All language subtitles for Modern.Love.S01E07.AMZN.WEB-DL.English.US.SDH.ENG

♪ We face the music together ♪

♪ And throw our hats
in the ring ♪

♪ Facing all kinds of weather ♪

♪ And not afraid of anything ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ When the sun comes up
we'll be on our way ♪

♪ And we don't care
where we land ♪

♪ And the waves are high,
but we won't turn 'round ♪

♪ 'Cause your hand
is in my hand ♪

♪ And, oh-oh ♪

♪ You make me feel invincible ♪

♪ 'Cause it's you and me ♪

♪ Through the wind and hail ♪

♪ Setting sail into the world. ♪

♪ ♪

TV NARRATOR: And now,
in a scene as old as time itself,

the female, now a mother,
presents her baby

to the father.
It's a tense moment.

(gorilla growling)

Males have been known
to reject their young

if they are in any doubt
as to whether or not

- they are the father.
- (gorilla screeches)

Or even to eat them.

Oh, please don't eat your baby.

(grunts)

Ooh, fuck. Ugh.

- (knocks)
- I'm going to bed.

All right, babe, I'll be in.

I just want to finish this reel.

Do you ever get strong
parental feelings?

Overpowering?

Um... No.

Uh, well, I just finished
watching this, uh, program

about baby gorillas
in the Congo,

and I don't know, I...
I started lactating.

That's disgusting.

Well, don't you get bored
of yourself?

Of your happiness?

Your mindfulness?
Of your running?

Your career?

I get so bored of "me."

Mm-hmm, yeah,
I-I know what you mean.

Honey, I feel incomplete.

Well, let's discuss it sometime.

I'll click the kettle.

Well, we could do IVF

- like my friends Charlie and Mike.
- What did they do?

They paid some poor lady in
India to be their surrogate,

and then they mixed up
their sperm

so they wouldn't find out which
one of them fertilized the egg.

- Did that work?
- Sure, they've got a beautiful

three-year-old who looks exactly
like Charlie.

(chuckles)

And what happened to
the poor Indian lady?

I don't know. I guess she ate
really well for a year.

Mm. Okay, what about adopting?

That makes sense.
I have no desire

to bring another human being
into the world.

No. Me, neither. So...

Right. Well,
what are we gonna do?

Are we gonna really think
about it?

TV NARRATOR:
And so, Tobin and Andy

begin their
reproductive journey,

here in the city of New York.

It will be an adventure full
of excitement, disappointment,

laughter, tears, and an
astounding amount of paperwork.

So, have you guys thought
about open adoption, too?

Um... Do you guys do that?

Everyone does now.

The birth mother has as much
or as little access

with the child
as the three of you agree.

And you would be
legal guardians, of course.

That sounds... awesome.

- I-I think we'd like that.
- Okay.

Well, let me give you a little
paperwork to fill out.

-Oh. -Oh. -And I'll get you

- in my database.
- That is a whole tree

- of paperwork.
- (chuckles)

What exactly did you expect

was gonna happen today, Andy?

- He brought a car seat today.
- Well...

- Oh...
- I... Shut up, I did not.

♪ ♪

- (ringtone playing)
- It's her.

- Huh?
- It's her.

Oh.

(ringtone continues playing)

- Okay. Hey, Trina.
- All right, all right, all right.

TRINA:
How you guys holding up?

- We're okay, yeah.
- Good.

Okay. So,
this one did not pan out.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

She got cold feet.

Was it, was it the gay thing
again?

No, I don't believe so.

Jesus, how hard can it be
for two employed,

home-owning homosexuals
to start a family?

I thought we would have
quintuplets by now.

I know.
I-I do have one more idea.

- Quintuplets? -Yeah.
- It's a long shot.

She came into our office
recently and liked your file.

But she's a little...

Little what?

You know what?
You should just meet her.

How about Thursday?

- Okay.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- (barks)
- Oh!

- Whoa. Jesus.
- Holy shit.

- You ready for this?
- This is it.

♪ ♪

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Are you Karla?

Yeah. Tobin and Andy, right?

- Other way...
- Oh. Sorry.

- (Karla chuckles)
- Tobin. Andy.

- Oh, sit. Sorry.
- TOBIN: Yeah. Yeah.

-Hi. (laughs) -Hi. Hi. -Hey.

Feels like an interview.

- But who's interviewing who?
- (all chuckle)

Well, you should be
interviewing us, I guess.

(singsongy): I mean, we're
the ones who want your baby.

Right.

Who are you?

- Who, me or him?
- As a couple.

I don't care about you
as individuals.

Who are you
as a couple, and...

why are you the ones
to take care of my baby boy?

Or girl.
I haven't checked. Go.

Uh...

well, when we first met,
at a party,

uh, I was coming down
with the flu.

I could feel it in my bones.

And I knew I should go home,
but he was so interesting,

so we spent the entire night

walking around the city
until dawn

on the coldest night
of the year.

The next day, my mom admits me
into the hospital.

- I had double pneumonia.
- Fuck.

And he didn't know anything
about this,

because I lost his number
on the way to the hospital.

So for three days
of-of fever and hallucination,

all I'm thinking is,
"Oh, no, he's gonna think

- that I don't care."
- Right.

Also, he's, like,
a decade older than me,

so he's punching
above his weight.

But when I came to,
he was there,

at my bedside.

Wait. How did you know
how to find him?

I got his number
from the hostess of the party.

I just had a sense that
we'd gotten along so well,

there must be some reason
for him not calling me.

He was right.
(chuckles)

That is so gay.

And so nice.

- Love is telepathic, right?
- TOBIN: Yeah.

I knew you guys were cool.

- WAITER: Lovely. So now...
- Oh.

...can I get you all something?

Uh, yeah.
Uh, good idea.

Um, you want
another coffee, Karla?

- Or what do you want?
- Are you getting this or am I?

- Oh, us. Totally us. Yeah.
- Oh, us. Us, us, us.

I'll have the lunch special,

a-and a Coke and another coffee.

And, uh,
save me a banana split.

Guys?

- Um...
- (Karla clears throat)

Uh, well,
could we get two green teas?

TOBIN:
So, uh, when are you due?

(clears throat)
Eight months.

Is that okay?
I mean, a newborn,

is that what
you were looking for?

Oh, we don't care.

And how much involvement

do you think you'd like?

It's hard to say.
I travel a lot.

But I come through New York
twice a year, so...

you know, maybe twice a year.

Okay. Uh, and what's
the traveling about? Work?

No, I'm homeless.

Okay. Okay.

- Okay, cool.
- Awesome.

Oh, stop pretending that
doesn't throw you a little bit.

I mean, maybe...
maybe a little bit.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yes. Is-is it...

Wait, so...
so, who's the father, Karla?

A guy I met on the street.

Yeah, um, he's a good man.

Our paths cross
every once in a while,

but, you know,
ultimately not a match.

He wants to settle down
somewhere. Not me.

- What do you think that's about?
- I don't know. I mean,

I don't have
any mental problems.

I'm just, um...
I just don't like being

in one place for too long.

Oh. Can I have a muffin?

Thanks.

Yeah, and, you know,
I-I follow the sun.

Oh, like a...
like a James Taylor song.

And houses make me feel
claustrophobic.

I think they're a trap we build
for ourselves, like...

like cars and smartphones.

Things we think make us smarter
but actually make us more dumb.

I think traveling,
you see a new city

every week, you totally get
to reconnect with the country

and the people
that made it great.

Instead of just watching it
through a TV.

Thank you.

Can I borrow your spoon?

Yeah.

Hey. Hey. Let me...
let me help you with that.

Oh. Thanks.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Whoa.
- You okay?

(chuckles)
Yep. What's in here?

It's just my world.

(objects clinking)

Hello, darling. Hello, baby.

- I got you a little treat.
- (chuckles): Oh.

- Your dog?
- This is. This is Homer.

He goes everywhere I go.

Yeah, is that good?

-Hi... -Want to say hi? -Hi.

Homer, say hi. Say hi.

- Hi.
- (chuckles): Hi.

- So, are we doing this?
- Wait-wait.

Don't you want to know if we,
like, own our apartment?

Or-or-or, uh, how much
we take home a year?

- What colleges we went to?
- Are we on a contract?

- That's a popular one.
- No. No, I don't care

about any of that stuff. I just
want to see that you're in love.

I think you are.

- Give me that.
- Uh...

Well, it's not always
happy families with us,

i-it frequently
descends into, uh,

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Sure. Okay, so I'm gonna go back
to Trina, and say that I think

I found a match, and then,
if we all agree to this,

I'm gonna continue my travels
for, like,

the first two trimesters,
and then come back to the city.

Um, yeah, here's my number.

Oh. Okay.
Thank you so much.

It was a real experience
meeting you.

This is a really good thing.

You guys are good people,
and my baby boy

or girl would be privileged
to be looked after

by a couple like you.

Yeah. Bye.
Thanks for lunch.

Come!

Bye.

ANDY: So is she good
crazy or bad crazy?

TOBIN: I don't know. I'm not
sure she knows what she's doing.

But you do know that we advocate
for everything

- she's talking about?
- Yeah.

Uh, capitalism gone crazy, fear,

- traps of our own making...
- Right, I like that about her,

but she's taking it
a little far, right?

What? (scoffs)
By actually living it?

- (chuckles) Yeah.
Yeah, kind of. Yeah. -Okay...

All right, come on, Kipper,
take a shit already.

Don't put her under pressure,
all right?

- It makes her nervous.
- Okay, whatever...

I'm just saying, we don't know
anything about this girl

or-or what she's going through.

How do we know that
she won't just... come on...

she won't just change her mind
when she sees the baby?

It just feels really intrusive.

Two creepy gays messing with
some young kid's pregnancy.

- Just... Let's just leave it.
- (laughs)

Leave it alone. We're not
supposed to be parents.

We're not parents
and that's all right.

This is a gift, okay?

It's not some poor woman
that's been coerced

by circumstance into having
our child,

or bringing a new child
into this fucking hellhole.

This is happening either way.
Okay?

And we get to be there
to catch it.

No, it just feels like a hell
of a lot of time

to spend on something
that may not even happen.

And it's a hell of a lot of
disappointment, for us,

if she changes her mind.

And that's perfect.

We get to live something
that we actually believe.

Yeah.

- Hey, baby, my baby, my baby.
- (chuckles)

- (gasps) Yes, good girl!
- (gasps) Miracle! Good girl!

- Here you are.
- Why is it always me

- that cleans up?
- 'Cause. It's your dog.

- It's our f... it's our dog.
- Okay, it's our dog,

- but it's your shit.
- It's our shit.

- It's not our shit. Aw...
- Our shit. Good girl.

- Okay. Okay.
- Thank you, honey.

- Can you open the gate, please?
- I can open the gate.

- Thank you so much.
- Why do you have an attitude?

- I really appreciate that...
- You don't need to

- have an attitude.
- I don't have an attitude.

- I'm just asking very simply.
- I feel like you got...

Considering I've got shit
in my hand,

- I would not be talking to me...
- It's your dog.

- ...in an abrasive manner.
- You can have shit in your hand.

- Thank you.
- Okay, honey. You know what?

It's fine, I want to watch
Fargo. Is that okay?

- You can watch whatever you want.
- Okay. Thank you.

Oh, come on, are you... are you...
are you, like, four years old?

(buzzer trilling)

- Hey! Welcome!
- Hi!

Oh, both of you!

- Oh.
- (chuckles)

- Hey.
- Three of you. Jesus Christ.

- Look at you.
- Come in.

You beat the rain. You know,
a big summer storm is due.

- I got that. I got... Oh!
- Thanks.

- Oh, oh!
- You okay?

Uh, yeah, sorry,
I just grabbed it...

- Yeah, thank you.
- TOBIN: You okay?

Homer! Bad dog!

(growling, barking)

Your dog seems a little
threatened by Homer.

He can get very territorial.

Wow. A territorial dog
with no territory.

He makes everywhere
his territory.

Homer! Hit the deck.

So, thanks for this, guys.
I love your apartment.

- I'm-I'm really excited to stay.
- Oh, you're staying?

- In-in-in New York?
- Of course she is.

She's staying with us.
(chuckles)

Oh. Oh. Um, oh. Cool. Great.

Is that okay?
Have you guys discussed that?

- We're discussing it right now.
- No.

- It's a live discussion.
- It's okay.

It's great. And you're only
a couple of weeks out, right?

- You're gonna pop any day, huh?
- I'm eight weeks out.

- Eight weeks. Eight weeks.
- Mm-hmm.

- Great.
- ANDY: We are happy to have you.

It just makes us feel involved.

Yeah. Andy has been preparing
for parenthood like crazy.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- (clears throat)

So I've, um, I've turned Tobin's
study into a baby room,

and I've painted it half blue,
half pink, you know,

- covering both bases...
- TOBIN: Not that we want to

impose our gender stereotypes,
God forbid. (chuckles)

ANDY:
Let me ask you a question.

- TOBIN: Oh, great. Yup, go.
- ANDY: Baby quiz, you ready?

- Baby quiz.
- Yeah... (chuckles)

Yeah. That's true.
You're hearing it right.

Yeah, so what does it mean
when the baby's poo is green?

(buzzes)
Pass. I don't know.

Pass? What do you mean, "pass"?

- Pass. I don't know.
- Means the baby is sick.

TOBIN:
Why don't we just find that out?

- You want us to just find out...
- (whistles)

- You all right?
- Oh, my...

Yeah. So where's my room?

You're in it.

Sweet.

♪ Gonna show you what we got ♪

♪ We're Indian,
so you know we make it hot ♪

(music continues loudly)

- Whoa. Hey.
- Welcome home, dear.

What time do you call this?
Gallivanting in some bar, huh,

while I'm slaving
over a hot stove!

(chuckles)
Nice look.

It's so hot in here.

- (barks)
- Oh! Oh, Jesus.

Hello.

- You look fucking beautiful.
- Thank you, Andy.

You know, if you want to just,
uh, throw your... sorry...

your... throw your,
th-throw your clothes in a bag,

I can include them
in my next laundry run.

- Why would I do that?
- Um, because a-a lot of people do that?

Why would I waste money
on a laundromat when I can

wash my clothes in the bath
and then dry them here?

Just an idea. Crazy idea.

So I cooked a prawn bhuna.
It's been a while,

but I think I got the recipe
right... ish.

You didn't have any coconut
milk, so I used tap water.

Oh, and I couldn't
afford prawns,

so it's little tuna bits
instead. You hungry?

♪ ♪

Mm.

I just don't understand how you
guys can keep going out

to restaurants, like,
every night.

Because we can't cook,
that's why.

- I cook for you all the time...
- No, no, honey, honey, honey.

You prepare food for me, that's
what you do. We can't cook.

Cooking... cooking is an art.

It's an art that we have yet
to master. All right?

- Is that fair? -Well, you should learn.
You should learn.

You could save so much money
by cooking at home.

This is a ridiculous,
inexcusable waste.

- Yeah. -You should take
a home economics course

and learn the basics.

- (chuckling)
- Yeah, I want a full fridge

and freezer, and a roster
of good, nourishing meals.

You can't take a screaming baby
out to restaurants every night.

You... It pisses people off.

You know what else pisses people
off? Pregnant women who drink.

- Oh, come on...
- Wine. What?

Are you joking?
Are you joking?

I have given up everything
for this kid.

I don't smoke, I don't smoke
weed, I don't have spicy food.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, girl. Come on.

Where are you?
Good girl, you ready?

- Come on. Hey.
- (panting)

You all right?

Huh? Are you panting?

Huh? What's up, huh?

Good girl. Good girl.

I thought you said your dog
was neutered, Karla.

I honestly didn't hear you,
I thought you said "tutored."

In what way was
your dog tutored?

He had some behavioral issues,
so he did some classes

with a dog whisperer.

(scoffs)
Well, thanks, Karla.

He may have scarred our dog
for life.

Oh, stop it.
You're being dramatic.

You give her the pills,
it goes away; it's fine, honey.

Maybe, but this is my day off.
I'm supposed to be having

a leisurely breakfast, and now
I'm performing a home-abortion.

You know, it just doesn't
make sense.

How could Kipper even
accommodate your dog's penis?

(barking)

(muffled chatter)

(barking)

Shh!

(whispering):
What? Andy.

- Andy, wake up. Wake up.
- What? What? What? What? What?

Shh. Voices.
Listen, there's voices.

- Where? I'm asleep.
- I hear voices.

- What? I'm asleep.
- In the living room. Shh.

- Listen. Get up.
- No.

- Get up.
- Take Kipper.

I don't want to go.

KARLA:
It was smeared across my skin,

- with this ugly face...
- MICK: Like, like Alien?

KARLA:
Like, yeah, like... (hisses)

- MICK: Like Sigourney Weaver?
- Like Sigourney Weaver.

- MICK: I like Sigourney Weaver.
- (laughs): You do?

- MICK: Have you seen Avatar?
- A long time ago.

(Homer growls, barks)

Oh, shit. Sorry.
Oh, my God, did we wake you?

- What the hell, Karla?
- Who is this?

I'm so sorry
if we were being loud.

This is, um...
fuck, what's your name?

- Mick.
- Mick.

- Where did he come from?
- He's on the street.

We passed him on the way back
from the movies tonight.

- Don't remember that.
- Exactly.

So I offered him some food.
It's a thing we do.

I've got a roof over my head
for a while.

It's cold out.
Is that okay?

No. It's not.
It's not okay, frankly.

- Why?
- Do you know what, I-I get it.

If I had a nice gaff like this,

I wouldn't be letting
random blokes in, either.

You should have just asked,
run it by us first,

- but it's-it's fine. It's...
- It's not. You know what?

It's not fine. We're putting up
with you staying here.

That doesn't mean
anyone you choose to bring home.

"Putting up" with me?

I didn't realize that was
the way you looked at it.

- He doesn't mean it like that.
- Don't I?

Do you know what, lads, you
guys have some serious issues

you need to work out,
so I'm just gonna...

No! No, Mick.
While I'm staying here,

any friend of mine
is welcome to come in

and share my good fortune,
so you just...

you just stay right here.

I was actually just
gonna go... toilet,

if that's all right?

It's on the right.

- Oh, okay, sorry.
- TOBIN: He's not a friend of yours.

He's a stranger.
And this is our apartment,

in which you are a guest,
and that doesn't extend

to any random guy
you just meet on the street.

So that's how it is
with you, Tobin?

All gay and liberal
and laid-back

until you actually have
to give something up?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not what this is about.

And what does my sexuality
have to do with anything?

That sounds
like homophobia to me.

Anybody would be
on my side on this.

Is Andy?
Are you, Andy, on his side?

- I am staying out of this, okay?
- Oh, great, thank you.

Thank you for that.
Welcome back.

Thank you.

Is this the first guy
you've brought home here?

- First British guy.
- TOBIN: Oh, Jesus Christ,

I didn't know
we were running a shelter.

- You are so uptight.
- I'm not uptight!

This place stinks of incense!

There's-there's prawn bhuna
on the... on the carpet.

It's everywhere you... touch!

You've turned my living room
into a... into a-a bedouin camp.

You've forced me
into a dog abortion.

And now you're smoking skunk
and drinking while pregnant

and having sex, probably, with
Mick the stranger on my couch!

Did you say
you did a dog abortion?

Oh, stay out of this, Mick.
You're just here for a hot meal.

Do you know what, right?

Do you know what?
I get it. Right?

But you should try
some of her food,

'cause you
might learn something.

Thanks, Mick.

See you soon.

You know what?
You know what, Tobin?

You are an insufferable bore.
You really are.

You claim you're interested
in other people

with your documentaries,
but there is no evidence

in your life whatsoever
of you caring

about anyone but yourself.
You read The New York Times,

and you bitch about Trump,
but you mean none of it.

You're not interested
in your community.

You just like the idea of it.

You're just a...
y-you're a hipster liberal!

And you contribute
to the community how?

By living off the generosity
of other people?

What do you do for other people?

Huh? You're a world of one!

Oh, fuck you!

Can't even take care
of your own baby.

(door slams)

Asshole.

♪ ♪

Karla? Karla?!

Karla?

Karla?!

♪ ♪

(panting quietly)

♪ ♪

(horn honks in distance)

I'm sorry I said that.
Such an idiotic thing to say.

- I'm ashamed.
- Oh, fuck it, Tobin, it's fine.

We don't have to agree
on anything.

- Our lives are a world apart.
- That may be right, but I...

but I-I shouldn't have
said that shit.

You're welcome here, you know?

It's just...

it's hard for me.

You're probably right,

I've never contributed much
to anything.

In L.A., I just got so sick
of the money and...

and the waste next to
the poverty and the suffering

and-and the fucking cars
puking out this shit.

I thought if I don't... if
I don't change the way I live,

I'm gonna be
the biggest hypocrite alive.

- Well, that's admirable.
- Yeah, I thought it was.

"Be the change you want to see"
and all that.

But then I realized,
no one is seeing this.

No one gives a shit.
I don't blog.

I-I don't have kids
to be an example to.

I'm invisible, like all these
homeless people in the park.

Well, you do contribute,
you know?

You're-you're-you're...
interesting,

and you're...
and you're troubled

and you're-you're honest.

You know, actually,
I've really...

I've enjoyed coming home
to see you in the evenings,

despite how it
comes across, you know?

I never know...
what to expect with you.

That's good.
That's good for me.

The truth is,
I'm terrified of this.

I don't know if I'm ready.

I'm so...

anal and-and neurotic.

I can barely stand anybody
in my house, never mind a baby.

A baby?
I don't know, I don't know.

You better make up
your mind, Tobin.

Let's go home.

Yeah?

Fine.

(clears throat softly)

TOBIN:
She's so tough

and-and-and resilient and...

But, you know,
she lives how she feels.

Well, I think 'cause she
genuinely believes it,

and she couldn't live
any other way.

That's ballsy, and that's what
you want in a kid, isn't it?

Yeah. Let's hope
that part's in the genes.

- Mm, just not the cooking.
- Jesus. No, not the cooking.

- TOBIN: All right.
- ANDY: All right.

I think sex with Mick
might have induced me.

What?

Seriously, I think
it's gonna happen early.

- Okay, all right.
- Okay. Let's go.

- All right.
- Okay, are you all right?

- I know what to do. Bag.
- Okay, that's all right.

- TOBIN: Okay.
- ANDY: I got the bag.

- Do you have a bag? Do you?
- I have a bag, yeah.

- You have a bag. Is it...
- I'll get the bag.

- Where is it?
- You just look out here!

- Okay, okay.
- We have to put some clothes on...

I'll put it on when
I get out on the street.

Come on.

I... Oh!

- All right...
- Get a cab.

- Okay.
- Get-get a cab.

- Hey! Hey!
- Oh, my God.

You okay?

Ah. All right.

- Thank you.
- You get on this side. Come on.

DOCTOR: Okay, these contractions
are right on top of each other.

This is your last chance
for an epidural, Karla.

Are you sure you don't want me
to call the anesthesiologist?

(straining): No, I'm okay.
Let's just keep going.

Are you sure? I don't get it.
It's just medicine.

- (grunts)
- You take antibiotics,

don't you, when you...
when you're sick,

or penicillin, or aspirin
when you get a headache?

- Come on.
- Because I want to experience it!

I want to feel it! Fuck!
Jesus fucking Christ!

I don't want to talk about it,
I just want to do it!

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

- Okay. Okay. Okay, you got this.
- (Karla groaning)

Nine centimeters dilated.

Sir, do you need
a glass of water?

No. No, no, I'm fine.
I'm really good.

- Oh... -Sir, please do not
faint in my delivery suite.

If you feel woozy,
step outside. Okay?

Both of you, please.

You know, maybe I w...
I'm, I'll get some air.

I'm-a get... I'll get air.
You guys got this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got
it, yeah, we'll see you later.

- Okay.
- Do you want to go, too?

No. No. No.
I'm not going anywhere.

(grunts):
Oh, fuck!

- (exhaling rapidly)
- Tobin, stop.

Okay, sorry.
(exhaling rapidly)

- Tobin, you're still doing it.
- Sorry, right...

- It's really, really annoying.
- Yeah, yeah. I'll stop.

- I can't concentrate.
- All right, okay, got it...

- Fuck.
- (exhaling rapidly)

Tobin, just move
your fucking head away!

Okay, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

DOCTOR: Good, Karla,
you're doing so great.

Looking good.
Okay, there's a head.

- Do you want to look at this?
- Yeah.

DOCTOR: Okay, Karla, great.
Great, great, great, great, great.

You can do this,
you can absolutely do this.

I want you to give me
a big push, come on.

Take a deep breath
and give me a good push, okay?

- (Karla straining)
- There you go, keep going,

keep going, keep going,
you got it, you got it,

you got it, you got it,
you got it!

- Great, great, great.
Keep going. -Oh, God!

Okay, great! Great, great.

(laughs):
Oh, my God.

- (crying)
- Well done, Karla. Good job.

- (baby crying)
- Oh, my God.

Oh...

(laughs):
Oh...

- Oh, my God.
- (Karla panting)

(exhales)

Well?

Girl.

- A girl? A girl?
- (chuckles)

Oh, that's fantastic.
And she's good?

- Oh, she's beautiful.
- Five fingers, five toes,

- all beautiful, all perfect?
- All that, all that, yeah.

Oh, my goodness. I can't believe
this is happening.

- Oh, my God. Right.
- This is happening.

- We're dads.
- Uh-huh.

They're just monitoring her for
24 hours and then she'll be out.

We can all start
taking care of her.

- You were amazing.
- Thank you.

Like... amazing.

How's Andy?

We're giving him liquids,
you know. He's stable.

(chuckles)
Funny.

- I thought you'd be the fainter.
- (laughs)

- Yeah, so did I.
- But you weren't.

You stayed there
and held my hand

and helped clean up the blood
and cut the cord.

It was so amazing,
seeing her head emerge, and...

And I like that I was
the first guy to see her.

I-I can't wait to hold her.
What was it like?

It was beautiful.

Can you take that hat
off your head?

- You look ridiculous. (laughs)
- (chuckles): I'm sorry.

But yeah, it was beautiful.

So have you thought about
reconsidering the whole thing,

since seeing her?

Why, are you getting cold feet?

No. No, the opposite.

I want it now. I love her now.

Just like that, so I can't
imagine how you must be feeling.

I'm just saying,
if-if you've changed your mind,

that is... i-is,
I totally get it.

We're just happy to,
to get you here, you know?

Yeah. Well, um...
(clears throat)

that's nice of you to offer.

Yeah, I mean...

Mine is a world of one.
You were right about that.

I do have issues.

I will smoke skunk and sleep
with guys I don't know.

And I just don't know
how to say no.

I never have. If something comes
my way, I just let it happen.

And I love the road,
I feel safe there, but...

it's no place for a kid.

And maybe being a mother
will change me, but...

I can't take that risk with her
if it doesn't.

I've been irresponsible
my whole life.

This is the first responsible
thing that I've done.

You know, I can't, I can't stand
being around people

for more than a few days, but...

I forgot about that
for the last few weeks...

...'cause you guys are the most
amazing people in the world.

Yeah.

You guys are gonna be
the best parents ever.

- Well... we'll try.
- (chuckles softly)

(sniffles)

Thank you so much.

(crying)

- (laughs)
- (laughs): Stop.

My God...

(baby fusses softly)

(chair clatters softly)

Hey.

Uh, I want to tell you a story
about your mom.

And I'll tell you now,
when you can't talk back,

and you're not all...
teenage and entitled,

uh, and in case
you don't get to see her

as much as you want in life.

Which would be a shame,
because, I am telling you now,

she is fucking... awesome.

She carried you like a trooper,

and she gave birth to you
without one moment of fear.

I know, um, you're gonna ask me
about why-why she's not around.

A long time ago,
before there were cities,

human beings used
to constantly move.

They were hunter-gatherers,
and their lives were tough,

and-and relentless,
but they were also kind of free.

Well, your mom is,

is kind of like,
like a hunter-gatherer,

but a little bit
born in the wrong time.

So, she can't take you with her,

because this society
wouldn't support that.

So you get to hang with us
for a, for a while.

Now, we're not hunter-gatherers,
by any means.

We're capitalists.

We wouldn't survive a second
in the wild because...

there's no restaurants
or Whole Foods,

or therapists or hospitals
for when you get sick

or, um, books for you to read
or movies for you to watch.

Nothing. And we like
those things, right?

So you stand to have a-a pretty
good time with us, right?

JUNE:
My book.

- Huh?
- My book, Daddy, stop it.

- Story time is for her, not you.
- Sorry.

But it's so good, right, June?

- Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
What was I saying?

About cattle pips.

(chuckles): About... about...
about capitalists.

- Yes. About...
- About capitalists.

- (chuckles): Capitalists, yeah.
- That's nice.

- I get ice cream?
- Yeah, you do.

And other people make
the ice cream for us,

which is great, right?

- Mommy likes ice cream, too.
- She does?

Yeah, last time,
we got two ice creams.

She gave you...?
Mommy gave you two ice creams?

- Yeah.
- Last time? Two?

- Mm-hmm.
- For such a young child?

- (chuckles softly) Okay.
- Okay.

But ice cream's nice, right?

Well, maybe not, maybe not two,

but ice cream is okay,
just not two.

Lot of sugar.

- Okay, we're gonna go to sleep?
- Yeah.

All right, go to sleep.

Eyes closed.

(whispers):
Begin sleeping.

Okay, come on, close your eyes.

(whispers):
Good girl.

♪ ♪

♪ Will you stay
in our lovers' story? ♪

♪ If you stay,
you won't be sorry ♪

♪ 'Cause we believe in you ♪

♪ Soon you'll grow ♪

♪ So take a chance
with a couple of kooks ♪

♪ Hung up on romancing ♪

♪ Will you stay
in our lovers' story? ♪

♪ If you stay,
you won't be sorry ♪

♪ 'Cause we believe in you ♪

♪ Soon you'll grow ♪

♪ So take a chance
with a couple of kooks ♪

♪ Hung up on romancing ♪

♪ We bought a lot of things
to keep you warm and dry ♪

♪ And a funny old crib
on which the paint won't dry ♪

♪ We bought you
a pair of shoes... ♪