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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,675 Hi, Kel. What are you listening to? 2 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,475 Radio Love-Line. It's listener-dedication hour. 3 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,989 How many dedications did I get? 4 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,998 Three, actually. 5 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,316 "Lonely Boy"... 6 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,875 ..."Like a Virgin"... 7 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,755 ...and "When A Man Loves A Rubber Woman." 8 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,195 And I suppose you got your usual dedication: 9 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,630 "She Works Hard for the Money." 10 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,113 Well, whatever gave you the idea that I am some cheap tramp? 11 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,118 And now, dedicated to Kelly: 12 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,595 "She Works Hard For--" 13 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,238 Oh, hi, Mom. Bud broke your radio. 14 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,948 That's okay. It was your father's. 15 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,196 Hey, kids, look what just came in the mail. 16 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:28,313 It's my first Best of Oprah videocassette. 17 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:33,158 "Volume one: Mom's a Dad and I'm So Sad." 18 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,713 If the world had only one throat... 19 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,113 A fat woman sloshed into the shoe store today... 20 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,959 ...said she was retaining water. 21 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,310 I said not to worry about it. 22 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,238 The dam of cellulite holding it back... 23 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,113 ...should keep us all high and dry for the next few years. 24 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,437 Now, I don't know when they started letting women carry stun guns... 25 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,039 ...but I'll tell you this-- 26 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:08,756 There he goes again. On and on about his non-life. 27 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,197 Hey, news flash, people. You have a dog. 28 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,069 A dog who hasn't been brushed or bathed in six years. 29 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,840 Now I know how Willie Nelson feels. 30 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:25,070 Hey, don't mind me. I'll just lick my genitalia and go to sleep alone. 31 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,114 Much like the boy. 32 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,593 Hey, ever hear of affection? 33 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,509 We love to be petted, much like the girl. 34 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:40,589 Well, that's it. I'm fed up. I can takes no more. I'm out of here. 35 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,596 No, no, no. Don't try and stop me now. 36 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,514 Well, thank you. 37 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,110 Okay, you'll be sorry. 38 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,598 Boy, am I sorry. 39 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,917 Running away, what the hell was I thinking? 40 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:04,476 Hey, you. New dog. What are you in for? 41 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,917 I ran away from home to teach my family a lesson. 42 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,798 Well, you know what they say: 43 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,231 "You can't teach an old family new tricks." 44 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,119 That's what you think. 45 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,949 I'm sure right now my family's beside themselves with grief. 46 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,949 So then, this skinny woman with a hook nose... 47 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,236 ...Olive Oyls into the shoe store... 48 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,000 ...and says, "I want something to make me look sexy." 49 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,431 So I say, "You'll have to wait a long time before someone that ugly... 50 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,200 ...comes in to stand next to you." 51 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,593 Excuse me, boy. 52 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:43,874 Now, I don't know when they started letting women carry nunchucks-- 53 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,354 Yeah, they're probably crying their eyes out for me right now. 54 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,033 Hey, what's the boxer in for? 55 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,238 Oh, nothing, if you hear him tell it. 56 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,913 I'm innocent. Innocent. 57 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,158 You know I'm innocent, don't you? 58 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:15,719 Only in America with our system of jurisprudence... 59 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:22,155 ...would this have happened to an upstanding boxer like yourself! 60 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,918 And who's that over there? 61 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,077 Oh, that's Madonna's dog. 62 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:33,029 After the book came out, he turned himself in. 63 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,276 So how does it work around here? I mean, like, when do we eat? 64 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,511 Eat? Let's see, it's almost 9... 65 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,756 About three days from now. 66 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,912 That soon? Hey! 67 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,834 I think I'm gonna like this place. Yeah, too bad I won't be here long. 68 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,157 I mean, not with my family out searching for me. 69 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,831 So then, this woman comes in... 70 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,595 ...who doesn't speak English. 71 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:10,919 She points at the shoes, I point at the door. 72 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:15,911 She points at the sky, and knees me in the nay-nays. 73 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,873 I said-- 74 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,832 - Come in! - Come in! 75 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,398 Hi, Bud. 76 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,158 I'm not interrupting anything, am I? 77 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,588 - Oh, no! - Oh, no. Not at all! 78 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,910 - We're very excited to see you. - Sit down. 79 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,350 See you later. Bye. 80 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,235 Hey, Al, when was the last time you got some good news? 81 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:50,718 Well, when I was 7 my mother told me I was adopted. 82 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:55,114 Which turned out to be a vicious lie, but it was good news at the time. 83 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,670 Well, guess what's happening in a week from now? 84 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:03,113 The nudie bar is having their annual Wrestle Till You're Raw Night. 85 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,153 Is it that time of year already? 86 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,670 God, time sure flies when you're married and have no life. 87 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,356 They're selling raffle tickets for a drawing to see who gets to... 88 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,312 ...oil down the first girl. 89 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,473 Yes, first oil. 90 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,637 And you know who's gonna be in the ring, don't you, buddy? 91 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,631 Maria Cantalopes Meyers? 92 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:38,030 Versus Yolanda "Deep Shade" McSuade. 93 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,074 Wow, truly a battle of the titans. 94 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,996 Maria and the Shadester. Four of my favorites. 95 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,430 Jefferson, I have to be the one to get that first oil. 96 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,949 - How much are tickets? - Twenty bucks a piece. 97 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,593 A little steep, huh? 98 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,919 Yolanda and Maria. 99 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,719 All right, well... 100 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,912 ...turn around. I don't want you to see where I hide the money. 101 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,714 Gee, I wonder what's taking the family so long. 102 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,629 I mean, they sure act fast enough when the blond girl gets lost. 103 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,359 Of course, unlike her I've never got lost in the house. 104 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,314 They'll be here. 105 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,756 Poor fella. I hate to see him suffer like that. 106 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,359 Me too. 107 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,597 Shall we tell him he's gonna die? 108 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,398 Yeah, why not. Hey, you, buckaroo. 109 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,229 There's something you ought to know about this place. 110 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,871 Hey. Hey, hey, hey! I'm not anyone's bitch, okay? 111 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,031 No. No, not that. 112 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,438 Too bad though, he is a looker. 113 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,433 You better hope somebody comes in to get you in seven days or less. 114 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,996 What happens after seven days? 115 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,630 Well, let's say you'll be drinking out of God's toilet. 116 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,434 You mean, I'll-- I'll be dead? 117 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,315 Whoa, that's certainly a cage soiler. 118 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,798 Hey, but I'm not worried. I mean... 119 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,514 ...I got four people scouring the city for me right now. 120 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,119 Like, there's Bud, you know? 121 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,110 Well, if he can't even find a two-legged dog... 122 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,788 ...why would I think he'd find a four-legged one? 123 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,670 Oh, but the girl-- The girl... is an idiot. 124 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,435 I wouldn't have any use for her at all if she didn't undress in front of me. 125 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,594 Well, the redhead... 126 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,199 She wouldn't know I was gone... 127 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,995 ...unless my picture was on the side of a bonbon box. 128 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,559 I guess my only hope is the big dumb guy with the stinky feet. 129 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,912 My pal Al. 130 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,633 He won't let me down. 131 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,599 Besides, what else does he got going in his life? 132 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,592 But-- But I don't wanna die! I mean, I've got so much to live for. 133 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:24,316 I got balls yet to catch, and cats to tree, bones to bury. 134 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,990 Gee, come to think of it, we don't really do much, do we? 135 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,115 How does he do that? 136 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,838 Ever since his people had him fixed he doesn't date much. 137 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,119 Oh, I see. 138 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,993 Hey, look, guys. I know I'm only the new kid on death row... 139 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,749 ...but given what seems to be in store, shouldn't we be knee deep in our own-- 140 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,278 Keep your fur on, tall, dark and wormy. 141 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,232 It's visitor's day. 142 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,392 Why, we could get abducted. 143 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,276 No, no. He means adopted. 144 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:21,268 If a family comes in and likes you, you're sprung. 145 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,110 Hey, pick me. I'm really good with kids. 146 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,629 Hey, hey! 147 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:43,156 Hey, lady. I'm a genius in French, so you'll take me, please. 148 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,950 I want this one. 149 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,312 Oh, but, honey, he's old and ugly. 150 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,919 Yeah, well, from where I stand... 151 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,192 ...you're not exactly Sharon Stone yourself. 152 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,753 How about we forget the whole thing and go get an ice cream? 153 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,157 - Okay. - Good boy! 154 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,319 I am not giving up! 155 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,751 If that family can look for a dog, my family can look for a dog. 156 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:25,635 Besides, I've got seven days. No problem. 157 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,320 Problem. 158 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:38,550 Al, have you noticed anything different around the house lately? 159 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,914 You know, I just can't help but feel that there is something missing... 160 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,590 ...and I am very observant about these things. 161 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,871 Eat up, boy. 162 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,035 Well, Peg, what do you think? 163 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,713 That is the most disgusting tie I've ever seen. 164 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,712 I'm not talking about the tie, I'm talking about the shirt. 165 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,352 Look okay? I wanna look my best for Wrestle Till You're Raw Night. 166 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,916 You know, Larry Linville from M*A*S*H is gonna be one of the judges. 167 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,510 So did Lumber City give him the week off? 168 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,790 I'm going to the frat house. How you doing, boy? 169 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,591 Hey, Bud, have you noticed anything missing around here lately? 170 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,032 The van Gogh? 171 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,875 Mom, Dad, you're never gonna guess what happened. 172 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,719 Okay, I was out walking Buck. 173 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:44,994 When suddenly I realized... 174 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,476 ...that he wasn't stopping at every tree and hydrant on the block. 175 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,874 And that's when I looked down at the end of the leash... 176 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,594 ...and saw that I was Buck-naked. 177 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,472 I knew something was missing. 178 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,717 He couldn't have been gone for long. His food got eaten every day. 179 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,717 Al? 180 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,712 Oh, Buck's gone. 181 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,239 Okay now, kids... 182 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:22,070 ...go outside and look under the house where your father usually hides. 183 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,989 I'm gonna go get a flashlight. We gotta find Buck. 184 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,711 Buck's gone? 185 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,878 - Nudie-mart! - Nudie-mart! 186 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,308 - All right! - All right! 187 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,751 Oh, bad news, Al. 188 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,111 They didn't draw my number for first oil but... 189 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,754 ...they drew yours. 190 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,877 Okay, you ready, Dad? 191 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,430 - Ready for what? - To go find Buck. 192 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,956 Well, I'll keep my eyes peeled from here to the nudie bar. Let's go. 193 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:23,432 Dad! Buck is the family dog and the whole family should look for him. 194 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,477 Oh, pumpkin! 195 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,234 Now, if you were a dog, where would you go? 196 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,277 Well, that depends. 197 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,869 Are you a dog too? 198 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,551 Al, I am serious. Buck could be hurt. 199 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,711 He could be lying in the gutter, Dad. 200 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:44,239 Did it ever occur to any of you that Buck might have just run away? 201 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,352 I've thought of it myself a million times. 202 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,478 He could be eating a steak right now, drinking a daiquiri... 203 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,831 ...or doing that little cocker spaniel down the end of the street. 204 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,879 Our dog Buck... 205 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,959 ...might for the first time in his life be truly happy. 206 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,717 Who cares? We want him back. 207 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,148 Yeah, we want Buck. 208 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,078 - Yeah, Dad. - Dad, go find Buck. 209 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,793 I don't wanna have to go get-- 210 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,595 Look, Al, I know you're in a bind, but it's a quarter till. 211 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,189 Go ahead. Try to hold off the pouring of the first oil. I'll get in the car... 212 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,597 ...go around the block a few times to find him. Shouldn't take long. 213 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,791 I'd like to-- 214 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,238 Oh. Now, now, honey. 215 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,830 It's okay. Daddy'll find Buck. 216 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,791 Has he ever let you down before? 217 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,749 Oh, it's okay, honey. 218 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,154 You know, just remember... 219 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,715 ...Daddy loves Buck just as much as we do. 220 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,319 They're best friends. 221 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,798 Well... 222 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,869 ...I found Buck. Now here, I gotta go. 223 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,749 Hey, wait a second! 224 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,397 This isn't Buck. 225 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,115 Well, that may be, but I still gotta go. 226 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,028 Okay, Al. Now, look... 227 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,117 ...if pouring some oil on some women... 228 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,756 ...that even Senator Packwood wouldn't grope... 229 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,913 ...is more important to you... 230 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,839 ...than reuniting your faithful and loving puppy... 231 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:34,715 ...with your faithful and loving family, then just go. 232 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:39,038 But know that we'll be here crying our eyes out. 233 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,912 Okay, okay. 234 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,273 - Bye. - Get back here. 235 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:51,076 Well, Peg, Buck'll come home. I always do. 236 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,029 Don't you know tonight is very important to me. 237 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,473 Oh, not the theme to Lassie. 238 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,278 Anything but the theme to Lassie. You know how it chokes me up. 239 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,629 All right, let's go find him. Let's go find Buck. 240 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,115 And I really hate you guys for this. 241 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,118 Well, not just for this, but especially this. 242 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,039 Oh, Lassie. 243 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,674 They're not really gonna take me to the green door? 244 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:47,596 The Lord is my German shepherd, I shall not want. 245 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,794 Doesn't he know any other songs? 246 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,319 - What was that? - Be at peace, my son. 247 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,199 Oh, put a sock in it, padre. 248 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,356 If only my people would come for me. 249 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,312 I promise, I'd never run away again... 250 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,911 ...or chew on their shoes, or pass wind and watch as they blame it on the boy. 251 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,398 It's-- It's them! 252 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,313 What is it, Peg? Why we've been to about 40 of these places. 253 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,238 This is the last one, Al. 254 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,074 They've come to rescue me! 255 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,271 Gosh... 256 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,871 I knew they wouldn't forget me. 257 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,072 Well... 258 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,396 ...he's not here. 259 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,516 Hey! Hey, yes, I am! Hey, look down, you moron! 260 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,149 Well, are you sure, Al? I mean, maybe we should-- 261 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,874 Peg, don't you think if Buck were here he'd be barking? 262 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,951 I know, because a man and his dog have a bond. 263 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,879 And if-- Will you shut up, you mutt? 264 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,632 Oh, look at the cute puppies. Hey, Daddy, can we get a puppy? 265 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,509 Oh, this one just licked my face. 266 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,154 "This dog licked my face." 267 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:10,557 You should have seen where his tongue was a few minutes ago. 268 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,595 Fools, I'm down here. 269 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,149 Puppy'll cost you $15. 270 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,791 And could you speed it up a little bit. I got an execution to do. 271 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:29,636 Wait a second. This big one looks a little like Buck. 272 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,510 Well, that couldn't be. 273 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,593 You know the irony in this is... 274 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,678 ...they should be putting you guys to sleep in 30 seconds. 275 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,789 Well, wait a minute now. 276 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,149 - That is Buck! - It is Buck! 277 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,588 - Buck! Buck! - It is Buck! 278 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,876 Hey, hey, hey. That's our dog. 279 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,117 - He'll cost you 20 bucks. - Twenty bucks? 280 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,471 Why, for 20 bucks I can get a real good suit. 281 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:55,918 The fathead losered his way into the pound today... 282 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,839 Well, I guess we'll take the old boy. Yeah. 283 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,996 And we're never gonna let this happen again. 284 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,998 Yeah. Everything's gonna be different from now on, Buck. 285 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,555 That's right. We're gonna play and we're gonna romp. 286 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,955 We'll bathe you. We'll even feed you, Buck. 287 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,119 - Everything's gonna be okay. - Oh, Buck boy. So good. 288 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:27,478 Kelly, the Best of Oprah: Volume Two just came. 289 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,671 Here we go. 290 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,031 "The Cross and the double-cross. 291 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,272 Catholic men who dress like women." 292 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,633 Hey, Ma, think Dad'll let me use the car tonight? 293 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,195 Well, depends on what mood he's in. 294 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:47,116 I wish the world were a fly and I was a giant rolled-up newspaper. 295 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,029 Here we go. 296 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,829 A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today... 297 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,789 ...and said, "I need something I'd be comfortable in." 298 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,434 I said, "Try Wyoming." 299 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,874 Now, I don't know when they started letting women carry chain saws... 300 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,830 Oh, like your family's any better. 24933

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