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1
00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:04,736
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:19,311
VAGRANT:
Anybody got any spare change?
3
00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:22,213
Anything left in your pockets
you don't want?
4
00:01:22,281 --> 00:01:25,249
Old gum? Traveler's checks?
5
00:01:25,317 --> 00:01:27,151
Somebody want to give me
their clothing?
6
00:01:27,219 --> 00:01:29,387
LOUIE:
Hey, hey!
7
00:01:29,455 --> 00:01:31,022
Hey, come on, no scuzzos
allowed in here.
8
00:01:31,089 --> 00:01:32,124
Get out, out!
9
00:01:32,191 --> 00:01:33,825
All right.
10
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,827
Goodbye, everybody!
11
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:37,828
No...
12
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:39,865
Iggy, Iggy, no, not you.
13
00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,032
You're not a scuzzo.
14
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,366
You're an airhead.
We a...
15
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:44,369
We allow airheads in here.
16
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:47,371
Come on, hey, scuzz,
hey, whoa, slither
out of here, go on, go!
17
00:01:47,439 --> 00:01:50,408
Hey, hey, hey, Louie,
Louie, Louie, Louie!
18
00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:51,743
Be a little bit
more sensitive
19
00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:53,044
to the plight of this man.
20
00:01:53,111 --> 00:01:54,212
He's not a scuzzo.
21
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,081
He happens to be a human
being with some dignity.
22
00:01:56,148 --> 00:01:57,949
I'm afraid you're
mistaking me
23
00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:01,152
for somebody else.
24
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,186
Wait! Hey, wait.
25
00:02:02,254 --> 00:02:03,521
Wait!
26
00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:07,259
What if I gave you
$1,000?
27
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:08,626
Jim, Jim, look,
28
00:02:08,694 --> 00:02:10,461
I know you've inherited
a lot of money,
29
00:02:10,529 --> 00:02:12,230
but, you know,
there is such a thing
30
00:02:12,297 --> 00:02:13,731
as being too soft a touch.
31
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:17,268
Define "too soft a touch."
32
00:02:17,336 --> 00:02:20,771
It's my money...
33
00:02:20,839 --> 00:02:24,976
and I'll spend it
however I want.
34
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,178
Jim...
35
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,047
Take it.
36
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,457
I don't know who you are
37
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:41,960
and I don't know
why you did this,
38
00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:43,461
but it's nice to know
39
00:02:43,528 --> 00:02:45,096
there are people like you
in the world.
40
00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:48,966
I mean that
from one bum to another.
41
00:02:58,143 --> 00:02:59,611
Wow!
42
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:00,778
Jim, Jim...
Huh?
43
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,613
Look, if you want
to be that generous,
44
00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:05,350
why don't you give it
to organized charities?
45
00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,952
I do, but when
I give away $1,000
46
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:11,322
like I just did,
it's not charity.
47
00:03:11,390 --> 00:03:15,192
I do it out of
selfishness.
48
00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:18,296
To experience
the joy you get
49
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,065
when you personally
hand over money
50
00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,969
that's gonna make a person's
life a little better.
51
00:03:24,036 --> 00:03:25,970
You sound like you
do this a lot.
52
00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:27,805
Oh, no, not a lot.
53
00:03:27,873 --> 00:03:33,978
Like, today, I'm only gonna
do it five more times.
54
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:36,147
Oh, now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
55
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:39,217
Jim, look, I don't care
how much money you've got.
56
00:03:39,284 --> 00:03:41,419
Now, uh, this is stupid.
57
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:43,421
This is stup-- this is
cra-- this is reckless,
58
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:44,755
this is irresponsible
59
00:03:44,823 --> 00:03:47,191
and I'm not gonna
let you go on doing this.
60
00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:48,392
Even if it means
61
00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:50,028
calling the administers
of your estate,
62
00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:51,696
I'm not gonna let
you do it, Jim.
63
00:03:51,764 --> 00:03:53,298
Oh, this is different.
64
00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:54,665
This is helping people.
65
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:56,100
Oh, come on, Jim,
will you?
66
00:03:56,168 --> 00:03:58,369
Go ahead, call my lawyers
if you want.
I'm gonna do it!
67
00:03:58,437 --> 00:04:00,672
You wouldn't say
those things to me
68
00:04:00,739 --> 00:04:02,907
if you really knew
what it was like.
69
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:04,242
(unhooking phone)
Wait a minute!
70
00:04:05,444 --> 00:04:08,380
What if you found out
what it was like?
71
00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:10,915
What if I gave you
$1,000?
72
00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:18,356
What if I gave
all of you $1,000...
73
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,358
to give to one person
74
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,328
before the end of the shift?
75
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:25,262
Then if you come back
and say to me
76
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:28,266
that it was stupid
and crazy, I'll stop.
77
00:04:30,669 --> 00:04:32,603
What do you say, Alex?
78
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,273
Come on.
79
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:36,740
If you promise to stop!
80
00:04:36,808 --> 00:04:40,945
Yes, you passionate
son of a gun.
81
00:04:42,314 --> 00:04:45,883
Here you go, Alex.
82
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,753
Elaine.
(giggling)
83
00:04:49,821 --> 00:04:53,324
Well, it sounds like
a fair challenge.
84
00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:57,829
People down on their luck
get into my cab every day.
85
00:04:57,896 --> 00:05:00,164
The next guy that gets in
and tells me his troubles
86
00:05:00,232 --> 00:05:02,566
is in for a big surprise.
87
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:04,068
You know, I think, uh, I know,
88
00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:06,170
I know somebody
I can give this to.
89
00:05:06,237 --> 00:05:07,872
Can the one person
I give this money to,
90
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,374
can it be one of my kids?
91
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,376
Why not?
92
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:13,378
Give it to one of your kids.
93
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,545
That's great!
94
00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:16,514
(squeals)
Thank you!
95
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:20,251
Here you go, Latka.
96
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:24,055
Oh...
97
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,524
The tradition of my country
forces me to protest.
98
00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,026
Come on, take the money.
99
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:32,129
Oh, I'll take the money,
but first I have to protest.
100
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,801
No, no, no!
101
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,402
I won't take it!
102
00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:39,771
This is an insult!
103
00:05:43,608 --> 00:05:45,609
Thank you very much.
104
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:49,179
I notice...
105
00:05:49,247 --> 00:05:50,348
(wry laugh)
106
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:55,386
...you excluded me
from your little challenge.
107
00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:57,255
You're wrong, boss.
108
00:05:57,322 --> 00:06:01,493
I'm including you
in this challenge.
109
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,127
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute, Jim!
110
00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:04,996
You give a thousand bucks
to Louie De Palma,
111
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:07,465
you better be there to see
that he gives it to somebody.
112
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,900
Yeah.
Otherwise he's gonna
113
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:10,735
pocket that money himself
and lie about it.
114
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,171
Would you do that?
115
00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:14,606
Of course.
116
00:06:14,673 --> 00:06:16,874
No, no, wait, wait,
wait, hold it!
117
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:18,376
I want to play, too.
118
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:20,478
All right?
119
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,948
How about if I give
the money to Jeff?
120
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,784
This way you
can check on it.
121
00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:27,952
Okeydoke.
122
00:06:31,223 --> 00:06:35,093
Do you really think...
123
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,463
that me giving away $1,000
124
00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:40,465
is gonna make me feel good?
125
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,133
You think me?
126
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,734
I'm not him, you know.
127
00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:45,135
I'm not him.
128
00:06:45,203 --> 00:06:46,571
I'm not the guy who says,
129
00:06:46,638 --> 00:06:50,107
"Oh, every day,
somebody gets in my cab
130
00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:53,478
who's down on their luck, ooh."
131
00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:58,649
Whatever you say, boss.
132
00:06:58,717 --> 00:07:01,452
I wish I could be there
133
00:07:01,519 --> 00:07:05,790
to see the expression on your
face when you give it to him.
134
00:07:05,857 --> 00:07:07,725
Oh, yeah, well you won't
have to wait, Iggy.
135
00:07:07,793 --> 00:07:09,760
You can see it right now.
136
00:07:09,828 --> 00:07:11,662
(yawning)
137
00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:16,233
LATKA:
Reverend Gorky,
138
00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:20,838
this is a very joyous
occasion for Simka and me.
139
00:07:20,906 --> 00:07:23,408
We know how little money
140
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,743
our humble church
is able to pay you.
141
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,746
Ah, I don't complain.
142
00:07:28,814 --> 00:07:34,852
Simka and I would like
to give to you...
143
00:07:34,919 --> 00:07:37,555
$1,000!
144
00:07:37,622 --> 00:07:39,390
$1,000?
Yes.
145
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,859
You are giving me
$1,000?
146
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:42,860
Yes.
147
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:46,497
Stinking lousy $1,000?
148
00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:47,831
How dare you!
149
00:07:47,899 --> 00:07:49,267
I spit on your money!
150
00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:53,838
Thank you very much.
151
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,908
Oh, Reverend Gorky,
152
00:07:57,976 --> 00:07:59,911
I'm very happy
that you're happy.
153
00:07:59,978 --> 00:08:04,249
Simka, is forwith so wrong?
154
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,117
I wanted that $1,000
155
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:08,385
so we could afford
to have a baby.
156
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:17,195
You are so good-hearted.
157
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:21,032
Take money to have baby.
158
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:25,402
You are giving me
this $1,000?!
159
00:08:25,470 --> 00:08:26,904
No, no, no!
160
00:08:26,971 --> 00:08:28,540
I won't take it!
161
00:08:28,607 --> 00:08:30,741
Wow! Thank you!
162
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:33,043
God bless you!
163
00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:38,849
Oh, our traditions
are so beautiful!
164
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:43,655
(knocking on door)
165
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:44,855
Who is it?
166
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:46,257
TONY:
It's Tony!
167
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,559
(TV newscast plays indistinctly)
Tony Banta from down at the gym?
168
00:08:48,627 --> 00:08:49,593
Yeah!
169
00:08:49,661 --> 00:08:51,295
It's not Thursday night, is it?
170
00:08:51,362 --> 00:08:53,597
No, I thought I'd stop
by early this week.
171
00:08:53,665 --> 00:08:55,666
Why didn't you call?
172
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:57,000
You haven't got a phone!
173
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,535
I meant from the sidewalk.
174
00:08:58,603 --> 00:09:00,404
I do have a window.
175
00:09:00,471 --> 00:09:02,073
Are you gonna
let me in or not?
176
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:03,507
What are you getting
so upset about?
177
00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:04,608
NEWSMAN:
On the national scene--
178
00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:05,810
(TV shuts off)
179
00:09:11,483 --> 00:09:13,951
I wanted to stop by early
'cause I got a surprise for you.
180
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:15,619
I brought you a gift.
181
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,290
I hope it's chocolates.
182
00:09:19,357 --> 00:09:22,327
(laughing)
183
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:24,062
Come on, open it up.
184
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:25,496
I don't want to
open it up yet.
185
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,498
Come on, what do you want to
do before you open it?
186
00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:31,436
Talk.
187
00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:33,137
Okay.
188
00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:35,039
Uh, how was
Days of Our Lives today?
189
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,207
Good, good.
190
00:09:36,274 --> 00:09:37,674
But you know
what was really great?
191
00:09:37,742 --> 00:09:41,012
Gilligan's Island.
192
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:45,182
That classic one
where Gilligan gets hypnotized
193
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,018
and thinks he's Mary Ann.
194
00:09:47,085 --> 00:09:48,886
(laughing)
Yeah, sure.
195
00:09:48,953 --> 00:09:51,355
Boy, the Skipper was really
mad at him that time, huh?
196
00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:53,023
Who wouldn't be?
197
00:09:53,091 --> 00:09:57,028
Cat dressed up like
a dad-blamed woman.
198
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:59,430
Bonanza is coming on now.
199
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:00,965
Would you like to watch it?
200
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,800
Sure.
It'll be on
in a couple seconds.
201
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,034
Okay.
202
00:10:04,102 --> 00:10:07,571
Now this episode, Tony,
203
00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:10,141
is the one where
Hoss' friend's dog
204
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:13,044
outsmarts the crooks.
205
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:14,978
I've watched it
100 times.
206
00:10:15,046 --> 00:10:16,780
You know, I'll tell you
something, Walt.
207
00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:18,649
On this old
black-and-white TV set,
208
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:21,519
I mean, you can't tell how
blue the Ponderosa sky is
209
00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:23,187
or how green the trees are,
210
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:26,024
or even what shade of brown
Little Joe's horse is.
211
00:10:26,091 --> 00:10:29,060
Hey, what did I ever do to you?
212
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,195
Come on, Walt,
let's open your present.
213
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,363
Come on.
214
00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:34,198
Come on, I'll help you.
215
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:48,779
It's yours.
216
00:10:48,847 --> 00:10:53,851
21 inches... great color.
217
00:10:53,918 --> 00:10:57,321
This is it.
218
00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:03,861
Stereo speakers...
219
00:11:03,929 --> 00:11:06,330
and remote control.
220
00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:11,034
Tony...
221
00:11:11,102 --> 00:11:12,970
Hey, come on, Walt.
222
00:11:13,038 --> 00:11:14,404
Don't start getting
teary on me now.
223
00:11:14,472 --> 00:11:15,907
You know, the color's
gonna look blurred.
224
00:11:15,974 --> 00:11:17,341
Come on, sit down.
225
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:20,277
Sit right here.
226
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,645
There you go.
227
00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:23,981
There, there you go.
228
00:11:24,048 --> 00:11:26,450
Switch that baby on.
229
00:11:26,518 --> 00:11:28,452
Oh...
230
00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,659
Pretty good, ain't it?
231
00:11:38,163 --> 00:11:41,766
(crying):
This is the happiest
day of my life.
232
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:44,301
I'll never forget it
as long as I live.
233
00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:45,803
Hey, Walt, me, too.
234
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,671
I mean, this may be the nicest
thing that ever happened to me.
235
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:48,806
I tell you, man,
236
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,174
I just hope that this TV
gives you plenty...
237
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:51,375
Shut up, shut up, Tony.
238
00:11:51,443 --> 00:11:52,944
It's starting now.
239
00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:54,378
(Western theme plays on TV)
240
00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:55,946
Okay, Walt.
241
00:11:56,014 --> 00:11:58,082
Hey, I'll see you around;
I got to finish my shift.
242
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,652
Thursday night, right?
(sniffles)
243
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,354
You bet your life.
244
00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:11,395
And call next time!
245
00:12:17,969 --> 00:12:20,638
ELAINE:
Jennifer, I haveto talk to you.
246
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:22,740
I'm sorry I had to
wake you, but...
247
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,375
but I have a
little problem
248
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,611
and I wanted you
to help me with it.
249
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:28,779
Is it men again?
250
00:12:29,881 --> 00:12:30,881
No, honey.
251
00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:32,416
Not this time.
252
00:12:32,483 --> 00:12:35,419
Um, Jennifer...
253
00:12:35,487 --> 00:12:37,889
Jim, down at the garage...
254
00:12:37,956 --> 00:12:41,491
he gave me this $1,000.
255
00:12:44,095 --> 00:12:48,165
Now, he told me I have to
give it to someone tonight,
256
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:51,168
and I'd like to give it
to you and your brother.
257
00:12:51,235 --> 00:12:53,070
But Jason
isn't here tonight.
258
00:12:53,138 --> 00:12:54,471
Right.
259
00:12:54,539 --> 00:12:57,041
So, I'm going to
give it to you.
260
00:12:57,108 --> 00:12:59,009
(chuckling)
261
00:12:59,077 --> 00:13:01,913
And I get to keep
all of it?
262
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:03,915
Well, you probably want
263
00:13:03,982 --> 00:13:06,416
to give half of it to
your brother, right?
264
00:13:06,484 --> 00:13:08,218
No.
265
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:10,821
Jennifer, come here.
266
00:13:10,889 --> 00:13:12,657
Come here, baby.
267
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:14,258
Look...
268
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,160
I gave you this money,
269
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:17,862
and I'm not going
to take it back.
270
00:13:17,929 --> 00:13:19,296
I mean, it's your
money now, and...
271
00:13:19,364 --> 00:13:21,365
and you can do whatever
you want with it.
272
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:23,834
You can be sweet...
273
00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:26,169
and generous...
274
00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:28,405
and loving...
275
00:13:28,473 --> 00:13:30,707
and share it with
your brother,
276
00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:33,577
or you can be mean
277
00:13:33,644 --> 00:13:36,413
and selfish and greedy
278
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:38,883
and not share
it with him.
279
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:40,618
It's up to you.
280
00:13:40,685 --> 00:13:43,120
So, what are you
going to do?
281
00:13:43,187 --> 00:13:46,924
All right, I'll give
half the money to Jason.
282
00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:50,961
Okay.
283
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,335
Mommy?
284
00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:03,040
Is it okay if I use my $500
to buy something for you?
285
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:05,709
(chuckling):
Oh, honey.
286
00:14:05,777 --> 00:14:07,911
That's sweet-- I...
287
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:10,981
but... but I don't
really need anything.
288
00:14:11,048 --> 00:14:12,983
What would you buy me?
289
00:14:13,051 --> 00:14:15,753
ColecoVision and
11 cassettes.
290
00:14:19,591 --> 00:14:21,091
(chuckling):
Sure.
291
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:27,131
Hey, Lou.
292
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,732
Oh, Jeff, there you are.
(clears throat)
293
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,668
Listen, I got
something for you.
294
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:33,437
Now, look, I know you could
use some extra money,
295
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:35,940
but I'm only doing
this to prove a point,
296
00:14:36,007 --> 00:14:37,608
so don't get
weepy on me here.
297
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:38,808
Now, don't get sappy.
298
00:14:38,876 --> 00:14:41,111
I'm going to make
this short and sweet.
299
00:14:41,179 --> 00:14:43,280
I'm giving you $1,000.
300
00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:45,349
The hell you are.
301
00:14:51,189 --> 00:14:53,224
LOUIE:
Jeff...
302
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,092
Jeff, I don't understand.
303
00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:58,095
You need the money,
so what's the matter?
304
00:14:58,163 --> 00:14:59,897
I don't want your money, Louie.
305
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,033
What's the matter
with my money?
306
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:04,168
It could be dirty money.
307
00:15:05,303 --> 00:15:06,970
I'm not asking you
to eat off it.
308
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,440
All I'm asking you to do
is put it in your pocket.
309
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:11,142
Spend it on your
poor grandmother.
310
00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:12,977
No, thanks.
311
00:15:13,044 --> 00:15:14,244
Hey, Jeff.
312
00:15:14,312 --> 00:15:17,047
Did I mention
it's $1,000?
313
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,718
I wouldn't care if it's
a million dollars, Louie.
314
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:23,487
I'm not taking any
money from you.
315
00:15:23,554 --> 00:15:26,557
If I had a million dollars,
I'd hire three big guys
316
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:29,393
to stuff this lousy thousand
down your throat.
317
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,228
Don't try to sweet-talk me,
Louie.
318
00:15:31,296 --> 00:15:33,330
I'm not taking your money.
319
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:35,566
Fine, fine.
320
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:36,867
You don't have to take it.
321
00:15:36,935 --> 00:15:38,602
I don't have to give it to you.
322
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,237
There's plenty of guys
who want it.
323
00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:43,140
God help the person
who takes it from you.
324
00:15:44,809 --> 00:15:46,877
Jeff, are you trying
to make some statement here?
325
00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:48,546
Frankly, I'm offended.
326
00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:49,880
Louie...
327
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,550
I don't know why you want
me to take that money.
328
00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:55,753
All I know is, if it's
coming from Louie De Palma,
329
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:57,821
there's got to
be a catch.
330
00:15:57,889 --> 00:15:59,623
What, what, what
kind of catch?
331
00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:00,624
What...?
332
00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:02,025
How would I know?
333
00:16:02,093 --> 00:16:04,728
Maybe it's counterfeit money.
(scoffs)
334
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:07,731
Or maybe it's stolen money
and you want to plant it on me.
335
00:16:07,798 --> 00:16:09,766
Maybe it's
contaminated
336
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:11,902
from germ warfare,
and the Russians paid you
337
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:14,672
to plant it on my body
as an experiment
338
00:16:14,739 --> 00:16:18,476
to see if I sprout
some kind of weird fungus.
339
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:32,422
It's beginning to sound
like you don't trust me.
340
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,137
(door opens)
341
00:16:46,204 --> 00:16:47,872
Sir, about
how much is it
342
00:16:47,939 --> 00:16:49,506
to the Port Authority
bus station?
343
00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:50,941
I'm on a tight budget.
344
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:52,375
It's only about
three bucks.
345
00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:54,745
Oh.
346
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:57,648
When the meter hits $2.50,
drop me off.
347
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,216
I'll run the rest
of the way.
348
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,451
Ah, don't worry
about it.
349
00:17:00,518 --> 00:17:02,052
I'll take you
all the way.
350
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,655
Hope I have enough
for the trip back to Oregon.
351
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:05,889
Well, if you don't,
352
00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:08,125
you can have them leave
you off in, uh, Idaho
353
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,894
and you can run the
rest of the way.
354
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:13,397
Good-bye, New York!
355
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:16,967
You chewed me up
and you spit me out!
356
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:19,369
MAN (in distance):
And we're well rid of you!
357
00:17:19,437 --> 00:17:21,472
Gee, this
is a tough town.
358
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:22,906
Yeah, I know
it can be.
359
00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:24,040
(chuckles)
360
00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:26,243
Hey, uh, my
name is Alex.
361
00:17:26,310 --> 00:17:27,711
Hi. I'm Jeremy.
362
00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:29,080
Hi.
363
00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:30,347
You look a little upset.
364
00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:31,948
You want to tell me about it?
365
00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,450
Nah.
366
00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:36,687
You must hear about people's
hard-luck stories all day long.
367
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,021
Oh, not today.
368
00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:41,358
Today, I am starved
for a good hard-luck story.
369
00:17:42,527 --> 00:17:45,362
I came to New York
to make it as a cartoonist,
370
00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:48,298
but now I'm broke
and I have to go home to Oregon.
371
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:50,968
Are you leaving because
you're broke or because, uh,
372
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:52,937
you don't think
you're good enough to make it?
373
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:55,572
I'm leaving
because I'm broke.
374
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,340
Uh-huh.
375
00:17:57,408 --> 00:18:00,043
Would you mind if I took a look
at those cartoons of yours?
376
00:18:00,111 --> 00:18:01,178
Sure.
377
00:18:01,245 --> 00:18:03,680
Th-these are political cartoons.
378
00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:06,150
Do... do you like
political cartoons?
379
00:18:06,217 --> 00:18:07,951
I love political cartoons.
Yeah?
380
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:10,553
I've loved political cartoons
all my life.
Yeah?
381
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:11,589
Yeah, yeah.
It's nice...
382
00:18:11,656 --> 00:18:13,223
It's nice to run
into one New Yorker
383
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,325
who'll appreciate my work
before I leave.
384
00:18:15,393 --> 00:18:16,927
Well, you know something?
385
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:21,765
Um, I might be able to do more
than just appreciate your work.
386
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:22,933
Hey, wait a minute.
387
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,368
Let me... let me...
let me pull over here,
388
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:25,869
so I can take a look
at those properly.
389
00:18:25,937 --> 00:18:27,638
Hold on.
390
00:18:30,908 --> 00:18:32,209
Look at this one of Reagan
391
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,178
sitting next
to an MX missile silo.
392
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:35,312
Uh-huh.
393
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,314
Read the caption out loud.
394
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,583
"Nancy, we're late."
395
00:18:43,154 --> 00:18:45,055
I don't think I get it.
396
00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:48,358
Uh, well, you know how she's
always buying new clothes.
397
00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:49,760
Yeah.
398
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,595
Well?
399
00:18:51,662 --> 00:18:53,196
Yeah?
400
00:18:53,264 --> 00:18:55,198
She's in there changing.
401
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,400
Don't you get it?
402
00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,303
Why?
403
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:01,939
Because, uh, she's run out
of closet space
404
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:03,941
and he doesn't know where
to put the missile.
405
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:05,142
(laughing)
406
00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:10,080
What are you, a Republican?
407
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:11,348
Here, here,
look at...
408
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,617
look at another one.
409
00:19:13,684 --> 00:19:15,286
(chuckling)
Ah, yeah.
410
00:19:15,353 --> 00:19:17,253
That's Uncle Sam
and the Russian bear.
411
00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:18,322
(laughing):
Yeah.
Yeah.
412
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:19,690
But you don't have a caption.
413
00:19:19,757 --> 00:19:20,858
You, too, huh?
414
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,226
Hmm?
415
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:23,727
Wh-why does it
need a caption
416
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,495
when they're looking
at each other
417
00:19:25,563 --> 00:19:27,230
with those expressions
on their faces?
418
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,469
You mean you're saying we don't
get along with the Russians?
419
00:19:32,536 --> 00:19:33,504
Well, there you go.
420
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,472
Was that so hard?
421
00:19:39,544 --> 00:19:42,078
So, what are you going
to do in Oregon?
422
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,183
(indistinct
conversation)
423
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,350
Alex!
424
00:19:47,418 --> 00:19:48,918
Alex, Alex, Alex,
Alex, Alex, Alex.
425
00:19:48,986 --> 00:19:50,354
Well, I did it.
426
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:51,421
And it worked.
427
00:19:51,489 --> 00:19:52,623
All right!
It worked!
428
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:54,291
I almost gave that money away
six times,
429
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,626
and it just didn't seem right.
430
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,528
Then, this little old lady gets
into my cab.
431
00:19:57,595 --> 00:19:59,530
She's got seven kids and--
would you believe it?--
432
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:02,499
the landlady wants to shut
the heat off in their apartment.
433
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:04,601
Unbelievable.
Well, if you'd
have seen the look
434
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:08,104
on that lady's face when I
handed her that 1,100 bucks.
435
00:20:08,172 --> 00:20:09,606
It would've knocked you out!
436
00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:10,808
All right, Alex!
That's great.
437
00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:12,776
I only gave you
a thousand.
438
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:15,579
Well, a guy can chip in,
too, right?
439
00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:17,180
Aw.
440
00:20:17,248 --> 00:20:19,516
Did I tell you or
did I tell you?
441
00:20:19,584 --> 00:20:20,550
You ain't kidding, boy.
442
00:20:20,618 --> 00:20:22,418
Hey, hey, you can give away
as much money
443
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:23,854
as you want
from now on.
Yeah.
444
00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:25,856
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
445
00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:27,691
A deal is a deal.
446
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:29,059
I said I would stop
447
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:31,028
if any one of you
didn't agree with me.
448
00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:32,829
And I haven't heard
from Louie yet.
449
00:20:32,897 --> 00:20:34,364
ELAINE: Oh, come on, Jim,
let's go to Mario's
What are you, kidding?
450
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:36,467
and celebrate, and you can deal
with Louie later.
451
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:38,569
Yeah, come on, let's go.
Come on, come on!
452
00:20:40,104 --> 00:20:41,371
Hey, don't bother
with Louie.
453
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:43,039
The only thing
that guy ever enjoyed
454
00:20:43,107 --> 00:20:44,841
giving anyone
was hepatitis.
455
00:20:46,911 --> 00:20:51,047
For the last time, Louie,
I'm not taking the money.
456
00:20:51,115 --> 00:20:53,183
Jeff, Jeff, I told you,
457
00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:55,552
there are no
strings attached.
458
00:20:55,619 --> 00:21:00,223
I told you that I do not want
anything from you in return.
459
00:21:00,291 --> 00:21:01,324
I don't care.
460
00:21:01,392 --> 00:21:03,026
I don't want the money.
461
00:21:03,093 --> 00:21:05,529
All right.
Jim gave me the money.
462
00:21:06,631 --> 00:21:08,798
He said I had
to give it away.
463
00:21:08,866 --> 00:21:11,067
He's trying to prove
some crazy point
464
00:21:11,135 --> 00:21:14,037
about how good it feels
to give away money.
465
00:21:14,105 --> 00:21:15,238
This is Jim's money?
466
00:21:15,306 --> 00:21:16,706
Yeah, it's Jim's money.
467
00:21:16,774 --> 00:21:18,909
You need it,
so take it, take it, take it,
468
00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:19,909
take it, take it!
469
00:21:19,977 --> 00:21:21,145
All right,
I'll take it!
470
00:21:21,212 --> 00:21:22,379
Thank you.
471
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,881
Ah, geez!
472
00:21:24,949 --> 00:21:27,350
I mean, Iggy said
I'd feel great.
473
00:21:27,418 --> 00:21:30,153
I said I wouldn't feel anything.
474
00:21:30,221 --> 00:21:34,358
I never imagined that I
would feel like a sack of dirt.
475
00:21:37,228 --> 00:21:39,997
This is something.
476
00:21:40,064 --> 00:21:43,066
I mean, you couldn't believe...
477
00:21:43,134 --> 00:21:47,837
that I wanted to do
something nice for you.
478
00:21:47,905 --> 00:21:52,275
You couldn't believe
that I was capable
479
00:21:52,343 --> 00:21:55,678
of doing one
decent thing.
480
00:21:55,746 --> 00:21:58,115
You could not believe
481
00:21:58,182 --> 00:22:00,350
that I thought of
you as a friend.
482
00:22:06,257 --> 00:22:07,390
(slams)
483
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:20,070
Louie.
484
00:22:24,242 --> 00:22:26,176
I'm sorry.
485
00:22:28,313 --> 00:22:29,813
No, Louie,
I-I mean it.
486
00:22:29,881 --> 00:22:31,147
Really.
487
00:22:31,215 --> 00:22:33,350
I'm sorry.
488
00:23:00,244 --> 00:23:02,646
Thanks. The family
will appreciate this.
489
00:23:03,748 --> 00:23:04,915
(chuckles)
All right.
490
00:23:04,982 --> 00:23:06,716
(gentle laugh)
491
00:23:13,524 --> 00:23:15,192
Feels good...
492
00:23:15,259 --> 00:23:16,660
doesn't it, boss?
493
00:23:33,110 --> 00:23:36,413
(theme song playing)
494
00:23:57,835 --> 00:23:59,368
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
495
00:23:59,436 --> 00:24:00,670
(man grumbling)
33409
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