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["HEART AND SOUL" PLAYING ON PIANO]
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♪♪
3
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♪♪
4
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♪♪
5
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Dude, I have always wanted to do this...
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"Heart and Soul" in
Washington Square Park.
7
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Speaking of hearts and souls,
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you know the Triangle Shirtwaist
Factory over there?
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Okay. 1911, 146 immigrants...
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mostly women, of course...
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were working in a factory inside.
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A fire began.
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They were trapped. They were locked in!
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If they weren't incinerated alive,
15
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they jumped out the windows,
plummeting to their deaths.
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Sucks.
17
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,700
Okay, cool. What's next on the list?
18
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Whoo! Yeah.
19
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Where to next? Let's go!
20
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[SIGHING] Cool.
21
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♪♪
22
00:01:05,348 --> 00:01:07,214
What an exquisite park.
23
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It really is.
24
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Made only more exquisite
if the Central Park 5
25
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hadn't been wrongfully accused
of rape and thrown in jail
26
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for their entire young adult lives,
27
00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:18,426
for no other reason than
being black and brown boys.
28
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Ugh, the '80s, when wrongful
conviction was still a novelty.
29
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L.O. fully L!
30
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Come on.
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Okay. Yikes.
32
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Well, well, well.
33
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14 West 10th Street.
34
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Oh, my God, dude. Mark Twain lived here!
35
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I've read, um, like,
a bunch of his stuff.
36
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- Hmm.
- It's an historic landmark.
37
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It's also known as
the "House of Horrors"
38
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'cause in 1987,
this lawyer Joel Steinberg
39
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and his girlfriend, Hedda Nussbaum,
40
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adopted a girl and beat her into a coma
41
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and blamed it on freebasing
too much coke. Yeah, right.
42
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And get this...
They both roam free today!
43
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Steinberg lives in Harlem,
with a garden!
44
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- [GASPS]
- A garden! The fucking nerve!
45
00:02:02,270 --> 00:02:04,938
♪ New York, New York,
it's a helluva town ♪
46
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Right? [CHUCKLES]
47
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C'mon, we got a ferry to catch.
48
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[SIGHS]
49
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♪♪
50
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ABBI: Man, I'm really
gonna miss that skyline.
51
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Takes my breath away, you know?
52
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It's nuts that the whole damn thing
53
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is really just one giant burial ground.
54
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It's like beauty-beauty-beauty,
bodies-bodies-bodies!
55
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Yeah.
56
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Swindled from the Native
Americans for just $24.
57
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Same price as this breakfast.
58
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Oof!
59
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- Only in New York!
- Only in New York!
60
00:02:36,471 --> 00:02:38,938
♪ Four and three and two and one ♪
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♪♪
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- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
63
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- Hey!
- Hey!
64
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[BOTH CHUCKLE]
65
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Yeah, so, this is nuts, right?
66
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I mean, it's finally
starting to sink in.
67
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One week left, dude.
68
00:03:03,463 --> 00:03:06,330
Yeah. One week left.
69
00:03:06,332 --> 00:03:08,162
Wow.
70
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God, Ilana, your nose is bleeding, dude!
71
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Oh, my God. I didn't even feel it.
72
00:03:12,873 --> 00:03:14,405
- Are you okay?
- Whoo!
73
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Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm good.
74
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- You sure?
- Yeah, yeah.
75
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Okay, let's sell. Your. Shit!
76
00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:21,812
It's not like a dorm-dorm,
it's a like a building
77
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for grad students and...
Artists in Residence.
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- Take a break?
- Yeah.
79
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- Legs.
- Legs, legs, legs!
80
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Legs, aah.
81
00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:32,823
Okay. Since we only have one week left,
82
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I have planned a surprise!
83
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Okay, please tell me
it's not tickets to the musical
84
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- about Jimmy Fallon's childhood!
- "Born to Giggle?"
85
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No, Ilana.
86
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We are going to see...
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Lil Wayne.
88
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[GASPING]
89
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[YELLING]
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Yasssss!
91
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Oh, my God!
92
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What a sweet, goddess-like gesture.
93
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Thank you, girl!
94
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:03,386
You been taking supplements?
95
00:04:03,388 --> 00:04:04,788
No, why do you ask?
96
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:06,657
So, Ilana, one more thing.
97
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:09,826
This is big and kinda scary but so fun.
98
00:04:09,828 --> 00:04:12,563
Okay, so, I'm bring a friend
with us tonight.
99
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And her name is... Molly.
100
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:18,834
- Okay, break?
- Okay.
101
00:04:18,836 --> 00:04:20,402
- Legs, legs.
- Legs, legs, legs.
102
00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:23,407
I just have been under the impression
103
00:04:23,418 --> 00:04:25,875
that we were gonna wait
until we were in separate states
104
00:04:25,877 --> 00:04:27,209
to make new friends.
105
00:04:27,211 --> 00:04:29,712
No, dude... Molly, like MDMA.
106
00:04:29,714 --> 00:04:31,480
Who are you, Molly dang Cyrus?
107
00:04:31,482 --> 00:04:33,082
- I've never done Molly!
- No, I know,
108
00:04:33,084 --> 00:04:35,551
and I've only done it the one
time where I stole the van.
109
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One week before you move
1,972 miles away,
110
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I finally get to meet Perfect Abbi.
111
00:04:41,059 --> 00:04:42,224
[CHUCKLES]
112
00:04:42,226 --> 00:04:43,793
You must've looked that up, huh?
113
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[GULPS]
114
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- Legs. Legs.
- Oh, legs.
115
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Legs.
116
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♪♪
117
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- Got it? Right over there.
- Yeah.
118
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Wait, cool.
119
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- Legs. Legs.
- Legs.
120
00:04:56,407 --> 00:04:57,772
- Legs!
- Legs!
121
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Damn, we carried that, yes!
122
00:05:00,111 --> 00:05:01,710
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
123
00:05:01,712 --> 00:05:04,179
That's not trash! You can't take it!
124
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I will not be bullied!
125
00:05:06,584 --> 00:05:08,283
It's Trash Day.
126
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Can you believe he thought
this was trash?
127
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What?
128
00:05:11,589 --> 00:05:14,756
[CHUCKLING]
129
00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:17,892
Okay, the tickets for tonight
were a little bit expensey,
130
00:05:17,894 --> 00:05:20,428
- so we gotta sell. Yeah.
- Yes.
131
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:23,073
Well, this couch is gonna be
an easy sell. Look at her.
132
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But, dahm, Danielle, we have some
freaking memories on this thing.
133
00:05:26,969 --> 00:05:28,469
Yeah.
134
00:05:28,471 --> 00:05:30,171
First time we split
those two whole pizzas.
135
00:05:30,173 --> 00:05:32,140
Oh, my God. And the hurricane!
136
00:05:32,142 --> 00:05:34,908
That time I made out with Bevers... ly.
137
00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,277
- What?
- Beversly.
138
00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:38,078
Do you know Beversly?
Ohh, she's, like, weird
139
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,405
and, like, quirky,
- and, um, queer and fluid,
140
00:05:40,416 --> 00:05:42,049
and, um, you know,
just like, mixed race,
141
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,751
and, um, I saw her on the street,
142
00:05:43,753 --> 00:05:45,520
and I brought her back up and
made out with her on the couch.
143
00:05:45,522 --> 00:05:47,488
- Beversly. Hmm.
- Well...
144
00:05:47,490 --> 00:05:50,758
Um, I know that we just, um,
carried the couch
145
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- down three flights of stairs.
- Yeah?
146
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:55,662
But, um, I kinda wanna keep it
147
00:05:55,664 --> 00:05:57,730
now that we're looking at it
and talking about it.
148
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,332
Ilana, you should keep it, dude.
149
00:05:59,334 --> 00:06:01,635
- That would make me feel better.
- It would help.
150
00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:03,403
Okay. So, we'll just
leave it here for now,
151
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:06,306
and we'll figure out how to get it
back to your place before the concert.
152
00:06:06,308 --> 00:06:08,475
That'll be a problem for "later us."
153
00:06:08,477 --> 00:06:10,544
Yeah, "they'll" figure it out.
154
00:06:10,546 --> 00:06:14,314
♪♪
155
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Sir, this is pre-fall 2010 CB2
156
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Resort collection?
157
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,390
Have a nice day.
158
00:06:27,862 --> 00:06:31,864
Damn, you are seriously good at this!
159
00:06:31,866 --> 00:06:33,432
We were just, uh,
160
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,002
carrying the couch down
three flights of stairs.
161
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,470
And I was thinking, imagine
if these cushions could talk.
162
00:06:38,472 --> 00:06:41,808
They would talk about, uh, lost coins
163
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or, um, hot farts,
164
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or people who've unexpectedly made out
165
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after one of them
- opened up his relationship.
166
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I thought we weren't supposed
to talk about that.
167
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[BOTH SQUEALING]
168
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- [GIGGLES]
- Shh!
169
00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:58,457
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Shut up! Shut up about that!
170
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Shh!
171
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,794
[HIGH-PITCHED] Nobody know dat!
172
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,763
Hey, hey, hey. What are
you guys giggling about?
173
00:07:04,765 --> 00:07:07,199
- Nothing.
- Nothing!
174
00:07:07,201 --> 00:07:08,667
- No.
- What?
175
00:07:08,669 --> 00:07:10,536
No! The couch!
176
00:07:10,538 --> 00:07:12,371
No-o-o-o!
177
00:07:12,373 --> 00:07:16,908
♪♪
178
00:07:16,910 --> 00:07:18,644
Shit! What do I do?
179
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,346
I know a cut-through! Come on.
180
00:07:20,348 --> 00:07:23,815
♪♪
181
00:07:23,817 --> 00:07:25,684
Yes.
182
00:07:25,686 --> 00:07:28,754
♪♪
183
00:07:28,756 --> 00:07:31,189
Aah!
184
00:07:31,191 --> 00:07:32,458
Come on.
185
00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:36,128
♪♪
186
00:07:36,130 --> 00:07:38,329
Got it. We got it.
187
00:07:38,331 --> 00:07:40,365
Gotta go. Yeah?
188
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:44,202
♪♪
189
00:07:44,204 --> 00:07:45,971
[BOTH CACKLE]
190
00:07:46,336 --> 00:07:47,784
What the fuck are we doing?
191
00:07:47,795 --> 00:07:48,893
I have no idea, dude!
192
00:07:48,904 --> 00:07:50,305
Okay, dude. What about this, um,
193
00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:52,575
scooper, compressor, crusher thing?
194
00:07:52,577 --> 00:07:54,477
- The couch is gonna be killed!
- No, no.
195
00:07:54,479 --> 00:07:56,946
The compactor only works
when the truck is static.
196
00:07:56,948 --> 00:07:58,747
The dudes'll have to come out
to grab cans,
197
00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:00,182
and we'll contact with them then!
198
00:08:00,184 --> 00:08:03,118
Are you, like,
- "in your element" up here?
199
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,488
There was a moment in time where
trash was very comforting to me.
200
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:08,390
Well, I'm glad you're comfortable.
201
00:08:08,392 --> 00:08:10,092
We'll just wait here until it stops,
202
00:08:10,094 --> 00:08:12,894
and then we are on our way
to see Lil Wayne!
203
00:08:12,896 --> 00:08:14,162
Whoo!
204
00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:17,665
♪♪
205
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:19,167
Okay, it should stop soon, right?
206
00:08:19,169 --> 00:08:20,929
That's what garbage trucks do,
207
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:22,473
They stop every half a block
and hold up traffic,
208
00:08:22,475 --> 00:08:24,485
and then you're stuck
in a cab on 10th street,
209
00:08:24,496 --> 00:08:27,031
you end up peeing in a Slurpee
cup and paying double the fare.
210
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:30,766
Some... Sometimes. Some people do.
211
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,345
Actually, the stops are
totally dependent on districts.
212
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,745
It's all zoned out by zip codes.
213
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,714
It's like... It's pretty organized.
214
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:39,049
- It's pretty awesome.
- Are you a Garbage Pail Kid?
215
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:40,718
- Tell me.
- Or... Or I'm not sure.
216
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:41,852
I'm not sure.
217
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:45,289
♪♪
218
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,457
Wait, hold on.
219
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,125
What?
220
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,060
That is insane. What do you mean,
221
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:52,830
Corn Flakes were meant
to curb masturbation?
222
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,833
I mean exactly what I said, Ms. Abrams.
223
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:58,703
Dr. Kellogg's
- of the Kellogg's Cereal Empire
224
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:02,406
was a bizarre white man
who was aggressively anti-sex
225
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:05,075
and feared that bold flavors
would make people horny.
226
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:07,774
So he invented Corn Flakes to
stop people from getting it on.
227
00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:10,046
I always wanted Frosted
Mini-Wheats, so I steered clear.
228
00:09:10,048 --> 00:09:12,982
Ding ding, dawg... That's
fucking Kellogg's!
229
00:09:12,984 --> 00:09:15,552
- Huh.
- [BRAKES HISS]
230
00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:16,919
Oh, my God. The truck stopped!
231
00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:18,988
I literally forgot we were on it.
232
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:20,857
Go, go, go.
233
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:22,091
We'll get it out really quick.
234
00:09:22,093 --> 00:09:23,293
Come on.
235
00:09:23,295 --> 00:09:25,962
Ugh, this is too heavy.
236
00:09:25,964 --> 00:09:27,964
The fuck do you think you're doing?
237
00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:29,866
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
238
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,368
Hello, gentlemen.
239
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,969
- Um...
- This is actually my couch.
240
00:09:32,971 --> 00:09:35,739
And we are just taking it...
taking it back.
241
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,541
Once we collect the trash,
it's city property.
242
00:09:38,543 --> 00:09:41,110
But, um,
243
00:09:41,112 --> 00:09:43,345
it's just that, um,
244
00:09:43,347 --> 00:09:45,547
I just wanted to keep it.
245
00:09:45,549 --> 00:09:48,049
'Cause, uh, Abbi's moving next week
246
00:09:48,051 --> 00:09:51,119
and we're best friends!
247
00:09:51,121 --> 00:09:52,488
- She's mine!
- Oh, my God. Ilana.
248
00:09:52,490 --> 00:09:54,089
Oh, my God. Your nose again, dude.
249
00:09:54,091 --> 00:09:56,425
- You okay?
- What is this, dude?
250
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:58,394
What is this?
251
00:09:58,396 --> 00:10:01,229
I don't know what I'd do
if Ike moved away.
252
00:10:01,231 --> 00:10:04,099
We've been on this route
together for 15 years.
253
00:10:04,101 --> 00:10:07,703
15 years of wives and kids
and Little League games.
254
00:10:07,705 --> 00:10:10,839
Mistresses, union scabs. [LAUGHS]
255
00:10:10,841 --> 00:10:12,608
Gettin' made. [LAUGHS]
256
00:10:15,513 --> 00:10:17,279
- Come on, Abe.
- All right, you know what?
257
00:10:17,281 --> 00:10:18,479
- Take the couch.
- Really?
258
00:10:18,481 --> 00:10:19,915
- Yeah, take the couch!
- Guys!
259
00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:20,982
Oh, my God!
260
00:10:20,984 --> 00:10:22,417
Thank you so much.
261
00:10:22,419 --> 00:10:24,186
You are so sweet!
262
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:25,453
- Wow.
- Yeah.
263
00:10:25,455 --> 00:10:26,521
- Incredible strength.
- Wow.
264
00:10:26,523 --> 00:10:27,833
Thank you guys so much.
265
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:29,490
- Saved our lives.
- All right. Bye, ladies.
266
00:10:29,492 --> 00:10:30,992
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye, ladies.
267
00:10:30,994 --> 00:10:32,660
[SIGHS]
268
00:10:32,662 --> 00:10:36,531
Oh, my God. Ilana, fuck, dude,
the concert starts so soon!
269
00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:38,800
What are we gonna do?
270
00:10:38,802 --> 00:10:41,970
I would've loved to rinse off
before we went to the show,
271
00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:46,942
but I know that Wayne
likes a stinky pussy.
272
00:10:46,944 --> 00:10:49,677
Yeah. Uh, that... It's... That's great.
273
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,546
- You mean, the couch.
- I meant for the couch.
274
00:10:51,548 --> 00:10:54,114
Oh, I have no fucking idea.
275
00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:56,150
Okay. Okay.
276
00:10:56,152 --> 00:10:57,952
I mean,
277
00:10:57,954 --> 00:11:02,323
is there a world...
278
00:11:02,325 --> 00:11:05,860
in which...
279
00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:10,297
we take the sofa...
280
00:11:10,299 --> 00:11:12,132
to...
281
00:11:12,134 --> 00:11:14,464
the concert?
282
00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:17,705
[LE TIGRE'S "DECEPTACON" PLAYING]
283
00:11:17,707 --> 00:11:24,577
♪♪
284
00:11:26,115 --> 00:11:29,183
♪ Every day and night ♪
285
00:11:29,185 --> 00:11:32,152
♪ Every day and night ♪
286
00:11:32,154 --> 00:11:34,889
♪ I can see your disco disco ♪
287
00:11:34,891 --> 00:11:37,892
♪ Is sucking my heart outta my mind ♪
288
00:11:37,894 --> 00:11:40,361
♪ I'm outta time, I'm outta... time ♪
289
00:11:40,363 --> 00:11:44,098
♪ I'm a gasoline gut
with a Vaseline mind, but ♪
290
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:47,101
♪ Wanna disco? Wanna see me disco? ♪
291
00:11:47,103 --> 00:11:50,137
♪ Let me hear you
depoliticize my rhyme ♪
292
00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:52,739
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
293
00:11:52,741 --> 00:11:55,142
♪ You got what you been asking for ♪
294
00:11:55,144 --> 00:11:58,345
♪ You're so policy free
and your fantasy wheels ♪
295
00:11:58,347 --> 00:12:01,080
♪ And everything you think
and everything you feel ♪
296
00:12:01,082 --> 00:12:07,721
♪ Is alright, alright, alright,
alright, alright ♪
297
00:12:07,723 --> 00:12:15,562
♪♪
298
00:12:15,564 --> 00:12:18,097
Okay.
299
00:12:18,099 --> 00:12:19,833
Back. Get around this.
300
00:12:19,835 --> 00:12:21,902
Okay, legs, legs, legs, legs, legs!
301
00:12:21,904 --> 00:12:24,871
[BOTH GROAN]
302
00:12:24,873 --> 00:12:26,973
- Damn.
- Okay. So we'll just, like,
303
00:12:26,975 --> 00:12:29,443
leave it here, go to the show,
and bring it home after?
304
00:12:29,445 --> 00:12:31,177
No. I know what to do.
305
00:12:36,751 --> 00:12:38,517
[SNICKERS]
306
00:12:41,722 --> 00:12:43,522
[SCOFFS]
307
00:12:46,794 --> 00:12:48,994
Okay, my friend.
308
00:12:48,996 --> 00:12:51,897
Meet my other
309
00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:53,833
whacky little friend, Molly.
310
00:12:53,835 --> 00:12:57,570
It's really nice to meet you, Molly.
I've heard a lot about ya.
311
00:12:57,572 --> 00:12:59,004
Here we go.
312
00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:00,639
Whatever this is gonna be.
313
00:13:05,112 --> 00:13:06,946
Whoo!
314
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:08,646
[SCANNER BEEPS]
315
00:13:08,648 --> 00:13:11,516
How's it going?
316
00:13:11,518 --> 00:13:13,751
[SCANNER BUZZING]
317
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,609
[COMPUTER HUMS]
318
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,589
These are invalid. You
girls gotta move along.
319
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,158
Wait, wait, wait. I got them on
Craigslist. So just, like...
320
00:13:20,169 --> 00:13:22,527
[LAUGHING] Did you just say Craigslist?
321
00:13:22,529 --> 00:13:24,228
Girls ain't never heard of StubHub?
322
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:25,930
These are for sure fake.
323
00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:27,298
Get out of my line.
324
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,552
Go.
325
00:13:29,302 --> 00:13:31,536
And how old are y'all anyway?
326
00:13:31,538 --> 00:13:34,639
I can't tell, 'cause the outfits
aren't matching the faces.
327
00:13:34,641 --> 00:13:35,907
Next?
328
00:13:37,396 --> 00:13:40,230
I'm sorry, dude. I'm a fucking idiot.
329
00:13:40,232 --> 00:13:42,865
No, you are not. Craigslist is
the most legitimate business,
330
00:13:42,867 --> 00:13:44,367
okay? The last time we used it,
331
00:13:44,369 --> 00:13:46,769
we cleaned that dude's apartment
in our underwear.
332
00:13:49,074 --> 00:13:50,506
I see. [CHUCKLES]
333
00:13:50,508 --> 00:13:52,375
[MUFFLED HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING,
CROWD CHEERING]
334
00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:53,543
Okay, okay, okay.
335
00:13:53,545 --> 00:13:56,679
I bet... No, I know
336
00:13:56,681 --> 00:13:59,316
that we can find
- some silly-ass way in here.
337
00:13:59,318 --> 00:14:00,716
Okay.
338
00:14:00,718 --> 00:14:04,421
Okay, we gotta do this
before the Molly kicks in.
339
00:14:04,423 --> 00:14:05,922
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
340
00:14:05,924 --> 00:14:07,857
♪♪
341
00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:09,759
God, I'm feeling something, you know?
342
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,061
It is upon us. [CHUCKLES]
343
00:14:12,063 --> 00:14:16,865
♪♪
344
00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:18,467
Abbi! Come. Now. Come.
345
00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:20,635
- What? What?
- ♪ Look at the vent ♪
346
00:14:20,637 --> 00:14:22,371
Okay. We get up there. If we can,
347
00:14:22,373 --> 00:14:24,373
we crawl inside. We sneak
inside the venue. We're done.
348
00:14:24,375 --> 00:14:26,575
Oh, my God. Dude.
I have a Swiss Army knife.
349
00:14:26,577 --> 00:14:28,010
It can unscrew the screws!
350
00:14:28,012 --> 00:14:30,212
Okay. I know exactly
how we get up there.
351
00:14:30,214 --> 00:14:32,681
You get on my shoulders.
You do the thing.
352
00:14:32,683 --> 00:14:35,451
You pry it open. You crawl inside.
353
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:37,919
Oh, my gosh. Once I'm inside,
I'll, like, take my clothes off,
354
00:14:37,921 --> 00:14:40,922
and I'll, like, tie 'em
all in a rope, okay, in a knot.
355
00:14:40,924 --> 00:14:42,276
And I'll pull you up.
356
00:14:42,287 --> 00:14:44,326
I'm actually getting hot
anyway, so this works out.
357
00:14:44,328 --> 00:14:47,095
Yas, bitch! This is fully happening!
358
00:14:47,097 --> 00:14:49,021
- We are such a team.
- Incredible.
359
00:14:49,032 --> 00:14:50,723
- All right, so...
- Maybe like that, okay?
360
00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:52,534
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, put one arm.
361
00:14:52,536 --> 00:14:54,135
You know, what if we,
like, use the wall...
362
00:14:54,137 --> 00:14:55,971
Yeah, yeah. If my back
pushes up against the wall...
363
00:14:55,973 --> 00:14:57,472
- Against the wall.
- Yeah, yeah.
364
00:14:57,474 --> 00:14:59,040
- And then we'll go...
- Yeah, right this way.
365
00:14:59,042 --> 00:15:00,041
[GASPS]
366
00:15:00,043 --> 00:15:01,776
- Ladders!
- Ladders!
367
00:15:01,778 --> 00:15:03,912
Abbi, this is so beautiful!
368
00:15:03,914 --> 00:15:05,213
Dude, you ever think about
369
00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:07,281
how many Lil's there are besides Wayne?
370
00:15:07,283 --> 00:15:09,518
Lil' Kim, Lil' Yachty,
Lil' Dicky, Lil' Dookie,
371
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,054
Lil' Rel, Lil' Deval, Lil' Papa,
Lil' Mama, Lil' Uzi Vert...
372
00:15:13,056 --> 00:15:16,725
Wait, wait, wait. Vert,
like a... Like a string bean?
373
00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:18,226
Like a... the legume?
374
00:15:18,228 --> 00:15:20,695
No, no, no. That's...
[FRENCH ACCENT] Haricot Vert.
375
00:15:20,697 --> 00:15:22,162
Oh, my God. If I was a rapper,
376
00:15:22,164 --> 00:15:25,265
my name would be
Les Petites Haricot Vert.
377
00:15:25,267 --> 00:15:27,334
Oh, my God! I'd be Lil' Webding!
378
00:15:27,336 --> 00:15:30,170
Oh, my God. I'd be... I'd be
Lil'... Lil Two-ply.
379
00:15:30,172 --> 00:15:31,471
- Lil' Clit Stem.
- Oh, my God.
380
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:34,141
- I'd be Lil' Nap Time?
- [BOTH LAUGH]
381
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:35,409
Lil' Mammogram to
advertise the importance
382
00:15:35,411 --> 00:15:36,577
- of getting mammograms.
- Oh!
383
00:15:36,579 --> 00:15:37,811
Okay, dude, should we go down here?
384
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:38,979
Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe let's try.
385
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,047
[AIR BLOWING]
386
00:15:40,049 --> 00:15:42,816
[BOTH SCREAMING]
387
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:53,493
Oh, my God. Dude.
388
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,062
The "litter" stayed light!
389
00:15:55,064 --> 00:15:57,164
[SHRIEKING]
390
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,464
The litter stayed light.
391
00:15:58,466 --> 00:15:59,766
Oh, my God.
392
00:15:59,768 --> 00:16:01,968
Oh, my God. Whispering is so dope.
393
00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:03,603
- I forgot.
- Yes.
394
00:16:03,605 --> 00:16:04,971
[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]
395
00:16:04,973 --> 00:16:07,473
Oh, my God. Do you hear him?
396
00:16:07,475 --> 00:16:09,876
I forgot we were at a Lil Wayne concert!
397
00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:12,211
Me, too! Oh, my goodness.
398
00:16:12,213 --> 00:16:14,213
But, like,
399
00:16:14,215 --> 00:16:16,015
he... he sounds different, right?
400
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,984
Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I love
401
00:16:17,986 --> 00:16:20,787
how I don't necessarily love it,
you know what I mean?
402
00:16:20,789 --> 00:16:23,355
But I'm an unconditional
ride-or-die for him,
403
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,524
and I'm grateful for what
we went through to get here!
404
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,326
Me, too. Me, too.
405
00:16:27,328 --> 00:16:29,295
Oh, my God. Dude. Oh, my goodness.
406
00:16:29,297 --> 00:16:32,364
- No! What?! Please!
- I have such a good idea.
407
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,033
Dude, gotta try to reposition.
408
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,805
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
409
00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:41,586
It's sounds... It's
sounds like we're, like,
410
00:16:41,597 --> 00:16:43,375
right above the audience, right? Right.
411
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,078
- Okay. What if we dropped down?
- No.
412
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,514
Dude, what if we dropped down?
There's gotta be, like, a door down.
413
00:16:48,516 --> 00:16:50,349
We drop down onto the audience.
414
00:16:50,351 --> 00:16:52,751
- Dude, or...
- Break some skulls, dude!
415
00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:55,087
Or the stage.
416
00:16:55,089 --> 00:16:58,557
Like, we drop down onto the stage,
and we're, like, part of it.
417
00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,725
Okay, yes.
418
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,260
- Right.
- Fully fucking yes.
419
00:17:01,262 --> 00:17:02,894
- Yeah.
- Or...
420
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,397
we could go back
421
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,234
to the alley that we were hanging at,
422
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,934
and just not be inside a vent?
423
00:17:09,936 --> 00:17:11,202
Yeah. Yeah.
424
00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:15,440
We got our own Lil' Weezy concert
425
00:17:15,442 --> 00:17:19,410
right... here.
426
00:17:19,412 --> 00:17:21,279
Yes, dude!
427
00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:23,448
[LIL WAYNE'S "A MILLI" PLAYING]
428
00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:26,717
♪♪
429
00:17:26,719 --> 00:17:28,186
Dude, can I tell you something?
430
00:17:28,188 --> 00:17:31,556
Anything.
- You can tell me anything, dude.
431
00:17:31,558 --> 00:17:33,626
I don't know if I know
who I am without you.
432
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,793
I don't have the same sense
of self I thought I did.
433
00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:37,595
Dude, I am terrified.
434
00:17:37,597 --> 00:17:40,965
I'm like, "Do I even, like,
know how to make new friends?"
435
00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:44,068
I'm like do I like people, even?
I don't even know, you know?
436
00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:46,436
Well, see, that's my damn problem, dawg.
437
00:17:46,438 --> 00:17:49,707
I worry in retrospect that
I've been co-opting your time
438
00:17:49,709 --> 00:17:50,941
and keeping you from growing,
439
00:17:50,943 --> 00:17:52,372
- you know what I mean?
- No, dude.
440
00:17:52,383 --> 00:17:55,079
I feel like I've been relying
on you for like, my confidence.
441
00:17:55,081 --> 00:17:57,247
Like, I didn't even know my ass was dope
442
00:17:57,249 --> 00:17:59,283
until you taught me it was. It's like,
443
00:17:59,285 --> 00:18:01,786
you don't just, like, keep
bringing people fish, you know?
444
00:18:01,788 --> 00:18:03,320
You teach them how to use their ass.
445
00:18:03,322 --> 00:18:04,822
And then they never go hungry,
446
00:18:04,824 --> 00:18:06,223
you know what I mean?
They never go hungry.
447
00:18:06,225 --> 00:18:08,392
Oof, dat... ass, though.
448
00:18:08,394 --> 00:18:10,161
Damn, girl!
449
00:18:10,163 --> 00:18:11,929
Shit, bitch! You know, like,
450
00:18:11,931 --> 00:18:14,364
I need to make, like, meaning of my own,
451
00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:16,233
you know, as an individual,
rather than peg...
452
00:18:16,235 --> 00:18:18,068
- LOL... Remember Jeremy?
- Yes!
453
00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:19,869
Everything on the entity that is us.
454
00:18:19,871 --> 00:18:22,752
I wanna be, like, in
a relationship like we have,
455
00:18:22,763 --> 00:18:24,595
but someone who I have
sex with, you know,
456
00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:26,310
and, like, I cuddle with and shit.
457
00:18:26,312 --> 00:18:28,645
Tell me about it!
You know, I realize now
458
00:18:28,647 --> 00:18:30,714
that I didn't give Lincoln
really a full, true,
459
00:18:30,716 --> 00:18:33,950
and real shot 'cause
I always made you my priority.
460
00:18:33,952 --> 00:18:35,819
And you know what? Now
that I think about it,
461
00:18:35,821 --> 00:18:37,348
these nosebleeds that I keep getting,
462
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:38,800
it's every time I think of us apart,
463
00:18:38,811 --> 00:18:40,691
so it's really like
a psychosomatic response
464
00:18:40,693 --> 00:18:42,459
to our crippling co-dependency.
465
00:18:42,461 --> 00:18:44,428
[BOTH LAUGH]
466
00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:45,629
I mean, maybe. I don't know.
467
00:18:45,631 --> 00:18:48,332
Dude! Oh, my God. Dude.
468
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:50,434
We are co-dependent!
469
00:18:50,436 --> 00:18:53,870
We, you, me, we're Lil' Codies, dude!
470
00:18:53,872 --> 00:18:56,206
That's our DJ name.
471
00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:57,741
Oh, my God. Dude.
472
00:18:57,743 --> 00:18:59,508
Yas, Cody! Go, Cody!
473
00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:01,377
[BOTH LAUGH]
474
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:04,047
You know, and this space
is gonna give us the chance
475
00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:06,282
to be our better, bolder selves.
476
00:19:06,284 --> 00:19:08,517
- Boulder!
- [GASPS]
477
00:19:08,519 --> 00:19:11,287
- Oh! Boulder!
- Boulder!
478
00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:13,356
[BOTH LAUGH]
479
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:21,430
♪♪
480
00:19:21,432 --> 00:19:24,467
[SIGHS] It sucks.
481
00:19:24,469 --> 00:19:27,670
But also, it doesn't.
482
00:19:27,672 --> 00:19:29,405
It's gonna be great.
483
00:19:29,407 --> 00:19:31,874
♪♪
484
00:19:31,876 --> 00:19:34,410
Yeah, dude. It's gonna be great.
485
00:19:34,412 --> 00:19:38,213
It's gonna be, like, so good.
We're gonna make it work so well.
486
00:19:38,215 --> 00:19:40,716
It's gonna be really, really good.
487
00:19:40,718 --> 00:19:48,243
♪♪
488
00:19:50,295 --> 00:19:52,161
- ♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
- ♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
489
00:19:52,163 --> 00:19:54,062
- ♪ We sche-eme, we sche-eme ♪
- ♪ We scheme ♪
490
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:55,765
- ♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
- ♪ We sche-e-eme ♪ Hey!
491
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:58,668
♪ - We scheme. We scheme ♪
♪ - We scheme ♪
492
00:19:58,670 --> 00:20:01,202
♪ We sche-e-eme ♪ Yow!
493
00:20:01,204 --> 00:20:02,437
Couch!
494
00:20:02,439 --> 00:20:03,605
The couch!
495
00:20:03,607 --> 00:20:05,740
[LAUGHS]
496
00:20:05,742 --> 00:20:07,842
Oh, my God. Dude. I forgot the couch.
497
00:20:07,844 --> 00:20:09,611
I can't believe you're not gonna get it.
498
00:20:09,613 --> 00:20:11,613
[LAUGHS]
499
00:20:11,615 --> 00:20:13,682
L-O-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L!
500
00:20:13,684 --> 00:20:15,249
We forgot the fucking couch?
501
00:20:15,251 --> 00:20:17,218
- Stupid! Stupid!
- [LAUGHING]
502
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,321
- What's wrong with us?
- No, no, no, no.
503
00:20:19,323 --> 00:20:20,855
It's okay! It is.
504
00:20:20,857 --> 00:20:23,291
It seriously is okay,
because you know what?
505
00:20:23,293 --> 00:20:25,566
I just had to talk that shit out, truly.
506
00:20:25,577 --> 00:20:27,758
And the fact that I can I can
let it go is a positive.
507
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,898
- Mm.
- Positivissimo. Yaas!
508
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:32,600
Okay, cool. I feel good
that you feel good.
509
00:20:32,602 --> 00:20:36,237
- And I feel...
- [BELCHING, GROANING]
510
00:20:36,239 --> 00:20:37,438
Like, okay.
511
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,540
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
512
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,876
Do you feel, like,
a little weird, like, mm,
513
00:20:41,878 --> 00:20:44,011
shitty, perhaps?
514
00:20:44,013 --> 00:20:46,013
- I am starting to not feel well.
- Mm.
515
00:20:46,015 --> 00:20:48,615
Like, my whole body
is starting to feel weird.
516
00:20:48,617 --> 00:20:50,985
The come-down can be a little...
517
00:20:50,987 --> 00:20:52,820
tricky.
518
00:20:52,822 --> 00:20:54,121
This is not good.
519
00:20:54,123 --> 00:20:56,257
This is not good. Do you have juice?
520
00:20:56,259 --> 00:20:57,591
No, I don't have any juice.
521
00:20:57,593 --> 00:20:59,126
Do you have bread? Do you have bread?
522
00:20:59,128 --> 00:21:01,295
I don't keep bread in the house.
I'm not crazy.
523
00:21:01,297 --> 00:21:03,097
I'm a fucking idiot!
524
00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:04,332
- Shit!
- [COUGHING]
525
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:07,235
Oh, I don't feel good.
526
00:21:07,237 --> 00:21:09,236
Shit.
527
00:21:09,238 --> 00:21:11,438
[BOTH GROANING]
528
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:16,076
♪♪
529
00:21:16,078 --> 00:21:17,778
[RETCHES]
530
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:19,546
- Did you puke?
- Yeah, I did, dude.
531
00:21:19,548 --> 00:21:20,647
- You puked.
- Ilana,
532
00:21:20,649 --> 00:21:21,982
I'm telling you, I puked, man!
533
00:21:21,984 --> 00:21:23,984
I hate puking!
534
00:21:23,986 --> 00:21:25,318
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes.
535
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,920
No, no, no! Don't clean it.
536
00:21:26,922 --> 00:21:28,822
You gotta get the deposit back!
537
00:21:28,824 --> 00:21:30,657
[TEA KETTLE WHISTLING] [BOTH SCREAMING]
538
00:21:30,659 --> 00:21:32,860
- Shit!
- No!
539
00:21:32,862 --> 00:21:35,161
- Okay.
- Okay.
540
00:21:35,163 --> 00:21:37,698
Dude, I know what to do.
I know what to do.
541
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:39,500
I feel bad. This is not good!
542
00:21:39,502 --> 00:21:40,800
[GASPING, ROARING INDISTINCTLY]
543
00:21:40,802 --> 00:21:42,668
I know, dude. I got it.
544
00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:46,305
No, I got it. Okay.
545
00:21:46,307 --> 00:21:49,509
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
546
00:21:49,511 --> 00:21:51,243
- Oh, no.
- Where'd you get this Molly from?
547
00:21:51,245 --> 00:21:53,212
Oh, my God. It's so cold.
548
00:21:53,214 --> 00:21:54,814
Where'd you get it, man?
549
00:21:54,816 --> 00:21:56,716
The Molly, where'd you get it?
550
00:21:56,718 --> 00:22:00,019
♪♪
551
00:22:00,021 --> 00:22:02,021
I got it on Craigslist.
552
00:22:02,023 --> 00:22:03,890
No, dude, I'm sorry.
553
00:22:03,892 --> 00:22:07,326
I thought it was still, like,
a good thing to use for stuff.
554
00:22:07,328 --> 00:22:10,129
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY, SHIVERING]
555
00:22:10,131 --> 00:22:13,466
♪♪
556
00:22:13,468 --> 00:22:14,700
It'll be over soon.
557
00:22:14,702 --> 00:22:16,067
Yeah.
558
00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:18,737
In like six more hours.
559
00:22:18,739 --> 00:22:24,142
[BOTH GROANING, BREATHING HEAVILY]
560
00:22:24,144 --> 00:22:28,214
♪♪
561
00:22:28,225 --> 00:22:30,715
BINGO: It's okay, girlies.
562
00:22:30,717 --> 00:22:32,784
♪♪
563
00:22:32,786 --> 00:22:34,586
- Yes.
- Ohh.
564
00:22:34,588 --> 00:22:37,021
- We're gonna be okay.
- Yeah.
565
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:38,056
We're gonna be okay.
566
00:22:38,058 --> 00:22:39,157
BINGO: Yikes!
567
00:22:43,523 --> 00:22:44,819
Mmm.
568
00:22:46,993 --> 00:22:49,094
Oh, my God.
569
00:22:49,096 --> 00:22:52,363
Dude, I'm too old
570
00:22:52,365 --> 00:22:53,898
for this shit.
571
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:55,500
You're 30.
572
00:22:55,502 --> 00:22:57,135
I'm 27. What's wrong with me?
573
00:22:57,137 --> 00:23:00,904
[SHOUTING] Well, what
twister blew into town
574
00:23:00,906 --> 00:23:04,108
and spit out you two tumbleweeds?
575
00:23:04,110 --> 00:23:05,476
- Jesus.
- Stop, you're killing me.
576
00:23:05,478 --> 00:23:07,043
Be quiet.
577
00:23:07,045 --> 00:23:09,346
- Abbi.
- Bevers.
578
00:23:11,617 --> 00:23:12,983
[GASPS]
579
00:23:12,985 --> 00:23:14,251
[MOANING]
580
00:23:14,253 --> 00:23:15,919
Oh, Abbi.
581
00:23:15,921 --> 00:23:17,887
Okay, what are you doing? Please stop.
582
00:23:17,889 --> 00:23:20,056
Ew, why are you doing this?
583
00:23:20,058 --> 00:23:21,458
Bevers. Stop.
584
00:23:23,829 --> 00:23:24,894
- Oh, my God.
- Bevers?
585
00:23:24,896 --> 00:23:27,664
Wait, is this from the stoop sale?
586
00:23:27,666 --> 00:23:29,399
Holy shit, dude!
587
00:23:29,401 --> 00:23:32,836
I sold every last bit of furniture,
588
00:23:32,838 --> 00:23:36,740
and I up-sold most of it...
Bevers-style.
589
00:23:36,742 --> 00:23:38,541
Bevers, that's...
590
00:23:38,543 --> 00:23:40,110
really impressive.
591
00:23:40,112 --> 00:23:43,980
And here's my commisshy.
592
00:23:43,982 --> 00:23:45,548
Mmm.
593
00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,050
Bevers, thank you so much.
594
00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:49,853
Really, I really appreciate it.
595
00:23:49,855 --> 00:23:52,122
[MUFFLED] I'm really gonna miss you.
596
00:23:52,124 --> 00:23:56,059
I'm... really gonna miss you, too.
597
00:24:07,005 --> 00:24:08,437
Wait, Bevers,
598
00:24:08,439 --> 00:24:11,607
does Melanie even know I'm moving out?
599
00:24:11,609 --> 00:24:13,742
Oh, yeah, she knows.
600
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:20,082
[ILANA AND ABBI SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
601
00:24:27,892 --> 00:24:29,358
[SNIFFLES]
602
00:24:36,401 --> 00:24:38,100
[SIGHS]
603
00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:39,368
[CHUCKLES]
604
00:24:41,151 --> 00:24:43,721
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
605
00:24:44,296 --> 00:24:46,182
Remember when we made meringues?
606
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:47,939
And we took care of that
egg, and then it cracked.
607
00:24:47,950 --> 00:24:49,744
That bird we found, that broken bird.
608
00:24:49,746 --> 00:24:51,608
Oh, my God. I hope it's okay.
609
00:24:51,619 --> 00:24:53,548
It's not. You know
what I mean? It's dead.
610
00:24:53,550 --> 00:24:55,083
Yeah. When you did the teeth whitening?
611
00:24:55,085 --> 00:24:57,051
Oh, my God. The first time
I tried a Diva Cup.
612
00:24:57,053 --> 00:24:59,388
That was a little bit
of not my favorite.
42780
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