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1
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[♪♪♪]
2
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- Sorry, Michael.
3
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,925
You landed on
"lose a turn" again.
4
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,360
- Dratsy.
5
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,596
- Your--your spin, George.
6
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:10,502
The category is 19th century
Russian literature.
7
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:12,137
- Finally, an easy one.
8
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,640
That last one
about Norwegian sea chanties
9
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,909
from the 15th century
was a killer.
10
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,781
- "Name the brothers
in The Brothers Karamazov ."
11
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,253
- Ernest and Julio?
12
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,758
- No, that would be
the Brothers Gallo.
13
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,029
- At this rate, I'll never
get off the start square.
14
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,400
- Well, at least you have
Joanna to keep you company.
15
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,904
- The fun's in the playing,
not the winning.
16
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:47,272
- I'll have to remember
that lame excuse
17
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,208
if I ever miss a question.
18
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,344
- Your spin, spouse.
19
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,015
Giddyup, girl,
you landed on Kentucky Derby
20
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,917
winners of the 1920s.
21
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:04,022
- "Flying Ebony
won the Derby in 1925.
22
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:09,094
"What--what color uniform
did his jockey wear?"
23
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,631
- Ecru.
24
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,868
- That's right.
25
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,638
How did you know that?
26
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,007
- Well, Flying Ebony
sounds like a black horse
27
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,376
and I know whenever I wear
my black Valentino,
28
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:26,778
I like to accessorize
with something ecru,
29
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:28,013
and I tend to believe
most jockeys
30
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,315
have the same fashion sense
I do.
31
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:37,356
- Okay.
Fun facts about South Dakota.
32
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,659
- Okay, let's find
South Dakota.
33
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,362
"What is the average
annual precipitation
34
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,730
"in Huron,
South Dakota?"
35
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:49,268
I already know
the answer to that one.
36
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,172
I'm a--I'm a big fan
of the Weather Channel.
37
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,642
- Good, honey.
Okay, I'll take a guess.
38
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,644
Let's see,
39
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,679
20 inches.
40
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,114
- Right, like it's going to rain
in round numbers.
41
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:14,660
- The a-answer, of course,
is, uh, 18.66 inches.
42
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,195
Yep, right again.
43
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,964
I-I do know my weather.
44
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:21,800
- Oh, shut up, Dick.
45
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,571
- Phew, lose a turn.
46
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:26,805
At least I don't have
to look stupid
47
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,607
like the rest of you guys.
48
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,379
- Itty bitty mammals.
49
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:41,453
- "What is the ittiest
bittiest mammal in the world?"
50
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,522
- Oh, I don't know.
51
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,090
Emmanuel Lewis?
52
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,661
- I-I think it's the--the shrew,
53
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,830
but I'll just check
to make sure.
54
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,565
Yeah, I'm right again.
55
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:55,434
- Where'd you learn that,
the Mammal Channel?
56
00:03:57,338 --> 00:04:00,372
- I hate this game.
You have to think too hard.
57
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,541
- That's why it's called
Big Bulging Brains.
58
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,446
- Whatever happened to all
the simple old fashioned games?
59
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:08,947
Where did they go?
60
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,649
You didn't need
big bulging brains
61
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,551
to play hopscotch.
62
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:17,556
- All you needed
were big bulging feet.
63
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:19,258
- Well, those were the days.
64
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:20,759
There wasn't a girl around
65
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,929
who had the guts
to challenge my swollen dogs.
66
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,968
- See Joanna,
when a low-pressure front
67
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,471
runs into a high-pressure front,
68
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,307
you get
what's called precipitation.
69
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,444
Now let me--
70
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,980
let me show you
how God makes wind.
71
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,584
- Great, I married Mr. Wizard.
72
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,254
- Don't mind us.
Just passing through.
73
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,490
Keep your seats.
Just passing through.
74
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,193
- I see you've been marketing
in our kitchen.
75
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,497
- Well, the weather was
too yucky to go to the store,
76
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,233
so we just took a few items
from your fridge.
77
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,170
- But only staples, you know,
milk, soft drinks, eggs,
78
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,172
an eight-pound honey glazed ham.
79
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:11,242
- I-In other words,
you're robbing us blind.
80
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,246
- If we were stealing,
we wouldn't be doing it
81
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,148
right under your noses,
would we?
82
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,385
- So--so it's more
like--like borrowing?
83
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:22,554
- No.
84
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,456
- You see,
borrowing implies returning
85
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,458
and that's not likely.
86
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:31,330
- Oh, I went to the trouble
of jotting down a few things
87
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:32,997
you've run out of.
88
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:38,169
- Oh, I had no idea we'd
gone through all the baby food.
89
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,539
- Yeah, th-that's my fault,
Joanna.
90
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:44,343
I went on another one of my
strained carrot binges.
91
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:48,246
- Tooty fruity oh, rooty,
we forgot the tofu-dy.
92
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,649
- I'll get it.
- Let me help.
93
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,150
And while we're in the kitchen
I'll teach you
94
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,720
how to play grocery shopping
in reverse.
95
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,857
- Remember how upset I was
96
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,327
that time we played
Big Bulging Brains?
97
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,296
- Vaguely, you mean about
an hour and a half ago?
98
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,601
- Well, I've just invented
a brand-new board game.
99
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,403
I'm calling it Handyman.
100
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:16,408
See, each square is a chore
I do here at the inn.
101
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,577
- And you play with--with
wingnuts?
102
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,545
- I was going to use old nails,
103
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,415
but I was afraid
the players might get tetanus.
104
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,420
First, you roll the die
and move like this.
105
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:33,191
- "Fix water heater,
get nine points."
106
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:34,826
- "Put up storm windows,
get nine points."
107
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,228
"Take down storm windows,
get nine points."
108
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:38,930
"Paint Dick's study
without dripping on him,
109
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,432
"get nine points."
110
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,735
- I'm sensing a-a trend here.
111
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:44,770
- Why nine points?
112
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,939
- Like I'd paint a whole study
for four points?
113
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,743
Anyway, you keep going
around and around
114
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,412
and around the board,
115
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,714
thousands and thousands
of times.
116
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,417
- Until you get dizzy and vomit.
117
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:03,288
- No, until you get
to one million points.
118
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:04,790
- And--and then?
119
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,591
- You put the game away.
120
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,962
I figured we could play
Handyman around the inn,
121
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,766
you know, to escape
that daily drudgery.
122
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,035
- Around the inn?
Try around the world.
123
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,838
Georgie-es-fog, this game
is breathtakingly beautiful
124
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,139
in its simplicity.
125
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,541
- It's simple all right.
126
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,242
- I've got this game's
game plan all mapped out.
127
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:25,944
Step one, we go local.
128
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:27,245
Two, national.
129
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,915
Step three, we buy me
a really big house.
130
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:31,716
Step four,
we go international
131
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,017
and before you can say
Milton Bradley,
132
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:34,686
you'll be jetsetting
in your own Lear, dear,
133
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:36,955
nibbling at the napes
of six-foot bronzed showgirls.
134
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,691
- Hear that, Dick?
I'll be nibbling showgirls!
135
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,994
- Well, it--it seems to follow.
136
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,797
- Come on, partner.
Let's toddle off to Toy Town
137
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,065
and demo Handyman,
138
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:48,900
the new feel-good game
of the decade.
139
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:50,101
- Coming, Dick?
- Of course he's coming.
140
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,337
Now, while George and I
are schmoozing with the manager,
141
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,673
you and Little Papoosey
will innocently wander over,
142
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,509
spot the game,
and gush your brains out.
143
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,144
kvell like you've never
kvelled before.
144
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,413
- Find yourself another kveller.
145
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,950
I'm not going to be your shill.
146
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,786
- Don't you care
if I sell my game, get famous,
147
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,721
and find the happiness
that's eluded me
148
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,790
my whole pathetic life?
149
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,794
- You--you really want
those showgirls,
150
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,462
don't you George?
151
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,764
- Oh God, yes.
152
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,802
- All right, I'll kvell.
153
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,545
- Go browse.
When I cough, that's your cue.
154
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:34,546
- What a waste of time.
155
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:37,048
I could be watching
the--the Weather Channel.
156
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,852
- Good day, good fellow.
157
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,154
We'd--
we'd like a mo with Mom.
158
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,390
- You're looking at him.
159
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:46,457
- You're Mom?
160
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,459
- Yeah, it's a franchise.
161
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,195
I think the name creates a warm,
friendly atmosphere.
162
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,932
Hey kid, you touch them,
I break your fingers.
163
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,271
- Mom, my main man,
I'm Michael Harris.
164
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:02,807
You're George Utley there,
creator of Handyman,
165
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:03,808
the brilliant new board game
166
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,010
that's guaranteed
to amuse the masses
167
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:06,545
while amassing you moolah.
168
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,813
George, show Mom your wingnuts.
169
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,553
- Yeah, they're nice
enough nuts, but will they sell?
170
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,656
- Well, let's ask an amazingly
average consumer and find out.
171
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:18,890
- I'm an average consumer.
172
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,291
I have two children,
a sheep dog,
173
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:21,960
and a Jeep Cherokee.
174
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:23,862
Oh, and my husband and I
make love once a week,
175
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,797
right after Dallas.
176
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,701
- The average consumer
has 2.5 children.
177
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,436
Come back when you're pregnant.
178
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,707
Well, here's an amazingly
average man
179
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,008
out toy shopping with his child.
180
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,342
What is your name, sir?
181
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:39,377
- Dick.
182
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,680
- Well, what an amazingly
average name,
183
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:43,949
with an amazingly
above average child.
184
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:44,950
- Great, when you consider
185
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,186
how amazingly below average
the father is.
186
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,991
- So, what do you think
of these fancy nuts?
187
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:58,096
- They're breathtakingly
beautiful in their simplicity.
188
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,199
Isn't there a game board
189
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,969
that's supposed to go
with these fine nuts?
190
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:08,607
- Uh--oh, right. Rick, is it?
191
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,141
- Dick!
192
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:16,481
- See, I call it Handyman
and you roll the die
193
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,283
and move your nut
and go around and around,
194
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,285
thousands
and thousands of times
195
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,521
until you reach a million.
196
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,426
- Don't you want to buy
this revolutionary product?
197
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:29,628
- Oh yeah, I forgot.
198
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:30,762
How much?
199
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,396
- Twenty bucks.
200
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,000
- For some wingnuts
and a piece of cardboard?
201
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,068
- All right, 18.
202
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,671
- It comes with a little pencil.
203
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,807
- Well, you know, if it comes
with a little pencil.
204
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:44,876
- Oh, and I noticed
your adorable daughter
205
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:45,877
eyeing this earlier.
206
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,245
- That's my granddaughter.
207
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,848
Why don't we let
her father buy it for her?
208
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,787
- That Handyman game
looks wonderful.
209
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,190
I'd like to buy one
for my average little son.
210
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,059
- Sorry,
I just sold the last one.
211
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,427
Come back tomorrow,
I'll have plenty more.
212
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,496
- Right, Utley?
- Right, Mom.
213
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,100
- Heavens be praised,
Handymania has hit.
214
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:16,708
- You forgot my change.
215
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,509
- Mom don't give change.
216
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,511
Grab some clay.
217
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,683
- Dick don't want clay.
218
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,018
- Then Dick get nothing.
219
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,123
Hey, you took too much clay.
220
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:33,825
Hey, you [indistinct]
get back here
221
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,727
or I'll call the cops.
222
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:46,537
- "Remove dead mouse
from trap behind front desk,
223
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:48,807
"nine points."
224
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:55,546
- Looks like you've got about
18 points back here, George.
225
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,784
- I'll get to them, Dick.
226
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,822
Mom sold out my
first set of games in an hour
227
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:08,126
and wants 50 more ASAP.
228
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:10,328
Wow, this road to fame
229
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,998
is not all bright lights
and bronzed showgirls.
230
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,233
- I hear you, George.
231
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,802
My--my road to fame
was pretty bumpy too.
232
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:18,803
- What fame?
233
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,072
People don't really
buy your books,
234
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,508
and most of your Vermont Today
audience is shut-ins.
235
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,512
- Well, I've worked hard
to corner
236
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,681
the shut-in market,
George.
237
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,184
- You're sounding
a little pathetic, Dick.
238
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,021
Tell you what, you can live
vicariously through me.
239
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:38,289
- Thanks, George.
240
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:43,027
- There he is, Jim,
the genius behind Handyman.
241
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:45,163
Hate to intrude, George,
242
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,066
but will you autograph
our Handyman board?
243
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:52,503
- Wow, my first board signing.
What should I say, Dick?
244
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,506
- How about, "There's
a sucker born every minute"?
245
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,743
- Pay him no heed, George.
246
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,946
He's just jealous of your
newfound celebrity.
247
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,248
- Doesn't it eat away at you
248
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,117
that you live vicariously
through George?
249
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,488
- What do you want me to do,
live vicariously through you?
250
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,324
- No, Chester lives vicariously
through me.
251
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,495
- And I enjoy it thoroughly.
252
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,631
- Come on, Chester, let's set up
the board and start in.
253
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:23,567
- You're playing here?
254
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,369
- Where better?
255
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:29,274
This way when we have to
re-varnish the banister,
256
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:30,708
all we have to do is
lift our heads
257
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,877
and gaze upon the real thing.
258
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,187
- Good day.
259
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:49,393
We're the world weary Stupaks,
Dr. Charles and Dr. Lydia.
260
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:54,465
- Well, I'm the Vermont
weary Loudon, Mr. Dick.
261
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:58,303
- Did he just borrow your quip,
Charles?
262
00:13:58,939 --> 00:13:59,838
- Simple mimicry, dearest.
263
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,673
Monkey see, monkey do.
264
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,011
- Well, what can this
monkey do for you?
265
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,616
- We'd like
your most tranquil room,
266
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,419
far from the general hubbub.
267
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:20,458
- Well, all--all our rooms
are without hubbub, bub.
268
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,729
- "Refinish bookcase,
get nine points."
269
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,702
- What's all the hubbub, bubs?
270
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,473
- We're playing Handyman,
271
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,675
the feel-good game
of the decade.
272
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,543
- How amusing.
273
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,081
Where does one purchase one of
these mindless diversions?
274
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,250
- From the mindless one himself.
275
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:49,420
- Gee, Mom is supposed to sell
these for me.
276
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:53,691
- Well, here's 50 dollars.
277
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,726
Go buy the old dowager a shawl.
278
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,462
- Oh, thanks.
He'll love it.
279
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,332
- Look, Dick.
280
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,769
I bought the last Handyman game
Mom had in stock.
281
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:06,271
- Why--why didn't you buy it
from George?
282
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:10,608
- Oho! George doesn't give clay
as change.
283
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,813
- Oh, have you met
the world weary Stupaks?
284
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:16,847
- Oh, hello.
285
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:17,848
- How do?
286
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,518
- Oh, I see you're caught up
in the Handyman craze too.
287
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,087
- It's the perfect remedy
for our urban angst.
288
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,656
- Stop babbling, Lydia.
Roll the die.
289
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,560
- All right,
fork it over, woman.
290
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,129
- Fork over what, Mr. Rusnak?
291
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,831
- Mom was holding the last
Handyman game for me.
292
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,167
I have the raincheck
to prove it.
293
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:37,468
- There must be some mistake.
294
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,837
Why don't we discuss it
over a game?
295
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,772
- Okay, but I go first.
296
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:42,873
- Why?
297
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,675
- Because I'm the man.
298
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,055
[ALL COUNTING WHILE PLAYING]
299
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,532
- So, how's--how's--how's
everything going?
300
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,134
- Shh!
301
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,306
- Sorry.
Far be it for me to be rude
302
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,575
to a room
full of uninvited guests.
303
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,410
- Dick, do you mind?
304
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,283
- Stephanie, don't you think
you'd find that game
305
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,386
more challenging, you know,
if you had an opponent?
306
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,254
- And have somebody else's
grubby little fingers
307
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:31,990
touching my die?
308
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,524
[TOGETHER] Ew.
309
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,161
- "Clean gutter, nine points."
310
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,098
"Repair furnace, nine points."
311
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,500
"Fix faucet, nine points."
312
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,470
Get lost, Dick, nine points.
313
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,538
"Replace windowpane."
314
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,711
- Mr. Rusnak,
I got a nine, not a zero.
315
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,280
- It's a nine
with a conservative loop.
316
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,082
- Maybe I should keep score.
317
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,419
- Woman can't add.
They can only multiply.
318
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:03,321
[CHUCKLES]
319
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,790
- Ah, aha, ahahaha...
320
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,093
- What kind of a crack is that?
321
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,363
- Oh, I didn't--I didn't see
you guys come in.
322
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:13,531
- Hi!
323
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,700
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
324
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:23,174
I'm Larry.
This is my brother, Darryl,
325
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:24,875
and this is my other brother,
Darryl.
326
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,046
[APPLAUSE]
327
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:32,417
- The boys seem pretty engrossed
i-in their game o-of Handyman.
328
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,719
- Their competitiveness harkens
back to their prep school days.
329
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,057
After one particularly
fierce game of cricket,
330
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:40,591
they went an entire trimester
331
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,127
without so much
as saying a word to each other.
332
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,398
- They're usually
so--so damn chatty, you know?
333
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,603
- Darryl, stop waving that mouse
carcass in your brother's face.
334
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,207
I better get back to my
scorekeeping duties.
335
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,077
Maybe soon they'll break
their zero-to-zero tie.
336
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:06,384
- Guys, i-it might help,
you know, if you rolled the die
337
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,087
instead of that--that
lump of clay.
338
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,995
- Jim, why do you
have to press down so hard?
339
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,297
If you break that pencil,
340
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,200
Mom said we have to buy
a whole new game.
341
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,269
- Couldn't we just buy
a new pencil and not tell Mom?
342
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,173
- Dick, you didn't hear that.
343
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:30,774
And here's a little something
344
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,078
to make sure
that mouth of yours stays shut.
345
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,650
- Well, I've never been plied
with clay before.
346
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,686
- Dick, take a minute
and look around.
347
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,722
What do you see?
348
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,690
- I see idiots, George.
349
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,763
- Holy house of games,
350
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,099
this hotel's a hotbed
of Handymania.
351
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,336
- How'd it go with that
game manufacturer in New York?
352
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,204
- Toy-riffic.
353
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,207
- What did they love the most?
Its beauty or its simplicity?
354
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,176
- Well, the chiefs are still
powwowing on that as we speak,
355
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:06,177
but listen up.
356
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,213
They want 20,000 games
produced pronto, Tonto.
357
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,749
- Twenty thousand?
Hear that, Dick?
358
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,084
Handymania
is going to sweep the nation.
359
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,453
- This means goodbye.
360
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:16,754
- No, don't worry, Dick.
361
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,524
No matter how big
my toy empire gets,
362
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,825
I'll be in touch with you
every day,
363
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,495
car phone to car phone.
364
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,031
- George,
I-I don't have a car phone.
365
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,133
- Then I guess this is goodbye.
366
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,436
- A million points.
367
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:33,671
I got Handyman.
368
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:34,972
I got Handyman.
369
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,142
[APPLAUSE]
370
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,846
- Hold on.
371
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,448
Hold on there, Chester.
372
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,450
On examining your score
more closely,
373
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,852
it seems you got a million
and eight.
374
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,020
- What?
375
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,890
- Well, I'll re-add,
nine and nine are 18.
376
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,625
- It just occurred to me,
377
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,627
one million
is not divisible by nine.
378
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,329
This game is flawed.
379
00:19:58,831 --> 00:19:59,597
- Fatally flawed.
380
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,899
- What a stupid, stupid game.
381
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,834
- I feel so used.
382
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:08,105
- W-Wait a minute,
this is ridiculous.
383
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,509
I mean, i-if this is so
upsetting to all of you,
384
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:15,313
then the one w-who gets
to a million and eight wins.
385
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,116
- You can't change
the rules on a whim, Dick.
386
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:20,918
It's clearly stated
on the board,
387
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,053
the first
handy guy or handy gal
388
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,523
who gets a million wins.
389
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,925
- That's the rule.
I wrote it myself.
390
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:30,628
- This game is a sham.
391
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,533
- And a travesty.
392
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:36,900
- I've never been so upset.
393
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:41,205
- And if I had my thesaurus,
I'd really nail you to the wall.
394
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,073
- Come, Charles.
395
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:45,909
- A-Aren't you going to
check in?
396
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,114
- [CHUCKLING] We'd rather
check out, little man.
397
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,350
- I-I prefer
"little monkey man"!
398
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:58,422
- And to think, I literally
kissed the ground you walked on.
399
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,460
- My brothers would stick their
tongues out at you in derision,
400
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,828
but their mouths
are filled with clay.
401
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,868
- You blew it, toy man.
402
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,504
I was going to name
my next child Wingnut.
403
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,607
- I pin my hopes
on the Utley star
404
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:19,143
and then I hear
you can't do long division.
405
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,816
- Keep the change.
406
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,621
- Ah, ch-cheer up, George.
I mean, y-you did have,
407
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:32,923
you know,
your 15 minutes of fame.
408
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:35,293
- Oh, what good is fame
if you can't share it
409
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:39,163
with a six-foot-tall
bronzed showgirl?
410
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:42,433
- Y-You got me there.
411
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:47,805
- Hey, Dick?
412
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:48,839
- Yeah, George?
413
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,275
- Remember when I was the guy
who invented a game
414
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,611
that had the whole town buzzing?
415
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:58,816
- You know,
it seems like only seconds ago.
416
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:00,117
- Well, look at me now.
417
00:22:00,787 --> 00:22:01,519
I'm a broken shell of a man
418
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:05,289
with nothing
but just a lump of clay.
419
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:07,224
- Well, now you've got two,
George.
420
00:22:09,395 --> 00:22:13,130
- You think this is enough
to get me a showgirl?
421
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:15,366
- No, but you could start
building one.
422
00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:20,504
- Hey.
423
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:29,012
[♪♪♪]
424
00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:55,339
- Meow.
32142
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