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1
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,202
#Good morning, U.S.A. #
2
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:11,073
# I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day #
3
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:14,010
#The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face #
4
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:17,709
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race #
5
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,920
# Oh, boy
it's swell to say #
6
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,686
# Goodmorning, U.S.A.#
7
00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:31,927
[ Chorus ]
# Goodmorning, U.S.A. ##
8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:39,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
9
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:44,767
- Who can bring me up to speed?
- [ Together] Me! Me! Pick me!
10
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,540
- I choose... Smith.
- Face!
11
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:52,084
One hour ago, a cyber-terrorist hacked into
the dam's computers and shut it down...
12
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,085
causing statewide blackouts...
13
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:57,884
and my DVD of Personal Best to cut out
right before the chicks did each other.
14
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:01,256
- Any suspects?
- No. But the psychopath faxed us this note.
15
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:03,386
Luckily, there was paper
in the machine this time.
16
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,056
I've never seen
this language before.
17
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:09,602
No one has, sir. That's why
we're flying in our top code breaker.
18
00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:13,763
[Stan ] His name is TomJorgenson.
He's notoriously diffiicult to work with.
19
00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:16,398
Some call him a genius.
Others call him a madman.
20
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:20,343
But he's the single most valuable weapon
our country has in our war on terror.
21
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,747
Scott here is, uh,
pretty good at the J um ble.
22
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:33,890
Dam n it! There's a maniac out there
jeopardizing the security of our nation!
23
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:37,554
We must focus all of our resources
on catching him!
24
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:40,997
- [ Whispering ]
- Right after softball practice.
25
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:47,804
It slipped the surly bonds of Earth
to touch the face ofGod.
26
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:51,843
Nice shot, Smith. Accompanied by
a hauntingly poignant turn of phrase.
27
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,379
Thanks. It's from Reagan's speech
when the Challenger blew up.
28
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:58,315
Speaking ofwhich, you're going down in flames
at the father/son softball game Saturday.
29
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:01,512
Hey, my kid just made varsity,
and he's only 1 2 or something.
30
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:05,990
Yeah. My son is so strong, when I talk
out ofturn, he beats me up with one hand.
31
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,959
His one freakishly large hand.
32
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,361
Oh, yeah? Well, my son's a chip off
the old perfectly chiseled...
33
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:16,526
never impotent, except for that one time I
couldn't get Lisa Kudrow out of my head, block.
34
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,127
Yep. Steve's an absolute warrior.
35
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,639
I am the ElfWarrior
ofGallendror!
36
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:26,235
My elf powers are invisibility,
archery and worthy hygiene.
37
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:30,715
Well, your freshly brushed teeth will make
a minty necklace for my troll king!
38
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,684
- Oh, snap!
- [Steve ]All right then, bring it on! Bring it on!
39
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:37,187
I sure hope the fellows like
Crystal Light as much as I do.
40
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:41,192
Roger, have you lost your mind? You know
you can't let Steve's friends see you.
41
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,593
Oh, Hayley, theywon't notice
I'm not Francine. They're 1 3.
42
00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:47,029
They'll never take their eyes
off my sweater meat.
43
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:49,033
Look, don't go down there.
44
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,831
I promise I'll helpyou find a safe way
to socialize with humans.
45
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:55,169
That'd be great, Hayley.
I feel so cooped up in this place.
46
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:59,575
It's like a prison, except without
the thrill ofa daily cavity search.
47
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,840
Did I say thrill?
I meant fear.
48
00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:07,244
[Stan ]
Nice one! Beautiful!
49
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,947
Way to step into it.
Amazing.
50
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,320
Huh. He's good,
but he's no Smith.
51
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:14,757
Sun was in your eyes.
Wind took that one.
52
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,796
You weren't readyyet. You weren't
readyyet. You weren't readyyet.
53
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,957
- [ Groans ]
- Good job, Son. Takeyour base.
54
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:26,198
Sandwiches for my big sluggers.
55
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:29,275
Steve, I put yours in the blender
soyou don't have to chew.
56
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:33,334
Thanks, Mom. And thanks again
for hanging out with me today, Dad.
57
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:36,472
It doesn't look like Steve had much fun
at the batting cages.
58
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:39,381
Nonsense! You should have seen him
crying when we were leaving.
59
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:43,216
You know, Stan, maybe Steve's
not the athleteyou think he is.
60
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:46,884
- Areyou saying our son is a loser?
- No, of course not. I'm just-
61
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,188
Damn right. Because ifyou're an athlete,
you're a winner.
62
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:52,059
And all Smiths are winners.
Therefore, all athletes are Smiths.
63
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,133
I'll take my sandwich
in the study.
64
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,692
Ach, he's so delusional.
Well, I'm late for my pedicure.
65
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,796
[ Imitating Motor Running ]
66
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,610
[ Imitating Tires Screeching ]
67
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:08,203
[ Imitating Footsteps ]
68
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,214
[ Imitating Door Creaking ]
69
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:14,184
I'm sorry I'm late, Mai Ling.
I'm thinking French tips this week.
70
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:19,350
Behold! It is here. The events guide
to this weekend's sci-fi convention.
71
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,427
- I've been waiting all year for this!
- Yeah!
72
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:25,054
They're doing a Klingon wedding,
followed by a Klingon divorce.
73
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:29,157
- Rok-pra!
- You said it! Get a prenup.
74
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:33,103
Steve, how would you like to go to
the Yankee-Oriole game tomorrow?
75
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,470
- Really?
- Absolutely. Ifyou want to
get good at something...
76
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,770
you have to see it done
up close by professionals.
77
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:40,903
That's why I tookyour mother
to Bangkok last summer.
78
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,541
Oh! Her Pad Thai
is delicious now.
79
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:48,348
Uh, Steve, you were supposed to go
on a mission with us tomorrow?
80
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,423
- You're all invited.
- Cool! Can we wear our uniforms?
81
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:55,984
- Absolutely. And I gotyou all
baseball jackets too.
- Oh, that's great, man!
82
00:04:56,095 --> 00:05:00,054
Your size would have cost me
two bucks extra, so, uh,just bring a sweater.
83
00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:06,398
- I've never been to a baseball game before.
- Yeah?
84
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:10,533
Well, wait till you hearwho pulled some strings
to get us into the Yankee locker room.
85
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,804
- You?
- I said wait, pork chop!
86
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:15,039
Whoa. Whoa. [ Chuckles ]
Where did that come from?
87
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,173
Uh, yes, Steve's friend,
it was me.
88
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:22,653
Well, going to the beach as a Saudi
exchange student was an awful idea.
89
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:26,589
Well, I'm sorry no one talked toyou.
But we can't risk anyone seeing you.
90
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:29,457
Hayley, I'm a social creature.
I need to mingle.
91
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:32,156
You know, back home,
I was a greeter at Philaxido?
92
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,165
It's kind oflike Wal-Mart.
93
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:37,828
Except when people work there for 1 8 years,
they aren't proud ofit.
94
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:42,271
- [ Chattering ]
- Look, boys. Perennial All-Star, DerekJeter.
95
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:45,469
Hey, kids.
Have fun at the game.
96
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,876
Listen, the C.I.A. said
theywere done with me.
97
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,346
I still have the headaches
and the nightmares.
98
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,317
What happened in Munich?
Who did I kill?
99
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,683
No, no. I'm not here forthat.
I'm herewith my son.
100
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,688
He's an athlete, likeyou.
101
00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:02,727
- We've landed. Gentlemen, reveal uniforms.
- [Men Chuckling]
102
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,389
- Steve, what areyou doing?
- [ Beeps ]
103
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:08,797
We've beamed down to a planet
of strange men in swaddling clothes.
104
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,392
- What's your reading, Chekov?
- [ Speaking Japanese ]
105
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,743
I'm Sulu.
106
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,150
Athlete?
Stan, your son's a geek.
107
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,617
What? No!
No, that can't be!
108
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,154
##[Techno Pop ]
109
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:38,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
110
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,799
## [ Continues ]
111
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:49,765
- ## [Ends ]
- Aah!
112
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,844
[ Gasps ]
113
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,973
No!
114
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,251
Oh, thank God!
[ Gasps ]
115
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:05,085
No!
116
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,660
- The cyber-terrorist has struck again.
- That's right, Greg.
117
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,791
This time he hacked into the computer system
ofthe largest refinery on the East Coast...
118
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,870
essentially shutting down
all oil production.
119
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,870
Oh, I hope that doesn't
include olive oil.
120
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,202
Someone promised to make me
paella this weekend.
121
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:24,776
Great. Now it seems like an obligation
instead ofa treat.
122
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,505
- [ Grinding ]
- Stan, stop grinding yourteeth.
123
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,480
It's notyourfault
that nut-job is still out there.
124
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:34,383
Forget national security!
We have a real crisis! Our son is a geek!
125
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,887
So our son is a geek?
Who cares?
126
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:39,082
You knew?
What else haveyou been hiding?
127
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,126
Maybe the fact that
he's not even my son?
128
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,695
Please! Please tell me
you slept with another man!
129
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,697
Tell me it was in our bed, and he was
wearing my tie as a headband...
130
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,926
and-and you grabbed the tie
to gain leverage...
131
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,128
and then apologized,
embarrassed, but he said...
132
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:54,070
"No, baby. You grab whatyou need to
grab to keep doing whatyou're doing."
133
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:56,733
Tell me! Ifyou ever loved me,
you'll tell me that's what happened!
134
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,868
Stop overreacting.
135
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:02,573
Look, you two are gonna go to
the father/son softball game tomorrow...
136
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:05,549
and have a wonderful time.
137
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:10,247
Hey, everyone.
I'm Steve Smith, Stan Smith's son.
138
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:15,191
Stan Smith is my dad.
Watch me play throw. [ Grunts ]
139
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,319
[ All Laughing ]
140
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,263
[ Grinding ]
141
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:24,465
Oh, honey. You're breaking out
in a stress rash.
142
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:28,267
You need ein facial. I'll call Mai Ling
and makeyou an appointment.
143
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,274
[ Imitating Dialing ]
144
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,276
[ Imitating Phone Ringing ]
145
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,437
McCullough's Outdoor Furniture,
Bob speaking.
146
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:37,243
Ach, I'm sorry.
I must have misdialed. Click.
147
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,682
Look, you said you wanted a job
soyou could meet people.
148
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:43,346
No, no, it's good. I-It's fine.
The costume's nice and spacious.
149
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,857
There's enough room in here for everything,
except my self-respect.
150
00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:50,793
It's not my fault the job market sucks.
I didn't vote for Bush.
151
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:53,559
- Let it go, Hayley.
- [Hayley] Never!
152
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:59,467
- Uh, hey, Son.
- Dad, check out my protective cup.
153
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,405
It's like a force field
for my boy parts.
154
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:06,604
Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yes, yes. Unfortunately,
the game's been rained out.
155
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:10,113
- Oh, no.
- Yeah, I know. God, I'm crushed!
156
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:14,585
- You know, we could still do something together.
- We sure could.
157
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:16,712
Well, good-bye!
158
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:18,790
[Doorbell Rings ]
159
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,956
Hey, Steve. Want to burn bugs
with a magnifying glass?
160
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,326
We use the sun
to send them to heaven.
161
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,592
Wait.
It's not raining.
162
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:35,264
Wow! Your dad used a rain machine to
ditch you? Why the hell would he do that?
163
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:38,400
- Knock it out ofthe park, Son!
- [Cheering]
164
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:41,844
- Nice hit, Son!
- [Man ] Go! Go! Go! Go! Yeah!
165
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:46,511
- Your son is phenomenal, Smith.
- Thankyou, sir.
166
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:48,746
Yeah, he's amazing.
167
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:51,823
- No one told you to talk!
- I'm sorry, Son.
168
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:54,791
Hey, Stan. How come I've never seen
this son ofyours before?
169
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,124
Darnelle's been to the office
a hundred times!
170
00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:59,959
Or are black people invisible
toyou, you racist bastard?
171
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:04,696
- [ Crowd Cheering]
- Wow! They sure can run, can't they?
172
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:06,965
Way to go, Son!
173
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,973
[ Gasps ]
174
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,168
Half off on a peach smoothie!
175
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,507
Thanks.
That's a good deal.
176
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,013
Yes! I had a conversation.
177
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,276
[Man ]
What areyou doin'on mycorner?
178
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:21,820
Hola, Taco King.
C�mo est�s?
179
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:24,116
Guess I should have used
the formal usted.
180
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:27,283
- You're cutting into my business!
- Oh, come on.
181
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:31,762
I bet ifyou let me inside your hard shell,
I'd find a lump ofsoft meat.
182
00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:33,798
[ Chuckles ]
Th-That came out wrong.
183
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:37,960
Ow! Ow! Ow! Please!
Let's talk this out! Pl- Ow!
184
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:41,039
- [ Roger] Why does everyone hate the juice?
- [Horns Honking]
185
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,010
## [ Humming: "Take Me Out
To the Ball Game" ]
186
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,877
- Uh, Steve!
- How was your day?
187
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,678
Oh, i-i-i-it was, uh,
it was great. Great.
188
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:57,222
Great. Great. What's, uh,
what's that on your shoulder?
189
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,019
It looks like a strand
of Big League chew.
190
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:03,618
Except that looks like grape.
And you only chew original.
191
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,720
Oh, that.
Uh, well, I, uh-
192
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,766
I was at the softball game, Dad!
I sawyou with him!
193
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,496
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm weak! I have needs!
194
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:16,166
No, I'm sorry. Sorry I'm not the son
you want me to be!
195
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,176
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Grinding ]
196
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:21,178
Uh, Francine!
197
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:26,240
- What kind offatherwould
do that to his own son?
- [ Grinding ]
198
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:31,586
- [ Screams ]
- I got beat up by a taco.
199
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,751
- [ Grinding ]
- [ Snap ]
200
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:41,230
Mr. Smith, you're whatwe call
in the business a Class "A" grinder.
201
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,131
Now I'm not talking about
the sandwich grinder...
202
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:48,332
or the organ grinderyou mayfind locked
in sweaty coitus with your father...
203
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,341
one fateful afternoon in Rome.
204
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,343
No, you're a Class "A" grinder...
205
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,642
meaning thatyou grind your teeth
so fervently that you need braces.
206
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,909
Braces?
You've got to be kidding!
207
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,008
[ Chuckles ]
I onlywish, Mr. Smith.
208
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:03,247
And I onlywish I had never known
the sickly sweet scent of my father's love...
209
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,255
with that filthy fat gypsy.
210
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:07,848
And that I could have mustered
something other than "Papa, no!"...
211
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,394
before that shrieking monkey
drove me from the room.
212
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,964
But you're a grinder,
and you're getting braces.
213
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,465
But I-I already had braces
when I was a kid.
214
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,559
Doctor, I've paid my dues.
215
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:21,436
- [ Thinking ] Papa, no!
- [ Thinking: Monkey Screeching ]
216
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,440
- [ Thinking: Footsteps Running ]
- [ Thinking: Door Slamming Shut ]
217
00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:26,978
Do we ever pay our dues,
Mr. Smith?
218
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,950
[ Beeps ]
219
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,747
[ Beeping Rapidly]
220
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,857
This morning
the cyber-terrorist struck again.
221
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,325
Agent Smith, could you
tell us the location?
222
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,794
[ Lisping ]
The Securities and Exchange Commission.
223
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:48,594
- [ All Laughing ]
- Oh, ha, ha, veryfunny.
224
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,932
All right. All right. Settle down.
Back to the cyber-terrorist.
225
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:55,598
Once again, he sent a note
in the same mysterious language.
226
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,541
All of our living code breakers
are absolutely stumped.
227
00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:03,172
Therefore, because we have no leads,
this afternoon we'll be raiding a mosque.
228
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:06,046
- [ All Cheering ]
- All right! Yeah! Yeah!
229
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,053
Hey, pizza face!
Here comes a delivery!
230
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:11,851
[ All Laughing ]
231
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,857
Well, that guywas a real jerk.
232
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:18,020
Yes. It's a sad sightwhen Americans
turn against Americans.
233
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:27,436
- [Men Laughing]
- Oh, ha, ha. Real mature, guys.
234
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,475
- You're lucky I'm wearing myvest.
- Your attention, please.
235
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:34,876
I'm afraid the arbitrary raid on that mosque
has been canceled due to rain.
236
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:38,640
- [ All Aahing ]
- Man!
237
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:42,551
Well, I might as well get my rainy-day
mix tape out ofthe car.
238
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,656
Wait a second.
239
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,556
Not a drop of rain
in all ofChristendom.
240
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,328
- They ditched me.
- [Horn Honking]
241
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,866
[ Honking Continues ]
242
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,994
[ All Laughing ]
243
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:01,800
I'm telling the president on you!
244
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:10,772
They all went on a mission and left me
behind like- like I was... a geek!
245
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:13,249
Well, nowyou know
howyou made Steve feel.
246
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:18,085
Soyou need to go to him and apologize
and tell him how much you love him.
247
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:21,785
Fine. IfI'm gonna be a geek,
I might as well be a sissytoo.
248
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:27,398
I steal your bag ofholding, cut off
your head with myvorpal blade...
249
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:30,400
and throwyour corpse in
the fires of Lake Piracima!
250
00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:34,962
- Whoa! Easy, Steve.
- I am notyour father, okay?
251
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:40,376
I'm just Balthor, a simple ogre blacksmith
trying to make a living.
252
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,606
[ SpeakingJapanese ]
253
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:48,948
Steve, may I speak toyou
for a second?
254
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:53,124
Come on, Steve.
He's your dad.
255
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,318
Shut up, fatty fat, fat pants!
256
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,918
Wow. Seriously,
I have no idea what that's about.
257
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,521
Only the holder of
the amulet may talk.
258
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:04,262
- So I give you an elf curse!
- Oh, my God!
259
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:07,339
[Stan ] That's the language
the cyber-terrorist uses in his notes!
260
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,907
What? Wait.
May I?
261
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,569
Why do they always set
the rear brackets too tight?
262
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,613
- There. Now say something.
- [ Lisp Free ] Sweet Sally Struthers.
263
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:18,740
Sweet Sally Struthers.
I can say sweet Sally Struthers!
264
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,012
- Now tell me, what is that language?
- It's Elvish.
265
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:26,023
- Of course. The Yiddish Elvis.
- No. The language ofthe elves.
266
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:28,457
Look, Steve, ifyou could
translate his notes...
267
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,654
then I could capture this madman
and be one ofthe cool agents again.
268
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,029
Please, Son.
I really need your help.
269
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,967
[ Sighs ]
Fine. I'll helpyou.
270
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:44,639
Look, Mr. Smith,
your stress zits are going away. Yea!
271
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:46,802
Oh, God,
I want to hityou!
272
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:52,012
Okay, in this one,
the cyber-terrorist says...
273
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:56,645
"Your moneywill come to a grinding halt
and all because of society's fault."
274
00:15:56,755 --> 00:16:01,283
Of course! He was taunting us about his
attack on the Securities Exchange Commission.
275
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:05,762
If only there was some clue as to
who this elusive mastermind is.
276
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:08,992
It's right here in the letterhead-
"From the desk of Dan Vebber."
277
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,559
- Holy crap! The Dan Vebber?
- You know this monster?
278
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:18,371
Areyou kidding? He's only the contributing
editor of Wizards andShut-Ins magazine.
279
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:22,846
And tonight, there's only one place
he could be- the sci-fi convention.
280
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:27,715
Then let's go! And way to save precious seconds
by abbreviating science fiction as sci-fi.
281
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:32,484
But next time, maybe say sci-fi con or S.F.C.,
because time is ofthe essence.
282
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:35,685
Or as we say at the agency,
T.O.- No. No, wait.
283
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:41,596
Time is- is of- T.I.O.- T.I.O.-
What am I spelling here?
284
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,895
- Where are you going?
- Sci-fi convention!
285
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:50,203
Roger, I know a place where
you can meet people. [ Gasps ]
286
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,103
Oh, my God!
Ifhe had just held on!
287
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:57,307
Huh? Oh, no, no. I sleep like this sometimes.
It's good for my back.
288
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:59,384
So where are we going?
289
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,421
So whywould Dan Vebber
become a cyber-terrorist?
290
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,548
What do we know about Dan Vebber?
291
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:10,185
- Well, he's a grown man obsessed
with The Lordofthe Rings-
- That's it!
292
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,229
By destroying modern infrastructures...
293
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:15,266
he hopes to create a Middle Earth
in the here and now.
294
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,267
That's it!
I've cracked it!
295
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,894
But wait a second.
Steve was the one who-
296
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:28,373
[ Chattering ]
297
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,108
Good God!
Who's manning the Internet?
298
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,184
- [ Whirring ]
- [ Cocking ]
299
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:39,021
- Agent Smith, C.I.A.
- Agent Mulder, F.B.I.
300
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,592
- I'm Agent Scully.
- Excellent. Follow me.
301
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,292
I don't know who he's playing,
but he is so committed.
302
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,389
Do not invite him
back to the apartment.
303
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,400
- But-
- Not even to watch.
304
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:53,699
Oh, this is so great,
not having to wear a disguise.
305
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,673
I can actually make a connection
with people as me.
306
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:59,335
Want me to Irish up
that coffee foryou?
307
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:02,642
- No? Well, suityourself.
- [ Gulping ]
308
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,979
Hey, I'm Roger. Nice to meetyou.
Nanu nanu.
309
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,985
Hey, it's- it's you!
310
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,851
- Oh, God! This guy.
- You know him?
311
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:14,255
- It's me, Kurt.
- Right. Right, Kurt.
312
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,920
- How ya doing?
- How am I doing? You probed me!
313
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,999
You set fire to my Celica!
No one believed me!
314
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,000
Mywife left me!
She took my boys!
315
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,127
But, hey, that's okay
because you're back...
316
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,899
and you can tell everyone that you exist
and that I'm not crazy.
317
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:31,567
Yeah. Uh, this is
kind of myweekend.
318
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,613
Um, look, just, uh, hang out atyour booth
and I'll swing back by...
319
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:39,411
and we'll piece together the shattered
remains ofyour life or- orwhatever.
320
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:42,282
Oh, God, thankyou.
Thankyou! You're coming back?
321
00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:45,481
Ten minutes, right here.
Keep walking.
322
00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:48,958
Every thinking, rational person
knows that Luke Skywalker...
323
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,552
would totally destroy Frodo!
324
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:56,623
Yes. Were it not for the one ring
which bestows the power of invisibility.
325
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:59,397
- That's Dan Vebber!
- Sorry, Vebber.
326
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:05,068
- You're going away for a long time.
So packyour baggins.
- [ All Groaning ]
327
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,668
Dad, I know people here.
328
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:11,306
So the enemies of Middle Earth
are upon Dan Vebber.
329
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:14,385
Fellow dorks, this is the man
who convinced Lucas...
330
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:18,013
to not release the anamorphic,
5.1 DVD transfers...
331
00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:21,490
ofthe original, non-special-edition
Star Wars Trilogy.
332
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:24,721
[ All Gasping, Growling ]
333
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,025
[CrowdShouting, Indistinct]
334
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,038
[ Imitating Light Saber Buzzing ]
335
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,743
[Thud]
336
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:54,187
Frodo lives and you must die.
337
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,193
[Steve ]
Notso fast, Halfling.
338
00:19:56,295 --> 00:20:00,425
This is the underwear PeterJackson wore
while editing The Frighteners.
339
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:04,534
No!
340
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,230
[ Screaming ]
341
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,409
- [ Grunting ]
- Nice work, Son.
342
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:15,378
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Freeze, you big-footed freak!
343
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,177
Dan Vebber does not fearyou,
for he is ushering in the age of magic.
344
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:23,152
And you cannot shoot
what you cannot see. Ha!
345
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:25,189
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha-
346
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,555
[ Groaning, Sobbing ]
347
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,924
- [ Moaning ]
- Well done, Smith.
348
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:34,089
Well, the credit should go to Steve.
He's the real hero.
349
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:36,759
- Way to go, Son.
- Thanks, Dad.
350
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:40,167
I'm just glad you learned to finally
appreciate me forwho I am.
351
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:43,571
I sure have, Son. And I'm glad
you enjoyed this auto show.
352
00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,643
It's a sci-fi convention.
353
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:50,404
[ Chuckling ]
My son loves his cars.
354
00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:53,780
I don't get it, Roger. You say
you want to connect with people...
355
00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:55,910
and then you spend two hours
in the bathroom...
356
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:58,819
avoiding the one person on this planet
who wants to talk toyou.
357
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,017
Just shut up
and get me back to my attic.
358
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:03,117
I can't believe
I agreed to do this.
359
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:05,560
It's different this time, Ilene!
He's here!
360
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:07,859
And you're gonna see him!
And the boys are gonna see him!
361
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:11,493
And you'll all know I'm not crazy!
And we can be a family again!
362
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,798
Oh, God! Don't look.
Don't look.
363
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:48,638
Bye-bye.
Seeyou soon.
364
00:21:49,305 --> 00:21:55,425
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