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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,023 --> 00:00:03,656 I hate supermarkets. 2 00:00:03,976 --> 00:00:06,356 The lighting's awful, the music's rubbish, 3 00:00:06,562 --> 00:00:08,509 the chicks have all got kids. 4 00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:10,360 It's just not a cool place. 5 00:00:11,492 --> 00:00:12,542 Oh, my God! 6 00:00:12,870 --> 00:00:14,920 It's Dave Fentiman, my old friend from school. 7 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:18,392 Aren't you going to go and say hello? 8 00:00:18,963 --> 00:00:21,145 I haven't seen him in years. What if it's awkward? 9 00:00:21,265 --> 00:00:24,283 Just say howdy. What's the worst that could happen? 10 00:00:30,444 --> 00:00:31,946 It's Don, Don Danbury. 11 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,050 Oh, my God. 12 00:00:33,170 --> 00:00:34,274 Not you! 13 00:00:39,541 --> 00:00:41,173 It's Don, Don Danbury. 14 00:00:41,598 --> 00:00:42,849 How's it going? 15 00:00:42,969 --> 00:00:43,969 Terrible. 16 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,684 I lost my job. 17 00:00:45,804 --> 00:00:47,441 My girlfriend killed herself. 18 00:00:47,561 --> 00:00:49,775 I've been diagnosed with face cancer. 19 00:00:50,686 --> 00:00:52,686 But at least I've got you now. 20 00:00:57,956 --> 00:00:59,605 It's Don, Don Danbury. 21 00:01:02,683 --> 00:01:05,535 - What if he doesn't remember me? - Of course he'll remember you. 22 00:01:05,655 --> 00:01:07,363 You said you used to be best friends. 23 00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:08,402 Go on. 24 00:01:08,522 --> 00:01:09,522 Go on. 25 00:01:15,668 --> 00:01:16,918 Eddie, stop it! 26 00:01:23,141 --> 00:01:24,136 It's Don. 27 00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:28,720 Sorry, mate. You must have the wrong bloke. 28 00:01:31,286 --> 00:01:33,320 Don, you silly slut! 29 00:01:33,647 --> 00:01:36,120 You douche bag. I thought you didn't remember me. 30 00:01:36,439 --> 00:01:39,280 Of course I remember you, you stupid ***! 31 00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:44,740 .:: La Fabrique ::. 32 00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:46,560 Dickheads Team 33 00:01:46,726 --> 00:01:48,734 Synchro: mpm & Arrow 34 00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:57,920 Episode 206 Don and the Wedding 35 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,093 I'm totally honoured, Dave. 36 00:02:00,213 --> 00:02:01,713 Of course not, Dave. 37 00:02:04,012 --> 00:02:05,350 I can't wait, Dave. 38 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,796 That's excellent, Dave. 39 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,320 See you later, Dave. 40 00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:12,440 - Who was that? - Dave. 41 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,280 My old friend who we bumped into at the supermarket? 42 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:18,605 He's getting married next week and he wants me to be his best man. 43 00:02:18,947 --> 00:02:21,701 - Can you believe that? - Maybe he doesn't have friends. 44 00:02:22,166 --> 00:02:23,679 Yes, he has other friends. 45 00:02:24,096 --> 00:02:26,457 He was the most popular kid at our school. 46 00:02:26,577 --> 00:02:27,747 Great... 47 00:02:27,867 --> 00:02:30,028 Postcard... from dream girl. 48 00:02:31,874 --> 00:02:34,013 Does she say when she's coming back? 49 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,001 She doesn't care about us any more. 50 00:02:37,121 --> 00:02:39,263 Too busy swanning around the world. 51 00:02:40,356 --> 00:02:42,156 - Tea and biscuit? - Yes. 52 00:02:44,792 --> 00:02:47,320 Here you go. I made you a cup of tea? 53 00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,400 - Why? - There is no "y" in friends. 54 00:02:51,723 --> 00:02:54,323 OK. Well, at least your spelling's getting better. 55 00:02:54,443 --> 00:02:56,040 I did it cos we're mates, 56 00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:59,237 chums, buddies, who do things for each other, 57 00:02:59,357 --> 00:03:00,507 like make tea 58 00:03:00,627 --> 00:03:03,691 or go to Scotland to attend a wedding whilst pretending to be married. 59 00:03:03,811 --> 00:03:05,360 - Biscuit? - What did you just say? 60 00:03:05,526 --> 00:03:07,720 - Biscuit? - No, the bit about Scotland? 61 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,083 For some strange reason, I told Dave I'm married. 62 00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:14,560 - Why? - I wanted to impress him. 63 00:03:14,726 --> 00:03:17,480 I didn't want him to think I've achieved nothing with my life. 64 00:03:17,646 --> 00:03:20,320 If he's such a good friend, then why can't you be honest with him? 65 00:03:20,486 --> 00:03:22,995 Honest? Are you mental in the face? 66 00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:24,960 Imagine how that would look. 67 00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:30,336 So, what kind of work do you do, Don? 68 00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:32,633 - I don't. - Right. 69 00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:34,525 - Kids? - Nope. 70 00:03:34,645 --> 00:03:35,603 Married? 71 00:03:35,941 --> 00:03:37,123 Girlfriend? 72 00:03:37,557 --> 00:03:38,436 Dog? 73 00:03:39,432 --> 00:03:40,306 Gay. 74 00:03:40,764 --> 00:03:42,764 Tried that. Wasn't really me. 75 00:03:47,047 --> 00:03:50,600 I have absolutely nothing to show for my life. 76 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,080 I'll do it. 77 00:03:52,314 --> 00:03:53,560 No, thanks, Gollum. 78 00:03:53,726 --> 00:03:55,743 I was hoping to make Dave a tad jealous, 79 00:03:55,863 --> 00:03:57,520 not a tad nauseous. 80 00:03:57,969 --> 00:04:00,000 You think that I would make him jealous? 81 00:04:00,545 --> 00:04:02,123 Well, a tad. 82 00:04:03,086 --> 00:04:05,430 - But, if you don't want, that's fine... - OK. 83 00:04:05,926 --> 00:04:07,519 What, you'll do it? 84 00:04:08,264 --> 00:04:09,480 On one condition. 85 00:04:09,646 --> 00:04:10,560 Sure. What? 86 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,080 You ask me properly. 87 00:04:12,648 --> 00:04:15,913 - What do you mean? - You ask me properly. 88 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,120 Will you do me the honour of pretending to be my wife? 89 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:30,960 I will. 90 00:04:35,117 --> 00:04:38,803 Eight hours' drive with Mrs Treacher in the car. 91 00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,548 That woman smells. 92 00:04:40,879 --> 00:04:42,789 It was like driving in a shoe. 93 00:04:47,552 --> 00:04:49,102 Grab the bags, Eddie. 94 00:04:53,189 --> 00:04:54,040 What? 95 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:55,680 I'll just be a minute. 96 00:04:58,497 --> 00:05:00,040 Mr and Mrs Danbury, checking in. 97 00:05:00,206 --> 00:05:02,066 Certainly, Mr Danbury. 98 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,440 What time do you knock off? 99 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:07,680 Excuse me? 100 00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:09,400 What are you doing later? 101 00:05:12,865 --> 00:05:13,760 It's OK. 102 00:05:14,343 --> 00:05:17,043 - I'm only with him for the money. - Right. 103 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,520 Here's your key. Room 301. 104 00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:20,734 Thank you. 105 00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:22,160 Come on. 106 00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:26,501 - What did you do that for? - Stay in character, dickhead. 107 00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:29,180 What if my character is that of a natural flirt? 108 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:30,839 Then my character is that of a woman 109 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:33,068 who can't keep a secret about her sham marriage. 110 00:05:33,188 --> 00:05:34,467 Right, fair point. 111 00:05:34,587 --> 00:05:37,560 Don, you tranny. You made it! 112 00:05:37,726 --> 00:05:38,760 Dave! Come here. 113 00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:40,400 What are you doing? 114 00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:43,240 Just messing around. 115 00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:46,497 Who's this little cracker, then? 116 00:05:46,674 --> 00:05:49,160 Don't tell me you're Don's ball and chain? 117 00:05:49,357 --> 00:05:51,760 Ball and chain? Are you from the '70s? 118 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:52,960 What? 119 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,701 You obviously don't know who I am. 120 00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:58,376 Yes, I do. You're Dave, Don's old friend from school. 121 00:05:58,886 --> 00:06:00,086 Correctamundo. 122 00:06:00,274 --> 00:06:02,520 I take it he rabbits on about me all the time, right? 123 00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,203 She's a bit lippy ain't she? 124 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,096 You were right, though. She's, er, good to look at. 125 00:06:10,726 --> 00:06:11,776 To look at? 126 00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:16,137 Actually, I think, Dave, I said that she was beautiful, remember? 127 00:06:16,446 --> 00:06:18,206 Yeah. Something gay like that. 128 00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:20,163 You said that I was beautiful? 129 00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,065 - You don't mind? - Boring! 130 00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:26,640 Now, are we going to get ***** tonight, or what? 131 00:06:26,806 --> 00:06:29,040 You try and stop me, Dave-minator. 132 00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:30,157 Five me. 133 00:06:31,836 --> 00:06:33,386 Still a gullible sap. 134 00:06:35,718 --> 00:06:37,890 Funny, funny, the old punch joke. 135 00:06:38,697 --> 00:06:39,769 I'll be honest, 136 00:06:39,889 --> 00:06:42,400 a part of me was thinking how nice this weekend would've been 137 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,598 if I had brought Abby with me, but as my actual wife. 138 00:06:48,019 --> 00:06:50,960 - There's only one bed. - We're married, remember? 139 00:06:51,468 --> 00:06:54,080 - I'm not sleeping with you. - Am I really that bad? 140 00:06:54,541 --> 00:06:55,941 Don't answer that. 141 00:06:56,286 --> 00:06:59,640 Anyway, the sofa, it looks really comfy. 142 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,993 You were the one who said we should stay in character. 143 00:07:05,113 --> 00:07:06,203 We're married. 144 00:07:06,323 --> 00:07:08,840 Sleeping on the sofa isn't staying in character. 145 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,200 Yes, it is. 146 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,240 We are a couple going through a rough patch. 147 00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:19,160 Thank you. Just over there, please. 148 00:07:21,592 --> 00:07:22,442 And... 149 00:07:23,205 --> 00:07:24,880 a little something for you. 150 00:07:25,046 --> 00:07:27,040 - What's that for? - For bringing the bags in. 151 00:07:27,206 --> 00:07:28,885 Don't be silly. I don't work here. 152 00:07:29,005 --> 00:07:30,960 - But you earnt it. - I couldn't possibly. 153 00:07:31,126 --> 00:07:32,560 - I'll be offended. - But I... 154 00:07:32,726 --> 00:07:34,240 Just take the fucking coin! 155 00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:37,480 OK. I'll take the pound coin. Thank you, Don. 156 00:07:37,646 --> 00:07:38,787 It was nothing. 157 00:07:38,907 --> 00:07:40,840 So you'll be back to pick us up on Sunday? 158 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:42,875 See ya. 159 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,433 Have a good weekend, Don. 160 00:07:48,651 --> 00:07:50,960 "Dear Mr and Mrs Danbury, 161 00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:54,600 "please find an itinerary for the weekend, starting tonight, 162 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,560 "with the bride and groom's respective stag and hen dos." 163 00:07:58,046 --> 00:08:01,102 I am not sitting through some terrible Chippendale act. 164 00:08:01,991 --> 00:08:04,200 Actually, Chippendales might quite be fun. 165 00:08:04,366 --> 00:08:05,960 Remember, you're my wife. 166 00:08:06,126 --> 00:08:09,080 Yes, I know. Samantha Danbury. 167 00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:12,440 About that... 168 00:08:13,313 --> 00:08:16,383 Your name's not Samantha Danbury. 169 00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,847 What's my name, Don? 170 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,480 Remember, I came up with it on the spot. 171 00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:26,080 Dave just kept asking me questions I didn't know what to do. 172 00:08:26,246 --> 00:08:28,280 Yes... This wife of yours, what's her name? 173 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:30,839 I couldn't think of anything 174 00:08:30,959 --> 00:08:33,239 and then the answer just landed in front of me. 175 00:08:33,925 --> 00:08:34,925 It's... 176 00:08:35,518 --> 00:08:36,518 Mary Lou? 177 00:08:36,935 --> 00:08:38,080 Well, that's fine. 178 00:08:38,246 --> 00:08:39,838 Why didn't I think of that? 179 00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:41,108 It's perfect. 180 00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:46,920 It's... Garden. 181 00:08:49,065 --> 00:08:49,960 Garden. 182 00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:51,360 That's ridiculous! 183 00:08:51,609 --> 00:08:54,880 That's very disrespectful to everyone called Garden. 184 00:08:55,046 --> 00:08:57,360 No, it's not. Because Garden isn't even a real name! 185 00:08:57,526 --> 00:08:59,160 It is. It's your name. 186 00:08:59,326 --> 00:09:00,320 Garden Danbury? 187 00:09:02,738 --> 00:09:04,480 I sound like air freshener. 188 00:09:11,849 --> 00:09:13,920 This is amazing! You're up. 189 00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,080 It's over. 190 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,240 Come again? 191 00:09:16,406 --> 00:09:18,601 Time to let go of my grief for Bill. 192 00:09:18,721 --> 00:09:19,871 That's great. 193 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,458 However, we do have to leave now because we were just dropping them off. 194 00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:25,240 Oh, no. We're not leaving. 195 00:09:25,406 --> 00:09:29,390 There's something I need to do. You see, I haven't had sex in... 196 00:09:38,757 --> 00:09:40,960 Can't remember. Anyway, that's gotta change, 197 00:09:41,126 --> 00:09:43,261 this weekend, we're checking in, 198 00:09:43,381 --> 00:09:45,344 then were going shopping for a dress. 199 00:09:45,464 --> 00:09:46,464 Come on. 200 00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,727 Right, I'd better get going. 201 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:59,639 He'll bite my balls off if I keep him... waiting. 202 00:10:01,886 --> 00:10:03,200 You look amazing. 203 00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:04,880 Really? 204 00:10:05,046 --> 00:10:06,800 No, you're an ugly moose pig. 205 00:10:06,966 --> 00:10:07,966 Of course. 206 00:10:08,385 --> 00:10:11,280 Right, I'd better get going. Good luck. 207 00:10:13,566 --> 00:10:15,116 Did you just kiss me? 208 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,280 But I'm in character. 209 00:10:18,603 --> 00:10:19,543 Right... 210 00:10:19,726 --> 00:10:21,526 - See ya. - Bye. 211 00:10:23,643 --> 00:10:25,822 I was really excited about the stag do, 212 00:10:25,942 --> 00:10:28,989 but I was praying it wasn't going to be a sausage party. 213 00:10:29,109 --> 00:10:33,109 Tons of men getting their dicks out while chanting sport-related songs. 214 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,560 There he is. 215 00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:43,360 The twat in the hat. 216 00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:46,600 Down it! 217 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,240 So, when's everyone else getting here? 218 00:10:50,431 --> 00:10:52,600 What are you talking about? This is it. 219 00:10:52,766 --> 00:10:55,370 - What, it's just you and me? - Well, we've got George as well. 220 00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:58,040 My soon-to-be father-in-law. You all right, George? 221 00:10:58,206 --> 00:10:59,756 Where's the stripper? 222 00:11:00,566 --> 00:11:01,800 Rapey old toad. 223 00:11:02,540 --> 00:11:03,920 Christ... 224 00:11:04,086 --> 00:11:05,360 Let's dance! 225 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,320 Hi, is this the hen do? 226 00:11:20,486 --> 00:11:21,840 You must be Garden? 227 00:11:23,119 --> 00:11:24,370 That's my name. 228 00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,680 Garden Danbury. 229 00:11:26,434 --> 00:11:30,080 I'm Dave's fiancee, Alice, otherwise known as Carrie. 230 00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,422 I'm Jane, 231 00:11:33,542 --> 00:11:35,760 otherwise known as... Charlotte. 232 00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:40,732 Sorry, I don't really get the game. 233 00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:43,080 We're playing "who would be who" in Sex And The City. 234 00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:46,120 Right, well, I've never really watched it. 235 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,880 Sorry. Did I just say that I had not seen Sex And The City? 236 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:57,446 Right. Because you're all looking at me as if I said I killed a child. 237 00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:05,160 Shall we order for starter? 238 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,080 This is going to be fun. 239 00:12:07,531 --> 00:12:10,680 I wonder how the boys are getting on? Bet they're loving catching up. 240 00:12:24,669 --> 00:12:26,520 There's no way I'm drinking that. 241 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,214 I don't think I like this game! 242 00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:30,584 Harder! Harder! 243 00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:34,270 Drink it! Drink it! 244 00:12:38,646 --> 00:12:40,440 So, what do you do, Garden? 245 00:12:40,606 --> 00:12:41,806 I'm a student. 246 00:12:42,572 --> 00:12:43,672 How ghastly. 247 00:12:44,176 --> 00:12:47,040 Don told Dave that you were a model. 248 00:12:47,206 --> 00:12:48,606 Yes, I used to be. 249 00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:50,640 More booze, please! 250 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,520 What kind of modelling did you do? 251 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,360 Porn, mainly. 252 00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:59,705 And I don't mean the girlie, glamorous topless stuff. 253 00:13:00,093 --> 00:13:01,840 I mean the proper hardcore stuff. 254 00:13:02,947 --> 00:13:05,200 You know? Double penetration, 255 00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:07,240 come on my face, 256 00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:09,775 sometimes even scatological stuff. 257 00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:12,016 God, I miss those days. 258 00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:17,865 So, we'll just relax tonight 259 00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:20,102 and then tomorrow, hit the bar 260 00:13:20,222 --> 00:13:22,072 and find me a sex opponent. 261 00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:25,180 Maybe Don's ready to go it alone. 262 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:26,800 What are you talking about? 263 00:13:29,087 --> 00:13:30,589 He doesn't seem to need me. 264 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:33,430 What are you worrying about that dickhead for? 265 00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:35,600 Maybe my work with him is done? 266 00:13:36,090 --> 00:13:37,295 Time to move on. 267 00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:39,960 Find myself a new dickhead to look after. 268 00:13:43,294 --> 00:13:44,600 Careful of me warts. 269 00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:51,294 At the end of the stag do, Dave treated us all to a stripper. 270 00:13:51,486 --> 00:13:53,046 Stripper! Stripper! 271 00:13:53,406 --> 00:13:55,080 I was hoping for someone a more erotic. 272 00:13:57,166 --> 00:13:58,920 And yes, that was the same song 273 00:13:59,086 --> 00:14:01,441 Dave played over and over 274 00:14:01,886 --> 00:14:03,170 and over again. 275 00:14:13,749 --> 00:14:16,099 Toothpaste goes really well with gin. 276 00:14:17,061 --> 00:14:18,461 Ever noticed that? 277 00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:21,160 How was your night? 278 00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:22,600 Mine was wonderful. 279 00:14:22,766 --> 00:14:25,442 We played "who would be who" in Sex And The City. 280 00:14:25,886 --> 00:14:28,256 If they actually found out that my real name's Samantha, 281 00:14:28,376 --> 00:14:30,520 their little minds would've just exploded. 282 00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:32,717 You know? 283 00:14:32,837 --> 00:14:35,520 Cos there's actually a Samantha in Sex And The City! 284 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,253 I think Dave... 285 00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:41,920 is a dickhead. 286 00:14:43,431 --> 00:14:45,083 Have you only just worked that out? 287 00:14:45,858 --> 00:14:48,640 I don't get it. He was my hero. I loved him. 288 00:14:49,539 --> 00:14:50,925 Not in a sexual way. 289 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:53,388 In a sort of Gonch and Ziggy kinda way. 290 00:14:53,508 --> 00:14:56,886 What could you possibly love about him? He is arrogant and he's obnoxious, 291 00:14:57,006 --> 00:14:58,787 he's self-obsessed. Oh, wait! 292 00:14:59,258 --> 00:15:01,840 What am I talking about? You're perfect for each other. 293 00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:04,694 I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. 294 00:15:06,321 --> 00:15:07,927 I mean, have I changed? 295 00:15:08,047 --> 00:15:09,280 Has he changed? 296 00:15:09,446 --> 00:15:11,320 - Did we both change? - I don't know. 297 00:15:12,390 --> 00:15:14,805 But I've changed. I'm going to bed... 298 00:15:18,244 --> 00:15:19,066 Go! 299 00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:36,835 God, it's so uncomfortable. 300 00:15:46,023 --> 00:15:47,240 You can sleep in here. 301 00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:51,731 But if you try anything, then I will roundhouse you in the prick, OK? 302 00:15:53,246 --> 00:15:55,246 I promise I won't try a thing. 303 00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,247 Will you switch off the light, Don? 304 00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:03,867 Certainly, Samantha. 305 00:16:07,253 --> 00:16:08,503 Who's Samantha? 306 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,076 Are you seeing someone behind my back? 307 00:16:11,196 --> 00:16:12,196 Sorry. 308 00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:14,244 I meant Garden. 309 00:16:14,934 --> 00:16:16,134 That's better. 310 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:18,920 Night, Donald. 311 00:16:19,123 --> 00:16:20,573 Good night, Garden. 312 00:16:28,747 --> 00:16:29,747 Morning! 313 00:16:30,058 --> 00:16:32,400 What a night, Bestie? 314 00:16:33,406 --> 00:16:35,394 I tell you what, that stripper... 315 00:16:35,817 --> 00:16:38,693 - Kept me up most of the night. - You slept with that stripper? 316 00:16:38,813 --> 00:16:40,663 Yeah. It was a right laugh. 317 00:16:41,926 --> 00:16:42,926 However 318 00:16:43,092 --> 00:16:45,120 I seem to have woken up with a bit of an itch. 319 00:16:45,286 --> 00:16:46,786 Not sure what it is. 320 00:16:47,086 --> 00:16:48,040 Have a look. 321 00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:50,760 What? What are you doing? We're in the hall. 322 00:16:51,599 --> 00:16:52,649 Here, look. 323 00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:53,840 Is this normal? 324 00:16:54,006 --> 00:16:56,772 If there's one penis and two balls, everything's normal. 325 00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:58,480 Don, don't be a sap. 326 00:16:58,646 --> 00:16:59,920 Look at my prick. 327 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,960 - Jeez! That's not right. - I thought so. 328 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:08,654 It's gone massive at the end. 329 00:17:08,774 --> 00:17:10,841 Yeah, on my wedding day, and everything. 330 00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:12,193 It was heartbreaking. 331 00:17:12,313 --> 00:17:14,407 Finding out my hero's a total cock. 332 00:17:14,527 --> 00:17:17,167 Fact is, I didn't wanna be Dave's best man any more. 333 00:17:18,082 --> 00:17:19,232 Look, Dave... 334 00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:22,080 I don't know how to say this but... I don't think I... 335 00:17:22,246 --> 00:17:24,861 What, Bestie? You don't think you what? 336 00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,262 Have the rings. 337 00:17:28,492 --> 00:17:30,083 I left the rings in the room. 338 00:17:30,203 --> 00:17:31,840 You piss wit. Hurry up, then! 339 00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:33,340 Sorry. 340 00:17:35,046 --> 00:17:37,666 And if you see any prick cream on your way... 341 00:17:38,606 --> 00:17:40,076 God this is killing me! 342 00:17:40,646 --> 00:17:43,723 You're going to find someone new to look after instead of Don? 343 00:17:43,843 --> 00:17:45,726 I have to, Dot. It's in my blood. 344 00:17:45,846 --> 00:17:47,746 Without caring, I'm nothing. 345 00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:50,876 But who's my next project? That's the question. 346 00:17:50,996 --> 00:17:52,966 Please! Someone help! 347 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,051 Help me! Help me! 348 00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:03,570 And so we all sat and watched as Dave and his fiancee got hitched. 349 00:18:03,690 --> 00:18:05,080 If anyone here 350 00:18:05,246 --> 00:18:08,028 has reason why these two should not be married, 351 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,598 - speak now... - Nobody say a fucking word! 352 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,788 ... or for ever hold your peace. 353 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,231 Ladies and men. 354 00:18:29,323 --> 00:18:31,359 Now, I hate giving speeches 355 00:18:31,479 --> 00:18:33,879 so I'll keep this one short and snappy, 356 00:18:34,199 --> 00:18:35,849 like my beautiful wife. 357 00:18:39,046 --> 00:18:40,396 I first met Alice 358 00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:42,040 three weeks ago. 359 00:18:42,577 --> 00:18:46,027 Some people don't think dating agencies are worth the cash, 360 00:18:47,086 --> 00:18:49,640 but I think today has proved them all wrong. 361 00:18:49,806 --> 00:18:50,906 I'm chuffed. 362 00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:59,402 Now my new papa's gonna say something. 363 00:19:00,242 --> 00:19:03,085 Now I only met David last night, 364 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:07,024 but I must say he knows how to have a good time. 365 00:19:07,144 --> 00:19:09,231 You should've seen that stripper... 366 00:19:09,351 --> 00:19:11,464 I couldn't believe it when he put that dildo right... 367 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,040 What a touching speech! 368 00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,010 Beautiful, beautiful. 369 00:19:16,208 --> 00:19:17,558 All right. Now... 370 00:19:18,128 --> 00:19:20,387 the speech you've all been waiting for. 371 00:19:20,771 --> 00:19:22,760 Ladies and gentlemen, Alice, 372 00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:25,080 may I introduce you 373 00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:27,640 to Sir Donald of Danbury. 374 00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:31,280 This was the moment I was dreading. 375 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,340 This better be amazing! 376 00:19:34,650 --> 00:19:38,250 I mean, I just had nothing nice or amusing to say about Dave. 377 00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:42,480 It was horrible. I just wanted something to save me. 378 00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:43,912 Anything! 379 00:19:52,054 --> 00:19:53,354 Where did he go? 380 00:19:54,572 --> 00:19:55,572 Ladies... 381 00:19:59,081 --> 00:20:00,081 Dad! 382 00:20:01,609 --> 00:20:02,659 Dave, help! 383 00:20:03,032 --> 00:20:04,661 And... sleep. 384 00:20:05,407 --> 00:20:08,540 When you awake, you'll think I gave an amazing speech. 385 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:09,660 Wake. 386 00:20:15,473 --> 00:20:17,417 Come on, Bestie. Say something. 387 00:20:24,034 --> 00:20:26,320 We live in a cynical world. 388 00:20:26,974 --> 00:20:28,274 A cynical world. 389 00:20:28,846 --> 00:20:30,746 So what, if Dave only met... 390 00:20:33,126 --> 00:20:34,016 Alice... 391 00:20:34,391 --> 00:20:35,680 three weeks ago. 392 00:20:35,976 --> 00:20:38,106 So what, if he barely knows... 393 00:20:41,246 --> 00:20:42,396 When you know... 394 00:20:42,516 --> 00:20:43,640 you just know. 395 00:20:44,884 --> 00:20:47,915 I think about when I first met my beautiful wife, Garden. 396 00:20:50,098 --> 00:20:51,948 It's a great name, bite me! 397 00:20:53,415 --> 00:20:55,240 I think about when I first saw her. 398 00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:57,520 She took my breath away. 399 00:20:58,922 --> 00:21:00,074 I remember thinking, 400 00:21:00,194 --> 00:21:01,908 "Yeah, I'd nail her". 401 00:21:03,407 --> 00:21:06,560 No, I mean, you know, because she was so utterly beautiful. 402 00:21:07,137 --> 00:21:08,987 So gorgeous and charming... 403 00:21:09,379 --> 00:21:11,120 and she was also very funny... 404 00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:13,120 and clever. 405 00:21:14,846 --> 00:21:16,493 What I'm trying to say is, 406 00:21:16,861 --> 00:21:20,600 if Dave feels even half of what I feel for my wife... 407 00:21:24,646 --> 00:21:26,455 well, he's a very lucky man. 408 00:21:29,671 --> 00:21:31,920 I don't know where that all came from, 409 00:21:32,086 --> 00:21:33,480 but it worked a treat. 410 00:21:35,117 --> 00:21:36,284 What was that? 411 00:21:36,404 --> 00:21:37,604 That was shit. 412 00:21:38,526 --> 00:21:39,758 That was my speech. 413 00:21:40,745 --> 00:21:43,480 I want embarrassing stories told about me. 414 00:21:43,646 --> 00:21:46,060 - I don't really have any. - Yeah, you do. 415 00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:49,124 What about that time we lost our virginity to the dinner lady? 416 00:21:49,244 --> 00:21:50,725 That was you, not me. 417 00:21:50,845 --> 00:21:51,680 And...? 418 00:21:52,245 --> 00:21:55,501 Well, you were 13, she was 42 and recently out of prison. 419 00:21:55,621 --> 00:21:57,404 Technically, she raped you. 420 00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:59,544 Is that the sort of thing you want? 421 00:22:00,951 --> 00:22:02,680 Yeah, that's it. 422 00:22:04,452 --> 00:22:05,439 Classic. 423 00:22:05,559 --> 00:22:07,125 Come on. More like that! 424 00:22:14,276 --> 00:22:16,592 Excuse me. May I just borrow my husband? 425 00:22:21,642 --> 00:22:22,642 Come on! 426 00:22:28,595 --> 00:22:29,646 There he is. 427 00:22:30,026 --> 00:22:32,526 Nobody will notice if we just slink in. 428 00:22:36,940 --> 00:22:40,160 - You are quite the actor, Don. - What do you mean? 429 00:22:40,644 --> 00:22:43,120 All that stuff about when you first saw me. 430 00:22:46,587 --> 00:22:47,587 Sorry. 431 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,080 I hope you don't mind. 432 00:22:51,093 --> 00:22:53,160 You were just in character, though, right? 433 00:22:56,839 --> 00:22:58,339 Some of it was true. 434 00:23:00,016 --> 00:23:01,016 Which bit? 435 00:23:02,679 --> 00:23:04,960 I did think you were pretty hot when I first saw you. 436 00:23:10,769 --> 00:23:12,080 Where did you learn that? 437 00:23:19,839 --> 00:23:21,640 You're full of surprises this weekend. 438 00:23:26,341 --> 00:23:28,520 Wait. Are you sure you wanna do that? 439 00:23:29,822 --> 00:23:33,033 God! You must still be in character if you're being sensible. 440 00:23:33,206 --> 00:23:34,812 It's just... you know... 441 00:23:41,659 --> 00:23:43,920 Can I... have this dance? 442 00:23:44,086 --> 00:23:45,136 It depends. 443 00:23:45,601 --> 00:23:47,230 Are you still fertile? 444 00:23:47,646 --> 00:23:49,600 I could make triplets with this son of a bitch. 445 00:24:00,046 --> 00:24:01,046 Look... 446 00:24:03,430 --> 00:24:05,992 - I know we haven't always... - Don't ruin it. 447 00:24:11,285 --> 00:24:12,435 I don't know. 448 00:24:13,730 --> 00:24:16,237 Look, maybe it's because we're at a wedding 449 00:24:16,357 --> 00:24:18,891 or I've been drunk for the last 26 hours, 450 00:24:19,011 --> 00:24:20,444 but this feels nice. 451 00:24:21,682 --> 00:24:22,682 Bizarrely. 452 00:24:32,405 --> 00:24:34,243 Allow me to introduce myself. 453 00:24:34,922 --> 00:24:38,040 The caring gene has been in the Singh family for generations. 454 00:24:38,893 --> 00:24:42,200 - Right, I'm going to go to bed. - But it's still so early. 455 00:24:42,425 --> 00:24:44,936 I never said that I was going to go to sleep. 456 00:24:45,685 --> 00:24:47,600 Maybe we should just... 457 00:24:47,766 --> 00:24:50,320 stay in character... for the rest of the night? 458 00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:52,960 Are we still that couple going through a rough patch? 459 00:24:56,326 --> 00:24:58,240 But I think we're about to make up. 460 00:24:59,966 --> 00:25:01,627 Just give me five minutes. 461 00:25:09,765 --> 00:25:11,694 Don was just like you when I first met him. 462 00:25:11,814 --> 00:25:12,751 Hostile. 463 00:25:12,871 --> 00:25:14,160 Deluded. Obnoxious. 464 00:25:14,665 --> 00:25:15,915 Are you a homo? 465 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,400 Sapien or sexual? 466 00:25:18,566 --> 00:25:19,440 Right! 467 00:25:19,606 --> 00:25:21,800 I want you out of here, you creepy oddball. 468 00:25:25,213 --> 00:25:26,665 What are you doing here? 469 00:25:27,647 --> 00:25:30,629 I hope you don't mind, but I've decided to look after Dave from now on. 470 00:25:30,749 --> 00:25:33,160 Remove your hand now, you freaky twat. 471 00:25:33,326 --> 00:25:35,880 - All right, Dave. - If you don't leave in under a minute, 472 00:25:36,046 --> 00:25:38,120 I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck. 473 00:25:38,727 --> 00:25:40,400 You're gonna be a tough project. 474 00:25:41,189 --> 00:25:44,006 I'll take care of this. Come here, Eddie, what are you doing? 475 00:25:46,846 --> 00:25:49,320 He's the freakoid you were with at the supermarket. 476 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,632 What's the deal with you two? Are you bum chums? 477 00:25:51,752 --> 00:25:53,877 Just because I've wiped his bum... 478 00:25:54,846 --> 00:25:58,295 Does your missus not mind you having this little bit on the side? 479 00:25:59,046 --> 00:26:02,757 I'd be careful if I were you, bringing up wives and bits on the side. 480 00:26:03,406 --> 00:26:05,000 Don't be a massive dickhead. 481 00:26:05,166 --> 00:26:07,900 Speaking of which, how's your massive dick-head? 482 00:26:08,206 --> 00:26:10,640 Why are you doing this? Why are you siding with that freak? 483 00:26:10,806 --> 00:26:12,356 Eddie is not a freak. 484 00:26:13,759 --> 00:26:14,840 He's my friend! 485 00:26:16,606 --> 00:26:19,640 And you know why? Because there's mutual respect. 486 00:26:19,806 --> 00:26:21,880 Not like with you. You just abuse me, 487 00:26:22,046 --> 00:26:23,946 call me names, tell me to do things, 488 00:26:24,066 --> 00:26:26,130 expect me to just jump at your orders. 489 00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:28,544 That's not what we're about. Eh, Eddie? 490 00:26:29,185 --> 00:26:32,021 - That is kind of how you treat me. - Now shush your mouth. 491 00:26:32,566 --> 00:26:34,720 If you don't mind, I'm gonna go to my room 492 00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:37,198 and have beautiful, sexy intercourse 493 00:26:37,318 --> 00:26:39,768 with my wonderfully-named wife, Garden. 494 00:26:41,388 --> 00:26:42,538 Come on, you. 495 00:26:45,589 --> 00:26:48,080 What did he mean by that "bit on the side" comment? 496 00:26:51,488 --> 00:26:52,888 Did you mean that? 497 00:26:53,492 --> 00:26:54,480 We're friends? 498 00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:55,820 Of course. 499 00:26:57,158 --> 00:26:59,188 I thought you didn't want me around any more. 500 00:27:01,026 --> 00:27:02,943 I'd be a total mess without you. 501 00:27:04,006 --> 00:27:05,640 You complete me. 502 00:27:07,534 --> 00:27:09,240 Now fuck off, you're not invited. 503 00:27:09,406 --> 00:27:10,406 Gotcha. 504 00:27:13,599 --> 00:27:15,776 I couldn't believe how excited I was. 505 00:27:15,896 --> 00:27:16,857 Me and Sam. 506 00:27:16,977 --> 00:27:19,919 I mean, who'd have thought it? But somehow it felt right. 507 00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:21,138 It felt good. 508 00:27:21,258 --> 00:27:22,671 Maybe this was fate. 509 00:27:27,554 --> 00:27:28,554 Abby? 510 00:27:30,670 --> 00:27:33,425 "Hi, Don. Guess who? Your old flatmate. 511 00:27:33,545 --> 00:27:37,000 "I've just got back to the UK. I'm staying at my mum's for a few days 512 00:27:37,166 --> 00:27:40,600 "but I'll be back at home next week. Can't wait to see you. Abby. 513 00:27:40,730 --> 00:27:42,210 "Kiss, kiss." 514 00:27:52,620 --> 00:27:53,970 It is my husband. 515 00:28:00,003 --> 00:28:01,422 www.sous-titres.eu 516 00:00:01,663 --> 00:00:03,163 www.tvsubtitles.net 517 00:00:03,213 --> 00:00:07,763 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36823

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