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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,471
(angry muttering)
2
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:11,411
(exclaims)
3
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,719
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:20,120
(tires screeching)
5
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,656
D'oh!
6
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:23,891
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,526
(grunts)
8
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,335
MAN (laughs):
Ha‐ha‐ha!
9
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,912
And that's why, if you go
to that little town in France,
10
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,781
there's a statue of me
surrendering.
11
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,983
See?
12
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,387
Wow, Grampa, your stories
are really cool today.
13
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:56,657
Yeah, the nursing home finally
stopped using me as the placebo
14
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,726
and gave me real meds.
(laughs)
15
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,061
(rapid clicking)
16
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:07,067
But what I really wanted to do
today was to give you this,
17
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,736
my most precious possession.
18
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,239
(eerily):
Open it.
19
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:14,741
♪ ♪
20
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,844
(gasps)
21
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,148
It'll explode in just five
seconds if you pull the pin.
22
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:23,016
Uh‐oh. Senior moment!
23
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,518
Put it back! Put it back!
24
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,154
It don't work that way!
It's like having a kid!
25
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,789
(both scream)
26
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,325
‐Say your prayers, boy.
‐Never!
27
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:32,960
(whimpers)
28
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,227
Hmm?
29
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:36,863
Ha, ha! I pranked ya.
30
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,365
(laughing)
31
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,534
Grampa, that was hilarious.
32
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,902
I understand if the answer's no,
33
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,571
but can I borrow
your dud grenade?
34
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,206
(snoring)
35
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,208
Aw, he's asleep.
36
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,277
That means yes.
37
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:56,283
(whistling a tune)
38
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,852
This year, we've just been named
the most sedentary school
39
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,787
‐in the state.
‐STUDENTS: Yay!
40
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,522
Yay!
41
00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:04,725
No. No, no.
Sedentary is a bad thing.
42
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,294
Our vocabulary score
was also abysmal.
43
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,196
‐Is that a bad...
‐It's a bad thing, yes.
44
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,564
‐RALPH: Yay!
‐Now to get you kids
45
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,232
up on your feet,
we decided to have
46
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,002
a two‐hour‐long sit‐down
assembly instead of recess.
47
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,370
No fair!
48
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:19,139
‐Sit down.
‐Yes... ma'am.
49
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,341
To kick things off,
please welcome the new mascot
50
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:25,045
from the town's semi‐amateur
hockey team, Vinnie the Vulture.
51
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,714
‐RALPH: Yay!
‐(fanfare plays)
52
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,216
(grunts)
Hey, kids.
53
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:32,219
Milhouse, you didn't tell me
your dad got another bad job.
54
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,554
Actually, he's the understudy.
55
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,723
The main guy got shingles.
56
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,091
(grunting)
57
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,093
Ugh, there's a bee in my beak!
58
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,928
Okay, taking a break. Ow!
59
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,531
How many‐‐ ow! How many stingers
can one be have?!
60
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,133
‐God!
‐Uh...
61
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,801
How about a little
show‐and‐tell?
62
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,636
I'll go first!
63
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,872
‐(students gasp)
‐Don't worry.
64
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:54,074
It is a live grenade,
but it won't go off
65
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:56,710
as long as you don't
pull the pin out.
66
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,211
(gasps)
Ay, caramba!
67
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,014
(groans)
68
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:03,216
(students screaming, clamoring)
69
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,452
Climb in my ass hatch, son.
70
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,554
(grunting)
71
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,789
(gasps)
72
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,792
♪ ♪
73
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:16,797
(Bart laughs)
74
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,566
It was all just a joke.
75
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,568
You monster.
You had me finally believing
76
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,771
the school would be destroyed,
and you took it away.
77
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,708
I didn't think
it was funny either, Bart.
78
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:31,745
You have no idea
how far up in there I went.
79
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,313
(siren wails)
80
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:38,819
Mom, you heard there was
an emergency and you came?
81
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,121
Oh, well, actually,
I was just having a sleepover
82
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,223
with your uncle...
moustache over there.
83
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,326
‐(laughs)
‐Mom,
84
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,096
you promised you'd never show up
at school drunk again.
85
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:52,466
I'm not gonna lie,
I am in a shame spiral,
86
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:55,168
hanging out
with lowlifes and bums.
87
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,470
Hey, Gary.
88
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,972
This is to not say my name.
89
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,640
Payday!
90
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:04,044
Nelson, I'm gonna go take
a nap in your locker.
91
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,479
Freedom!
92
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,250
(snoring)
93
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,419
Son, you forced this man
to jump on the grenade
94
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,154
seconds before I was going to.
95
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,655
Well, Simpson, thanks to you,
96
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,958
now no one can
bring grenades to school.
97
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:21,695
This time, you will be expelled,
never to return.
98
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,597
Please don't expel him.
99
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,932
He's got nowhere to go.
100
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,468
Bart Simpson,
I hereby declare you...
101
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:31,304
Wait. I've lived next
to this boy for years.
102
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:33,373
There's good in him. Let me
work with him after school.
103
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,142
I'll improve him
with the three P's:
104
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,878
persistence, prayer
and persistent prayer.
105
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,646
Oh, God, you're one of those.
106
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,249
‐Dear Lord...
‐Don't kneel. Don't kneel!
107
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,751
We're in a public school,
for God's sake!
108
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,988
"Engel v. Vitale, 1962.
109
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,990
The Supreme Court
asserts that..."
110
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,926
Superintendent, you are about
to be on the business end
111
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,561
of a prayer chain.
112
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,997
"As a part of
a religious program carried on
113
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:58,698
by government,
it is a matter of history..."
114
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,968
My love of prayer is reflectedin my chest hair.
115
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,372
(chuckles): I appear to bein the wrong group chat.
116
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,774
"...and the judgment of the
Court of Appeals of New York
117
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,676
is reversed,
and the cause of..."
118
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:10,844
‐NED: Amen.
‐(gasps)
119
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,446
Sir, we're up
to 205 verified pray‐ers.
120
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,149
Do you really want me
to give them your office number?
121
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,450
Hmm? Hmm?
122
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,255
Fine. Stop, please!
I've had enough.
123
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,690
We won't expel Bart.
124
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,425
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
125
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:29,062
If you supervise this boy,
keeping him away
126
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,731
from the baleful presence
of his father.
127
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,433
Woo‐hoo! Win‐win!
128
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,203
Bon après‐midi, Bart.
129
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,438
While you get some special help,
130
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,273
I'm hanging
with the French club.
131
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,209
Well, just don't make fun of me
in French.
132
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,910
Vous êtes un imbécile.
133
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,913
Profitez de votre journéeavec le Flanders!
134
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,148
A demain.
135
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,317
Ah, nous allons faireun pique‐nique.
136
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,986
(groans):
Oh! Shut up. Shut up!
137
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,821
Vous ne parlez pas français?
138
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,324
(laughing with French accent)
139
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,894
(Flanders humming)
140
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,362
Isn't it great, son?
141
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:05,031
Washing dishes can be both
a chore and a meditation.
142
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,000
I do feel kind of at peace.
143
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,335
Uh‐oh. Cut myself.
144
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,070
(gasps)
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
145
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,071
(laughs)
146
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,239
Gotcha!
147
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:17,377
I can make that real blood,
you little punk.
148
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,012
What did you say?
149
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,614
(chuckles)
What I meant to say was,
150
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,250
oodily‐doodily,
we'll change that atti‐toodily.
151
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,251
Fishing?
152
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:25,585
When I didn't take a Ritalin?
153
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,254
‐You monster.
‐Hush.
154
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,423
If you don't catch something,
we don't eat tonight.
155
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:31,758
Stupid fishing.
156
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,594
Stupid peace and quiet.
157
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,263
Stupid sunset.
158
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,597
Thinks it has so many colors.
159
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,600
So beautiful and bright
and golden and... (mutters)
160
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,236
Mind your line, Bart.
You got a nibble.
161
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,071
I've got it!
I've got it!
162
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,574
I murdered a fish.
Me, by myself.
163
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,909
Don't get cocky, son.
164
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,077
You've still got to clean it
and eat it.
165
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,446
First things first,
we got to start a fire.
166
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,215
Uh, with what?
167
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:58,285
We'll build character
by building it ourselves.
168
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,123
Your turn.
169
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,492
Oh, my hands hurt.
170
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,327
There are child labor laws,
you know.
171
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,462
This is the most idiotic...
172
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:12,899
(echoing):
Ay, caramba!
173
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,603
Ay, caramba...!
174
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:17,904
(slurps, sighs)
175
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,240
‐How do you feel?
‐Great. But why?
176
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,975
Well, it's called
"accomplishment," son‐‐
177
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,476
something you've earned yourself
178
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,145
that can never be taken
from you.
179
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:26,680
Left‐handed handshake.
180
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,181
And now that you're on your way,
181
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,383
there's no telling
how far you'll go.
182
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,654
♪ Amazing grace ♪
183
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:39,392
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
184
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,061
Oh, my goodness.
185
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,064
Our little boy could never sing
like that before.
186
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,300
Well, if you ask me,
he's not doing so well now.
187
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,171
Mm. Remarkable.
188
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,373
I thought the only way
to turn Bart into a little angel
189
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,009
was a downed power line
at a water park. (laughs)
190
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,410
Ah, you must be so proud.
191
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,379
You really turned
that boy around.
192
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,814
(chuckles):
Oh. Well...
193
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,315
Congratulations,
194
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,017
Ned Flanders.
195
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,618
Yeah.
Way to go there, Flanders.
196
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:07,187
You the man, Ned.
197
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:09,856
Hey, you can't give him
all the credit.
198
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,258
We're the ones who messed him up
in the first place.
199
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,331
(doorbell rings)
200
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,966
(groans loudly)
201
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:24,371
Uh, listen, stupid Flanders,
I just want to say thank you,
202
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,873
and if there's anything
I can do for you...
203
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,375
Well, for starters,
you could stop calling me
204
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,542
"stupid Flanders."
205
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,211
(groans):
Oh, here we go.
206
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,245
No, that's it.
207
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,280
(groaning)
208
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,549
Thank you, Flanders.
209
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:37,784
Was that so hard?
210
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,120
He was laughing
under that mustache.
211
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,621
(chuckles quietly)
212
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,390
Bah?
213
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,457
What are you doing here?
214
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,192
Bart's actually doing
math homework.
215
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,395
I wanted to see it for myself.
216
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,396
Bup‐up‐up‐up!
217
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,232
Listen, I can help my own kid.
218
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:53,967
Uh, let's see.
219
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,470
Four and two‐thirds
plus five‐sixths equals,
220
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,407
uh, uh, carry the math...
221
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:01,541
And, uh...
222
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,743
Oh, no! The dog ate it!
223
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,413
(barking)
224
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,782
It's okay, Dad. I finished it.
225
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,450
With Mr. Flanders' help.
226
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,553
Well, it looks like I'm useless.
227
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,956
Let me just walk away
with my dignity.
228
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:24,864
♪ Who can I turn to ♪
229
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,601
♪ When nobody needs me? ♪
230
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,670
My son doesn't love me.
231
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,313
You don't get me at all.
232
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,449
(birds squawking)
233
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,517
(Nelson crying)
234
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,622
‐Hey, kid. I'm sad, too.
‐Hmm?
235
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,790
Haw‐haw!
236
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,826
(crying)
237
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,427
You shouldn't be out here alone.
238
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:57,097
Oh, nobody cares.
239
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,431
My dad left.
240
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,366
My mom's a drunk.
241
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,870
My house is a trailer,
and all the wheels are flat.
242
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,706
My last solid food
was an ice cube.
243
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:10,543
My TV is a milk crate
with a squirrel in it.
244
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,479
‐(sobbing)
‐This kid is such a wreck,
245
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,980
even I could help him.
246
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,584
Which I could use
to get back at Bart.
247
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,687
(crying)
248
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,590
I get my hair cut
by hiding in the bushes
249
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:26,359
when the gardener comes by.
250
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,594
HOMER:Am I gonna do it?
251
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:29,429
(crying)
252
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:32,432
Is it wrong to take advantageof one child's feelings
253
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,767
to make another child feel ba?
254
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,103
Nobody has the answer to that.
255
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,239
Here, son. Let me help.
256
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,940
(crying)
257
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,408
(coughing)
258
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,743
(sniffles)
259
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,146
Okay, okay. Enough snot.
260
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,615
(sniffling forcefully)
261
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,153
Mmm. Mmm!
262
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:56,122
Say, uh, listen, kid,
how would you like a mentor?
263
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,790
What's a mentor?
264
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,560
A mentor is
a special kind of teacher.
265
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,262
But you don't know nothing.
266
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,030
Hey, there's lots
I can teach you.
267
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,999
How to steal filling from a pie.
268
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,067
How to get cookies
without giving blood.
269
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,203
How to use spearmint gum
as a deodorant.
270
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,739
And maybe I'll get someone
to fix your teeth.
271
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,674
There's a doctor for your teeth?
272
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:15,842
Mm‐hmm.
273
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,076
Wow.
274
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:19,779
Can you teach me
how to do this maze?
275
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,749
Well, it'll be a project
we can work on together.
276
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:23,983
Cool.
277
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:26,953
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm out of ketchup.
278
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:29,756
(whispering loudly):
I'll give it back
279
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:32,091
when I'm done.
280
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:33,826
(tires screech)
281
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,296
Hello, Bart.
282
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,232
Just wanted you to know
I'm going to Nelson's house.
283
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:42,268
We're close. Super close.
284
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,637
First of all, Dad,
you called me.
285
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,307
And second,
are you mentoring Nelson
286
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,442
just to get back at Bart?
287
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,211
No! No way!
288
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:54,681
But if you happen to see Bart,
show him these.
289
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,218
(bright classical music playing)
290
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,056
(laughs)
291
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:04,924
Okay, kid,
I'm gonna teach you how to pack
292
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,093
for when your wife
kicks you out of the house.
293
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,429
Are the clothes thrown out
onto the front yard?
294
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,165
Well, let's say you have
enough time to get a suitcase.
295
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,566
What's a suitcase?
296
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,069
Uh, all right,
let's move on to something else.
297
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:19,839
Okay, but first I got to ask:
Are you sleeping with my mom?!
298
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,441
‐No.
‐(sobs): Oh.
299
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,676
No one's ever said that!
300
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,648
That's what
we're going for, boys.
301
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,451
I can't believe we're gonna be
in the pride parade.
302
00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:32,986
Christian pride.
303
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:35,955
Finally, Christians
can openly show our faith.
304
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:38,224
ROD and TODD:
We're sure! We're pure!
305
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,659
Get used to it!
306
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,527
‐(bicycle bell rings)
‐Hey, Bart.
307
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,796
Look who I taught
how to ride a bike.
308
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,798
Nelson already knew
how to ride a bike.
309
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:48,901
Yeah, but he didn't know how
to make cool motorcycle noises.
310
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:50,970
(Homer and Nelson
imitating motorcycles)
311
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,276
(Homer imitating loud revving)
312
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,217
Uh, let me help you
back on your hog.
313
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,954
Me and Nelson are so close,
people are calling us "Homeson."
314
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,889
Homeson away!
315
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,225
(Homer and Nelson
imitating motorcycles)
316
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,961
NELSON:
Homeson!
317
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,896
Vroom.
318
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,898
Mom, are you seeing all this?
319
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,900
‐Yes.
‐Are you gonna do anything?
320
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,002
‐No.
‐Why not?
321
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,038
(sighs)
This is a complicated one.
322
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:27,373
Both boys are being helped.
323
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,110
What I'm trying to say is
it's time to change Maggie.
324
00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,313
Where are you, my little excuse?
325
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,617
Sorry!
326
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,590
‐(laughs)
‐(grunts)
327
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:48,061
Dad, what exactly
are you teaching Nelson?
328
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:49,128
Uh...
329
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:51,764
Banking.
330
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,199
Aiming for success.
331
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,303
And breaking into
the music industry.
332
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,372
Here's $40.
333
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,207
That's a lot of money to me.
334
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:04,911
But I want you to get some
therapy about what you're doing.
335
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:07,680
40 bucks' worth of therapy
coming up.
336
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,615
From a licensed therapist.
337
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,617
Moe has a liquor license.
338
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,220
Yeah, let's not discuss that
too much.
339
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,356
Take the money.
Get some help.
340
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,725
Why are you doing this?
341
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,394
Dad, I have to be
the voice of morality.
342
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,695
No, you don't.
343
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:25,098
Well, I like being
the voice of morality.
344
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:28,901
And I like believing
this role has not typecast me!
345
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,404
I can still do Shakespeare!
346
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:35,108
All that glitters
is not delicious Duff Gold!
347
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:36,843
To pee or not to pee!
348
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,511
There is no question!
349
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,912
Oh, no!
350
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,315
‐Excuse me. Got to pee.
‐(shoes squeaking)
351
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,452
GIL:Doc,
352
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,020
I see it all so clearly now.
353
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:51,457
I'm afraid of success because
my father never had time for me.
354
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,259
‐Which means...
‐Time's up.
355
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,428
‐But two more minutes...
‐It's not a breakthrough.
356
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,264
Ah, now I feel worse
than when I came in.
357
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,099
See you next month.
358
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,870
Okay. 40 bucks
gets you ten minutes. Go!
359
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:06,939
I was mentoring another kid
to make my son jealous,
360
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,741
and something weird happened.
361
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,277
I'm actually starting to like
the little dingus.
362
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:12,578
Help me.
363
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,514
I am appalled!
364
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:18,251
You are ruining two boys' lives
for your own petty ego.
365
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:20,453
Let me tell you
what a good therapist says.
366
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,956
A good therapist says,
"Whatever you do is right"!
367
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:25,358
‐That's only if you're rich.
‐D'oh!
368
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:30,997
Mentor entering!
369
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:32,598
Hey, Homer, honey.
370
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,600
Come on,
spend a minute with Mama.
371
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,936
Look, lady,
I'm not interested in...
372
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,604
‐What the...?
‐I know.
373
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,940
You're just spending time
with my son
374
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:43,676
to make your son jealous.
375
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:47,914
Sooner or later, you're gonna
leave him, like all the rest.
376
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,349
(dramatic musical sting)
377
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,685
(higher dramatic musical sting)
378
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,754
(higher dramatic
musical sting)
379
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,389
(grunting)
380
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,557
Mm‐hmm.
381
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,192
(dramatic musical sting)
382
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,460
And it'll break his heart.
383
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,428
Hey, I'm not here
to save the world.
384
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:05,698
I'm a mentor.
I come in, I ment, then I go.
385
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:13,873
Tell that boy the truth.
386
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,074
(grunting)
387
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:17,710
(Homer grunts softly)
388
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,982
Son, we need to talk.
389
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,551
No. No.
I know where this goes.
390
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,753
It ends with you giving me
a phone number
391
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,822
that starts with 555.
392
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,090
No! Wait!
393
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,758
What do you have to say?
394
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,561
I was only mentoring you
395
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:38,731
to punish my son
for becoming a better boy.
396
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,733
‐I knew it!
‐Where are you going?
397
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,202
I'm gonna get even.
I can't make you stay,
398
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:46,005
but I can take it out
on your kid.
399
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,541
Not Bart! I do love him!
400
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,042
(exasperated grunt)
401
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,111
♪ ♪
402
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:03,956
(blows loud note)
403
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:06,692
(marching band playing)
404
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,694
CROWD (chanting):
We're Christians! We're proud!
405
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,830
(whispering):
But don't say it too loud.
406
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,833
Holding hands are holy hands.
407
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,868
Ew. Are you wearing lotion?
408
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,937
I'm very chappy.
409
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,339
♪ ♪
410
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:22,408
(crowd cheering)
411
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:34,620
♪ ♪
412
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,440
Uh, welcome, er, uh, Christians.
413
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,109
God is pleased to thank
our corporate sponsor,
414
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,778
C. Montgomery Burns.
415
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,079
(crowd boos)
416
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,881
LENNY:
Why won't you die?
417
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,550
Mr. Burns
will take questions later.
418
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,119
Er, uh, thanks
to this magnificent parade,
419
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:10,957
you right‐wing ding‐dongs
will keep me in office forever.
420
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,358
CROWD:
Yay!
421
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,330
And now, at the spectacular
culmination of the parade,
422
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:20,266
when the final float
has safely cleared the route,
423
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,268
a giant pair of praying hands
424
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,437
will swing from
the sides of the street
425
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:27,239
and come together in holy union.
426
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,347
He's gonna crush Bart!
427
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:35,715
Where's Flanders now?
428
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,516
Right here.
What do you need?
429
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,385
Get away from me!
430
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,520
♪ ♪
431
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:58,404
No...!
432
00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,872
(grunts)
433
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:02,942
(grunting)
434
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,113
‐(coughing)
‐Hi, Dad.
435
00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:10,016
Son, you want to ride
in the ambulance together?
436
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,351
Aw. That's always
been our thing.
437
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,354
Aw.
438
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,192
‐Dad?
‐Yes, son?
439
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:22,495
Can I have a hit
off your oxygen?
440
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,363
Of course.
441
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:25,998
(inhales deeply)
442
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,533
I'm a great dad.
443
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,602
♪ ♪
444
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,378
I'm sorry I was using you.
You're a sweet kid.
445
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,914
One day we'll have a beer
about this and laugh.
446
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,516
‐Can it be tomorrow?
‐Sure.
447
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:47,053
But for today,
I know a certain stupid someone
448
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,456
who might be a little better
at this than me.
449
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,692
(heavenly choir sings)
450
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:57,063
‐What's the matter, son?
‐Ah, you wouldn't understand.
451
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,065
A rich church usher like you.
452
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,067
Hey, I got two troublemakers
of my own.
453
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,235
Who told you boys
you could clean up this dump?
454
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:04,403
BOTH:
No one.
455
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,405
I think I just might understand
how you feel.
456
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,841
You lost a dad.
I lost two Mrs. Flanderses.
457
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,343
Maybe my boys and I could take
you to a ball game sometime.
458
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,345
‐What do you say?
‐Papa!
459
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:16,148
Yay! We have a brother!
460
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,651
‐Mean foster brother.
‐ROD and TODD: Yay!
461
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:26,459
God bless Rod and Todd and
especially my wonderful mentor,
462
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,127
Mr. Flanders.
463
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,428
OTHERS:
Amen.
464
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:32,098
Let me get fresh napkins
for everyone.
465
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,433
Hey, how's it going?
466
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,837
Still can't believe you've
renounced the way of the bully.
467
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,506
Eh, what can I say?
People change.
468
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,709
Thaw‐thaw!
469
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,850
(organ plays "Charge" fanfare)
470
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,819
Tell me again, why did I
trade Flanders for you?
471
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:56,155
Because we can do this.
472
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,490
‐(grunts)
‐FLANDERS: Ow!
473
00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,226
(both laughing)
474
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:11,337
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
475
00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:30,156
Shh!
33388
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