:27:35,976
[Moaning]
2085
01:27:41,448 --> 01:27:43,149
[Doorbell]
2086
01:27:52,392 --> 01:27:54,394
- Hey.
- Hey.
2087
01:27:56,463 --> 01:27:59,032
I'm sorry...
Oh, do we have Mom's Group?
2088
01:27:59,065 --> 01:28:03,436
No, no. I just, um,
I forgot my sippy cup last time.
2089
01:28:03,470 --> 01:28:04,437
Oh, right.
2090
01:28:04,471 --> 01:28:05,539
Is now a bad time, or...
2091
01:28:05,572 --> 01:28:09,409
No, no. I was, um,
just getting my laundry on.
2092
01:28:10,777 --> 01:28:12,412
[Breathes heavily]
2093
01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:26,893
Sweet enough?
2094
01:28:29,262 --> 01:28:31,965
You never told me what you
thought about my pictures.
2095
01:28:31,998 --> 01:28:35,435
Oh, you know, I think the, the
busboys might have taken them.
2096
01:28:35,468 --> 01:28:36,302
I couldn't find them.
2097
01:28:36,336 --> 01:28:37,638
No, they didn't.
They have their own.
2098
01:28:38,672 --> 01:28:39,640
Of course they do.
2099
01:28:39,673 --> 01:28:41,307
You look like you need a hug.
2100
01:28:41,341 --> 01:28:44,010
- No, I'm okay. That's... that...
- Just, just, just a little one.
2101
01:28:45,746 --> 01:28:46,680
There, is that better?
2102
01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:52,318
So how's stuff at home? Is it
just, like, crazy with the kid?
2103
01:28:54,287 --> 01:28:57,624
Oh, yeah. Things at home
are pretty crazy, yeah.
2104
01:28:57,658 --> 01:28:59,593
Both my siblings, they have
toddlers running around
2105
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:03,396
And I just don't know how they
find time to fuck, you know what
I mean?
2106
01:29:05,265 --> 01:29:07,534
Well, there's more important
things in the world...
2107
01:29:07,568 --> 01:29:11,104
Huh uh. I am not gonna let my
kid mess with my love life.
2108
01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:14,307
That's for fuckin' sure.
2109
01:29:14,340 --> 01:29:16,677
Yeah, well you say that now,
but you don't know.
2110
01:29:18,812 --> 01:29:20,814
No, when my kid is sucking on
their soother,
2111
01:29:22,148 --> 01:29:23,049
I'm going to be sucking...
2112
01:29:23,083 --> 01:29:24,284
Okay.
2113
01:29:25,385 --> 01:29:26,653
Hi.
2114
01:29:28,755 --> 01:29:29,723
This is not okay.
2115
01:29:29,756 --> 01:29:32,192
Why? Why, we're just talking?
2116
01:29:32,225 --> 01:29:33,259
This is not talking.
2117
01:29:33,293 --> 01:29:35,896
Yes it is. It's body language.
2118
01:29:39,900 --> 01:29:41,467
You smell really nice.
2119
01:29:43,236 --> 01:29:44,738
I taste nice too.
2120
01:29:47,674 --> 01:29:50,877
It's okay.
It's okay, just relax.
2121
01:29:50,911 --> 01:29:52,613
Just do whatever you want.
2122
01:30:11,331 --> 01:30:13,667
[Breathing heavily]
2123
01:30:16,002 --> 01:30:17,638
What am I doing?
2124
01:30:17,671 --> 01:30:19,439
I'm not even close to my house.
2125
01:30:24,410 --> 01:30:26,246
Hey... okay.
2126
01:30:27,648 --> 01:30:29,750
So, let me get this straight.
2127
01:30:29,783 --> 01:30:30,851
She drugged you?
2128
01:30:30,884 --> 01:30:33,920
You know, it sounds worse
than it was.
2129
01:30:33,954 --> 01:30:36,122
Oh, my gosh.
She knows where I live.
2130
01:30:36,156 --> 01:30:37,423
I let her around my kid!
2131
01:30:37,457 --> 01:30:39,292
No, you can't tell her
I told you.
2132
01:30:39,325 --> 01:30:41,561
Look, it was...
I'm sure it was an accident.
2133
01:30:41,594 --> 01:30:43,764
What does it matter? You're not
going to see her again.
2134
01:30:46,066 --> 01:30:49,102
Tell me you're not
going to see her again.
2135
01:30:50,136 --> 01:30:52,072
Look, she's kind of awesome.
2136
01:30:52,105 --> 01:30:54,107
So she's messed up.
Who isn't, right?
2137
01:30:54,140 --> 01:30:57,811
Oh, my God. You can't possibly
be this hard up for sex.
2138
01:30:57,844 --> 01:31:00,113
No. Sex is easy. You can get it
anywhere, it's...
2139
01:31:00,146 --> 01:31:02,215
Maybe you can get it anywhere.
2140
01:31:02,248 --> 01:31:03,583
So can you.
2141
01:31:07,087 --> 01:31:09,389
[Baby crying on monitor]
2142
01:31:09,422 --> 01:31:11,391
Oh, I'll be back.
2143
01:31:25,438 --> 01:31:26,940
Hey, you.
2144
01:31:36,482 --> 01:31:37,884
- Hey.
- Hey.
2145
01:31:37,918 --> 01:31:39,285
She's back down.
2146
01:31:39,319 --> 01:31:41,021
All right, good.
2147
01:31:41,054 --> 01:31:41,788
[Dryer rumbling]
2148
01:31:41,822 --> 01:31:43,423
What's that?
2149
01:31:43,456 --> 01:31:46,159
Oh, uh. I heard your laundry
ding, so I switched it for you.
2150
01:31:48,161 --> 01:31:49,930
I hope that's not...
2151
01:32:03,243 --> 01:32:04,477
Honey?
2152
01:32:08,014 --> 01:32:10,083
What's wrong?
2153
01:32:10,116 --> 01:32:12,685
We have to talk.
2154
01:32:12,719 --> 01:32:16,422
It's much easier to fantasize
about someone
2155
01:32:16,456 --> 01:32:18,358
You're not angry with
for missing supper
2156
01:32:18,391 --> 01:32:20,360
Or leaving wet towels
on the floor.
2157
01:32:20,393 --> 01:32:22,528
Someone who is sexually
available
2158
01:32:22,562 --> 01:32:25,565
When your partner's not.
2159
01:32:25,598 --> 01:32:27,801
When the excitement goes
out of your relationship,
2160
01:32:27,834 --> 01:32:32,205
You can't help but want it back
in some form.
2161
01:32:32,238 --> 01:32:37,277
You can talk it out, but
that's... that's hard work.
2162
01:32:37,310 --> 01:32:42,548
You have to say, out loud,
things that are uncomfortable
and honest.
2163
01:32:42,582 --> 01:32:45,318
It's so much easier to check out
and find something new
2164
01:32:45,351 --> 01:32:47,153
And exciting along the way.
2165
01:32:49,089 --> 01:32:54,460
But, the fact that
you're here is good.
2166
01:32:54,494 --> 01:32:56,229
The fact that you're talking
is good.
2167
01:32:56,262 --> 01:33:02,235
This is a place where most
couples don't even attempt to
get to.
2168
01:33:02,268 --> 01:33:04,570
That's not something that's
going to be solved over night.
2169
01:33:04,604 --> 01:33:07,207
This is the first step.
2170
01:33:07,240 --> 01:33:09,843
But if you don't, if you don't
take that step...
2171
01:33:11,577 --> 01:33:13,780
You're not going anywhere.
2172
01:33:27,293 --> 01:33:28,895
Okay!
2173
01:33:28,929 --> 01:33:31,331
Where'd ya' go, sexy?
2174
01:33:33,800 --> 01:33:35,969
Right here... oh!
2175
01:33:41,641 --> 01:33:48,414
Hi, honey.
2176
01:33:48,448 --> 01:33:50,083
I didn't know you and
Oops would be home.
2177
01:33:50,116 --> 01:33:51,017
Oh, fuck! I'm sorry!
2178
01:33:51,051 --> 01:33:53,086
Well, you know what? Next
time write...
2179
01:33:53,119 --> 01:33:54,220
"Screwing a fucking whore"
2180
01:33:54,254 --> 01:33:55,856
On the calendar
beside the fridge.
2181
01:33:55,889 --> 01:33:56,957
I am sorry. I...
2182
01:33:56,990 --> 01:33:58,458
And you know another thing?
Stop calling him Oops.
2183
01:33:58,491 --> 01:34:01,294
I hate it
when you call him Oops.
2184
01:34:01,327 --> 01:34:03,396
Okay. Okay. I promise I will
never call him that again.
2185
01:34:03,429 --> 01:34:04,530
Oh, it doesn't
even matter, Sean,
2186
01:34:04,564 --> 01:34:06,432
Because you're never gonna
see him again.
2187
01:34:06,466 --> 01:34:08,201
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
2188
01:34:08,234 --> 01:34:09,235
I'm being ridiculous?
2189
01:34:09,269 --> 01:34:11,071
- I'm being ridiculous?
- Yes.
2190
01:34:11,104 --> 01:34:13,739
Who is the one who was having a
mid-life crisis on the same bed
2191
01:34:13,773 --> 01:34:15,641
Where his son was conceived?
2192
01:34:17,510 --> 01:34:19,512
This transition has been big.
2193
01:34:19,545 --> 01:34:21,614
Look at the big picture
here, right.
2194
01:34:21,647 --> 01:34:22,916
Look at it, think about it.
2195
01:34:22,949 --> 01:34:24,951
You can't tell me that you
were over the moon
2196
01:34:24,985 --> 01:34:26,819
About everything that you
had to give up
2197
01:34:26,853 --> 01:34:28,621
That meant something
to you because of some kid.
2198
01:34:28,654 --> 01:34:31,591
He's not some kid, you prick.
2199
01:34:31,624 --> 01:34:32,926
He's our kid.
2200
01:34:32,959 --> 01:34:35,328
He's this little bundle
of amazingness
2201
01:34:35,361 --> 01:34:37,463
And you don't even realize it
2202
01:34:37,497 --> 01:34:38,965
Because you can't see the
things that you have, okay?
2203
01:34:38,999 --> 01:34:40,200
You only see the things
you used to have.
2204
01:34:40,233 --> 01:34:41,434
No...
2205
01:34:41,467 --> 01:34:42,268
Well if you want
that life back,
2206
01:34:42,302 --> 01:34:43,136
You can go ahead
and you can take it
2207
01:34:43,169 --> 01:34:44,104
Because I don't fucking,
2208
01:34:44,137 --> 01:34:47,040
I don't-I don't want it
anymore.
2209
01:34:47,073 --> 01:34:49,042
Oh, come on. Ms. Superior.
2210
01:34:49,075 --> 01:34:51,644
You can't look me in the eye
and tell me that you don't
2211
01:34:51,677 --> 01:34:53,279
Realize that
every single minute
2212
01:34:53,313 --> 01:34:54,614
That you try to
put him to sleep
2213
01:34:54,647 --> 01:34:56,616
Is a minute you're never
going to get back again.
2214
01:34:56,649 --> 01:34:57,951
Huh?
2215
01:34:57,984 --> 01:34:59,485
C'mon it's like
he's stealing your life away
2216
01:34:59,519 --> 01:35:01,054
One stupid
children's story at a time.
2217
01:35:01,087 --> 01:35:02,388
They're not stupid, Sean.
2218
01:35:02,422 --> 01:35:03,789
What do you mean they're
not stupid?!
2219
01:35:03,823 --> 01:35:05,325
Come on...
2220
01:35:05,358 --> 01:35:07,793
What kind of a brother
comes over a hill,
2221
01:35:07,827 --> 01:35:09,695
Sees a troll, and says "No,
no, don't eat me."
2222
01:35:09,729 --> 01:35:12,132
Wait for my brother who's
coming up right behind me."
2223
01:35:12,165 --> 01:35:13,934
What the hell kind of lesson
is that?
2224
01:35:15,268 --> 01:35:18,004
And, and who the hell says,
what is it?
2225
01:35:18,038 --> 01:35:19,940
"Not by the hair of my
chinny, chin-chin."
2226
01:35:21,507 --> 01:35:23,109
What the hell is that?!
2227
01:35:25,711 --> 01:35:27,180
Come on.
2228
01:35:27,213 --> 01:35:29,582
Honey, be honest with
yourself.
2229
01:35:29,615 --> 01:35:31,851
Deep down we both want
the same things.
2230
01:35:31,884 --> 01:35:34,087
See, that's just it, Sean.
2231
01:35:34,120 --> 01:35:36,022
I don't think that we do.
2232
01:35:36,056 --> 01:35:38,358
You are...
2233
01:35:38,391 --> 01:35:40,160
You're just a sad...
2234
01:35:40,193 --> 01:35:42,428
Old man whose trying to hold
onto his youth.
2235
01:35:44,730 --> 01:35:46,399
You're a house-wife.
2236
01:35:51,737 --> 01:35:53,839
C'mon. C'mon, I'm sorry.
Please come back
2237
01:35:53,873 --> 01:35:55,275
And we'll, we'll talk.
2238
01:35:55,308 --> 01:35:56,442
Please?
2239
01:35:58,111 --> 01:36:00,746
Not by the hair of my chinny-
chin chin.
2240
01:36:12,225 --> 01:36:14,794
I know this probably makes
no difference to you,
2241
01:36:14,827 --> 01:36:17,263
But I didn't know he was
married.
2242
01:36:23,169 --> 01:36:27,040
Do you... Do you have some
place that you could go?
2243
01:36:27,073 --> 01:36:30,110
I mean, 'cause if you do, you
should...
2244
01:36:31,411 --> 01:36:33,379
You should go there and
don't come back.
2245
01:36:33,413 --> 01:36:35,448
I mean, that piece of shit
he's never going to change.
2246
01:36:35,481 --> 01:36:37,383
He... he'll say that he will.
2247
01:36:37,417 --> 01:36:38,418
But he won't.
2248
01:36:38,451 --> 01:36:39,919
I mean, he'll beg and he'll
plead
2249
01:36:39,952 --> 01:36:41,454
But you should just go and
not come back.
2250
01:36:41,487 --> 01:36:44,757
I mean do it for...
do it for your son.
2251
01:36:44,790 --> 01:36:47,127
Believe me...
2252
01:36:47,160 --> 01:36:49,062
Someone who steps out on
their family
2253
01:36:49,095 --> 01:36:51,464
Will always step out on their
family.
2254
01:36:54,434 --> 01:36:57,037
They're just... broken.
2255
01:37:02,308 --> 01:37:05,178
You know, I would... I would
apologize for all of this,
2256
01:37:05,211 --> 01:37:07,913
But I, I really think that I did
you a favor.
2257
01:37:07,947 --> 01:37:09,749
I mean, now you know what
he is.
2258
01:37:09,782 --> 01:37:11,851
And that's a good thing,
right?
2259
01:37:13,019 --> 01:37:14,954
So...
2260
01:37:14,987 --> 01:37:16,289
You're welcome.
2261
01:37:18,391 --> 01:37:19,292
Ooh!
2262
01:37:24,397 --> 01:37:25,898
[Clears throat]
2263
01:37:39,212 --> 01:37:41,281
You know what? I, I'm in this
2264
01:37:41,314 --> 01:37:42,948
Really awesome moms
group.
2265
01:37:42,982 --> 01:37:46,619
I know, I know, but it's just
that it's really nice people.
2266
01:37:46,652 --> 01:37:50,790
Great kids. Couple of single
Dads...
2267
01:37:50,823 --> 01:37:53,326
Sorry, it's... too soon. I know.
2268
01:37:53,359 --> 01:37:55,828
Actually, it's, it's weird.
2269
01:37:55,861 --> 01:37:58,698
It's weird. I'm sorry.
2270
01:38:00,266 --> 01:38:02,068
Taxi!
2271
01:38:03,936 --> 01:38:05,705
You know what?
You take this one.
2272
01:38:05,738 --> 01:38:08,274
You, you take it.
2273
01:38:12,612 --> 01:38:13,913
[Children squealing]
2274
01:38:13,946 --> 01:38:16,249
- Yeah!
- Yay!
2275
01:38:16,282 --> 01:38:17,350
What's that?
2276
01:38:17,383 --> 01:38:19,885
- Who's this here?
- Is this thing on?
2277
01:38:19,919 --> 01:38:21,521
Oh, hi! Hi, guys!
2278
01:38:21,554 --> 01:38:24,924
I'm sorry we missed
the party, but this, this cruise
2279
01:38:24,957 --> 01:38:26,726
Was just too good
to pass up.
2280
01:38:26,759 --> 01:38:28,228
Happy birthday sweetie,
2281
01:38:28,261 --> 01:38:29,595
It's grandma and grandpa,
2282
01:38:29,629 --> 01:38:30,263
We're gonna
bring you some...
2283
01:38:30,296 --> 01:38:32,398
Something, very special.
2284
01:38:32,432 --> 01:38:33,766
We're going to buy you...
2285
01:38:33,799 --> 01:38:35,501
- Hi, guys!
- A buffalo!
2286
01:38:35,535 --> 01:38:36,769
- What?
- Don't be silly.
2287
01:38:36,802 --> 01:38:38,771
They say they love you,
and they'll see you soon.
2288
01:38:38,804 --> 01:38:40,072
- Okay babe?
- Mama?
2289
01:38:40,106 --> 01:38:42,742
Yeah... well, mama
couldn't make it.
2290
01:38:44,110 --> 01:38:45,911
Jude! Come play!
2291
01:38:45,945 --> 01:38:47,913
- Pretty cute.
- She is cute.
2292
01:38:47,947 --> 01:38:48,881
I think I'm gonna take
Ephraim
2293
01:38:48,914 --> 01:38:50,983
To a movie after this.
2294
01:38:52,585 --> 01:38:54,787
What do you think?
2295
01:38:54,820 --> 01:38:57,523
I think we need to hear more
about that movie.
2296
01:38:57,557 --> 01:38:58,958
Do you want to go to a
movie?
2297
01:38:58,991 --> 01:39:00,193
Yeah!
2298
01:39:00,226 --> 01:39:01,727
Yeah!
2299
01:39:01,761 --> 01:39:03,163
[Together]
Yeah!
2300
01:39:06,566 --> 01:39:09,369
D'you have something I
could slip into your drink?
2301
01:39:09,402 --> 01:39:10,936
Oh God that's completely
inappropriate.
2302
01:39:10,970 --> 01:39:13,072
I'm really sorry I-I-I...
2303
01:39:16,409 --> 01:39:18,478
I was surprised
to get your invitation.
2304
01:39:18,511 --> 01:39:20,313
I didn't know
if you'd come or not.
2305
01:39:20,346 --> 01:39:22,448
I'd be crazy not to come,
you're so nice.
2306
01:39:22,482 --> 01:39:24,517
You? Crazy? Come on.
2307
01:39:25,651 --> 01:39:27,620
I guess I am a bit crazy,
aren't I?
2308
01:39:27,653 --> 01:39:29,255
No.
2309
01:39:29,289 --> 01:39:32,192
You're just dealing, just like
everybody else here.
2310
01:39:37,530 --> 01:39:40,966
Look, I, I have these tickets
to this thing next week.
2311
01:39:41,000 --> 01:39:43,469
I thought maybe we could
give this another shot.
2312
01:39:43,503 --> 01:39:45,137
Maybe brother could watch
the kids, what do you think?
2313
01:39:45,171 --> 01:39:48,741
Yeah! God, he'd love to.
Oh, he's brilliant.
2314
01:39:48,774 --> 01:39:50,443
I mean, you know, he's a
recovering drug addict,
2315
01:39:50,476 --> 01:39:51,444
But I mean, he's great,
2316
01:39:51,477 --> 01:39:53,179
You know, cause he's got
like, he's got puppets,
2317
01:39:53,213 --> 01:39:55,348
He does puppet shows
and got little trains.
2318
01:39:55,381 --> 01:39:56,182
He does all these kinds
of things, he's great with...
2319
01:40:06,826 --> 01:40:08,060
What was that for?
2320
01:40:08,861 --> 01:40:10,496
I just think you're great.
2321
01:40:12,732 --> 01:40:14,300
Even when I babble like an
idiot?
2322
01:40:20,473 --> 01:40:21,774
What!
2323
01:40:21,807 --> 01:40:22,775
Oh, those are the lesbians.
2324
01:40:22,808 --> 01:40:24,710
That's Gage's sister
and her partner.
2325
01:40:24,744 --> 01:40:28,614
Rumor has it, Gage donated
the baby juice.
2326
01:40:28,648 --> 01:40:29,649
- What?
- Yeah!
2327
01:40:29,682 --> 01:40:31,551
Keeping it in the family.
2328
01:40:31,584 --> 01:40:32,652
Anyway...
2329
01:40:32,685 --> 01:40:33,986
They left the group
2330
01:40:34,019 --> 01:40:35,721
Over some bullshit snack
selection thing,
2331
01:40:35,755 --> 01:40:36,789
But they're back now.
2332
01:40:36,822 --> 01:40:37,690
Yeah, no, no...
Yeah, we've met.
2333
01:40:37,723 --> 01:40:39,225
Oh, good!
2334
01:40:39,259 --> 01:40:41,160
Uh, excuse me, uh,
I found this little fella
2335
01:40:41,193 --> 01:40:43,863
Pulling on everyone's pants
asking for Mommy.
2336
01:40:43,896 --> 01:40:45,565
Oh, and so what,
you assume
2337
01:40:45,598 --> 01:40:48,167
Because he's black
that he's mine?
2338
01:40:48,200 --> 01:40:49,702
Yes. That is exactly
what I assumed.
2339
01:40:49,735 --> 01:40:51,203
Reverse-racism is fun.
2340
01:40:51,237 --> 01:40:52,305
No, I'm, I'm kidding.
2341
01:40:52,338 --> 01:40:53,306
Of course he's my kid.
2342
01:40:53,339 --> 01:40:54,474
Have you seen his face?
Have you seen my face?
2343
01:40:54,507 --> 01:40:56,075
Thank you.
2344
01:40:56,108 --> 01:40:57,910
Hey. Fun fact.
2345
01:40:57,943 --> 01:41:00,413
Did you know that toddlers
require their Mom's attention
2346
01:41:00,446 --> 01:41:02,482
Once every four minutes?
That's 210 times a day.
2347
01:41:02,515 --> 01:41:03,649
Must be maddening.
2348
01:41:03,683 --> 01:41:04,884
Really?
2349
01:41:04,917 --> 01:41:07,420
That is weird.
How did you know that?
2350
01:41:07,453 --> 01:41:09,389
Uhh, I'm a nanny.
2351
01:41:10,523 --> 01:41:11,724
Get out of here.
2352
01:41:11,757 --> 01:41:12,725
That's actually really cool.
2353
01:41:13,859 --> 01:41:15,728
Yeah. I suppose it is.
2354
01:41:15,761 --> 01:41:21,100
So, um... do you have any
advice for a... single mom?
2355
01:41:21,133 --> 01:41:23,102
Why don't you sit
and join us?
2356
01:41:25,237 --> 01:41:26,506
Okay.
2357
01:41:26,539 --> 01:41:27,940
Is that baby alive?
2358
01:41:27,973 --> 01:41:29,742
Yeah.
2359
01:41:29,775 --> 01:41:31,344
- She's a good sleeper.
- She's a good sleeper?
2360
01:41:31,377 --> 01:41:32,745
- Hey!
- Hey.
2361
01:41:32,778 --> 01:41:34,547
Hey, I've been meaning to
call you.
2362
01:41:34,580 --> 01:41:37,450
I wanted to say thank you,
for the other day.
2363
01:41:37,483 --> 01:41:38,918
Don't mention it.
2364
01:41:38,951 --> 01:41:40,953
I wanted, I wanted to thank
you for...
2365
01:41:40,986 --> 01:41:42,355
For not letting me
do something
2366
01:41:42,388 --> 01:41:43,356
That I would have regret...
2367
01:41:43,389 --> 01:41:44,757
Shh!
2368
01:41:44,790 --> 01:41:45,925
I don't know what
you're talking about.
2369
01:41:45,958 --> 01:41:47,126
Okay.
2370
01:41:48,961 --> 01:41:52,097
So, how long do you think
before they cut the cake?
2371
01:41:52,131 --> 01:41:54,300
I don't know. Soon.
2372
01:41:54,334 --> 01:41:57,603
Between seven,
20 minutes-ish?
2373
01:41:57,637 --> 01:41:59,539
Sure. We can do that.
2374
01:41:59,572 --> 01:42:01,341
Yeah! Okay.
2375
01:42:05,345 --> 01:42:06,979
And don't get me
started on tank tops.
2376
01:42:07,012 --> 01:42:08,481
I mean, seriously, what are
you, on a yachting team?
2377
01:42:08,514 --> 01:42:10,583
Wear a shirt. Stupid.
2378
01:42:11,951 --> 01:42:13,653
Do you mind?
2379
01:42:13,686 --> 01:42:15,421
Hey baby.
2380
01:42:17,357 --> 01:42:19,124
What're you doing,
I was drinking that.
2381
01:42:19,158 --> 01:42:21,226
Oh. Excuse me.
2382
01:42:21,260 --> 01:42:23,262
Oh, careful,
there's a stick there.
2383
01:42:26,432 --> 01:42:28,167
So to answer your question,
2384
01:42:28,200 --> 01:42:31,170
I think that having kids is
absolutely detrimental
2385
01:42:31,203 --> 01:42:34,407
To the sex life of a couple.
2386
01:42:34,440 --> 01:42:37,910
But the experience of going
through pregnancy,
2387
01:42:37,943 --> 01:42:42,348
Childbirth, and later child-
rearing with someone else
2388
01:42:42,382 --> 01:42:46,419
Allows for a whole new level
of trust and familiarity
2389
01:42:46,452 --> 01:42:49,689
That I just don't think
happens otherwise.
2390
01:42:49,722 --> 01:42:50,990
You sure about this,
out in public,
2391
01:42:51,023 --> 01:42:52,592
People might see us...
2392
01:42:52,625 --> 01:42:53,626
I hope so.
2393
01:42:53,659 --> 01:42:55,361
I just washed this dress.
2394
01:42:55,395 --> 01:42:58,798
My goodness, to what do we
owe this new frontier spirit?
2395
01:42:58,831 --> 01:43:00,600
Well, I just woke up this
morning and thought
2396
01:43:00,633 --> 01:43:04,470
"I'm going to have sex
with my husband in a bush."
2397
01:43:04,504 --> 01:43:08,641
So perhaps
sex after kids suffers,
2398
01:43:08,674 --> 01:43:13,012
But maybe something better
comes out of it...
2399
01:43:13,045 --> 01:43:13,879
[♪ Gregory Page:
"That's You"]
2400
01:43:13,913 --> 01:43:16,048
♪ There is only one reason
2401
01:43:16,081 --> 01:43:20,453
♪ My heart knows
what to do
2402
01:43:20,486 --> 01:43:22,655
♪ That's you
2403
01:43:24,056 --> 01:43:27,026
♪ Like a dream that
suddenly was real
2404
01:43:27,059 --> 01:43:30,563
♪ And then came true
2405
01:43:30,596 --> 01:43:33,499
♪ That's you
2406
01:43:34,834 --> 01:43:38,671
♪ I was sad
and lonesome
2407
01:43:40,239 --> 01:43:44,176
♪ Forever blue
2408
01:43:44,209 --> 01:43:49,014
♪ Clouds of Grey
all blew away
2409
01:43:49,048 --> 01:43:52,384
♪ And the sun shined
through
2410
01:43:52,418 --> 01:43:54,186
♪ That's you
2411
01:43:54,219 --> 01:43:56,556
♪ Because we are
together
2412
01:43:56,589 --> 01:44:00,560
♪ Life is better
and brand new
2413
01:44:00,593 --> 01:44:03,228
♪ That's you
2414
01:44:04,764 --> 01:44:06,832
♪ Someone is an angel
2415
01:44:06,866 --> 01:44:11,170
♪ Sent from heaven
I know who
2416
01:44:11,203 --> 01:44:13,639
♪ That's you
2417
01:44:15,641 --> 01:44:19,712
♪ I was melancholy
2418
01:44:20,913 --> 01:44:25,250
♪ Forever blue
2419
01:44:25,284 --> 01:44:29,889
♪ Clouds of Grey
all blew away
2420
01:44:29,922 --> 01:44:33,125
♪ And the sun shined
through
2421
01:44:33,158 --> 01:44:35,294
♪ That's you
2422
01:44:35,327 --> 01:44:39,465
♪ And love is
the great adventure
2423
01:44:39,499 --> 01:44:42,067
♪ Some will win
2424
01:44:42,101 --> 01:44:44,704
♪ Some will lose
2425
01:44:44,737 --> 01:44:50,209
♪ But the only one
I trust with my love
2426
01:44:50,242 --> 01:44:53,078
♪ That's you.
2427
01:44:55,915 --> 01:45:01,787
♪♪
2428
01:45:36,789 --> 01:45:40,926
♪ Love is the great
adventure
2429
01:45:40,960 --> 01:45:43,295
♪ Some will win
2430
01:45:43,328 --> 01:45:46,198
♪ Some will lose
2431
01:45:46,231 --> 01:45:51,303
♪ But the only one
I trust with my love
2432
01:45:51,336 --> 01:45:54,439
♪ That's you
2433
01:45:54,473 --> 01:45:59,545
♪ There is
only one reason
2434
01:45:59,579 --> 01:46:04,617
♪ my heart
knows what to do
2435
01:46:04,650 --> 01:46:08,220
♪ That's you
170571
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