All language subtitles for 2x13.EN

Somebody get that.
I'll just be a minute.

- I'm not dressed yet. Rose?
- I can't. Sophia, would you?

Sure, why not? I'm over 80.

I've had plenty of chances to rest
in my lifetime.

Today alone, I probably sat down
three, four times.

I'll answer the door
and then I'll hot-tar the roof.

- Hello.
- Hello. Tell me,

how many of me do you see?

- We're twins.
- We're here to see Blanche.

So she's taking vitamins again.

- Good evening, Rob.
- Hello, Blanche.

Rob, you didn't tell me
your brother Bob was a twin.

You didn't tell me your roommate
was Grandma Moses.

I could fix your face
so you don't look like twins.

Sophia. This is Dorothy's mother.

Dorothy's the roommate
who'll be joining us tonight.

Hello, everybody.
I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

This is Rob and his brother, Bob.

I swear I have seen you
somewhere before.

There you are.

That's a joke. Blanche didn't mention
that you were twins.

I never met Bob until tonight.

Blanche, I told you
we were exactly alike.

Dorothy, you'll be thanking me
for years to come.

At least we won't argue
over who has the cuter date.

- Stanley.
- Dorothy, I need to talk.

Stan is her ex-husband. Biggest
loser you'll see. Good evening.

Always good to see you, doll-face.

I'm going out.
We'll talk some other time.

And in future, I would appreciate
some notice before you drop by.

Let's say one, two, six months.

I have a stack of papers
we need to go over before the surgery.

Surgery?

Finally going ahead
with that hair transplant?

Sophia, not everybody knows
this isn't real.

Please.
Stevie Wonder could tell it's a rug.

Believe me, I wish it were
only a hair transplant. But look...

I won't ruin your evening. I'll be here
when you return. God willing.

We're seeing Merv Griffin
in The Crucible. I'll risk it.

Come on, let's go.

Look, Stan,
I made these plans a week ago.

How can you expect me
to disappoint Rob?

- Bob.
- Bob.

Stan...

Stan, are we talking life and death?

The doctors say
I'm lucky to be talking at all.

Hi, everybody.

Rose, could you take my place with Rob?

- Bob.
- Bob.

I wish I could, but I'm driving
the bookmobile for the Grief Centre.

Isn't that during the day?

Usually, but I got tied up at work
and now I feel so guilty.

There are so many depressed people
with nothing to read.

Of course, when I'm depressed,
I can't read.

I knit.
Maybe I should drive a knitmobile.

Maybe she should drive a nitwitmobile.

I think you should call a friend.

Boys, would you wait in the car?
I wanna talk to Dorothy.

- Sure. Come on, Rob.
- Bob.

Bob.

Blanche, I'm sorry, but I have to stay
and talk to Stan. You'll get somebody.

I have mixed feelings
about calling anybody.

There's something strangely provocative
about this evening.

I would never have
a relationship with both twins

at the same time.
That would be obscene.

Unless, of course,
it was tastefully done.

What was it you wanted to talk about?

Not now, Dorothy.
Finish your thought, Blanche.

Into the kitchen, Stanley.

I'll send one of them home.
Only, which one?

You know, Sophia, I used to have
this recurring dream about twins.

They always killed each other over me.

Maybe I'll drive.

I have a recurring dream. John Cameron
Swayze straps a Timex to my chin

and tosses me across an icy pond.

I checked a book of symbols.
Nothing there.

That's it. I'm done.

What? You want me
to bring down a curtain?

Bypass surgery.
You mean heart bypass?

Yeah, the doctor says
the problem's been brewing for years.

I don't understand it.
I always exercise, eat healthy.

Please. Your idea of healthy eating
is taking the skin off a knockwurst.

Whatever. He says
I don't have a choice anymore.

Dorothy.

Come on, you have to
pull yourself together.

Babe, don't worry. I'm a survivor.

Everything's cool.
The cat who's gonna cut me is primo.

I said pull yourself together,
not talk like Sammy Davis Jr.

I only meant that the operation
is a very common procedure.

Everything's gonna turn out just fine.

On the other hand,
they are going to crack open my chest

and slice my heart
like the lox platter at Wolfie's.

Good, someone's going for lox.
Get bagels, an assortment.

Ma, Stanley's having
bypass surgery on Friday.

So? He can take the car.

And, Stan, no poppy seeds.
They get caught under my dentures.

Sophia, at least you could pretend
to be concerned.

Really, I'm worried sick.

Also, a half a dozen sour pickles

...and two prune Danish.

I want the lox to visit,
not set up shop there.

Ma, this is serious surgery.

Surgery is easy.
The tough part is after.

- Who'll take care of you?
- I haven't thought about that.

Think about it.
You live alone, no one likes you.

- Be nice, Ma.
- Come here to recover.

- Not that nice, Ma.
- Dorothy, he's still family.

It's your fault he's family,
but let's not dwell on that.

The yutz could die.

Sophia's got a point.
What am I gonna do?

Stan, Ma's right. Come here to recover.

Have my room. I'll move in with Ma.

Sophia, Dorothy, you're the greatest.

I don't know what to say.

Is it just your heart
that's clogged or your ears too?

Half a pound of lox, a dozen bagels,
assorted, two prune Danish,

six sour pickles
and a container of cream cheese.

Come in.

Tomorrow's the big day.
Are you excited?

Rose...

He's having a bypass,
not going off to college.

You're gonna be fine.

I've brought you some clean towels.

Babe, you are a remarkable woman.

I said towels, Stanley, not a kidney.

- She is trying to be brave.
- She's very convincing.

Have a wonderful night.

We're wishing you luck
in case we don't see you again.

Before you leave,

for the hospital, not another world.

Let's not bother him anymore.
Let Stan rest in peace.

Sorry.

I've gotta pack your bag. We have to
leave at 7:30 to be admitted by 8:00.

- Dorothy.
- Yeah?

I really appreciate
everything you're doing.

- I know that.
- I've never been this scared.

Come on. You said yourself,
it's a very common operation.

Still, something could go wrong.

There's always a chance.

When there's a chance,
with me, it usually does.

The way I figure it,

...I'm gonna die, Dorothy.

Stanley, you're not going to die.

Yes, I am. I'm gonna die.

That's why there are some things
I must say to you.

I love you, Dorothy.

That sounds crazy because I walked out
on you, but it's true.

I've already forgiven you for that.

Besides, in the grand scheme of things,

it's not bad to wait 38 years
to make your first big mistake.

- It wasn't my first mistake.
- What?

The Chain-Linked Fence Retailers'
Convention in Atlantic City in 1957?

My God.
You had an affair at the convention.

There was no convention.
I just had an affair.

- Stanley.
- She didn't mean a thing to me.

She was a waitress
in a little Greek diner.

She'd put some rolls on the table
and say, "Can I butter your buns?"

One morning she said it
and there were no rolls on the table.

Next thing I knew,
we were in Atlantic City.

Dorothy, I swear to you,
it was just that one time. Forgive me.

Forgive you? I'm sitting at home
with two screaming kids

praying you'll sell enough
to put food on the table,

and you're off planting your flag
on Mount Olympus.

Dorothy, you make it sound so cheap.

Say you understand. I need to know
you forgive me before they cut me open.

They may have to stand in line.

Dorothy, please.

Alright, alright.
You're off the hook, Stanley.

Go to the hospital
with a clean conscience. I forgive you.

Dorothy, you've got the compassion
of a priest, you do.

But you'd have to be
the Vatican softball team

to forgive me for the other time.

The other time?

I didn't mean it to happen.

I was in the bar next to that diner.
A woman sat next to me.

We talked, we drank,
we broke a few dishes.

The next thing I knew, I came to
in a motel, my toupee in my mouth.

I cannot believe this. I cannot believe
that I am hearing this.

I always assumed
something like this could happen,

but that it would be your secretary
who couldn't type or take shorthand.

You're wrong on two counts, Dorothy.
She could take shorthand

and I did have an affair with her.

I am shocked.

That airhead could take shorthand?

Dorothy, I am going into hospital
and may not come out.

If so, I want you to know that,
despite everything,

I have never loved anyone
as much as you.

- I know that, Stan.
- Then you forgive me?

- I forgive you.
- I feel so much better.

And that makes me feel so much better.

Ma, where were you? We've been worried.

You know who's in this hospital?
Rochelle Devito.

She slipped in the shower,
broke her hip,

fell through the shower doors,
hit her head against the sink

got a concussion
and swallowed her dentures.

To hear her complaining,
you'd think no one else had problems.

I took some of her cookies. Hungry?

- I'm too upset to eat.
- They're doing all they can.

I know, I know. I'm sorry.
I'm just scared.

- It's understandable.
- No, it's surprising.

You know, when I was married to Stan,

there were moments when I'd think,
"My God, what if I lost him?"

I guess you can't turn your back
on 38 years of living

because part of me feels that way.
I didn't expect it.

I thought the next time I'd visit
would be for Ma.

As I'm here, I'll break my hip
so you won't have to come back.

You know, it's strange.

If anything happened to Stan,
I would feel like his widow.

I know I'm not, but we've been through
so much together

that that's how I'd feel.

I remember the first time
anybody called me a widow.

I was terribly Ionely and depressed,
just missing George something awful.

Finally, my best friend persuaded me
to join her for a night out.

We no sooner stepped through the door
into the Boots And Saddle Grill

than these two big truckers
offered us a drink.

That is, till one of them noticed
my wedding band.

I was so stunned I couldn't speak.

But Becky-Sue said,
"That's alright, she's a widow."

- Blanche, you poor baby.
- I know.

Next time I decided to party
when George was out of town,

I left that ring at home.

Blanche, you were unfaithful to George?

No, I was only flirting.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Keeps you healthy, keeps you in shape.
Keeps your buttocks firm.

And I wasted all that time
on jazzercise.

I have to confess,
I hate being called a widow.

It sounds so permanent and final.

I don't believe for one minute
that it is.

Someday Charlie and I
will be together again.

Probably not in the old house.

We don't need that much room.

The kids are grown and we'll be dead.

- Excuse me, Mrs Zbornak.
- Yes.

I'm Dr Deutsch.
I wanted to let you know

Mr Zbornak's out of surgery
and doing fine.

- Thank God.
- He's in recovery.

He'll be out of intensive care
within 48 hours.

Ma.

I understand he'll be spending
his recovery period with you.

- That's right.
- It's a critical time for him.

But with proper care, he'll be
good as new within three months.

Did you say three months?

Ma, he said three months.

You call that wrestling, you pansy?

If you can't take a crotch slam,
get out of the business.

This is great, just great. You and me
watching television together.

There's a great basketball game
on Seven.

I said come out of your room,
not talk to me.

I'm kind of an expert in basketball.
That's what's interesting about me.

You've lived here for two months,
there's nothing interesting about you.

No. I mean it. Ask me anything.

When the hell are you moving out?

- You kill me.
- I'd love to.

- Hello there, Stanley.
- Hi, guys.

Wait right here, honey.

You'll never guess
what this wonderful fool just did.

He bought a fire-engine red
convertible. Put it on his credit card.

- I have to get a wrap.
- Dude, so you won out.

I figured you would. I overheard
Blanche telling the girls last night

that you got
all the brains, charm and sex appeal,

while your brother Rob the slob
batted a big fat zero.

OK, Rob, I'm ready. Let's go.

You're Rob?

- Bye, Blanche.
- Why? What's wrong?

Ask him.

- Stan?
- I thought Rob was Bob

and I said something I shouldn't have.

Stan, I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill you.
Do you know what this is?

A plate I dropped.
I was gonna pick it up.

This is not just a plate, mister.

This is a family heirloom.

It's Great-Great-Grandma Nylund's
ceremonial wedding plate.

- Wedding plate?
- Yes.

The bride's family fills the plate
with fruit and the guests eat from it.

When the last piece is gone,
the bride and groom leave

to start their wedding night
in a tent...

or a Best Western.

A Best Western?

The Vikings have always been
a very progressive people.

Anyway, that's when it's time

for the husband to symbolically
offer himself to his new bride.

On the plate.

I ate a tuna sandwich
on that plate this afternoon.

Stan, I'm never going to forgive
you for this.

My niece is getting married.
What will her husband do?

I bet a gravy boat would work,
at a pinch.

Stan, I went to three stores,

but I finally found the stuff
to make you sleep.

Strawberry Quik.

You are the best, babe.
I'm gonna take a shower.

If you could bring me a mug
in ten minutes, that'd be perfect.

- That man is driving me crazy.
- Me too.

We have to get him out of here.

I know it's difficult
living with Stanley.

I did it for 38 years.

But the man is recovering
from major surgery. He needs us.

- He is taking advantage of you.
- He is sick.

He's the only one who knows when
he's ready to leave. It's his decision.

Sometimes people need help
making decisions.

That's the way it was with Thor.
Our pet lamb.

From the time he was first separated
from his mother,

he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, he
wouldn't frolic with the other sheep.

You're slipping into verse, Rose.
Keep it simple.

Daddy got the idea
of taking this old inner tube,

wrapping it in wool and putting it
next to Thor's bed at night.

We named it Brun Hilda.
It did the trick.

Thor felt like he was back
with his mother

and he began eating and sleeping...

- And frolicking.
- Yes.

But then one day, Thor got playful
and accidentally bit Brun Hilda.

The poor little guy just stood there,

watching his mother deflate
before his very eyes.

He was never the same after that.

Sure, once in a while he'd "baa"
at the back tires of a car.

But for the most part,
he just kept to himself.

- I see your point.
- You do?

Who cares? You wanna hear the sequel?

The point is Stan is getting too
comfortable. He may never wanna leave.

- She is right, Dorothy.
- She is not.

He is recuperating.
He is not getting comfortable.

He doesn't wanna stay
any longer than necessary.

- Stan, you're wearing my robe.
- Tell me about it.

Which one of Stan's angels
forgot to pick up my dry-cleaning?

Cheesecake.

I just love it
when we all get together like this.

Stanley, don't you think
it's a coincidence you get a relapse

on the day the doctor says
you can move back home?

The heart's a funny organ.

I bet most of your organs get a laugh.

- Blanche, I sense hostility.
- Good, because I hate you.

She's edgy because we've been
taking care of you for two months,

you've been eating all our food
and making life unbearable.

That's not a very charitable view.

What are you making for lunch?

Listen, we've been
more than charitable.

In the village my ancestors came from,
if a man was bad company,

unable to provide for his family
and no fun under the yak skin,

the women would leave him to die.

Tough village.

I spoke to Dr Deutsch.
He says there's nothing to worry about.

Some patients do experience
a sudden setback like this,

just when their recovery
seems to be complete.

Boy, what rotten luck.

I guess I was pushing myself too hard,

trying to do too many things.

Could you hand me the remote control
from the top of the television?

I think you should get some sleep.

Maybe you're right.
Wake me for lunch, OK?

Davis is bringing the ball up.
He's taking it slow to mid-court.

He's making a move. He's driving
the lane. It's up. It's good.

You feeling better, Magic?

Dorothy, Dorothy, I...

I know this sounds insane.

But I thought that physical activity
would help me snap this setback.

I was wrong, you were right.

I should rest. Could you help me
get back into bed?

Stanley, how could you fake a relapse?

Do I deserve this? I took care of you
because I thought you needed me.

I defended you to my friends.
I mean, why did you do this?

I'm scared, Dorothy.
I'm scared of being alone.

This whole experience has made me feel
so vulnerable. So mortal.

Being here with you
makes me feel secure.

Sure, it's great
having somebody cook your meals,

clean your room, do your laundry,
entertain you.

It's terrific.
But that's not why I wanted to stay.

It's just a bonus.

I wanted to stay because I'm happiest
with the people I love.

Stanley...

Stanley, you know,
in all the years we've been together...

I don't think you've ever
opened up to me this way...

and poured out such crap.

Didn't buy any of it?

Not true. I believe you're scared.

You've just discovered something
most of us have known for years:

Life doesn't always turn out
exactly the way you like it.

I found that out when you divorced me.

I was scared and alone.

But I survived.

And now you will too.
Because you have to.

Does this mean you're throwing me out?

I'm not throwing you out,
I'm pushing you out of the nest.

You can't come here with every problem.
I'm not your mother.

I'm not even your wife anymore.

Now, Stanley,
it's time that you grew up.

Happy birthday, Peter Pan.