All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s08e13_English

And Zhang Ziyi
is incredible in it.

Her character,
Xiao Mei, is a dancer,

-Uh-huh.
-but she's really part of the
anti-government underground.

And the corrupt officials

send police to spy on her but...

-(exhales)
-...one of them,
played by Takeshi Kaneshiro,

-falls in love with her.
-Oh.

And so he doesn't tell the
police what's really going on.

-Lots of twists,
lots of intrigue.
-Oh.

Seriously,
House of Flying Daggers is

my favorite Chinese movie.

-What's your favorite?
-Oh, oh,

the one where Jackie Chan kicks
the crap out of that panda.

Hi!

I brought healthy
movie night snacks.

Jícama and tzatziki.

Oh, the original names
of Batman and Robin.

So, Jen, tell me about
this movie you picked.

No, no.

It'll literally
take longer than the movie.

All right,
I'll pick you up later.

I got to get to the library.

There's this one
really wobbly chair...

-and I want to get it.
-(chuckles)

Uh, so, my college boy
has his first test

coming up in Philosophy.

A Philosophy test?

"Oh, the humanity!" (chuckles)

Philosophy is
one of the Humani--

Oh, come on, it's a good joke.

(laughing)
You get to laugh twice.

Once when she says it

and once when she explains it.

First big test.
Are you ready for this?

-Well, I...
-He's ready for anything.
He's gonna crush it.

-Guys, tell him
he's gonna crush it.
-You're going to crush it.

-Much like Xiao Mei in
-House of Flying Daggers.
-Right, right. Right.

This is where I came in,
this is where I take off.

I s-- I sold the '68 Camaro,

I'm gonna take her out for one
last ride before I let her go.

Aw. Oh, I guess the hardest part
of this car-flipping business

is saying goodbye.

She is a '68 Camaro,

-I'm a human man.
-VANESSA: Mm.

(exhales)
We both knew what this was.

All right,
I got to get out of here, too.

And go review my notes.

Everyone is so smart at college.

Even at night.

You got this, babe.
You're gonna crush it.

Oh, you know,
I am so proud of Kyle.

I think he's gonna do great.

You're living
in a dream world, lady.

*

What are you worried about?

Kyle's got a light schedule
this semester.

-I'm sure he'll do fine.
-Based on what?

I mean, let's face it, he was
never the greatest student.

-And it's even harder
when you're older than everyone.
-Mm.

Try being younger
and smarter than everyone.

That's no picnic, either.

Uh, hey, Mom, you are a tutor.

I would like to hire you
to work with Kyle.

But without paying you

or letting him know
what you're doing.

Uh... (chuckles) Well, I-I, uh,
I'd be happy to help,

but, uh, why can't Kyle know?

Yeah, and why don't you have
any money?

This woman's time
is worth something.

Okay, if you could just...

Uh, Kyle's confidence is shaky.

And if-if he thinks
that people are doubting him,

-he'll start doubting himself,
and then he's screwed.
-Mm.

Well, whatever I can do to help.
I'm all in.

Uh, what exactly does Kyle need?

Um, you know, study habits,
uh, note-taking,

-test taking strategies.
-Okay.

All the stuff you thought
I'd need, and then...

(chuckles) ...this happened.

(laughs) Okay.
All right, well, honey, uh,

bring him by tomorrow.

I have got a lot of
surefire learning strategies.

I'll help, too. I have lots of
free time after school

because the homework
in this country is a joke.

You know, it might be
more of a picnic

if you'd lose the attitude.

-'51 Mercury Wagon.
-Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

-Man, isn't she a beauty?
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Mm.
-Could be "he's a beauty."

Remember, Chuck,
this is 2020, all right?

You know,
that-that could be very nice

once we flip it, huh?

-Mm.
-Yeah?

-Tough call.
-Mm-hmm.

Maybe we should let Mike
weigh in on this.

-Huh?
-Oh... Oh, there he is.

-Good morning, guys.
-Morning, Mike.

Mike, you remember that old lady
from Pagosa Springs,

-right, with the '51 Woody?
-Oh, yeah.

-Right, huh? Yeah.
-Beautiful car, man.

Wood on the outside,
wood slats interior.

That's so much wood,
it's like driving around

-in Dean Martin's den.
-(laughter)

-Do we make her an offer?
-Well, I-I'm not sure. It's--

-T-There's a lot to weigh...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,

we don't have a buyer yet,

-and it's going to take
a hell of a lot of work...
-Right.

(humming)

-Yes!
-(both laughing)

-All right, looks like
we're buying a Mercury.
-Yeah.

-I thought you weren't sure.
-That's past tense, Mike.

-Now I'm sure.
-Hold on a minute,
hold on a minute.

Somebody please tell me
what's going on.

Preferably somebody
that's not all liquored up.

Ed doesn't make any
tough car decisions

until you throw your briefcase
and we see how it lands.

Wow, that makes sense.

-It's silly and stupid.
-Yes.

It's worked for months, Mike.

You toss the briefcase,
if it lands upright...

-it's a green light. Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.

And if it falls over or,
God forbid, hits Ed,

-like that one time...
-Yeah, yeah...

That's the red light.

"Do not proceed. No."

So, wait a minute.

You're telling me that that
GTO that we bought and flipped

for a lot of money, we bought
because I landed the briefcase?

Yes.

And the only time
we defied the briefcase

was when we bought
that '62 Imperial.

Which turned out to be stolen.

And I burned my mouth
on the soup that day.

Well, you know,
it's good to know that we...

we don't base our little
car business on sound practices

like legwork and research.

Mikey, we do all that.
But we're humans.

We make mistakes.
The leather never lies.

VANESSA:
Okay, Kyle's here.

I know it's wrong,
but I just love fooling people.

Hi, hi, uh, we just stopped by

to pick up
some of my old fabric.

Uh, what cool, cool thing
are you kids up to?

Oh, Vanessa and I were
just discussing

the best study techniques.

Uh, yes, my tutoring company is
always looking to update

its methods for the students.

Fun! So fun.

Right, Kyle?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

It's not, like,
spitting-off-a-bridge fun but...

Well, hey, why don't you stay up
here with them

and I'll grab the fabric
from the basement?

Ooh, wait, but I thought
you brought me here

-to help you carry it up.
-Oh. No need.

I've got Thelma and Louise.

Well, let me know if you need
any help from Lefty and Righty.

Kyle, uh,
why don't-don't you join us?

-Here, come on, come.
-Yeah, you're going to be
taking tests now.

You would probably find this
super interesting.

-(chuckles)
-Uh, yeah, okay.

Uh, okay, so, uh,
I was just saying to Jen that

the key to studying is
a solid note-taking system.

Like, uh,
like with Roman numerals.

Kyle, do you ever use
Roman numerals?

Oh, I try to stick to
American-made numerals.

Okay. Uh, well, there is, uh,

there's also the Mapping Method,
uh, which is much more visual.

Oh, you know what?
You guys should try what I do.

I make important notes
in black pen

and super important notes
in blue pen.

Aren't those colors
kind of similar?

Yes, and that's why

I trace over
my blue notes in red.

Okay, okay, well, um,

however you get your notes,

you still have
to retain the information, so...

Oh, I have a great trick
for that.

Memorize every word
forward and backward.

When I was learning English,

I did that with
"The Star-Spangled Banner."

* Brave the of

* Home the and free...

* The of land

* The o'er.

Wow!

-Oh, look at this
meeting of the minds.
-Yeah...

I smell brain cells burning.

Maybe that's why my head's
starting to hurt.

Wait, it is?

No, no. No, we...

we were just having a fun
conversation about learning.

They were just telling me
my system doesn't work.

Why would they do that?
That would hurt his confidence.

-Mom, Jen,
tell him his system works.
-Uh, yeah, of course it does.

We-we were just discussing
alternate learning methods.

For fun. Y...
'Cause...

(stammers)
...it's fun.

Yeah. (chuckles) That's not fun.

And it's too late for me
to change my methods now.

I only have two more lectures
before the test,

and I've already
bought the pens. So...

Yeah, he doesn't need
any alternate study methods.

-He doesn't?
-No, he doesn't.
He's doing fine.

He's totally crushing it,
and he doesn't need your help.

Get a life, nerds!
Come on, Kyle.

I know, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-Oh.
-A little peace offering for

throwing you
under the bus earlier.

I can't drink.

Well, you can drink, Jen.

But you shouldn't.

Uh...

I'm not one to turn my nose up
at wine... Mm-hmm.

What the hell was that?

Kyle was rattled
and I had to pull the plug

before he lost all
his confidence.

(sighs) Well, we didn't
mean to scare him.

We were just offering
suggestions and then he took it

-as criticism.
-Ugh. Men can be so sensitive.

It's like they think
taking any help

is a sign of weakness.

Well, especially from a woman.

Look, they need to be
the heroes.

Come home from the hunt
and throw down the carcass.

And look, hey,
that is not a metaphor.

Those scratches on my table?

Antlers.

Tell me about it.
I scared off so many boyfriends

by saying
these six simple words:

-"I can reach that for you."
-Oh...

So what do we do now?

-How are we going to help Kyle?
-I don't know.

We need to find a guy
who thinks like us

but who can tell Kyle
that accepting help

doesn't make you less of a man.

But where are we going to find
a man who thinks like that?

RYAN:
* Howdy-hooooo.

(mouths)

Hello, ladies.

I'm just returning
the DVD that I borrowed.

-Oh, what is it?
-The Notebook.

Gosling gets me every time.

He's perfect.

-The old lady turned down
our offer on the Woody.
-Oh.

Her husband must've told her

what it was worth
before he died.

Yeah, the bastard.

Um, I mean,
God rest his soul.

Right. So we gonna make
another offer on it?

Well, we might. We might not.

We're waiting for... you know.

The magic briefcase.

Listen, uh, just do it, uh,
do it from about here

'cause you need
to have a nice arc.

Need an arc, that's not bad.

Come on.

-Come on.
-Gotcha. All right.

All right, here we go,
here we go, all right.

Ah, refresh me.

Yes?

If it lands upright,
we buy the car?

Yes, Baxter, now come on, focus.
We-we-we really want this car.

-Yes.
-Right.

-Sorry, sorry, sorry.
-Come on, come on.

Here we go.

Ah, big decision.
Is this briefcase worthy?

You know, when you
say it like that,

you make it sound stupid,
so just toss the satchel.

Just want to make sure
we're all on the same page.

-Just be the briefcase, Baxter.
-Do this. You can do this.

Okay, here we go, guys.

(all groan)

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Now what are the rules?
Let me do it one more time.

No, no. It's all
about the first toss.

It's a mulligan,
it's a mulligan.

Let it go, Baxter. The briefcase
knows more than we do,

even when it hurts.

I don't know what happened.
Maybe first time ever

the pressure got to me. You
know, I really wanted that car.

Come on, Chuck. We've--
we have our answer. You know?

And I'm-I'm-I'm dumping out
that soup I brought for lunch.

Ah, maybe next time, guys.
(chuckles)

And right here.

Whoo!

(grunts)

Thanks for the hand, buddy.

Uh, that box is awfully light.
Are you okay?

You think that I'm weak
because I'm asking you for help?

With a box that weighs
three pounds.

A man can be strong
and still ask for help.

Not with a box
that weighs three pounds.

Wait-- there's nothing in here
but bubble wrap.

It's not about the box, okay?
I can lift the box.

I'm a very masculine guy.

Well, sure, you have a beard.

Too many men are stuck in this
primitive mindset, right?

The male must go it alone.

You see it in apes,
you see it in cockroaches.

Don't bad-mouth the cockroach.

Sometimes, when I was little,
they would lead me to the food.

We can rise above
our worst instincts.

You can rise above.
Just let people in.

It is so simple.
Say, "I need help."

But I don't.

Really? You don't need help
with anything?

Like, even something... school?

School? Wait,
what's going on here?

-Hey, guys.
-Oh, hello, Mandy.

Hey, babe. You helping Ryan?

And, Ryan, are you accepting
help like a real man?

Uh, yeah, Mandy,
despite our stellar acting,

I think he's onto us.

You told Ryan I needed help,

just like you told Mrs. B
and Jen I needed help.

Wh-Where is he getting this?

Has he been sampling the wares?

Hey, save it. You don't think
that I can do this, do you?

No, of course she does.

Ryan, you had your chance
and you blew it.

Okay, well, I would leave,
but I work here,

so I guess I'll just
go to the other end

of this very tiny store.

Hey, of course I believe in you.
I'm the one who's been

telling you that you're
crushing it, and you are.

Keep crushing it.

I thought we had a relationship
built on honesty.

You know, but maybe sometime
you can ask Thelma and Louise

to help you lift the truth.

(gasps)

Hey, Dad.

Hey, honey.

Listen,
I got a big inventory snafu.

Can I help you with something?

Well, it's no big deal.
I just stopped by

to tell you
I wrecked my marriage.

(chuckles)

That one with Kyle, huh?

Wh-What-What's going on here?

Um, I broke one
of my wedding vows, Dad.

S-Some of those vows
are bigger than others.

What-what vow
are we talking about?

The one that says that
you can't doubt that your spouse

will do well in college, even
though the last class he took

was tenth grade wood shop

and the napkin holder he made
won't hold napkins.

Oh, yeah, th-that vow.

Yeah, that cost Mickey Rooney
four marriages.

You have doubts
about Kyle in college?

No, no, I don't have doubts.

I just don't know
if he can do it.

Well, just for the sake
of conversation,

let's call those "doubts."

H-H-Have you talked
about this with Kyle?

No. No, he's my husband.

What kind of a wife would I be
if I told him that?

Well, m-maybe be an honest wife.

The hard part about vows
are for better, worse;

richer, poorer;
in sickness and in health.

But that's not what this is.

Although, I do have a little bit
of a throat thing.

What all of that means
is that you got to be there

for the other person
in tough times

and not just pretend
that they don't exist.

Okay, wait, so you're saying
that I should tell Kyle

that I have doubts about
this whole college thing?

That would be really hard
for me to do.

-No, it wouldn't.
-Yes, it would.

No, you can crush it.
You got this.

Not helping, Dad.

Oh, whoa, whoa.
What am I thinking?

So it-it's annoying to be told
things are fine

even though you're not sure
that they are?

Yes.

When am I gonna learn
to stop walking into this?

-Hey, guys, I'm taking off.
-Hey, hey.

Or you can come join us.

-We're celebrating.
-Hey.

Oh? What are we celebrating?

Lola Falana coming
to the Paramount?

Maybe celebrating's
too big a word.

We're relieved.

Some other guy bought that car.
(chuckles)

Yeah, or lady, Chuck. It's 2020.

Whoever it is,
I hope they're good at digging

through salvage yards because,

according to
the all-knowing briefcase,

that thing's
got a lot of problems.

Yeah. Actually, the engine's
in perfect shape,

so's all the wood paneling.

(clears throat)

Uh, what?
How do you know that?

(chuckles)

You bought it.

You went against the briefcase?

Yeah, it was on its side.
You've cursed us.

Yeah.

I did that on purpose. Come on.

Ed, you're the smartest
businessman I know,

and, Chuck, you work near him.

We don't need superstitious
voodoo to buy a car.

Yeah, I know that, I know that,
but it's a lot of fun.

And if things went wrong,
we didn't feel so bad about it.

It gave us
plausible deniability.

Plausible? A flying briefcase?

When you say it like that,
you make it sound stupid.

-Mm-hmm. Hey.
-Hmm?

Hey, look,
Joe found us something.

It's a '68 Charger.
It looks a little rough.

Ooh, that's a nice car.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Look, it's got a HEMI in it.

-Oh...
-People are looking
for that car.

But you just bought us
that Woody, and, uh,

that's gonna take a lot of work.

Yeah. What to do, huh?

Tough call.

All right, one more.

-Okay. All right, here we go,
here we go.
-Okay, come on.

-Ed.
-Yeah?

MIKE:
You got to move your Ermine.

That's, uh,
Ethel Ermine, please.

All right, here we go. Oh, baby.

-Come on, go. Here we go.
-You guys ready?

-Yeah, itty-bitty toss, man.
-All right.

-You can do it.
-Here we go.

Yes! Yeah!

Green light, people.

-(grunts) Oh. Geez.
-You all right? You okay, man?

Sorry about that.

Hey. Do you have time?
We need to talk.

Time?

Well, Plato said,

"Time is a moving image
of reality."

Pretty sure "time is money."

Um, look, I didn't mean
to upset you earlier.

Really? So I'm just supposed
to feel wonderful with you

constantly telling me how great
and smart you think I am?

I would.

Well, Plato said, "I know
too well that these arguments

from probabilities
are imposters."

I have no idea what that means.

Neither do I.

But you think I do
because you think I'm a genius.

I don't.
I don't think you're a genius.

What?

Well, I have doubts.

I mean, yes, you always
finish the puzzle before me

on Wheel of Fortune,

but that doesn't mean you know
how to take college tests.

I guess it doesn't.

Yeah, and it's been,
like, ten years

since you've taken one.
What if things have changed?

Oh, God,
I hadn't thought of that.

And-and I'm sorry, babe,
but going back to school

is a huge deal and you weren't
that good the first time.

Say something!

Thank you.

What?

Well, the pressure
was killing me.

I mean, everyone was so sure
I was gonna do great.

Have they met me?

(laughs) They were lying.

Everyone has doubts about you.

Yes!

Wait, okay, so you don't mind
that we feel that way?

No. Everyone should have doubts.

This is gonna be
really hard for me.

I know, sweetie,
but just because I have doubts

doesn't mean that
I don't believe in you. I do.

This is so great
because now it's not all on me.

I have someone
I can talk to about this.

Always.

And from now on, I promise
to be honest with you,

even if I think it might
hurt your feelings.

And I'll do the same for you.

Oh, sweetie...

no.

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man

with the five least helpful
words in the English language:

"You got this, no problem."

Translation:

"Please don't ask me
to do this for you."

We all like to pretend
"You got this" means,

"I believe in you,"
but let's face it,

it just really means,
"It would be so great

if you could just take care
of your own side of the street."

I mean, sometimes you mean it,

like the first time you let go
of the back of the two-wheeler

and watch our kid wobble away.
"Y-You got this. You got this.

"Oh, oh, oh!
Go, whoa, whoa. Good try.

"Try not to lead
with your head next time.

I'll get a Band-Aid."

Of course, more and more
these days, people don't get it.

You don't believe me,
ask a young person

to grab the jack
and change a tire.

The kid's gonna
look at you and go,

"Wh-Who's Jack?"

We spend a lot of energy

teaching people
how to ask for help,

but if we teach people
to engage, fail, and learn,

then we'll have people
who don't need help.

Not from me,
not from the government,

and certainly not
from some smart device

that you bought
to bug your own home.

Listen, in the Bible,
my favorite carpenter says,

"If you ask me anything
in my name, I will do it,"

but I wonder that under
his breath he actually said,

"But I would prefer
if you took a shot

"at figuring it out yourself.

Come on, you got this,
no problem."

Baxter out.

(chicken clucks)

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH