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1
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:39,473
I'VE BEEN THERE...
AND THERE...
2
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:40,741
AND I'VE BEEN THERE.
3
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:44,545
AH. THE LONG,
BORING STORIES
YOU MUST HAVE.
4
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,481
I HAVE ANOTHER DESTINATION
FOR YOU, TOMMY--
5
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,149
HIGH SCHOOL.
6
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,917
WHY? I FINISHED
MY EDUCATION
7
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:53,621
WHEN YOU WERE STILL
A SNOT-NOSED GAS BALL.
8
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,456
THAT SOUNDS
VERY DANGEROUS.
9
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,557
SHOULDN'T I TAKE THAT?
10
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,526
NO. WE HAVE
TO ASSUME THE ROLES
11
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,461
OF A REGULAR
HUMAN FAMILY.
12
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,663
TOMMY'S THE ADOLESCENT--
HE'LL GO TO SCHOOL.
13
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,100
YOU'LL EXPLORE BEING
A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN.
14
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,469
I, AS THE BENEVOLENT
FATHER FIGURE,
15
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,037
WILL PROVIDE THE MAJOR
SOURCE OF INCOME
16
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,141
AND GIVE YOU
CUTE NICKNAMES.
17
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:13,841
DICK?
18
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:16,043
WHAT IS IT, KITTEN?
19
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,781
WHAT'S MY ROLE
IN THE FAMILY?
20
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,451
YOU'RE THE BROTHER
WHO TRIES HARD
21
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,220
BUT DOESN'T HAVE
THE NERVE TO MOVE
OUT ON HIS OWN,
22
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,289
BUT WE LOVE YOUR PLUCK
AND DETERMINATION.
23
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,191
BUT I CAN
DO MORE.
24
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:33,994
SEE? THAT'S THE PLUCK
THAT WE LOVE.
25
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,465
LET'S JUST BE THE WARM,
HUMAN FAMILY THAT WE ARE.
26
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:38,065
AFTER YOU.
27
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,367
WHY ARE YOU
DOING THAT?
28
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,068
I'VE SEEN MEN DO IT.
29
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,505
APPARENTLY WOMEN
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO OPERATE DOORS.
30
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,974
WELL, I DO.
31
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,144
OH, DICK, I'VE THOUGHT
OF A JOB FOR MYSELF.
32
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,779
I CAN CATALOG
THE DANGERS
33
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,814
THAT SURROUND US
ON THIS PLANET.
34
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,516
FOR EXAMPLE,
35
00:01:55,549 --> 00:02:00,020
GETTING YOUR FINGERS
CRUSHED IN A CAR DOOR.
36
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,223
OW.
37
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,358
OW.
38
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:04,992
OW.
39
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,195
* HEY, MR. SPACEMAN
40
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:13,234
WHY ARE YOU LISTENING
TO THE SERPENT?
41
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,868
DON'T EAT THE FRUIT.
42
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,104
DON'T EAT THE FRUIT.
43
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:23,076
WOMEN.
44
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,845
DEAN SUMNER'S
OFFICE CALLED.
45
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,013
YOU PARKED
IN HIS SPACE.
46
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,582
YES. IT'S SO MUCH
CLOSER THAN MINE.
47
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,017
MOVE IT, LADY!
48
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,319
AND YOUR SISTER'S HERE.
49
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,187
SALLY, I LEFT YOU
AT HOME.
50
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:37,024
YOU FORGOT YOUR SHOES.
51
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,526
WHAT'S WITH THE GUY
IN 114?
52
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,295
HE KEEPS FOLLOWING ME
AND TALKING TO ME.
53
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:44,332
I THINK SOMEBODY
HAS AN ADMIRER.
54
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,568
GREAT. NOW CAN WE
TALK ABOUT ME?
55
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,670
SALLY, ARE YOU
SEEING ANYONE NOW?
56
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,373
I'M LOOKING AT YOU,
AREN'T I?
57
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:56,710
FOR GOD'S SAKES, HE'S TRYING
TO ASK YOU ON A DATE.
58
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,846
IT'S A PERFECT
OPPORTUNITY.
YOU'LL GO.
59
00:02:58,879 --> 00:02:59,680
NO, I WON'T.
60
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,349
I KNOW WHAT'S BEST.
61
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,083
WHY ARE YOU
TREATING ME LIKE THIS?
62
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,619
"THIS"? WHAT
AM I DOING?
63
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,656
ACTING LIKE I CAN'T
DECIDE FOR MYSELF.
64
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,324
ONE OF US HAS
TO EXPERIENCE SEX,
65
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:14,895
AND I'M GETTING
NOWHERE WITH HER.
66
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,897
WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY SO?
67
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:17,931
IF SEX IS SO IMPORTANT,
68
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:22,370
YOU AND I CAN DO IT
HERE ON THE DESK.
69
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,538
OK...
70
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,540
I'LL LEAVE
YOU CLAMPETTS ALONE
71
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:29,277
TO YOUR BANJO LESSON.
72
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,383
"WHEN BEETLES
FIGHT THESE BATTLES
73
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,317
"IN A BOTTLE
WITH THEIR PADDLES
74
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,418
"AND THE BOTTLE'S
ON A POODLE
75
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,987
"AND THE POODLE'S
EATING NOODLES,
76
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,655
"THEY CALL THIS
A MUDDLE-PUDDLE
TWEETLE-POODLE
77
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,091
BEETLE-NOODLE
BOTTLE-PADDLE BATTLE."
78
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,729
THIS MAN IS A GENIUS.
79
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,131
[FOOTSTEPS
STOMPING]
80
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,801
IF IT ISN'T OUR PROUD
LITTLE STUDENT.
81
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,469
WHAT DID YOU LEARN
ON YOUR FIRST DAY?
82
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:56,970
I'M WEARING THE WRONG
KIND OF SNEAKERS,
83
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,672
GIRLS ONLY LIKE SENIORS,
84
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:04,645
AND, MAN, YOU CAN'T
COMPLIMENT ANYBODY
IN THE SHOWER.
85
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,615
SEE? AND YOU THOUGHT
YOU KNEW EVERYTHING.
86
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,449
SALLY!
87
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,618
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
LATE FOR YOUR DATE.
88
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,153
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO WEAR.
89
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:18,959
IS THIS
APPROPRIATE?
90
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,395
YES.
VERY.
91
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,431
WHAT DO WE DO
ON A DATE?
92
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,433
I READ ABOUT IT.
I'LL WALK YOU THROUGH.
93
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,800
I'LL BE YOUR DATE!
94
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,770
YOU'VE GOT HOMEWORK,
OLD MAN.
95
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,204
SO YOU GUYS GET
TO TALK ABOUT SEX
96
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:34,875
WHILE I MAKE
AN AZTEC VILLAGE
OUT OF MACARONI?
97
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,311
THIS IS FAIR.
98
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,380
OK, HARRY, YOU'RE BRAD.
99
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,949
THE TWO OF YOU ARE AT
A ROMANTIC RESTAURANT.
100
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,417
HERE.
101
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:48,055
OK. NOW GO AHEAD.
102
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,458
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
103
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,225
GAZE INTO HIS EYES
104
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,994
THE WAY DR. ALBRIGHT
GAZES INTO MINE.
105
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,696
YOU KNOW...
106
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,934
OH, THAT'S PERFECT.
107
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:01,935
NOW BREAK THE ICE
108
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,004
BY TELLING HIM SOMETHING
PERSONAL ABOUT YOURSELF.
109
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,974
WELL, UH, BRAD...
110
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,108
ONCE EVERY
LUNAR CYCLE,
111
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,043
MY UTERINE LINING
SLOUGHS ITSELF,
112
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:10,778
THEREBY CAUSING--
113
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,380
WHOA! WHOA!
HOLD IT!
114
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,348
NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT...
115
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,350
NO....
116
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,288
THAT MAY BE
TOO PERSONAL.
117
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,156
WELL, IT DOES.
118
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,124
ONE MINUTE,
I'M FINE.
119
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,693
THE NEXT, MY UTERUS
STARTS THROBBING...
120
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,496
WAH-WAH-WAH
WAH-WAH-WAH!
121
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:33,634
THERE IS SOMETHING
TO BE SAID
122
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,470
FOR KEEPING SOME MYSTERY
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
123
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,272
WHEN DO I GET
TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS?
124
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,910
RIGHT BEFORE
YOU DIE.
125
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,579
FAIR ENOUGH.
126
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:48,849
OW. OW. OW. OW.
127
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,684
* RAINBOWS,
DAISIES *
128
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:54,021
* SNOWFLAKES,
THAT GIRL *
129
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,791
MY BOYS.
130
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,327
[GIGGLING]
131
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,333
SHE SWALLOWED
A TINY MONKEY.
132
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,369
SO, LIEUTENANT,
GIVE US A FULL REPORT
ON YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
133
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,104
HE WAS WONDERFUL.
134
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,640
HE THINKS
I'M WONDERFUL.
135
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,775
HE ASKED ME WHERE I'D
BEEN ALL HIS LIFE.
136
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:15,876
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?
137
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,711
ALL THE COORDINATES.
138
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:18,679
THANK GOODNESS
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME,
139
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,014
SO I DIDN'T HAVE
TO KILL HIM.
140
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,115
WHAT THEN?
141
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,785
WELL, HE WANTED
TO SLEEP WITH ME.
142
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,686
I WANTED SEX,
143
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:30,290
BUT SINCE HE WAS TIRED,
I LET HIM GO HOME.
144
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,727
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS...
145
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,664
HE'S GONNA CALL ME.
146
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:43,203
I WISH I COULD MEET
A GUY LIKE THAT.
147
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,175
COME ON, SPORT.
148
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,478
I'LL DRIVE YOU
TO SCHOOL.
149
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,480
BITE ME.
150
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,914
"BITE ME" WHAT?
151
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,450
BITE ME, DADDY.
152
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,152
THAT'S BETTER.
153
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,521
SEE YOU TONIGHT,
SLUGGER.
154
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,590
NO, YOU WON'T...
155
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,257
'CAUSE I'LL BE OUT
WITH BRAD...
156
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,627
HAVING FUN.
157
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,263
ALL RIGHT.
158
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,466
GOOD JOB.
159
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,667
LET'S KEEP IT
MOVING, SOLOMON.
160
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,068
CLIMB THE ROPE.
161
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,237
WHAT'S AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE?
162
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,873
YOUR SELF-RESPECT
IS AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE.
163
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,341
RUN THIS BY ME
AGAIN.
164
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:25,646
I CLIMB UP THERE,
AND THEN I...
165
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,549
YOU CLIMB DOWN.
166
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:31,519
AND THIS GIVES ME
SELF-RESPECT
BECAUSE...
167
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,020
YOU DON'T WANT
TO CLIMB THE ROPE,
168
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:38,225
YOU CAN GO SIT
WITH THE GIRLS.
169
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,860
SO IF I DON'T
CLIMB THE ROPE,
170
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,461
THEN I SIT
WITH THE GIRLS.
171
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,296
THAT'S RIGHT.
172
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:43,997
HELP ME OUT HERE.
173
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:47,100
I'M NOT SEEING
THE DOWN SIDE.
174
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,407
[BIP]
175
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:57,811
MUST YOU MAKE
SUCH A RACKET?!
176
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,651
OK. YOU'VE BOSSED
ME AROUND
177
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,119
FOR THE LAST TIME.
178
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,492
OH, I'M SORRY
I BLEW UP LIKE THAT.
179
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,127
[BIP]
180
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,240
THERE HE IS.
181
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,209
THERE HE IS.
182
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,679
THERE HE IS.
183
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,047
WHAT GOES ON OUTSIDE
OF THIS OFFICE
184
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,182
IS REALLY
NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
185
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,651
THERE HE IS.
186
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,620
JUST BECAUSE I SET
SALLY UP WITH BRAD,
187
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,556
YOU'RE NOT OBLIGATED
TO TELL ME HOW IT WENT.
188
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,091
THERE HE IS.
189
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,458
I'M NOT EVEN CURIOUS.
190
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,494
RIGHT THERE.
191
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,562
SALLY'S DATE--
192
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,330
START TALKING.
193
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,233
IN HER OWN WORDS,
"IT WAS WONDERFUL."
194
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,101
MM-HMM?
MM-HMM?
195
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,970
SHE OVER-ATE, AND HE
FOUND HER CHARMING.
196
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,272
HE'S GOING
TO CALL HER.
197
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,541
MM.
MM.
198
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,144
WHAT?
199
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,183
ORANGE JUICE.
200
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,487
NONTOXIC.
201
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,826
TABASCO.
202
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,731
[CLENCHED TEETH]
ALSO NONTOXIC.
203
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,232
HE SAID HE'D CALL.
204
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,199
YES, I KNOW.
205
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,036
HE PROMISED.
HE SAID HE'D CALL.
206
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,271
I CAN TAKE MORE PAIN
THAN ALL OF YOU
PUT TOGETHER,
207
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:35,943
BUT RIGHT NOW
I FEEL SO...ICKY.
208
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,445
GIVE ME SOME PAIN
I CAN DEFINE.
209
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,749
I'M NOT GOING
TO JAM YOUR HAND
IN THE TOASTER AGAIN.
210
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:45,485
YOU JUST CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
211
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,654
IT'S LIKE
HE REACHED IN
212
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,323
AND PULLED ALL THE BONES
OUT OF MY BODY.
213
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,262
[SOB]
214
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:55,829
MY GOD!
215
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,765
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
216
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,770
APPARENTLY,
I'M LEAKING.
217
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,674
WELL, STOP IT!
218
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,444
ALL RIGHT, COMMANDER.
219
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,613
[STIFLED SOB]
220
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,285
WINE COOLER.
221
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,622
I COULD GO
EITHER WAY.
222
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,258
LIEUTENANT,
WE NEED TO TALK.
223
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,393
THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
224
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,328
I DIDN'T WANT
TO BE THE WOMAN.
225
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,130
YOU'RE A VETERAN.
I THOUGHT YOU
COULD HANDLE IT.
226
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,665
WELL, I CAN'T.
227
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,466
THIS IS HARD.
228
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,902
FOR GOODNESS SAKE,
DON'T...
229
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,236
NO. NO.
230
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,237
PLEASE, DON'T.
231
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,205
IT WENT SO GREAT.
232
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,673
BRAD SAID HE LIKED ME.
233
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:43,210
WHY WON'T HE CALL?
234
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,077
THERE, THERE.
235
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,546
AH!
236
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,848
MAYBE HE CAN'T CALL.
237
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,049
MAYBE HIS PHONE IS OUT.
238
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,418
MAYBE HE INJURED HIMSELF
RUNNING WITH SCISSORS
239
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:55,823
OR USED A DRY-CLEANING
BAG AS A TOY.
240
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,524
DICK...
241
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,892
I'VE LOST
ALL FEELING
242
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:02,930
IN THE LEFT SIDE
OF MY BODY.
243
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:06,767
COULD SOMEBODY
PLEASE CALL 116?
244
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,101
DO NOT TOUCH
THAT PHONE.
245
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,436
OH, DAD?
246
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,303
NOW WHAT?
247
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,638
MY TEACHERS WANT
TO TALK TO YOU
248
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,140
ABOUT MY ATTITUDE,
249
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,475
AS IF I HAVE
AN ATTITUDE.
250
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,010
JUST PERFECT.
251
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,947
I TRY TO MOLD A FAMILY
THAT BLENDS IN.
252
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:20,981
WHAT DO I GET?
253
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,150
A SURLY TEENAGER,
A SISTER OBSESSED
WITH A MAN,
254
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,085
AND A BROTHER
WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH.
255
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,587
IS THERE ANOTHER FAMILY
IN THE WORLD LIKE THIS?
256
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,191
I DON'T THINK SO.
257
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,293
I CAN'T TAKE IT
ANYMORE.
258
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,694
ME NEITHER.
259
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,396
I'VE GOT TO FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAD.
260
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,233
"INDUCE VOMITING"--
THERE'S AN IDEA.
261
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:42,469
IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME,
262
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,805
I'LL BE IN THE GARAGE...
263
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,941
PUTTING UP PEGBOARD.
264
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:57,751
HELLO, BRAD.
265
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,552
SALLY.
266
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,923
I'VE COME
TO CHECK YOUR PHONE.
267
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,031
SALLY, PLEASE,
CALM DOWN.
268
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,034
NO, YOU MAY NOT
MAIM HARRY.
269
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,404
FIND SOMEONE
ON THE STREET.
270
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:19,773
TROUBLE AT HOME?
271
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,242
NO. WHY WOULD YOU
SAY THAT?
272
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,410
HE DIDN'T CALL,
DID HE?
273
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,711
NOT YET.
274
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,614
MM.
MM.
275
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:31,051
I JUST WISH SALLY HAD
SOME WOMEN FRIENDS
TO TURN TO.
276
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,319
ARE YOU ASKING
FOR MY HELP?
277
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,220
YOU OFFERING?
278
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,222
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'RE ASKING.
279
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,190
I DON'T NEED HELP.
280
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:37,991
THEN I'M NOT OFFERING.
281
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:40,127
FINE WITH ME.
282
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,395
YOU CAN'T SAY IT,
CAN YOU?
283
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,967
HELP ME!
284
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:47,767
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
285
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,070
I CAN'T STAND
TO SEE HER
LIKE THIS.
286
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,738
THERE. THAT
WASN'T SO HARD.
287
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,405
THEN YOU'LL HELP?
288
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,174
NO.
289
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,743
CAN'T YOU TAKE OUT
AND TALK TO HER?
290
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,545
NINA COULD JOIN YOU.
291
00:12:58,578 --> 00:12:59,512
OH, I'M SORRY.
292
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:00,380
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT
293
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,683
I'M HAVING MY EYES
GOUGED OUT.
294
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,886
CAN'T YOU
RESCHEDULE IT?
295
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,054
PUT YOURSELF
IN HER POSITION.
296
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,455
YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE,
297
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:12,392
AROUSING STIMULI
FLY BACK AND FORTH
ACROSS THE TABLE,
298
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,061
AND THEN HE DOESN'T CALL.
299
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,795
HOW WOULD YOU
REPAIR YOURSELF?
300
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:19,299
I'D GET TOASTED
AND CALL HIM
FILTHY NAMES.
301
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,202
GREAT. GO DO THAT
WITH SALLY.
302
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,670
YOU'RE BUYING.
303
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,173
OF COURSE.
304
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,877
OH, SHE'S WAY MORE
UPSET THAN THAT.
305
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,884
DR. SOLOMON,
LET ME BE BLUNT.
306
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,986
TOMMY HAS A PROBLEM
WITH AUTHORITY.
307
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,888
IN GYM, HE REFUSED
TO CLIMB THE ROPE.
308
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,190
WHAT WAS AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE?
309
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,062
IF HE WERE MY BOY,
310
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,999
I'D WARM UP
HIS LITTLE BOTTOM.
311
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,033
YOU'RE THE ONE
312
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:56,669
WHO DIDN'T WANT HIM SITTING
WITH THE GIRLS, RIGHT?
313
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,141
HE'S JUST JEALOUS
314
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,843
BECAUSE I'VE DONE
SO MUCH BETTER
THAN HE HAS.
315
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,579
NOBODY EVER SAID
BEING A FATHER
IS EASY.
316
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,048
YOU'RE TELLING ME?
317
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,650
SOME OF YOU
MUST HAVE CHILDREN...
318
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,087
AS FRIGHTENING
AS THAT THOUGHT IS.
319
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,488
WHAT DO YOU DO?
320
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,558
YOU NEED TO SET
A GOOD EXAMPLE
FOR YOUR SON.
321
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:22,429
SINCE WHEN DID MY SON
BECOME MY RESPONSIBILITY?
322
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,397
YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE
FALLING DOWN ON THE JOB.
323
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,633
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE EDUCATING HIM.
324
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:27,534
KNOWLEDGE
IS THE ONLY CHANCE
325
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,569
THIS PLANET HAS
FOR SURVIVAL.
326
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:33,673
ONE DAY, YOU'LL NEED
SOMEONE TO SAVE YOUR
COLLECTIVE BUTTS,
327
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,509
AND ALL YOU'LL HAVE
TO PICK FROM ARE
ROPE CLIMBERS.
328
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,913
DR. SOLOMON,
YOU'RE AVOIDING
THE REAL PROBLEM--
329
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,448
THE HOME
ENVIRONMENT.
330
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,882
OF COURSE
I'M AVOIDING IT.
331
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,953
IT'S FULL
OF CRAZY PEOPLE.
332
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,692
OH, COME ON, SALLY.
333
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,194
I KNOW YOU'RE IN PAIN,
334
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,997
BUT HOLDING IT IN
WON'T DO ANY GOOD.
335
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,531
YOU'VE GOT
TO LET IT OUT.
336
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,001
COME ON, OPEN UP.
337
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,437
AAH!
338
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,376
THAT REALLY HELPED.
339
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,878
THIS CAN'T BE THE FIRST
BAD DATE YOU'VE EVER HAD.
340
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,115
A COUPLE YEARS AGO,
A FRIEND SET ME UP
341
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,116
AND MY DATE
TURNED OUT TO BE
342
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:18,918
THIS GIANT
SLIMY YOLK SAC.
343
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,253
YEAH. I'VE BEEN THERE.
344
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,854
WHO HASN'T?
345
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,291
I ONCE DATED THIS
CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR.
346
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,758
DR. ABRAMS.
347
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:28,228
SHE'S STARTING
WITH THE As.
348
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,429
HE INVITED ME
TO PORTAGE LAKES
349
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,830
FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND
350
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,600
AND THEN JUST
NEVER SHOWED UP.
351
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,601
DID YOU KILL HIM?
352
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,769
I DON'T BELIEVE
IN VIOLENCE.
353
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,771
VIOLENCE DOESN'T
DO YOU ANY GOOD.
354
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,740
HOWEVER, A GAS TANK
FULL OF SUGAR
355
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,710
AND A FLAMING BAG
OF DOG POOP WILL.
356
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,414
AND YOU
TAKE THAT ORALLY?
357
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,120
TOMMY, YOUR TEACHERS
THINK I'M NOT ACTING
358
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,022
ENOUGH LIKE
A FATHER TO YOU.
359
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,189
YOU'RE NOT
MY FATHER.
360
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,158
WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
361
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,393
BUT I WANT TO TRY
TO ACT LIKE ONE.
362
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,296
FINE. WHAT DO FATHERS
AND SONS DO TOGETHER?
363
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,133
OH, UH...
THEY DO THIS.
364
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,971
YES. I'VE
SEEN THAT.
365
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,906
OH. YEAH.
366
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,578
EXCELLENT.
367
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,280
WE'RE
ROUGHHOUSING.
368
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,981
SON.
369
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,086
HA HA HA HA!
370
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,455
ERRRGH!
371
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:48,275
THIS HAS TAKEN
A WRONG TURN
SOMEWHERE.
372
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,576
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
373
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,943
WE CAN DO WHAT
THE GUY DOWNSTAIRS
374
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,479
DOES WITH HIS SON.
375
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,115
THEY WATCH TV
FOR 18 HOURS STRAIGHT.
376
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:59,652
YES. IT'S THE CLASSIC
MALE BONDING RITUAL.
377
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,953
OH, LOOK.
378
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,455
MONDAY NIGHT
FOOTBALL.
379
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,725
ALL RIGHT!
YAY!
ALL RIGHT!
380
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,795
WHAT IS IT?
381
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,031
ISN'T THERE SOMEPLACE
WHERE PEOPLE CAN HAVE
MEANINGLESS SEX
382
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,800
WITH VARIOUS PARTNERS?
383
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,736
YES. IT'S CALLED
THE SEVENTIES.
384
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:20,807
WELL, HOW LATE
IS IT OPEN?
385
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,043
HEY. CHECK OUT
THE BARTENDER.
386
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,379
OOH. GOD'S GIFT
TO WOMEN.
387
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,915
I HOPE HE KEPT
THE RECEIPT.
388
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,391
GET A LOAD OF THE GUY
IN THE VEST.
389
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,993
I HOPE HE KEPT
THE RECEIPT.
390
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,098
SEE, SALLY?
391
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:46,399
YOU ARE NOT
THE PROBLEM.
392
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,634
GUYS ARE JERKS.
393
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,769
YOU'LL JUST NEVER
FIND THE PERFECT MAN.
394
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:53,373
THE PERFECT MAN WOULD
HAVE BILL GATES' MONEY,
395
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,974
JIMMY SMITS' ASS,
396
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,376
LIAM NEESON'S SHOULDERS,
397
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,878
MICHAEL JORDAN'S THIGHS...
398
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,046
AND WE NEED A BRAIN.
399
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,482
NO, WE DON'T.
400
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,417
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
401
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,153
THEN HE'D THINK
LIKE A MAN.
402
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,854
SEE? THERE'S JUST
NO DEALING
403
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,157
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX.
404
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,924
YES, THE
OPPOSITE SEX!
405
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,627
I DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
406
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:15,895
IT'S MEN.
407
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,666
THEY'RE A COMPLETELY
OPPOSITE SEX.
408
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,000
THEY HUNT,
WE GATHER.
409
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,535
THEY SWEAT,
WE GLOW.
410
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,705
THEY SHAKE,
WE WIPE.
411
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,006
YOU!
412
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:27,940
YOUR SEXUAL ORGANS
413
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,777
ARE IN TOTAL DIAMETRIC
OPPOSITION TO MINE.
414
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,646
SO...CAN I GIVE YOU
A CALL SOMETIME?
415
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,782
OH, YEAH. I'LL BE
WAITING BY THE PHONE.
416
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:39,452
HA HA HA HA!
417
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,620
HAVE WE
POISONED HER?
418
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:43,256
NO. NOW SHE'S A BUXOM,
419
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:47,126
LEGGY, POUTY-LIPPED
BITCH WITH ATTITUDE.
420
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,796
I THINK
SHE'LL DO JUST FINE.
421
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:53,700
[DOORBELL]
422
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:54,934
HELLO, BRAD.
423
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,103
S-SALLY.
424
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,040
I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU
425
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,177
THAT I UNDERSTAND
YOUR LIMITATIONS.
426
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,480
I EXPECTED TOO MUCH.
427
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,816
I'M SO SORRY.
428
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,418
ALL THE BEST.
429
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,653
OOPS.
430
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,155
GOT YOUR KNOB.
431
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,227
HASN'T TONIGHT
BEEN GREAT?
432
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,295
JUST US BOYS
DRINKING BEER,
433
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,296
YELLING LIKE IDIOTS,
434
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,499
EMITTING
VARIOUS GASSES.
435
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,000
OH, LOOK.
436
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,303
THEY'RE DOING
THAT THING AGAIN.
437
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,539
LOOK OUT.
OH...
438
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,040
WHOA...
WHOA...
WHOA...
439
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,542
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
440
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,311
THAT WAS GREAT.
441
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,045
SALLY'S BACK.
442
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:39,746
PARTY'S OVER.
443
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:40,680
THANK GOD.
444
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,015
SALLY, YOU'RE SMILING.
445
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,453
YOU'RE FIXED.
446
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,221
BECAUSE I WAS
NEVER BROKEN.
447
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,790
I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE THIS WAY.
448
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,359
I'M A WOMAN.
449
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,526
YES, AND...
450
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,428
WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO
DO YOU USE?
451
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,596
I DON'T KNOW.
452
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,698
EXACTLY. AND DO YOU
FEEL THE URGE
453
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,133
TO HAVE AN 8-POUND
SCREAMING LARVA
454
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:04,003
RIP ITS WAY OUT OF
YOUR LOWER ABDOMEN?
455
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,975
NO. I THINK I COULD DO
WITHOUT THAT.
456
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,176
YOU SEE?
457
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,077
YOU AND I ARE
458
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,845
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
LIFE FORMS.
459
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,415
AND IT'S JUST SOME
SICK COSMIC JOKE
460
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,385
THAT WE HAVE
TO SHARE A PLANET.
461
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,719
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
462
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,854
MAYBE IT WASN'T FAIR
MAKING YOU THE WOMAN.
463
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,656
I'M ALL RIGHT.
464
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,325
I CAN HANDLE
THE MOOD SWINGS,
465
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:28,194
THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES,
THE CAT CALLS,
466
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,263
THE PUNITIVE UNDERWEAR,
467
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:31,097
BECAUSE, FRANKLY,
468
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,302
WHEN I THINK
OF THE ALTERNATIVE...
469
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:38,938
I JUST HAVE TO LAUGH.
470
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,082
MOTHER EARTH.
471
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,018
FATHER TIME.
472
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,987
LADY LUCK.
473
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,056
GENTLEMEN'S
QUARTERLY.
474
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:01,227
DAUGHTERS OF
THE AMERICAN
REVOLUTION.
475
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,929
SON OF KONG.
476
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,332
FAIRY GODMOTHER.
477
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,500
THE GODFATHER OF SOUL.
478
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:16,876
MISSISSIPPI.
479
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,446
MR. SIPPI.
31229
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