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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,560 Oh. Peace be with you. Yeah, you, too. Thank you. 2 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,016 Peace be with you. - Peace be with you. 3 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,315 And also with you. 4 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,794 Peace be with you. 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:15,336 And also with you. - Peace be with you. 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:16,360 Peace be with you. 7 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,200 Peace be with you. - And also with you. 8 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,356 Peace be with you. 9 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,400 And also with you. 10 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,954 Let us pray. 11 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,314 Our Father, Who art in Heaven 12 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,230 hallowed be Thy name. 13 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:35,800 Thy Kingdom come 14 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,600 Thy will be done on Earth 15 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,400 as it is in Heaven. 16 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,798 Give us this day our daily bread 17 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,359 and forgive us our trespasses 18 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,434 as we forgive those who trespass against us 19 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,677 and lead us not into temptation 20 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,193 but deliver us from evil. 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:57,960 Amen. 22 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,039 ♪ Rooted, grafted ♪ 23 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,675 ♪ Built on Thee ♪ 24 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:07,950 Please be seated. 25 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,395 And also with you. 26 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:17,840 Um... 27 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,636 Sorry, uh... 28 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,957 Uh, yes, today's, um... 29 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,919 Uh, uh, today's notices. 30 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,351 There's a raffle, um, at tomorrow's fete 31 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,357 to raise funds for the, uh... 32 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,073 uh, t... uh, excuse... 33 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,874 I'm sorry. The diocesan pilgrimage to Lourdes. 34 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,038 Uh, congratulations to St. Ethelred's football club. 35 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:41,830 3-1 victory. 36 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,958 Uh, next Friday is a First Friday 37 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,878 and I'm going to be making my usual sick calls 38 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,389 to the housebound with the Eucharist. 39 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,792 And finally, on Thursday, I'm going to begin 40 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,797 H-Holy Communion preparation classes. 41 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,355 And there are more details of that in the parish newsletter 42 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,911 along with my latest review. 43 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,231 That's all, folks. 44 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,069 Uh, please stand for God's blessing. 45 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,496 Thanks so much. All the best. - Thank you, Father. 46 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:07,636 Sure. See you next week. 47 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,433 All the best. - Really good one, Father. 48 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,274 Nice to see you, Gina. - Loved the story about your eye. 49 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,016 Oh, yes. Stop, stop. Off you go. 50 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,679 Give my regards to those budgies. 51 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,280 Hello. - Hi. 52 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,876 - This is lovely. - Oh, thank you. Thank you. 53 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,959 I thought you'd be in prison by now. 54 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,936 Oh, well, I keep trying, but they just won't have me. 55 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,195 I'm sorry about your eye. 56 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,197 Oh, that's OK. Gives me some edge. 57 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,512 I've told them some heroic bullshit. 58 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,795 Ah, bless you, Sandy. 59 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,274 Thank you, Father. - Bless you. 60 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,993 Get well. - Thank you. 61 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:38,896 Bye, now. Have a nice day. - Thank you, bye-bye. 62 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,376 God bless you. - Bye. See you next week. 63 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,400 Bless you. 64 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:43,755 I just wanted to, uh 65 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:44,759 pay you back for dinner. - Oh, no. 66 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,456 Thank you. Honestly. - Because I... No, no, really. I insist. 67 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,816 It'll have to be in instalments. - I don't want it. 68 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,416 I don't want it. I've got no pockets. - But I really... I just, I... 69 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:50,874 Honestly, thank you. 70 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,070 OK. - Ah, ah, ah! 71 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,576 I'm going to knife the candles, Father. 72 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,795 They're a bit clogged up. 73 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,360 OK, Pam. - Yeah. 74 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,016 Well, the-the hair dryer is in the, in the wonky drawer. 75 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:00,793 Under the wonky drawer. Yes, I know. 76 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,589 Hello, love. - Hi. 77 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,399 Oh, is that for the collection? How sweet. 78 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,034 How kind. Thank you. 79 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,080 That's Pam. 80 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,036 Do you like tea? 81 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,800 Jesus. 82 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,840 - Tea. - Great. 83 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,080 I don't want to boast 84 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,696 but I make a cracking... Oh! 85 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,439 Bastard! Sorry! - Oh. 86 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,755 Bastard! - Um... 87 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,951 Let me just, let me just get this. 88 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,356 OK. Oh, dear. 89 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,635 Oh, is that holy? 90 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,195 A bit less than it was before. 91 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,953 Shit. Uh... 92 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,000 Oh, well. 93 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,238 He'll understand. He's an understanding sort. 94 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,000 OK. 95 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,799 There you go. 96 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,515 Sorry about all the tat. 97 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,429 It's for a fund-raiser garden party thing tomorrow. 98 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,592 So much stuff. Absolutely no staff. 99 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,438 You can volunteer if you want. 100 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,596 Ah. 101 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:11,756 I'm only joking. - Oh. 102 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,437 Probably got a life. Oh. - Mm. 103 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:15,839 What's the time? 104 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,320 Um... - Do you want a proper drink? 105 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,075 I've got cans of G&T from M&S. 106 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,320 Well, it's... - I will if you will. 107 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,230 OK. 108 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,233 OK. 109 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,040 Yeah. 110 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:35,836 Thanks. 111 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,880 So, you're a cool priest, are you? 112 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,076 A cool priest? - Yeah. 113 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,669 No, I'm a big reader with no friends. Are you a cool person? 114 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,960 Oh, I'm a pretty normal person. 115 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,576 A normal person. - Yeah, a normal person. 116 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,080 What makes you a normal person? - Well, I don't believe in God. 117 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,034 I love it when He does that. 118 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,872 So, you were in my prayers last night. 119 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,120 Likewise. 120 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,955 I'm sorry for your loss. 121 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:13,960 What? 122 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,280 Your baby. 123 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,276 Oh. Yeah, thank you. 124 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:22,112 Thank you. Yes. I, uh... 125 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,477 I'm... Thank you. 126 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,034 Is the father alright? 127 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,360 Well, he's... 128 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,914 He doesn't really... 129 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,760 exist. 130 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:35,796 I understand. 131 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,435 The funeral liturgy says 132 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,357 that life is changed, not ended. 133 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,432 I've always loved that, if that's of any help. 134 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,990 No. Thank you very much, but I really am an atheist. 135 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,080 Yeah, I gathered that by the smelling of the Bible. 136 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,999 Oh. 137 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,000 New sermon? 138 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,856 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's, uh... 139 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,839 I-I write, uh, restaurant reviews 140 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,155 for the parish magazine. 141 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,536 I was just finishing up the last one. 142 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:07,976 I actually just came up with a really good title. 143 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,000 Oh, what is it? 144 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,279 No. 145 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,600 What? - No, it's not cool. 146 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:13,916 Well, neither are we, so... 147 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,475 "I'd spend 40 days and 40 nights in that dessert." 148 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,113 Oh, God, I fancy a priest. 149 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,037 There you go. Thanks. 150 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,360 Hey. 151 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,119 Are you having an event? 152 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:09,640 No. 153 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,560 What? Why are there so many people here? 154 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,757 Well, it's just successful, I guess. 155 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,837 Why is everyone talking to each other? 156 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,118 Oh, it's Chatty Wednesday. If you buy something 157 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,536 you have to have a chat with someone you don't know. 158 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,597 What? - Loneliness pays. 159 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,280 Listen, can we...? 160 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,720 Sure. 161 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,360 I know you and I haven't... - Have you had a check-up? 162 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:33,834 Yes. It's-it's fine. 163 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,776 It's really not a big deal. It happens all the time. 164 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,029 Hello. - No! 165 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,536 Where are you from? - I'm-I'm not... 166 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,677 This isn't... I'm-I'm not part of this. 167 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,037 I shouldn't have to... I don't want to tell you that. 168 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,232 No. Sorry. No. 169 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,240 Tooting. 170 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,816 She hasn't bought anything yet, Joe. 171 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,116 Oh, shit! I'm so sorry. 172 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,799 I'm sorry. 173 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:55,870 Does Martin know? 174 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,576 You're not supposed to tell anyone for the first 12 weeks. 175 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,176 Well, you can tell the father. - I just haven't told him, OK? 176 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,056 OK, well, what does he know? - I don't want to talk about it. OK? 177 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,878 And I never want anyone to know about it. 178 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,600 You have it. 179 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,416 You're better at dealing with awful things, anyway. 180 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,816 I don't want it. - Well, you took it 181 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,720 now everyone thinks you have it, so you have it. 182 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:18,800 What? 183 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,360 They're some pretty funky trainers. 184 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,914 I said I'm fine. 185 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,536 I just really, really don't want anyone 186 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,392 to make a big deal out of this, OK? 187 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,910 Brutal. Just brutal. 188 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,640 You must feel rotten. - Mm. 189 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,196 Do you feel rotten? 190 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,376 Um, I'd-I'd rather not talk about it, if that's OK. 191 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,312 Of course, darling. Come on up. 192 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:36,960 Claire, get the door, for God's sake. 193 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,000 Did you know who the father was? 194 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,509 Um, you know, I'd rather not talk about it, if that's OK. 195 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,875 No, of course, darling. 196 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,320 Here. Here. 197 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,198 I've got a setup I'm very excited about. 198 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,799 It's going to be very striking. - Cool. 199 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,031 So, Claire, if you just sit here. 200 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,273 That's lovely, and, darling. 201 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:53,589 Mm-hmm. - Just beside her. 202 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,353 Like that. Lovely. 203 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,200 And actually, if you could just... 204 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,554 That's it. That's it. 205 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,280 Just a bit. - Oh. 206 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,073 A bit more. Bit more. 207 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,315 There. Perfect. 208 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:06,790 Gorgeous. Yes. 209 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,320 Sorry, no. If you could just... 210 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,315 That's it. Thank you, darling. 211 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,118 So, um... - She can't not talk about it. 212 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,198 You know, I have six friends... - A lie. 213 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,312 ...who've had miscarriages. 214 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,360 Five of them never managed to produce a child afterwards. 215 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,880 But the sixth one did, and rather regretted it. 216 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,671 So, I think you've probably done the right thing. 217 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,280 Thank you. 218 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,555 Did you never want them? 219 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,274 Oh, I'm still thinking about it. 220 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,558 Is Dad here? I texted him, but... 221 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,279 Oh, I saw that. - Oh, so he is here? 222 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,834 Sorry, no. I've got his phone today. 223 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,030 I love that colour. 224 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,039 Which one? - That one. 225 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,476 Oh, that's three colours. 226 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,233 - Right. - I'm getting rid of it. 227 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,896 But it was quite an adventure painting. 228 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,240 I had an orgasm as I finished it. 229 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,640 Well, let's hope we all get 230 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,216 as much pleasure out of this one. 231 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,296 No, no. Could you... 232 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,154 Um, I have a pretty full afternoon, so... 233 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,056 Oh, have you got to go back to Finland again? 234 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,959 No, Finland are coming here. - Oh. That's easier for you. 235 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,240 Mm. 236 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,016 Are you still OK to pick up the invitations? 237 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,554 Oh, yes, of course. 238 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,256 And did you find that ribbon thing for the flowers? 239 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,396 - Yes. - Great. 240 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,016 And is Martin's nose on the mend? 241 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,040 Yes. 242 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,437 And how's the, uh, bassoon solo coming on? 243 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,776 Oh, yes, he's practising. 244 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,598 Oh, God, and now I just have to... 245 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,736 - What? - Sorry, Claire, can you look up, please? 246 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,719 Thank you. 247 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,598 ...organise canapés for an awards ceremony. 248 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,319 Oh, gosh, you must be exhausted. 249 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,553 Does the little cafe do canapés? 250 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,836 It totally could, yeah. 251 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,960 There you are. That's one off the list. 252 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,200 Great. 253 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,154 Gosh, haven't you got a lovely, thick neck. 254 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:49,835 That was fun. - Thank you. 255 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,816 Yeah, I really can help with the canapés if it's... 256 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,116 I'm gonna say this quickly. OK. - OK. 257 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,176 Martin wants to press charges against you for assault. 258 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,776 I've tried to talk him down, but to be fair 259 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,837 you did hit him fucking hard. - What? 260 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,991 I will provide you with exceptional legal advice 261 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,736 as long as you don't tell anyone I'm providing you 262 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,274 with exceptional legal advice. - What? 263 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,440 This is happening. 264 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,320 I am mortified, but it is happening, OK? 265 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,353 I will hire this lawyer to scare him off 266 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,960 and I will hire you to do the canapés. 267 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:14,840 Who's the lawyer? 268 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,111 Oh, he's a friend. He mainly defends rapists. 269 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,776 He has a high success rate, then? 270 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,190 Oh, undefeated. Come on. 271 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,840 I've filled him in with the basics. 272 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,080 That your husband's an animal? 273 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,152 Be serious. Just do whatever he says. 274 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,594 And don't flirt with him. 275 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,160 I'm not going to f... 276 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,559 Fucking hell. OK. 277 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,719 Claire. - David, thank you so much. 278 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,280 Oh. Sorry. - Wow. 279 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,752 I can take you to court for that. 280 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,440 This the little troublemaker, then? 281 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,680 Hi. - Hi. 282 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,072 Now, listen, I just want to be clear that whatever happens 283 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,198 I don't sleep with people I work with, OK? 284 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,914 Ah! 285 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,554 I'm joking. 286 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,830 Slip on in, ladies. 287 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:57,830 Well, if you spit guilty 288 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,554 you'll have to swallow a short jail term, or community service 289 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,034 if you're lucky. - Or? 290 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,594 You definitely started it? - Yes. 291 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,360 Any witnesses? - About... 30. 292 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,056 The most important thing, honey, is that you do not 293 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,878 under any circumstances, apologise. 294 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,316 I can do that. - No, that's not what we discussed. 295 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,232 Or that can be taken as an admission of guilt. 296 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,816 I assume you know the victim personally. 297 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:19,956 Yes, she... - No and... 298 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,038 let's not call him "the victim" yet, shall we? 299 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,396 Well, that's what he is. - Yes. Right. 300 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,269 They've definitely fucked. 301 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,192 We just want a letter to scare him off 302 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,720 if he ends up seeking proper action. 303 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,856 Really doesn't make sense, Claire. - Actually, maybe not. 304 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,439 I think it makes perfect sense. 305 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,616 I just want to be ahead of the game. - God, I can't tell. 306 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,233 That's a habit of yours, I've heard. 307 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,800 Oh, I've got it. - Is it? 308 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,736 They haven't. - You're gonna have to tell me who said that. 309 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,080 Never. - But they're going to. 310 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,072 David. - Oh, God, I've got to get out. 311 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,310 Claire. - Excuse me. 312 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,896 Where you off to, little lady? 313 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,515 I'm just gonna let this, uh... yeah. 314 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,896 You alright? 315 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,673 Yeah. Just thought I'd leave you to it. 316 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,633 Sorry. - What? 317 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,856 He says he'll only talk you through potential proceedings 318 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,656 - if you go for a drink with him. - What? 319 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:17,955 I know. - Outrageous. 320 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,696 Stop smiling. - I thought he was after you. 321 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,280 Oh, so did I, but my hair isn't great at the moment. 322 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,034 Either way, it's very inappropriate. 323 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:25,680 Don't sleep with him. - I won't. 324 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,989 Don't. - I won't! 325 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,639 I don't do that anymore. - What? 326 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,193 Why? Are you ill? - No. 327 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,317 Then what? - Well, I... I... 328 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,997 I just... - Oh, my God. Have you met someone? 329 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,279 Well... well, not really. - Back with Harry? 330 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,056 No, it's actually... so, well... - Someone new? 331 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,719 Is he single? - Sort of. 332 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,040 Take this. I'll try talk Martin down 333 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,240 but call him if you need him. He's a very good lawyer. 334 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,116 Surprisingly... 335 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,800 tender underneath it all. 336 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,440 Knew it. 337 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,880 What you did in the restaurant was unforgivable. 338 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:00,480 I know. 339 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,480 Thank you. 340 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:06,616 OK. Well, I'll, um... - Listen, I actually 341 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,836 just wanted to give you this. 342 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,960 It's just one session, but you've been through a lot 343 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,992 so I just... - Come on. I said I'm fine. 344 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,755 I'm weirdly fine. 345 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,436 I'd rather have the money. 346 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,911 Excuse me. I've got dry forearms. 347 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,800 Sure. 348 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,920 So why have you come to this session? 349 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,120 Uh, it was a birthday present from my father. 350 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,120 Is that a joke? 351 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:49,680 No. 352 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,640 It would be good not to make jokes in here 353 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,359 just in case anything gets... 354 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,631 lost in humorous translation. 355 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,600 Oh, I don't know if I can do that. 356 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,600 Is that a joke? 357 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:04,840 No. 358 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,711 Well, just try not to, or make it very obvious. 359 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:11,920 Sure. 360 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,760 So why do you think your father suggested you come for counselling? 361 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,914 Um, I think because my mother died and he can't talk about it 362 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,736 and my sister and I didn't speak for a year 363 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,296 because she thinks I tried to sleep with her husband 364 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,915 and because I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect 365 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,800 from the screaming void inside my empty heart. 366 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,240 I'm good at this. 367 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,240 Although I don't really do that anymore. 368 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,509 You close with your family? 369 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:34,960 We get on with it. 370 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,640 Do you talk? 371 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:37,760 God, no. 372 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,040 Any friends? 373 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,000 Sorry? 374 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,230 Any friends? 375 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,356 Um... 376 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,160 no, I don't really have time for... 377 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,951 Well, I have a guinea pig, but she blows hot and cold. 378 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,236 Not a joke. 379 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,636 Tell me about the sex. 380 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:58,920 All of it? 381 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,520 You said you don't do that now. 382 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,480 Oh, no, I just play tennis now. 383 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,080 Tough crowd. 384 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,560 Sorry. 385 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000 I just... 386 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,320 Sex didn't bring anything... 387 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,798 ...good, so I'm... I'm trying not to... 388 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,600 But I've... 389 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,957 And what have you found in your abstinence? 390 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,440 Well, I'm very horny, and you're little scarf isn't helping. 391 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,800 So the impulse is still there. 392 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:29,790 Oh. 393 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:31,920 Yeah, the... 394 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,236 The impulse is... 395 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,000 The impulse is v-very much still there. 396 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,280 It's just never the right person. 397 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,596 Mm-hmm. So there is a particular person 398 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,796 you're not having sex with. 399 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,360 No. 400 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,480 No, well, nothing's happened. I just... 401 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:48,950 He's not available. 402 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,597 In a relationship? - Yes. A bad one. 403 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,236 Oh, really? How so? 404 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,976 It's the sort of relationship where one partner 405 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,160 tells the other how to dress. 406 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,600 Are you in love with him? 407 00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,030 No. 408 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,076 Why do you find that funny? 409 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,040 Well, I... 410 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,680 I lied. I just... 411 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,120 I don't kn-know. 412 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,120 Just not a romantic? 413 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,400 No. 414 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,000 Just... 415 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,353 a girl with no friends and an empty heart? 416 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,549 By your own description. 417 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:26,520 I have friends. 418 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,393 Oh. So you do have someone to talk to. 419 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,234 Yeah. 420 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,310 Do you see them a lot? 421 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,630 Oh, they're... 422 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,240 They're always there. They're... 423 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,320 They're always there. 424 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,116 Why do you find that funny? 425 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,056 Listen, I don't need to be analysed. I have a nice life. I just... 426 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,120 I just wanted to exchange the voucher for the money. 427 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,389 It's a bit late for that now. 428 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,480 I've only been here five minutes. 429 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,520 I want the money. 430 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,030 I want to fuck a priest. 431 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,434 Catholic? - Yes. 432 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:03,910 A good one? - Yes. 433 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,952 Looks good in the, um... - Mm, yes. 434 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,320 I understand. 435 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,256 Do you really want to fuck the priest 436 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,600 or do you want to fuck God? 437 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,712 Can you fuck God? - Oh, yes. 438 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,838 Look, just-just please tell me how to not fuck a priest 439 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:19,920 before I get arrested. 440 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,496 Well, I don't think fucking a priest will make you feel 441 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,840 as powerful as you think it will. 442 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,440 Can you just tell me what to do? 443 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:26,880 You know. 444 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,856 You already know what you're going to do. 445 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:30,880 Everybody does. 446 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,480 What? 447 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,757 You've already decided what you're going to do. 448 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:36,960 So what's the point in you? 449 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,240 You know what you're going to do. 450 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:43,639 No, I don't. 451 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,040 Yes, you do. - I don't. 452 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,912 You do. You do. - I don't. I don't! 453 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,200 Good luck. - Thank you. 454 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,596 Shut up. 455 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,912 Hi, can I have two raffle tickets, please? 456 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,040 Oh, my God. 457 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,360 Oh, my God. Hi. 458 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,800 Hi! You're... 459 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,112 Yeah. Yes. - With child. Cool. 460 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,953 Yeah, you got a fringe. - Yeah. 461 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,798 Yeah. Cool. - Aw. You always wanted a baby. 462 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,399 You always wanted a fringe. 463 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,636 She is amazing. 464 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,359 I mean, it's been tough but amazing. 465 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,510 Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 466 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,160 I mean, the birth really took its toll. 467 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,416 Oh, really? Was it a tricky one? 468 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:15,456 I can't really remember it now. 469 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,712 But the whole thing has just... really changed me. 470 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,275 I just don't feel... You know, my emotions 471 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,791 are up and down. My body just feels different. 472 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,951 I mean, Elaine is being amazing. 473 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,040 So supportive... 474 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,616 Sounds like you have postnatal depression. 475 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,518 I do, yeah, but we're working through it. 476 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,559 Sure. 477 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,136 Just to let you know, the band is gonna start 478 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,720 in a couple of minutes. - Hey, Father. This is Suzie. 479 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,393 Oh, I don't know how to talk to babies. 480 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,119 Sorry. Do you guys know each other? 481 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,480 Well, we sort of used to... - Uh, yeah, I used 482 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,360 to be her girlfriend. - ...used to kind of... 483 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:47,600 Oh, cool. 484 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,200 Good for you. 485 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,736 Well, I'm gonna go and show her the coconuts. 486 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,195 - She's really good at counting. - OK. 487 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,198 Excuse me, everyone! 488 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,678 The Youthy Band is about to play the ode to something! 489 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,194 You having fun? 490 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:03,594 Yes. Yeah. - Selling well? 491 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,056 Yes, I think so. - Good? Oh, a puzzle! 492 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,576 Love a puzzle. - Father, the-the Youthy Band 493 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,776 are about to... - Yes, I-I heard you, Pam. 494 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,315 Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. 495 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,316 Oh, there's the main event. 496 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,114 Yeah. - Very talented. 497 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,237 She, um, sh-she... 498 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,670 don't say it... she-she actually, uh... 499 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,796 just-just don't say it... 500 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,599 she actually orgasmed when she finished it. 501 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,713 Just said it. Apparently. 502 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Ah. 503 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,993 Well, whatever gets you there. 504 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:33,800 Father! 505 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,111 Father, we have a cupcake situation over here! 506 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,953 OK, Pam! I will be there to cupcake! 507 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,000 Thank you so much for helping. 508 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,435 Thanks. 509 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,679 Arm touch. 510 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,591 At least my son is in the Youthy Band. 511 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,000 What's your excuse? 512 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,550 I'm helping the priest. 513 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,917 Wow, you do love a challenge, don't you? 514 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,816 Hey, I just want to say something. 515 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,520 It's from River Island. I got it last week. 516 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:14,157 No, I want to say that I'm sorry for saying what I said. 517 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,278 I'm sorry for what you went through. 518 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:17,800 I'm sorry. 519 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,816 I know what you're doing. I'm not gonna say it. 520 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,275 I'm just saying sorry. - I'm not gonna say it. 521 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,600 I'm sorry. 522 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:25,440 Mm-mm. 523 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,600 OK. 524 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,556 And thank you. 525 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,200 She and I have never been better. 526 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,953 Oh. - You had a big part in that. 527 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,879 I'm happy for you. 528 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,376 I'm happy you've found a way to deflect 529 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:44,077 from your pitiful, self-sabotaging, ego-driven, masturbatory... 530 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,200 I cannot believe how well this is coming out, pawing 531 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,075 insidious, insidious, overwhelming mediocrity 532 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,590 only to finally figure out that at your very core 533 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,639 you are a... w-weaky. 534 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:57,960 Damn! 535 00:21:57,961 --> 00:22:00,350 A weaky? - Damn. Damn. 536 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,199 Wow. A weaky. 537 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,357 In that case, I just wanted you to know 538 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,157 that I'm impressed with how you just keep bouncing back. 539 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,913 I really am. 540 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,271 You're a... strongy. 541 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,674 That was awesome, man! 542 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,336 Creepy Jake. Mainly says things like... 543 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:25,360 Where's Claire? 544 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,754 And... - Where's Claire? 545 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,160 Well, she couldn't make it, man. 546 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,392 Lucky for us, your aunt is an avid churchgoer. 547 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,709 Hi. Thanks for watching. 548 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:33,956 Oh, you were excellent. 549 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:36,835 Oh. - Ooh. 550 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,479 Careful there, buddy. 551 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,856 You could go down for that sort of behaviour these days. 552 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,076 It was just a hug. - "It was just a hug." 553 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,960 You got to do better than that these days, boy 554 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,753 especially around this firecracker. 555 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,120 But I didn't do... - Come on. 556 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,160 I don't want to be an asshole. 557 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,520 I just want her to be happy. 558 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,998 And she has been really happy. 559 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,034 Until she saw you. 560 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,276 Just saying. 561 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:02,920 Ow. 562 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:15,795 Psst. 563 00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:17,474 Hi, Jake. Oh. 564 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,600 Tell her to leave him. 565 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,360 What? 566 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,394 Tell her... 567 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,753 to leave him. 568 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,480 He's gonna kill someone one day. 569 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,000 Hey. 570 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,394 Yes, Father. Yes, Father? 571 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,353 I can't believe I'm saying this, but... 572 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:47,480 Oh, God. 573 00:23:47,481 --> 00:23:48,720 ...can I get that coconut back? 574 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:49,950 They're actually on hire. 575 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,696 Uh, I'm not sure if a lot of them 576 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,951 are even real actually, which is morally a bit dubious. 577 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,350 But we got to make money somehow. Sorry. Thank you. 578 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,795 Thanks. - Knuckle brush. 579 00:23:58,080 --> 00:23:59,196 Uh, also... 580 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,953 I hope you don't mind, but, um... 581 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,952 I've marked a few pages in here 582 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,136 that I thought might be... - Oh, I... 583 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,920 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not trying to... 584 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,798 They're just words. 585 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,237 OK, it's just I-I think I know what happens. 586 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,310 Classic. 587 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,190 Come on, have a read. 588 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:23,400 I'd like to know what you think. 589 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:24,989 And if you ever want to... 590 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,434 uh, talk about stuff, I'm here. 591 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,713 With a G&T, of course. 592 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,440 You can come whenever you want. 593 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,640 I'd like you to come. 594 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:37,360 If it helps. 41225

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