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1
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:07,026
Pippa! I'm doing another triathlon,
will you sponsor me?
2
00:00:07,051 --> 00:00:10,918
- What's the charity?
- I dunno. So, shall I put you down for...
3
00:00:10,943 --> 00:00:15,006
...a million pounds?
- Sounds like quite a lot. - Really? Oh.
4
00:00:15,031 --> 00:00:17,506
Well, that's what Johnny
and all our other hedge-fund friends
5
00:00:17,506 --> 00:00:20,707
have put down, but then I suppose
we are that much richer than you.
6
00:00:20,732 --> 00:00:23,902
Well, I don't need money to be
happy. I'm just lucky I found Wills.
7
00:00:24,247 --> 00:00:25,903
Who, it turns out, is going
to be King!
8
00:00:25,928 --> 00:00:27,528
That's not why I fell in love with him.
9
00:00:27,553 --> 00:00:30,353
And the fact I'm going to be Queen
one day is actually quite a burden.
10
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:34,057
- Oh, here we go! - You don't know what
it's like doing Royal duties, Pippa.
11
00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:37,083
Passing bunches of flowers
to a plain-clothes policeman,
12
00:00:37,108 --> 00:00:38,947
it's hardly coal mining, is it?
13
00:00:38,947 --> 00:00:39,947
It's a lot of pressure.
14
00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:42,971
For those people at Berkshire County
Fair, seeing me today
15
00:00:42,996 --> 00:00:45,114
will be the highlight of their lives.
- Really?
16
00:00:45,139 --> 00:00:48,688
They never saw you getting fingered
at the Venture Scouts disco, did they?
17
00:00:48,713 --> 00:00:50,766
Pippa, I don't think you
have any idea how hard
18
00:00:50,791 --> 00:00:53,117
a Royal duty actually is.
- Oh, is it hard,
19
00:00:53,142 --> 00:00:54,678
or is it really fucking easy?
20
00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:56,320
I've got to do it alone today.
21
00:00:56,735 --> 00:00:57,749
OK, then.
22
00:00:57,774 --> 00:01:00,577
Get your Zara jacket on,
I'll do it with you.
23
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,976
But...you're not Royal.
24
00:01:01,976 --> 00:01:04,591
It's the Berkshire County
Show, who cares?
25
00:01:25,359 --> 00:01:27,153
We're only just in the Top Ten now.
26
00:01:27,178 --> 00:01:28,878
I don't think we're
ever going to get back
27
00:01:28,903 --> 00:01:31,238
on the Sovereign Grant.
- But who needs it?
28
00:01:31,263 --> 00:01:33,394
We're both going to be
married now. Besides,
29
00:01:33,419 --> 00:01:35,566
we're going to be
online influencers.
30
00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:39,297
Do you think so? All the
zappy brands have turned us down.
31
00:01:39,443 --> 00:01:42,654
Apple, Nike, WHSmiths.
32
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,665
They're all saying the same thing.
33
00:01:44,863 --> 00:01:48,531
- We're just not popular enough.
- Oh, dear. We could end up like
34
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:50,580
Princess Margaret's children.
35
00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,969
Not even characters on The Crown.
36
00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:54,976
PHONE RINGS
- Oh.
37
00:01:56,519 --> 00:02:00,265
Hang on a minute, it's from one of
those big Japanese perfume houses.
38
00:02:00,546 --> 00:02:03,288
They're launching a new scent
called Diamond Dignity,
39
00:02:03,288 --> 00:02:05,405
and they want us to front it.
40
00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:08,070
Because we're so dignified.
41
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,191
Exactly what those Nike twats
hate us for.
42
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:13,638
They're offering
a million pounds a year, each.
43
00:02:13,753 --> 00:02:14,853
OMG!
44
00:02:15,238 --> 00:02:18,370
We don't need to feel guilty about
taking 16 holidays a year any more,
45
00:02:18,651 --> 00:02:21,229
because now, we'll be
paying for them ourselves!
46
00:02:21,254 --> 00:02:23,545
Hold on, there's a special clause.
47
00:02:23,656 --> 00:02:24,847
Because we're representing
48
00:02:24,872 --> 00:02:26,925
Diamond Dignity,
they're saying we can never
49
00:02:26,950 --> 00:02:30,034
associate with Mummy ever again!
50
00:02:30,565 --> 00:02:33,985
"Because we consider her
the opposite of dignity."
51
00:02:34,323 --> 00:02:37,729
- Oh, well, we'll just have to turn them down.
- Um, just a sec.
52
00:02:37,979 --> 00:02:39,956
That's a lot of money,
53
00:02:40,252 --> 00:02:42,912
and Mummy always says
she wants us to be happy. - But...
54
00:02:42,937 --> 00:02:44,956
And we were happy just then,
weren't we?
55
00:02:44,981 --> 00:02:46,768
You know,
when we read that e-mail.
56
00:02:47,007 --> 00:02:50,658
- Yeah, but never seeing Mummy ever again.
- I need this, Bea,
57
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:53,258
I don't know how long Jack's
going to be kept on as
58
00:02:53,283 --> 00:02:57,405
a Tequila ambassador. I mean, do you
know what a Tequila ambassador is?!
59
00:02:58,813 --> 00:03:01,511
All right, we'd better
go round and see Mummy.
60
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,292
Oh, Camilla, I didn't expect
61
00:03:08,317 --> 00:03:09,721
to see you till Saturday.
62
00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:11,027
I thought you were in Switzerland,
63
00:03:11,052 --> 00:03:13,597
having your blood changed...
- Oh!
64
00:03:13,622 --> 00:03:17,988
Excuse me, sir.
I'm the new shop manageress, Prue.
65
00:03:18,952 --> 00:03:21,040
It's a great honour.
66
00:03:22,392 --> 00:03:25,126
Oh. Well, Prue, um, tell me,
67
00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,734
do you think �80
is too much to charge
68
00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:30,027
for a jar of honey?
- Oh, no, sir,
69
00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:32,780
and it's made by bees
rom the High Grove estate,
70
00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:34,865
who might have hovered near you.
71
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:37,723
There is that personal connection.
72
00:03:37,886 --> 00:03:41,297
I notice you've displayed
my paintings more prominently.
73
00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:42,764
Because they're wonderful!
74
00:03:43,271 --> 00:03:44,371
Excuse me, sir.
75
00:03:44,949 --> 00:03:46,763
Sometimes, my passions
76
00:03:46,763 --> 00:03:47,797
get the better of me.
77
00:03:47,822 --> 00:03:49,320
Yes, like me.
78
00:03:49,519 --> 00:03:51,127
One only has to look at this
79
00:03:51,152 --> 00:03:52,939
painting of a distant hillside
80
00:03:52,964 --> 00:03:56,498
to see the raging cauldron
of emotions inside me.
81
00:03:56,622 --> 00:03:58,507
Is that what the sheep represent?
82
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,485
You have a wonderful eye.
83
00:04:01,747 --> 00:04:05,270
Camilla often says my paintings
are a bit on the shit side.
84
00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:07,537
Oh, no, no, no, no, sir! I mean,
85
00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:09,797
I think we could charge
even more for them.
86
00:04:09,987 --> 00:04:12,062
- Really?
- Oh, yes, sir.
87
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,516
And not just the paintings.
88
00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,696
This Prince of Wales
bug hotel, for instance,
89
00:04:17,721 --> 00:04:20,608
I see no reason why the public
wouldn't pay �200 for it.
90
00:04:21,015 --> 00:04:23,295
Well, I did personally supervise
91
00:04:23,295 --> 00:04:25,338
the smashing up of the bamboo.
92
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,117
Do you know, Prue,
93
00:04:27,449 --> 00:04:30,487
I think you and I are going to work
very well together.
94
00:04:30,806 --> 00:04:33,646
SHE GIGGLES
- Hmm...
95
00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:41,506
Auntie Anne is very
particular about her food.
96
00:04:41,701 --> 00:04:43,812
With her porridge,
she just has water and salt,
97
00:04:43,812 --> 00:04:45,701
and she has it for
breakfast, lunch and dinner.
98
00:04:45,726 --> 00:04:47,864
Ooh-hoo!
HE GASPS
99
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:55,066
- Oh, Auntie Anne!
- Wills! Oh! Oh!
100
00:04:55,066 --> 00:04:56,986
Have you got a kiss for your auntie?
101
00:04:57,300 --> 00:05:01,486
Mmm... Mwah!
102
00:05:01,722 --> 00:05:05,037
Oh, I hope I haven't put you out,
inviting myself like this?
103
00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:07,386
Not at all, it is lovely to see you.
104
00:05:07,411 --> 00:05:09,862
- I like what you've done with your hair.
- Oh,
105
00:05:09,887 --> 00:05:12,255
well, I have a new special friend,
106
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,052
who likes it down.
107
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,955
I've actually brought him along.
108
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,649
Oh, to stay in
separate rooms, of course.
109
00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:21,723
Oh, right, more the merrier.
ho... Who is it?
110
00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:24,606
David!
111
00:05:25,445 --> 00:05:28,657
- All right, Wills?
- Ha!
112
00:05:28,657 --> 00:05:31,020
- David Beckham!
- David Beckham!
113
00:05:31,168 --> 00:05:33,656
- Thanks for letting me and Anne
have a sleepover. - Mmm...
114
00:05:33,656 --> 00:05:37,865
Oh, it's all above board. There's
no, erm, ahem, sexual component.
115
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:41,751
Mind you, if I weren't married,
I'd be like a rat up a drainpipe!
116
00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:44,261
Oh, ha-ha-ha! Stop it, David!
117
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:47,280
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- How did you two meet?
118
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,174
Oh, at, erm, a reunion of
119
00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:51,746
past winners of
Sports Personality of the Year.
120
00:05:51,909 --> 00:05:55,037
- We were both in the bog,
avoiding Nigel Mansell. - Hmm.
121
00:05:55,327 --> 00:05:58,676
I think stumbling into that cubicle
was the best day of my life!
122
00:05:59,263 --> 00:06:01,807
Yeah, it was like I'd won
the Lottery.
123
00:06:01,807 --> 00:06:03,986
Oh, David, ha-ha-ha-ha!
124
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:11,456
Oh, Harry, potato printing!
125
00:06:11,481 --> 00:06:13,004
That's a great educational
126
00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:14,755
activity to do with Archie.
127
00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:16,441
Oh, no, he's out with Nanny.
128
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,044
- What are they?
- I got them from the Queen's library.
129
00:06:20,069 --> 00:06:21,980
I'm going to research
your family tree.
130
00:06:22,005 --> 00:06:25,473
- Yeah, but why don't you just look
at a tea towel? - Ho-ho! Oh, Harry!
131
00:06:25,879 --> 00:06:27,754
It's for Archie's journey.
132
00:06:28,026 --> 00:06:30,924
Because if we don't know where
we're from, how can we truly know
133
00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:32,774
where we're going?
- Well, exactly.
134
00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:34,833
Oh, here's something.
135
00:06:34,858 --> 00:06:37,464
Charles ll set up the RAC.
136
00:06:37,553 --> 00:06:39,068
The Royal Automobile Club.
137
00:06:39,173 --> 00:06:41,702
Cars weren't invented in 1660.
138
00:06:41,999 --> 00:06:44,819
- It stands for the Royal African Company.
- Well, I'm sure
139
00:06:44,844 --> 00:06:46,570
that's something really helpful too.
140
00:06:46,595 --> 00:06:47,984
Boof!
141
00:06:48,009 --> 00:06:49,071
Prr... Psch!
142
00:06:50,958 --> 00:06:54,278
Hello.
Are you selling jam?
143
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,392
You should be very
proud of yourself.
144
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:01,374
Hello.
145
00:07:02,229 --> 00:07:03,659
Are you selling cakes?
146
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,196
CROWD LAUGHS
147
00:07:05,514 --> 00:07:06,738
Hello?
148
00:07:06,763 --> 00:07:08,336
Are you selling ca...?
149
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,387
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
150
00:07:11,412 --> 00:07:13,041
Marry Ryan Reynolds,
151
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,841
shag Harry Styles,
152
00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:18,056
and kill Ed Sheeran!
LAUGHTER
153
00:07:19,165 --> 00:07:21,282
- What are you doing?
- I'm being a normal person.
154
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,066
You have to maintain dignity.
155
00:07:23,091 --> 00:07:24,787
MAN SHOUTS:
You're a breath of fresh air!
156
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:28,802
- Yes, she's wonderful, isn't she? Ha-ha-ha!
- Right,
157
00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:32,076
now I think it's time to see
who's got the biggest carrot...
158
00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:34,640
then I'll judge the vegetables!
159
00:07:34,665 --> 00:07:38,036
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WOMAN SHOUTS: We love you, Pippa!
160
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,676
MAN SHOUTS: Give us a song!
161
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:42,763
All right!
162
00:07:42,788 --> 00:07:46,444
MUSIC STARTS UP
163
00:07:46,469 --> 00:07:49,837
CHEERING
164
00:07:49,862 --> 00:07:52,868
? ..To a bunch of cool cats
that dance the night away... ?
165
00:07:52,893 --> 00:07:56,221
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
166
00:07:56,246 --> 00:08:00,101
? Falling for you once more
167
00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:03,641
? Like a silly fool
168
00:08:04,018 --> 00:08:07,434
? Life can be so cruel
169
00:08:07,728 --> 00:08:10,314
? I don't like it... ?
170
00:08:10,539 --> 00:08:15,392
UPBEAT MUSIC
171
00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:21,733
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
172
00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:27,909
We should have just
old her on the phone.
173
00:08:27,946 --> 00:08:30,568
But this is the last time
we're ever going to see her!
174
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,725
We have to do the live launch of
Diamond Dignity
175
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,415
from my place tonight.
- I don't know.
176
00:08:35,475 --> 00:08:38,199
- Cutting her out of our
lives, just for money!
177
00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:39,708
- What would Dad do?
178
00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:41,458
Oh, yeah.
179
00:08:41,528 --> 00:08:42,628
SHE KNOCKS ON DOOR
180
00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:45,472
0h, girls!
181
00:08:45,472 --> 00:08:48,805
Oh, I knew you wouldn't
forget Mother's Day!
182
00:08:49,073 --> 00:08:51,190
Oh, are those for me? Yeah. Oh!
183
00:08:51,215 --> 00:08:53,016
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
184
00:08:53,702 --> 00:08:56,278
- Mummy, why are you wearing that dress?
- Oh, yeah,
185
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,871
I had to sell my other frocks, girls,
186
00:08:57,896 --> 00:08:59,246
but, ah, I kept this one
187
00:08:59,271 --> 00:09:02,211
for sentimental reasons.
- Because it reminds you of Dad?
188
00:09:02,211 --> 00:09:05,161
No, Wham!. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
189
00:09:05,186 --> 00:09:06,735
I can still get into it, apart from
190
00:09:06,933 --> 00:09:08,242
a few safety pins.
191
00:09:09,045 --> 00:09:10,216
So, are you taking me out?
192
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,722
Er, of course, Mummy.
193
00:09:12,747 --> 00:09:14,450
Young Guns Go for it!
194
00:09:18,471 --> 00:09:22,303
Goodness me, we've never taken
his much money in a day before!
195
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,470
I told you, sir.
196
00:09:23,869 --> 00:09:26,508
People really pay �500 for
197
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,054
a pair of gardening gloves,
198
00:09:28,079 --> 00:09:30,196
just because they've
got my face on them?
199
00:09:30,196 --> 00:09:31,892
Oh, of course, sir.
HE CHUCKLES
200
00:09:31,917 --> 00:09:34,973
I think the �800 wickerwork owl
should be somewhere
201
00:09:34,998 --> 00:09:37,161
more prominent.
- Perhaps flanked by
202
00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:39,436
the �900 wickerwork squirrel.
- No!
203
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,930
Not in front of your book!
- Prue.
204
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:44,709
Sorry, sir. It's just that I...
205
00:09:45,115 --> 00:09:46,991
I love it so much.
206
00:09:47,159 --> 00:09:49,942
I've read it so many times,
it's almost like I'm...
207
00:09:50,142 --> 00:09:51,866
inside your mind.
208
00:09:52,211 --> 00:09:54,989
Yes, quite a place
to hang out, isn't it?
209
00:09:54,989 --> 00:09:57,376
Now, how much do you think
we should charge
210
00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:59,588
for this silly little bag
of pine cones?
211
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,928
�1,000
212
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,812
You do know the gardener just
picks them up off of the ground
213
00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:07,527
and puts them in this silly little bag?
- Yes!
214
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:15,567
What's up?
215
00:10:15,937 --> 00:10:19,748
I've found out what Charles ll
used the Royal African Company for.
216
00:10:20,426 --> 00:10:21,826
Slavery!
217
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:24,620
Oh. Well, that's not so bad, is it?
218
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:27,651
- Not so bad?!
- Well, it's just a bloke on a trumpet,
219
00:10:27,729 --> 00:10:31,818
another bloke on double bass,
and maybe a guy on vibes?
220
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:33,566
No, that's jazz.
221
00:10:33,669 --> 00:10:35,987
Oh, is it? What's slavery, then?
222
00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:39,094
Oh. Yah, that is bad, isn't it?
223
00:10:39,094 --> 00:10:42,869
Have you any idea how disruptive
this will be to Archie's narrative?
224
00:10:42,869 --> 00:10:44,623
Well, it was a long time ago,
wasn't it?
225
00:10:44,623 --> 00:10:47,500
It must've been, what, the 1970s?
226
00:10:47,525 --> 00:10:49,429
It was a lot longer ago than that.
227
00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,158
Well, there we are, then!
228
00:10:51,636 --> 00:10:53,066
Don't you understand?
229
00:10:53,228 --> 00:10:54,980
Buying a person and forcing them
230
00:10:55,005 --> 00:10:58,374
to spend their lives working on
a sugar plantation is wrong.
231
00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:01,439
Oh, yah, no, you said this before.
Sugar is poison.
232
00:11:01,491 --> 00:11:02,698
That's not my point!
233
00:11:03,853 --> 00:11:05,173
Not this time.
234
00:11:07,663 --> 00:11:11,142
So, I've looked up and I've
seen Scholesy in the box
235
00:11:11,142 --> 00:11:12,566
screaming for it.
236
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:14,095
I put the ball on his nut
237
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,410
and he stuck it in
the top left-hand corner.
238
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,708
Ha-ha-ha! David, you're priceless!
239
00:11:19,848 --> 00:11:21,564
Er, I need the bog.
240
00:11:23,311 --> 00:11:25,203
So...
241
00:11:25,203 --> 00:11:27,017
what do you think?
242
00:11:28,092 --> 00:11:30,825
Yah, yah, he's a good bloke.
243
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:33,753
You're right,
he's the perfect man, isn't he?
244
00:11:33,838 --> 00:11:36,620
And he's contributed
So much to the nation.
245
00:11:38,054 --> 00:11:39,882
Oh, I wonder,
246
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,324
do you think he should have some
sort of title?
247
00:11:42,937 --> 00:11:44,548
A knighthood, perhaps?
248
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:46,376
A knighthood?
249
00:11:46,376 --> 00:11:49,821
Well, he is one of England's
best EVER footballers.
250
00:11:49,821 --> 00:11:52,297
But only two of the England team who
won the World Cup got knighthoods,
251
00:11:52,322 --> 00:11:54,795
and didn't David only ever make it
to the quarterfinals?
252
00:11:55,246 --> 00:11:58,066
I suppose I could
recommend him for an OBE.
253
00:11:58,388 --> 00:12:00,393
An O B EEE?!
254
00:12:00,488 --> 00:12:03,503
- Yah, it's still good.
- He's got an OBE!
255
00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:04,658
No!
256
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,238
No! Knighthood.
257
00:12:06,263 --> 00:12:07,665
Knighthood. Knighthood.
258
00:12:07,665 --> 00:12:10,280
- I'll give it some thought.
- I should hope you will!
259
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,727
SHE WHINNIES
260
00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:26,087
She was doing
a medley of World War ll songs.
261
00:12:26,174 --> 00:12:27,798
Now they've asked her instead of me
262
00:12:27,823 --> 00:12:29,727
to open an old people's
dance centre.
263
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,200
Wills, you're not listening
to a single word I've said.
264
00:12:32,225 --> 00:12:33,455
Oh, sorry darling.
265
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,290
I'm just so worried about this whole
Anne, David Beckham thing.
266
00:12:36,315 --> 00:12:38,542
Well, I think it's wonderful
she's found a friend.
267
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:41,394
No, I think he's using her
to get a knighthood.
268
00:12:41,808 --> 00:12:43,886
But that would mean
manipulating the honour system
269
00:12:43,911 --> 00:12:45,831
and that's simply not possible,
is it?
270
00:12:46,452 --> 00:12:47,452
True.
271
00:12:47,605 --> 00:12:49,449
I still think he's using her.
272
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,403
I'm going to tell her.
273
00:12:51,574 --> 00:12:55,970
Wills, do you think
I should be more, well, fun?
274
00:12:56,731 --> 00:13:00,198
You are a safe pair of hands, that's
what we want from a future queen.
275
00:13:00,198 --> 00:13:01,445
They don't come to you for fun.
276
00:13:01,613 --> 00:13:03,066
They come to you for tradition.
277
00:13:03,091 --> 00:13:04,551
Who cares if that's boring?
278
00:13:10,807 --> 00:13:12,819
It's just before lunch.
279
00:13:13,136 --> 00:13:14,740
Where have all the customers gone?
280
00:13:14,765 --> 00:13:16,975
They've gone off me, it's over.
281
00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:19,737
Course not,
we're just having an off day.
282
00:13:19,979 --> 00:13:21,365
The people still love you.
283
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:22,882
Well, then, where are they?
284
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:25,370
Probably all watching
a documentary about you.
285
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,464
I know that's what I'd be doing.
286
00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:29,204
Right, shall we go for lunch?
287
00:13:29,229 --> 00:13:30,354
Right, erm.
288
00:13:30,379 --> 00:13:31,472
Won't be a sec.
289
00:13:35,030 --> 00:13:37,445
Did I make a mistake
with that woman?
290
00:13:39,493 --> 00:13:41,126
No, you're right.
291
00:13:41,305 --> 00:13:43,796
I've always been a sound
judge of character.
292
00:13:44,417 --> 00:13:45,738
Ready!
293
00:13:45,763 --> 00:13:48,715
Oh, my God, she's one of them.
294
00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:50,524
Do you like?
295
00:13:50,549 --> 00:13:52,721
It's what I wear when I'm'
outside Buckingham Palace
296
00:13:52,746 --> 00:13:54,427
hoping to catch a glimpse of you.
297
00:13:54,911 --> 00:13:57,083
But I don't have to do that now,
do I?
298
00:13:57,542 --> 00:14:00,260
I get to see you
299
00:14:00,495 --> 00:14:03,017
all the time.
300
00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:07,846
Oh, shit.
301
00:14:09,867 --> 00:14:12,760
Great idea to leave mum in Annabel's
while we do our vlog.
302
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:13,987
Here we go.
303
00:14:14,761 --> 00:14:18,785
Hi, and welcome to
Keeping it Royal with B and E.
304
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:21,927
Now, dignity's always something
I've been very keen on,
305
00:14:21,952 --> 00:14:25,100
the way I carry myself,
and my clothes, my...
306
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,125
No.
307
00:14:26,854 --> 00:14:28,080
It's your smell.
308
00:14:28,105 --> 00:14:29,105
Oh, yeah.
309
00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,718
Mad coincidence.
310
00:14:30,743 --> 00:14:34,032
It's my perfume
called Diamond Dignity.
311
00:14:34,651 --> 00:14:36,716
Who fancies a bottle of Newky Brown?
312
00:14:36,741 --> 00:14:38,151
Probably best steer clear.
313
00:14:38,176 --> 00:14:39,558
We're Skyping Prince Philip.
314
00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:42,760
Ohh. No. He loves me
again since your wedding.
315
00:14:42,997 --> 00:14:45,028
Watcha, Phil!
316
00:14:46,877 --> 00:14:49,348
Oh, I wish I'd worn
some underwear now.
317
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:57,701
Oh, no, it's
Japanese Consolidated Meats.
318
00:14:57,726 --> 00:14:58,726
Who are they?
319
00:14:58,751 --> 00:15:01,310
The parent company
of Diamond Dignity.
320
00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:02,916
Uh!
321
00:15:09,393 --> 00:15:12,047
Wills, look what David's bought me.
322
00:15:12,647 --> 00:15:15,221
It's an under garment
in a modern style.
323
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:18,748
Instead of cleavage,
it favours the under boob.
324
00:15:19,255 --> 00:15:20,255
Right.
325
00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:23,171
So, I was wondering,
326
00:15:23,196 --> 00:15:25,996
have you thought any more
about David's knighthood?
327
00:15:26,072 --> 00:15:28,672
Er, to, to, to be honest, I haven't.
328
00:15:29,236 --> 00:15:33,436
Look, Anne, I think
David might be using you.
329
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,150
Using me?
330
00:15:35,175 --> 00:15:37,838
Yah, did he ask you to ask me
for a knighthood?
331
00:15:37,863 --> 00:15:38,863
No.
332
00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:41,054
No, he'd never do that,
we're friends.
333
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:44,879
Unsullied by any
sort of sexual component.
334
00:15:45,424 --> 00:15:47,800
I just,
I don't want you getting hurt.
335
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,367
And why shouldn't he
have a knighthood?
336
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:51,451
He's our most capped
outfield player.
337
00:15:51,476 --> 00:15:54,276
Did he tell you that?
'Cos it's actually Wayne Rooney.
338
00:15:55,144 --> 00:15:56,144
Liar!
339
00:16:00,115 --> 00:16:02,871
To open our dance centre,
Pippa Middleton!
340
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:12,331
I declare this dance centre open.
341
00:16:16,862 --> 00:16:19,484
Kate, what are you doing here?
342
00:16:19,509 --> 00:16:20,959
You're not the only one
who remembers
343
00:16:20,984 --> 00:16:22,837
what our gypsy grandmother
taught us.
344
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:24,077
WOW!
345
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,182
You've been upstaging me
346
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,547
since your arse took all
the headlines at my wedding.
347
00:16:43,194 --> 00:16:45,821
And you've been boring the tits
off everyone since you were ten.
348
00:16:50,647 --> 00:16:52,771
Still think royal duties are easy?
349
00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:55,139
Not easy, it's a piece of piss.
350
00:16:55,671 --> 00:16:57,804
And it's language like that
that makes you completely
351
00:16:57,829 --> 00:16:59,749
unsuitable for royal engagements.
352
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:05,468
Ole!
353
00:17:06,781 --> 00:17:09,096
Even though I'll be
Britain's queen one day,
354
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,064
I'll always be more gypsy than you.
355
00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:12,847
Oh, every time.
356
00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:21,735
Prue, we need to talk.
357
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,681
I could listen to you talk all day.
358
00:17:24,916 --> 00:17:27,000
Look, there's no easy way
to do this,
359
00:17:27,025 --> 00:17:31,087
so, I'm going to just have to come
straight out and say it.
360
00:17:31,993 --> 00:17:33,393
Ah...
361
00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:38,004
You're sacked.
362
00:17:38,029 --> 00:17:39,966
- What?
- It's your prices.
363
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:43,979
This graph will make it easier
to explain.
364
00:17:44,004 --> 00:17:47,290
We have price versus stupidity
of the public.
365
00:17:47,529 --> 00:17:51,448
People will pay ludicrous sums
for products associated with me.
366
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,804
I know.
367
00:17:52,829 --> 00:17:56,211
But there comes a point where even
the most hardened royalist
368
00:17:56,245 --> 00:17:57,797
baulks at paying more.
369
00:17:57,822 --> 00:18:01,663
It's what economists call the
shit for brains saturation point.
370
00:18:02,302 --> 00:18:04,738
As you can see,
we're well beyond it.
371
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:07,723
So you're firing me?
Just like that?
372
00:18:07,748 --> 00:18:09,252
I'm afraid so.
373
00:18:09,764 --> 00:18:10,964
I understand now.
374
00:18:10,991 --> 00:18:12,091
Oh, good.
375
00:18:12,116 --> 00:18:14,801
It means we can continue
our relationship without work
376
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:16,424
getting in the way.
377
00:18:16,424 --> 00:18:18,256
You just don't get it, do you?
378
00:18:18,281 --> 00:18:19,281
What do you mean?
379
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,296
It's over,
there's no other word for it.
380
00:18:21,321 --> 00:18:23,291
- Smith, Bennet!
- No!
381
00:18:23,316 --> 00:18:27,409
- Deal with her.
- Charles! I love you!
382
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,004
You're everything to me.
383
00:18:32,322 --> 00:18:34,128
- If I can't have you...
- She's got my knife.
384
00:18:34,128 --> 00:18:35,128
...no-one will.
385
00:18:35,153 --> 00:18:36,529
I'm too young to die.
386
00:18:36,554 --> 00:18:37,591
Argh!
387
00:18:39,198 --> 00:18:42,616
Geee, she's fallen down
my geothermal bore hole.
388
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,672
Yah, well, it's the way
she would've wanted to go.
389
00:18:50,515 --> 00:18:52,168
OK, goodbye.
390
00:18:54,238 --> 00:18:55,238
Well?
391
00:18:55,263 --> 00:18:57,115
They're giving us a second chance.
392
00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:58,140
But?
393
00:18:58,165 --> 00:18:59,957
We can never see Mummy again.
394
00:18:59,982 --> 00:19:02,132
And this time, they mean it.
395
00:19:02,732 --> 00:19:05,177
Well, I suppose this is goodbye.
396
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,265
No, I'm getting married
next week, remember.
397
00:19:08,290 --> 00:19:09,888
And Mummy has to be there.
398
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,667
We are wrong to even consider
giving up Mummy.
399
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,228
Even for a million pounds
a year each.
400
00:19:15,253 --> 00:19:16,893
Oh, a million pounds?
401
00:19:16,918 --> 00:19:19,571
Oh, no,
girls, you have to be sensible.
402
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:20,790
What do you mean?
403
00:19:20,815 --> 00:19:25,539
Girls, all my life, my poor impulse
control has been holding you back.
404
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,732
No, it's, it's,
time you made your own way.
405
00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:31,116
I'm going out now.
406
00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:35,432
I may be some time.
407
00:19:35,597 --> 00:19:36,597
Mummy!
408
00:19:36,622 --> 00:19:38,377
Sounds like she's pretty definite.
409
00:19:38,402 --> 00:19:39,402
Eugenie.
410
00:19:39,565 --> 00:19:41,078
All right.
411
00:19:41,103 --> 00:19:42,103
Wait.
412
00:19:42,128 --> 00:19:43,187
Oh, girls.
413
00:19:43,318 --> 00:19:45,231
We can live without money.
414
00:19:45,256 --> 00:19:47,597
But we can't live without Mummy.
415
00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:51,046
Oh, girls.
416
00:19:54,218 --> 00:19:59,438
I can't make up for slavery, but
I can make boiled egg and soldiers.
417
00:20:00,246 --> 00:20:01,246
Meghan?
418
00:20:04,032 --> 00:20:07,498
"I'm leaving,
this was the final straw."
419
00:20:08,931 --> 00:20:12,032
Prince Philip's Big Book
of Ethnic Slurs.
420
00:20:13,652 --> 00:20:14,962
Shit it!
421
00:20:16,839 --> 00:20:18,595
Peepog
422
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:21,007
Cuckoo!
423
00:20:21,249 --> 00:20:22,696
David?
424
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:28,026
Who decides these honours?
425
00:20:28,051 --> 00:20:32,796
Katherine Jenkins got an OBE,
for what, singing at the rugby?
426
00:20:33,368 --> 00:20:35,832
They're unappreciative BLEEP.
427
00:20:36,762 --> 00:20:37,762
Anne?
428
00:20:37,787 --> 00:20:40,324
- So, it's true.
- What is?
429
00:20:40,349 --> 00:20:42,674
I've read your e-mail.
430
00:20:43,143 --> 00:20:44,705
I wrote that ages ago,
431
00:20:44,730 --> 00:20:48,328
that's based on outdated material
taken out of context.
432
00:20:48,504 --> 00:20:49,669
It's been doctored.
433
00:20:49,694 --> 00:20:50,980
Wills was right.
434
00:20:51,005 --> 00:20:52,842
You were using me.
435
00:20:53,036 --> 00:20:55,256
Everything has been a lie.
436
00:20:55,994 --> 00:20:58,312
You probably don't even like
Black Beauty.
437
00:20:58,337 --> 00:20:59,337
I do.
438
00:20:59,362 --> 00:21:01,129
It's about a horse, innit?
439
00:21:01,856 --> 00:21:03,238
A black one?
440
00:21:03,503 --> 00:21:05,264
You've humiliated me.
441
00:21:06,377 --> 00:21:09,416
Can't believe
I had this tattoo done!
442
00:21:09,595 --> 00:21:10,808
That'll laser off.
443
00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:13,162
Come on, Anne,
we're friends, aren't we?
444
00:21:14,293 --> 00:21:15,595
How did you do that?
445
00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:17,724
Anne, what's going on?
446
00:21:18,115 --> 00:21:19,115
You were right!!
447
00:21:19,565 --> 00:21:21,365
He made a fool of me.
448
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:24,612
I will return home
and never show my emotions again.
449
00:21:24,637 --> 00:21:26,437
although I shall leave out
the wedding banquet
450
00:21:26,462 --> 00:21:29,747
I prepared for us til the whole
house is covered in cobwebs.
451
00:21:29,772 --> 00:21:31,332
But it's already covered in cobwebs.
452
00:21:31,447 --> 00:21:32,690
- Is it?
- Mm.
453
00:21:32,715 --> 00:21:34,780
Oh, well, I sleep
in the stables anyway.
454
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,868
With the horses.
455
00:21:36,908 --> 00:21:38,581
Neigh!!
456
00:21:42,163 --> 00:21:45,156
So, Wills,
think I can have a knighthood?
457
00:21:46,599 --> 00:21:48,200
That's for Auntie Anne.
458
00:21:50,797 --> 00:21:53,044
And that's for trying to corrupt
the honours system.
459
00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:55,139
Urgh.
460
00:21:57,749 --> 00:21:58,749
Meghan!
461
00:21:58,975 --> 00:22:00,765
- Meghan.
- Harry?
462
00:22:00,890 --> 00:22:02,969
Meghan, please don't go.
463
00:22:03,266 --> 00:22:07,319
You were right, the royal family's
involvement in slavery was wrong.
464
00:22:07,686 --> 00:22:09,251
And Grandad is a racist.
465
00:22:09,276 --> 00:22:13,749
Oh, Harry, that's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
466
00:22:13,910 --> 00:22:15,840
Well, kiss her then, you doughnut.
467
00:22:17,710 --> 00:22:19,874
Hooray, well done, Harry.
468
00:22:22,630 --> 00:22:24,124
But we can't stay here.
469
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:26,742
Not after what your family
have done.
470
00:22:27,128 --> 00:22:30,637
Plus I'm being commoditised
by the British tabloid press.
471
00:22:31,337 --> 00:22:32,923
I want us to relocate.
472
00:22:33,905 --> 00:22:35,597
To North America.
473
00:22:36,304 --> 00:22:37,395
All right.
474
00:22:39,682 --> 00:22:40,682
Where is it?
475
00:22:41,646 --> 00:22:44,837
No, no, Camilla,
it's very quiet here.
476
00:22:46,659 --> 00:22:47,659
Eeeugrgh.
477
00:22:47,684 --> 00:22:49,879
Er, darling, it's Donald Trump.
478
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:52,577
Eur-h.
479
00:22:53,382 --> 00:22:54,785
Mr President.
480
00:22:56,301 --> 00:22:57,396
Go on.
481
00:22:59,201 --> 00:23:01,488
Yes, I accept.
482
00:23:01,958 --> 00:23:07,782
I'd be delighted to become
King of America.
483
00:23:07,832 --> 00:23:12,382
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